Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: gentle living

  • Miss Independent 💫

    Miss Independent 💫

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday!

    Monday night I had kind of an epiphany.

    I was in my car headed to the yoga studio, listening to some 60s hits, singing and vibing along, feeling very cute in my new matching yoga leggings and crop top set, and genuinely excited to arrive at my destination and attend my first restorative yoga class.

    Then, seemingly out of nowhere, it hit me. I was doing something that younger versions of me could have only dreamed of. And not only was I just doing it, I was doing it without having to completely psyche myself up for it. And until that moment, I didn’t realize just how huge that was for me. But once I did, it felt like I was flooded with an inner bright light, some sort of a total energy vibration.

    🌿 Slow Growth, Big Realizations

    One of the main themes of this journey so far has been going slow and creating manageable growth, and as a result, I hadn’t really appreciated just how far I have come recently. When I did, I was flooded with a sense of pride and excitement.

    I just couldn’t get over how impressed I was with myself that I was going to this class at all, not to mention going by myself. I just decided that I wanted to start going to yoga classes, and I started going. I didn’t wait until I could find someone to go with me, I just started going on my own. That level of independence is pretty huge for me.

    And it’s been building slowly in the background, so slowly that I didn’t even realize it until I stopped and looked around and noticed where I was.

    And I gotta tell you, it feels pretty freaking good.

    🎯 The Goals I Set (And Actually Reached)

    When I first started therapy in November, my therapist asked me what some of my goals were. Two of them were be more independent and feel more confident overall. Today I can say with great pride that in the last 3 months I have made some incredible progress on both of those.

    I know for certain that I only got here because I took a lot of small steps. If I had tried to make this huge change overnight, I would have sent myself into a full on panic. I know this because I have tried many, many times. And it never ever worked out. So this time, I went slow and I focused on improving just 1% at a time. Sometimes, on the harder days, I would be satisfied with even just half a percent.

    And guess what? It absolutely worked.

    🔎 Zooming Out & Seeing The Big Picture

    Since my epiphany Monday night, I have been focusing more on zooming out and seeing more of the big picture, letting myself really appreciate how far I’ve come. And I now know I have made a lot more progress than I was giving myself credit for before.

    Overall, my anxiety is significantly less than it has ever been. And I think a lot of that is due to the fact that I am being consistently nicer to myself in my head. Not just nice, but supportive and encouraging even.

    The amount of times I tell myself “good job!” in a day now is staggering. Before this journey, that wasn’t even a part of my internal vocabulary. All I ever did was criticize myself, but shifting my perspective and simply bringing awareness to my inner monologues has made a huge difference over time.

    Slowly but surely I transitioned from constantly judging myself to curiously observing myself. And it absolutely changed the game.

    🧠 Presence = Better Memory (Who Knew?)

    I’ve also noticed that my memory has improved. I used to walk into rooms and have no idea why I walked in them, but that hasn’t happened in quite a while.

    Also, pretty consistently I would come up with some sort of a question in my mind, and then think “I’m going to look that up,” and then by the time I pulled up Google I would have forgotten what I was going to google. It was happening daily, like multiple times a day. But now, it doesn’t seem to be a problem anymore.

    I am a lot more present and focused on what is right in front of me, and less likely to be thinking about 12 different things all at once.

    🕯️ The Power of Intention & Mindfulness

    I have learned that intention and mindfulness have been incredibly significant in this journey and my progress thus far. I am actively focusing on paying attention to what I am doing in each moment, no matter what it is.

    If I am brushing my teeth, I am doing my best to give all of my focus to brushing my teeth in that moment. If I am resting, I am doing my best to give all of my attention to my restful activity, whatever that may be. If I am working on a blog post, I am focusing all of my attention on writing instead of letting my brain tell me all the other things I could or should be doing.

    And that shift has been monumental in the overall big picture.

    💜 A Version of Me I’m Proud Of

    It has been a little over 3 months since I started therapy and I can very happily report that I am genuinely more independent and feeling more confident than I did when I started. I look at the woman I am now and I am just so proud.

    Look at me, going to yoga classes on my own, investing in tools that will help me take better care of myself without guilt, taking myself out on little dates fairly frequently, celebrating all my little wins, and genuinely being intentionally kind to myself.

