Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: being present

  • Unlearning the Urge to Rush

    Unlearning the Urge to Rush

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday!

    Yesterday’s therapy appointment went really well. I learned more about what our sessions will look like going forward — how we’ll approach things as they come up, how we’ll communicate, and how we’ll co-create this healing process. She gave me a few handouts for reference, and honestly? It felt fun to get a little nerdy together and lean into learning.

    After therapy, I headed to Costco for my little “present and mindful” field trip… and it went GREAT. I found almost everything I needed, I didn’t get overwhelmed, and I got in and out with zero panic. That is a huge win for me.

    When I got home, I put everything away, made myself some dinner, and waited for Heath to get home. We spent a cozy night together — one episode of Great British Baking Show, then reading side-by-side on the couch before winding down for bed. Pure comfort.

    🌅 This Morning Felt Different — In the Best Way

    Last night, I got myself into bed on time. I still struggled to fall asleep (my brain loves to party), but I honored my routine anyway. And this morning… I felt more on track than I have in a while.

    My alarm went off and instead of the usual groan of “ugh, already?” — I just stretched, snuggled the dogs for a minute, and got up. I stepped outside for a few minutes of sunlight, then came back in for morning pages, affirmations, breakfast shake, and supplements. After that, I got dressed and headed to the chiropractor.

    Slow, steady, grounded. It felt good.

    ⚡️ The Constant Urge to Rush — and Undoing It

    Something I’m actively working on right now is my lifelong habit of rushing… through everything.

    Brushing my teeth. Making breakfast. Reading a book. Cleaning the house. Watching a show. Doing yoga. Even resting.

    There’s this relentless voice in my head saying:

    “Go! Go! Go! Faster! Faster! Faster!”

    Heart racing. Jaw clenched. Muscles tight. Breath shallow.
    Even when there’s no urgency, my body behaves like something terrible is chasing me.

    So I’m learning to catch myself in those moments — to pause, breathe deeply, and remind myself:

    “I am safe. Nothing is chasing me. This can take as long as it takes.”

    This morning, I intentionally slowed down while getting ready.
    No frantic energy. No rushing. No panicked clock-checking.

    And leaving the house actually felt… calm.

    🚨 A Little Dog Drama

    About halfway to my chiropractor appointment, I got a notification that the back door had opened — the house alarm was going off.

    My stomach dropped.

    Then I remembered:
    If the back door isn’t locked, the boys can let themselves out. (Too smart for their own good.)

    I turned the alarm off from my phone and called Heath, panicking a little. He checked the cameras and confirmed it was just the dogs doing their thing. We agreed: I’d still go to my appointment and then head straight home.

    So I skipped my original plans of going to the coffee shop after (tomorrow’s treat!) and went straight back home drove back after the appointment instead.

    The boys were SO proud of themselves, completely unaware of the chaos they caused. Honestly… thank goodness they’re so cute.

    🌿 Rest, Reading, and Beatles

    The rest of my afternoon was slow and restorative.

    I tried reading a little bit of my newest fantasy read, A Winter’s Promise, but my brain felt scattered. Instead of forcing it, I curled up on the couch and let myself rest — half nap, half meditation, all peaceful.

    No shame. No “shoulds.”
    Just quiet.

    When I felt ready, I made a Mediterranean chopped salad (my current obsession) and then got on the walk pad for my 45 minutes.

    While I walked, I started Get Back on Disney+ — the Beatles documentary. After finishing Shout! the other day, I knew it was time for a rewatch. Watching them create songs out of thin air is magic. Pure magic.

    🗺 Planning My Guthrie Reset Trip

    After my walk, I finally sat down to plan something I’ve been wanting to do for a while: a solo overnight trip to Guthrie next week.

    If you know me, you know Guthrie is my happy place — the preserved Victorian architecture, the history, the slower pace, the memories tied to my ancestors and our wedding… it feels like home.

    I booked an Airbnb, messaged a couple of friends up there, and started planning my little itinerary:

    • Breakfast at my favorite spot
    • Walks around downtown
    • Visiting familiar faces
    • Solo writing time
    • A nice steak dinner
    • Rest, reflection, inspiration

    I can’t even tell you how excited I am.

    🌙 Tonight’s Plan

    For the rest of the day, I’m staying on theme: slow, intentional, restorative.

    A moderate yoga practice along with some piano practice as well.
    Some reading or more of Get Back.
    No rushing.
    No forcing.
    Just presence and ease.

    It might be simple, but honestly?

    That’s the kind of life I’ve always wanted.