    And it’s all possible because I didn’t force any of it. I slowed down, and gave myself permission and space to let go of the pressure and just exist without any expectations. I started learning how to trust myself and how to trust that everything happens right on time.

    ✨ Exactly Where I’m Meant To Be

    This evening I am going back for my second restorative class and I am so excited for it. As I was finishing up the rest of this post, I got a message from the owner of the studio thanking me for signing up for my monthly membership and asking me how I was liking it and if I had any questions.

    I already knew that this was the absolute right thing for me to be doing in the right place, but this just solidified it even more.

    I am so grateful for all the little steps I have taken, on the good days and the harder ones, to get me where I am today. I feel so confident that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this exact moment in life.

    Thank you for being here and for following along on this journey with me! I am so grateful that I get to share all of this with you, one step at a time.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Unlearning “I Can’t” in my Wintering Season

    Unlearning “I Can’t” in my Wintering Season

    🌿 Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday!

    I’ve taken a bit of a break from updating the blog recently. Life has been a little busier than usual, and when I have had downtime, I’ve been intentionally using it to rest, relax, and stay away from screens as much as possible. Taking a break from social media has been a deeply positive shift in my routine and has helped me move from a performative mindset into a much more present one.

    Over the past few weeks, I’ve started paying closer attention to the things I tell myself, and I’m learning to approach those thoughts with curiosity instead of judgment.

    🔄 Unlearning “I Can’t”

    Recently, I noticed something surprising: I tell myself “I can’t” far more often than I ever realized.

    As I sink deeper into this wintering season and slow down enough to really notice, I’m learning that so many of the “rules” we live by are completely made up. And if everything is made up… then I get to make up my own rules for my life.

    Some of the ones I’ve been unconsciously following:

    • I can’t wear that shirt with those pants
    • I can’t shower before I’ve done my yoga for the day
    • I can’t read fiction before nonfiction
    • I can’t take myself out for coffee
    • I can’t start a week long yoga series midweek

    So I made a new rule:

    If it makes me happy and doesn’t harm anyone else, I’m doing it.

    I’m dressing for comfort. I’m doing things when I feel called to them. I’m listening to my intuition. And wow… it feels incredible. Taking better care of myself has actually made it easier to handle the harder, less fun parts of life too.

    💬 A Question for You

    What’s a “rule” you’ve realized you’ve been following that doesn’t actually serve you?

    🛂 Big #Adulting Energy

    This past week brought some serious adulting moments. Heath and I are heading on a cruise next weekend, and last week I woke up in the middle of the night realizing I needed to renew my passport. Panic followed. Guilt followed. Negative self-talk followed.

    But instead of spiraling, I slowed down. I breathed. I let the emotions move through my body. Then I tackled the problem step by step. I found a passport expediting service, shipped my documents the next day, and my new passport arrived today.

    I’m pretty dang proud of myself. Old me would have avoided the situation entirely. This time, I faced it head-on.

    And yes… seeing my married name on my passport still makes my heart flutter. 💜

    🚗 A Granbury Adventure & Breaking Another Rule

    I also updated my driver’s license this week. The Fort Worth DMV was booked months out, so I snagged a quicker appointment in Granbury and turned it into a solo adventure day.

    Granbury is about an hour drive from Fort Worth, so before I got on the road I treated myself to an iced coffee and a kolache for the drive. I put on some tunes and began my journey.

    I arrived about and hour and a half before my scheduled appointment, so I spent that time wandering around the town square, perusing the shelves of the local bookstore, and just enjoying the day.

    After my DMV appointment was completed, I almost left town because the restaurant I was planning to go to for a midafternoon snack was closed until 5pm. I told myself, “I can’t stay that long.” I started to make my way back to Fort Worth. Then, as I was driving over the lake and leaving the town, I caught myself.

    I turned my car around, and went to the public beach on Lake Granbury and had the whole place to myself. It was absolutely serene. I journaled, meditated, soaked up the sun, and enjoyed the quiet. Later, I went to the restaurant I was planning to go to earlier and had dinner and a delicious mocktail, and then drove home during a stunning Texas sunset.

    I almost missed all of that because of a rule that wasn’t real.

    ❄️ Winter Is Here (And I’m Ready)

    Texas has officially decided it’s winter, and we’re gearing up for a snowstorm. I stocked up on essentials, cleaned the house, and now I’m fully prepared to hibernate.

    While I’m proud of all the recent adulting I’ve done, I’m very ready to get back to slowing down and wintering like it’s my job.

    📚 Books, Rituals & Simple Joys

    I’ve been rereading the Throne of Glass series and savoring it this time around. When I read it for the first time last year, I was absolutely rushing through it like it was a race. I also didn’t end up finishing it. I put the last book in the series down when I was about half way though. So to start it over from the beginning and really immerse myself in the world feels really good.

    I’m also deeply loving my new nighttime routine:

    • Bedtime yoga with Yoga With Adriene
    • Oil pulling with coconut oil
    • Gratitude journaling
    • Legs-up-the-wall stretch for 15+ minutes

    It all came together pretty naturally, and it feels aligned. I am gently winding my system down each night, unhurried, unscheduled, but fully present, and I am really enjoying it. Gratitude is a core value of mine, and including gratitude journaling in my routine each night helps me highlight and return to it daily.

    🎶 Pirate Radio, Sobriety & Reclaiming My Power

    Another thing that brought me joy this week was rewatching one of my favorite movies, Pirate Radio. It never fails to put a smile on my face. Quoting along, singing along, laughing along, I enjoyed every minute of it. Because I have been listening to so much 60s music recently, the film has been on my mind quite a bit over the last few weeks. So I finally sat down and hit play and I am so grateful that I did. The last few times I have watched it over the past few years, I have undoubtedly been also scrolling on my phone and not giving it 100% of my attention. But that was not the case with this viewing and it felt so good.

    Giving up social media has been one of the best things I have done for myself since I started this journey. I’d honestly put it up there with getting sober. It’s had that much of an impact on my life. I honestly may not go back to it in February. And if I do, I will not be downloading the apps back onto my phone. I simply don’t need it at my fingertips at any point in time. 

    Speaking of sobriety, I am almost at the 2 month mark since my last drink and I couldn’t not be happier. I really didn’t realize how much alcohol was affecting me until I removed it completely. Now that I know how much of a detriment it is to my health and my happiness, I simply cannot imagine willingly having a drink ever again. It just isn’t worth it to me. My health and happiness are far more important to me than having a drink. They are doing some good work in the world of mocktails these days, and I am perfectly happy to have one of those as a little treat every now and then and be able to feel good the next day.

    🌱 Closing Thoughts

    I am feeling a lot better a lot more consistently these days and I am really proud of myself for all of the work I have been doing to get myself to where I am. Sometimes the work doesn’t look like work. Sometimes it looks like sleeping when I am tired, doing things just for fun, or journaling about all the things I am thankful for. Just because it doesn’t look or feel like work doesn’t make it any less effective. Slowly but surely I am regulating my nervous system, finding myself, and reclaiming my power. And it feels freaking good. 

    Thank you all for being here as I go through this journey. I appreciate all of your love and support! 

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌿 Curiosity Over Criticism, Again and Again

    🌿 Curiosity Over Criticism, Again and Again

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday! 🤍

    The beginning of 2026 has been slow, beautiful, intentional, and mindful so far — and I intend to keep it that way as much as I possibly can. I’m slowly but surely getting better at letting go of the pressure to perform and instead just exist in the moment.

    I’m giving myself permission to just be, and I’ve gotta tell you… it’s pretty amazing.

    📵 Life Without Social Media (So Far)

    Ditching social media is going very well so far. I’d be lying if I said there haven’t been moments where I’ve instinctively wanted to reach for it — because there absolutely have been — but overall, I’ve felt a pretty significant sense of relief in its absence.

    One thing I didn’t fully realize before is how obligated I felt to always be available to others simply because social media is always available. It wasn’t a conscious thought, but it was there in the background, quietly telling me I was letting people down if I wasn’t reachable.

    And wow… that was deeply exhausting.