    💬 Let’s Talk

    What’s one small thing you do (or want to do) to help yourself slow down and be more present in your day?

    ✨ Stay Connected

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    Subscribe below to stay connected. 💜

    Love always, Bailz 💜

  • I’m Just Bailz

    I’m Just Bailz

    One of my goals right now is to be very intentional with the content I’m consuming—whether it’s related to my healing journey or just comfort content I’m using to find balance. If I’m going to sit down and give my attention to something, I want to give it some thought first. I’m letting go of living passively… or at least, I’m trying to.

    A few nights ago, my husband had a work dinner, so I had the evening to myself. I considered reading The Art of Happiness or watching a Mel Robbins podcast on YouTube. But eventually, I realized I was “shoulding” on myself. Deep down, I was craving comfort content. I wanted to curl up on the couch and watch a movie. So I asked myself: what if I chose comfort content I could also explore through the lens of this healing project? Best of both worlds. I put on Barbie.

    I knew I made the right call the second I saw that pink Warner Brothers logo.

    When Barbie first came out, I fell in love with it instantly—like so many others. And something surprising happened… I suddenly loved the color pink. Which was a pretty big deal for me.

    See, for most of my adult life, I was staunchly anti-pink. I never really examined why. I just told myself I didn’t like pink. I repeated it constantly—if I had a choice of colors, I’d skip over pink every time. I didn’t consider myself a “girlie girl,” and pink was for girlie girls. Those were the rules. So it wasn’t for me. Flawless logic, right? Oh, younger Bailz. So rigid in her thinking.

    But after watching Barbie, I had to pause and reconsider. Why had I stopped liking pink?

    I remembered liking it as a kid. I’ve always been a purple girlie, but pink was never the enemy. Somewhere along the way, though, it became something I avoided. And as I sat with it, I realized what had happened: society taught me that being “girlie” was weak. Pink was girlie. Therefore, pink was weak. And I did not want to be seen as weak. I was such a Sasha at the beginning of the movie, you guys. So very much.

    But I didn’t realize I was even thinking that way until Barbie helped me see it.

    Gloria’s “It is literally impossible to be a woman” monologue cracked something open in me. It felt like being gently shaken awake from a life I didn’t realize I had been sleeping through. The timing couldn’t have been more aligned.

    Just a few months earlier, in May of 2023, I had been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and started chemo. It was the hardest season of my life—and the most transformative. I had lived in fear for so long: fear of rejection, of not being enough, of being too much. Fear of life itself, honestly. But cancer forced me to face things head-on. I knew I wanted to approach this new chapter differently. And the messages in Barbie were exactly what I needed to hear as I began rewriting everything.

    The line that gutted me most wasn’t what I would have guessed. And it wasn’t from a Barbie. It came from a Ken—after the Barbies had reclaimed Barbie Land. He says, “We were fighting because we didn’t know who we were.”

    And just like that, something clicked in my brain.

    I didn’t really know who I was either. And not knowing who you are creates friction with the world—friction that shows up everywhere, from how you show up at work to how you talk to yourself when no one’s around. But like my relationship with pink, I hadn’t seen the pattern until I paused long enough to ask why.

    This movie became a landmark on my personal growth map. It genuinely changed the way I see myself and the world. So of course, it made sense to return to it now, as comfort content I could experience through the lens of intentional healing.

    One of the coolest things about re-watching something (or re-reading, or re-listening) is that the content stays the same, but I’ve changed. I’m not the same person who watched it the first time. So I notice different things. Different characters and messages resonate. I bring new insights and lived experiences to the table.

    When I first saw Barbie, I related deeply to Ken. I felt invisible. I felt like I only mattered if I had approval from others. I was struggling in every area of my life. But when I rewatched it this week, I saw myself more in Stereotypical Barbie. I feel like I’ve metaphorically chosen the Birkenstock. I’m on this journey to find myself, to heal, to celebrate who I am.

    There will be hard days. I will absolutely feel like Depression Barbie sometimes. I expect that. But I’m not afraid of it anymore. I’m learning to be okay with the mess of it. I’m reconnecting with my inner child. I know this work is worth doing.

    Being intentional with my content is helping me stay present and mindful. It’s reminding me that I can be gentle with myself—rest, comfort myself with familiar favorites, and still be awake to new insights. I can take care of my heart and mind at the same time.

    Also, like Ruth, I too always think best at kitchen tables. That’s where I’m sitting now, writing this post. It’s where I’ve written most of them, actually.

    Thank you for being here. Thank you for witnessing this season of rediscovery. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz. 💜