    Honestly, I expected this transition to be much harder — going from frequent social media use to none at all — but it’s been easier than anticipated. And that alone tells me it’s the right choice. My nervous system is benefiting in noticeable ways: I’m sleeping better, feeling less daily anxiety, and staying far more present.

    I’m also realizing how much I was being triggered by constant external input without even noticing it. Now, my triggers are mostly tied to my own lived experiences, which makes them far more manageable to address. Eliminating social media also eliminated the constant comparison spiral — and that has been a total game changer.

    📓 A New Relationship with Planning

    In preparation for 2026, I bought myself a cute new planner — but instead of forcing myself to use it the way I think I’m “supposed to,” I’m trying something new.

    In years past, I’d buy a planner convinced this would be the year I magically became a hyper-organized, color-coded, Type A human. I’d try to plan every detail in advance, then beat myself up for everything I didn’t complete. And every year, I’d end up feeling like I had failed yet again — not because planners don’t work, but because I was trying to use them in a way that never worked for me.

    This year, I’ve changed my approach.

    Instead of only planning ahead, I’m primarily using my planner as a tracker — writing things down after they happen. I note when I practice piano, journal, do yoga, nap, or read. Even if it’s just a few minutes, it counts. Writing it down gives me a genuine sense of accomplishment, and I love being able to see my patterns without having to keep track of them all in my head.

    I’m also logging various tasks and projects I complete — like decluttering our closet today and turning it back into a functional space. It’s not perfect, but it’s so much better, and writing it down once I was done felt incredibly validating.

    I didn’t realize how much mental energy I was spending just trying to remember everything I was doing. Recording it externally has freed up so much brain space — and I didn’t even know how badly I needed that until now.

    ✍️ Letting Go of Perfection

    In the past, I also put an absurd amount of pressure on my planner needing to be perfect. Perfect handwriting. Perfect colors. Perfect layout. Even though I was the only one who would ever see it.

    If I didn’t have the “right” pen, I wouldn’t write anything.
    If my handwriting looked off, I’d criticize myself.
    If I misspelled something and crossed it out, I’d spiral like I had ruined the entire thing.

    It was exhausting — and it’s no wonder my planners always ended up shoved in a drawer.

    This year, I’m doing things differently. I’m using a simple black ballpoint pen. No perfection required. I’ve told myself I can add color later if I want — but I don’t have to. None of it is necessary. The planner exists to support me, not challenge me.

    And shockingly? I’m actually enjoying it.

    If at any point this tool stops serving me and starts becoming a struggle, I’ll let it go — without calling it a failure. Right now, it’s helping me logistically, mentally, and emotionally, and that’s what matters.

    📚 Reading for Wisdom, Not Just Knowledge

    I’m reading a few books right now, and each one is bringing me joy in a different way. I’m also working on slowing down and truly absorbing what I read instead of rushing through it. My current fiction read is The Authenticity Project by Clare Pooley. My current nonfiction reads are The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and The Path of Greatness: The Game of Life and How to Play It and Other Essential Works by Florence Scovel Shinn.

    This week in therapy, my therapist and I talked about the difference between knowledge and wisdom, and it kind of rocked my world. I realized I’d been devouring information without giving myself time to let it marinate — to see how (or if) I wanted to integrate it into my life.

    No wonder I burned out on self-help.

    Now, I’m reading fiction at night to help wind down, and keeping nonfiction for the daytime. That simple shift has made a huge difference. I’m taking my time, reading a few pages at once, then pausing to reflect. It finally feels like I’m gaining wisdom instead of just collecting information.

    And it feels really, really good.

    ❄️ Settling Deeper into Wintering

    I’m still very much enjoying this season of wintering, and I feel like I’m finally getting into its rhythm. The critical voice telling me to do more, go faster, push through, and ignore my body’s signals is getting quieter.

    She’s still there — but I’m no longer mistaking her for absolute truth.

    I’m learning to notice those thoughts, acknowledge them, and let them pass instead of gripping them tightly. There was a time when I couldn’t separate my thoughts from my identity at all. Now I am slowly but surely getting better and better at it. And that shift has been incredibly freeing.

    🌱 A Gentle Conclusion

    As I sit with all of this, one thing feels very clear: I’m no longer interested in systems, habits, or expectations that make my life harder than it needs to be. I’m actively choosing ease. I’m choosing tools and rhythms that support me instead of shame me. I’m choosing curiosity over criticism — again and again.

    This season isn’t about doing more or becoming someone else. It’s about making space for who I already am, and allowing my life to feel lighter, kinder, and more honest as I move forward.

    And honestly? That feels like the most sustainable kind of growth there is.

    💬 A Question for You

    Have you noticed any habits, systems, or expectations in your own life that feel heavier than they need to be?
    What might it look like to soften them — even just a little?

    Thank you for being here with me on this journey. Stay tuned for more as I continue to grow through what I’m going through.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🎶💄 Music, Makeup, and the Magic of Slowing Down

    🎶💄 Music, Makeup, and the Magic of Slowing Down

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Sunday!

    Wintering is going pretty well. The more I am focusing on slowing down, the better I am feeling. The less pressure I am putting on myself, the easier I am moving through my days. The less I am focusing on how things might look and instead prioritizing how they feel, the more I am coming back to myself. Little by little, I feel myself coming back to life, and it’s pretty awesome. 💜

    🎄 A Quiet Christmas, Exactly What We Needed

    Heath and I had a very quiet Christmas, and I think it was exactly what we both needed. We made some nice meals, we stayed in our pajamas, we watched Stranger Things, we napped, we snacked, we drove around Fort Worth and looked at Christmas lights on Christmas Eve. We just took it all very moment by moment, no big plans, no expectations, just being together and enjoying it. It was pretty wonderful. ✨

    🎥 The End of an Era & The Feelings I Didn’t Expect

    During this past week, we finished watching Taylor Swift’s The End of An Era documentary series and thoroughly enjoyed every single moment of it, even though some of it triggered some emotional responses I wasn’t expecting.

    It bought up a lot of energy and emotions that I didn’t realize I had been burying for a long time, highlighting things that for a long, long time I didn’t even realize weren’t anything but normal because I didn’t know any other options existed.

    Rather than continuing to bury it all deep down, I gave myself the permission and the space to feel it all as I watched and honestly it was exactly what I needed.

    💔 Grief, Tears, and Seeing What I Didn’t Have

    Mostly, seeing Taylor’s relationship with her family just gutted me. Specifically, watching her interact with her mom. There was zero stress, zero codependency, only genuine unconditional love and support. No backhanded comments, no stirring the pot for attention, no judgmental faces, no attempts to belittle or strong arm…

    I just, I can’t even imagine what that must have been like growing up. To have your parents be 100% supportive of who you are and what you think and feel. To be so accepted at face value without any attempts to change or shape you into the version of you they created in their heads — the version they wanted you to be instead of who actually you are… I just can’t even imagine. And it triggered a lot of tears. 🥺

    It brought up a lot of grief for the younger versions of me who learned over and over again to make herself small to be accepted, who learned to push down her desires and dreams because they would be judged and discouraged.

    But I let myself feel those feelings in full force as I watched. After we finished watching, I sat down and journaled about it, I talked to Heath about it for a while, and ultimately I excavated a lot of the memories I had buried and acknowledged them instead of hiding them.

    It didn’t change what happened, but it helped change my relationship with it. 🤍

    🌊 Letting the Feelings Move Through Me

    As I sit here writing this post, I am still feeling the sting of all of it. It still hurts. But instead of hiding from it, I am letting myself feel it. I am acknowledging it all for what it is.

    Emotions are just energy in motion, so the more I let myself feel them and let them move through me instead of holding on to them or shoving them down deep and pretending like they aren’t there, the less painful they will be.

    I am making slow but steady progress, and I know that the slower and steadier I keep my pace, the more sustainable my growth and healing will be. So I am just taking things one moment at a time and resisting the urge to force or rush. 🌿

    🎶 Music Is a Nonnegotiable

    Recently, I have learned that music is truly a nonnegotiable part of my life. Over the past few months, I have been spending a majority of my time listening to podcasts or audiobooks, and music has taken a bit of a backseat.

    But as I have committed to this wintering era and let go of the push of productivity, I have rediscovered how integral music is to my soul. Whether I am listening to it, watching documentaries about it, or learning to play it on the piano, it just makes me feel so authentically me and I am so grateful for it.

    I have been listening to The Tortured Poets Department on repeat for the past few days, I am learning how to play The 1 from folklore on piano, and I have been singing and humming a lot in the spaces in between. 🎹✨

    🧠 Neuroplasticity & Giving Myself Permission to Learn

    For a long time, I told myself that because I didn’t start playing music when I was a kid, because I haven’t been formally trained as a singer, because I have no real training in any of it at all, that its too late. I missed my chance to become a musician in any capacity. I just thought I could be a fan and that was it.

    But one of the benefits of all my podcast learning and mental health research recently is that I have learned about the concept of neuroplasticity.

    For a long time we were all taught that once you hit a certain age, you just are the way you are and you can’t change — “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” But recent scientific research has proved that to be completely false, and in actuality, the brain can change and grow and develop new skills throughout your entire life.

    Whether you are 8 or 80, you can develop new abilities. Your brain is a muscle, you just need to work it. 💪🧠

    So that is what I am doing. I am working my music muscle as much as I can. I just want to surround myself with music as much as possible — whether I am creating it or consuming it, I just need it around all the time.

    🎹 Piano Without Pressure

    When I first started teaching myself piano, I was getting frustrated that I wasn’t able to learn a song in one sitting. That I couldn’t watch a YouTube tutorial and master it completely in one go. I was still very much in the mindset of rushing and rigidity.

    I was only focused on getting to the finished product instead of enjoying the process, and that was a big, BIG mistake. I ended up taking about a week away from the keyboard and to be quite honest I had mixed feelings about it.

    Part of me was proud of myself for not forcing myself, for giving myself the grace to take the time away. But the other part of me was sad because I still wanted to play, I still wanted to get better.

    So I made a deal with myself. I was going to pick it back up again but without the pressure. The goal is to enjoy playing, not to be perfect. If at any point I find myself falling into the perfectionist trap, I take a step away to recalibrate and then I come back. And that change in mindset has really changed my whole experience. ✨

    💄 Makeup, Self-Care, and Doing It for Me

    Other than getting my makeup done for my boudoir shoot last month, I cannot remember the last time I put on makeup and was genuinely excited about it. A few times here and there I have put on some lipstick to go out for a nice dinner or something, but I have almost always felt a very overwhelming sense of imposter syndrome the entire time I had it on.

    In line with my rigid way of thinking, I told myself that because I hadn’t worn makeup in a long time, I just couldn’t wear it at all.

    I also have realized now that deep down, I was still so physically and emotionally drained that it’s just felt like a lot of work to put on makeup that I would just be taking off later. That thought process trickled into every aspect of my thoughts about my physical appearance.

    I rarely ever styled my hair (curls are kind of an in depth, time consuming process), I went about a month without shaving my legs, I really just didn’t care what I looked like. Or at least that is what I told myself.

    I realize now that I actually did care, and because I wasn’t making the time for any of it, I was ultimately neglecting myself — my inner child — the part of me who needed me to show up even for the “superficial” stuff.

    I told myself that because I rarely ever leave the house, no one would really see me, so I told myself none of it was worth it. Once again, I was still so focused on how something looked to outsiders rather than how it felt to me.

    Bottom line, I didn’t think I was worth any of the effort. Rookie mistake. One I have since started working to rectify. 🤍

    💋 The Taylor Lip Combo & A Tiny Spark of Joy

    In The End of an Era series, Taylor showed the lip combo that she wore for the tour and it sparked something inside me. I wanted it. Like really, really wanted it.

    But initially I talked myself out of it. I stuck with my rigid thinking and went on with life. Then we watched the Eras Tour Final Show concert film and I had that feeling again — I just wanted that lip combo SO badly.

    I knew with complete certainty that I wanted to take the “Taylor Swift lip look” and make it my own. Instead of pairing it with a full face of makeup like she does for the show, I wanted to just have a mostly bare face, maybe some eyeliner, and let the red lip really be the focus.

    So I got online and ordered the lip combo almost immediately. I wanted to do it just for me, so I did. And it felt sincerely amazing. 💄✨

    Of course, every other Swiftie on the planet had the same idea, so inevitably both products are on back order and it will be a few weeks before they arrive. But that’s okay — it gives me something to look forward to. I’ll take it.

    The important thing is that I have shifted my perspective to doing things for me because I want to, not because of how it will look or how other people will receive it.

    Physical self care has become a priority again. I have been doing some DIY all natural face masks to help balance out my skin again, and I ordered myself some new eyeliner to start small and start putting in effort to my appearance for the simple reason that I want to.

    This morning I put on some of that new eyeliner and some red lipstick I already had and I have to say… I am feeling myself today. 😌💋

    🌙 Showing Up for My Inner Child

    I am doing my best to listen to my inner child and show up for her when she asks for things. I am trying to be present in the moment and to let go of the performative pressure I used to put on myself without even realizing it.

    In the beginning, I criticized my piano skills and tried to force things because I felt like I needed to record them and share them. That that would somehow justify the time I was spending on it. I felt like if I couldn’t show off my progress, post evidence of it, I was wasting my time. Once again, so very focused on everyone else instead of myself. But now we are shifting that perspective. Maybe one day in the future, I will record myself playing piano and post it here, but that is not the reason why I am practicing. That is not the ultimate goal. I am practicing because I enjoy the activity of playing piano. I am doing it for me. And that is enough.

    I am taking care of myself for me. I am trying to consistently show myself that I am worth the effort, on the good days and the harder days.

    I am trying to be gentle with myself and learn what brings me joy and what brings me stress. I am really trying to understand the “why” behind my actions and feelings, getting curious rather than critical or judgmental.

    As long as my motivation for something is joy, I am going for it. I am letting go of worrying how it might look to others and really trying to only focus on how it feels for me. It’s a complete shift in perspective but I know its necessary. ✨

    🤍 Proud of This Version of Me

    I feel proud of myself today. I feel proud of the wintering I am going through and the discoveries it is bringing me.

    I look forward to the journey ahead and experiencing future versions of myself — seeing where I will be in 6 months, a year from now — but I am also honoring this exact version of myself right now because, lets be real, she is pretty awesome too. 💜✌🏻

    💬 A Question for You

    I’d love to hear from you:

    What has been bringing you joy lately — especially the kind that doesn’t look productive, impressive, or “useful,” but feels nourishing all the same?

    If you feel comfortable sharing, drop a comment below. Your answer might be exactly what someone else needs to read today. 💜

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you’ve been enjoying these reflections and want to continue following along as I navigate wintering, healing, joy, and slowing down, I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live — no spam, no pressure, just honest writing, gentle insights, and a little bit of magic. ✨

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Comfort, Colds & Wintering Check-Ins

    Comfort, Colds & Wintering Check-Ins

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday!

    I wanted to give a little check-in from my wintering. I am currently fighting a cold/upper respiratory bug, which I fully believe is my body telling me: “Okay, you won’t slow down on your own? I’ll do it for you.” 🤧

    And while I’m kinda frustrated… I’m also grateful for the extra push. The past week has been a lot slower than any of the rest of this process has been, and it feels really weird, but I know it’s needed. 🕯️

    📚 “Wintering” Was the Permission Slip I Didn’t Know I Needed

    I finished reading Wintering by Katherine May the other day and I cannot recommend it enough. It genuinely feels like it was the permission slip to truly slow down I didn’t know I needed.

    It has really helped me shift my perspective around this phase I’m going through and shed some of the shame I’ve been feeling about my non-linear growth. 💛

    🧭 Learning What Brings Me Joy (And What Doesn’t)

    One thing I am really focusing on is learning what brings me joy and what does not.

    Earlier this week, I decided I was going to curl up and watch season 2 of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. I watched Season 1 when it came out and enjoyed it then, but I’ve been so focused on other things that I didn’t even realize there were two new seasons out now.

    With my new focus on rest and slowing down, I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to indulge… but I got an episode and a half in and then I had to turn it off. It was triggering my anxiety in a way I hadn’t felt in a while, so I said: “No, thank you.”

    There is plenty of other content out there I can enjoy without triggering my fight-or-flight response. 🫶

    Instead, I switched over to watching Good Hang with Amy Poehler on YouTube. Since it launched earlier this year, I’ve watched a few episodes here and there, but not with any real consistency.

    Over the last few days, however, I’ve watched a bunch of different episodes and it has felt like a hug to my heart. This show is indeed perfectly named. Each episode feels like a good hang with good friends — and that has been bringing me a lot of joy right now. 🥹💜

    📖 A Cozy Read That’s Just for Me

    I am also reading A Winter’s Promise by Christelle Dabos and I am really enjoying that as well.

    When I first started it a couple of weeks ago, I admittedly had a hard time getting into it and reading consistently. But now I think that had less to do with the story itself and more to do with the internal story I was telling myself.

    I think I was still shaming myself for reading something that wasn’t going to teach me anything about my journey. But now that I am slowing down and giving myself space and time to heal, focusing on finding the joy, and just being present with myself… I am really, really enjoying this book. ✨

    It is the first book in a four-part series and I am looking forward to reading all of it.

    😴 Rest Without Rigid Rules

    I am sleeping a lot more these days — partly because I feel icky fighting off this cold, and partly because my soul just needs more rest in general.

    I am letting go of the rigidity and letting myself sleep when I am tired. I am still trying to go to bed and wake up at the same time, but I am also letting myself be flexible with it as needed.

    The set sleep and wake times I have are goals and guidelines, not punishments or restrictions. 🌙

    🛁 Comfort as a Practice

    I am feeling really proud of myself for finally exploring life through a slower, less urgent lens. It’s definitely a process to let go of the strictness and rigidity, but I am working on it and it feels good. 🤍

    I am really leaning into comfort these days:

    • Taking lots of baths, soaking in salts and oils to soothe my body and my soul 🛁
    • Taking extra hot showers to let the steam open up my sinuses 🚿
    • Drinking a lot of water and electrolytes to help flush everything out 💧
    • Exclusively wearing comfy clothes — leggings, big t-shirts, long cardigans, and cozy socks 🧦

    I did some yoga with Heath last night, but we kept it light with a slow, restorative practice — and it felt nice to get back on the mat in a manageable and meaningful way. 🧘‍♀️

    I haven’t been on the walk pad in a few days and while I do miss it, I know my body needs to be resting right now. I’ll get back to it when I’m physically feeling better.

    Maybe I can get back on tomorrow and just keep it really slow, so I am moving with intention but not overexerting myself. But I am going to listen to my body and go with the flow because I know that is what is needed right now. 🌿

    ❄️ That’s My Check-In for Now

    And that’s about it — that’s all I’ve got for ya right now. I really don’t feel like I have a whole lot to say today, but that’s okay.

    I still wanted to show up and check in and update you all where I am right now. I am very much wintering, and it’s not glamorous or exciting… but it is necessary. 🕯️

    💬 A Question for You

    What’s bringing you comfort right now — a show, a book, a ritual, a cozy routine?
    If you feel like sharing, tell me in the comments. I’d love to know what’s helping you soften and breathe this season. 🤍

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my wintering era — the healing, the slowing down, the small joys, and the honest check-ins — I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thank you for being here. It means the world to me. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ❄️ In My “Wintering” Era

    ❄️ In My “Wintering” Era

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Tuesday!

    Last week, my therapist recommended a book to me called Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May, and it has really helped shift my perspective on this entire process I have been going through.

    Before I started reading this book, I had no idea just how much pressure I was putting on myself to always be doing more. I was so strict and rigid with myself, and I expected myself to be so much further along than I was.

    I was neglecting to acknowledge everything I was trying to heal from — I just wanted to be healed.

    🧠 The Pressure I Didn’t Realize I Was Carrying

    Some days, I was accomplishing a lot and sticking to my routines, but some days I was struggling more than I let myself realize and therefore was beating myself up a lot.

    There was more consistency than I have ever had before, but it was not nearly 100%, and deep down, I was ashamed of it. I was ashamed of what I was doing or not doing, of the fact that I was “weak” and needed to take this time to figure my shit out.

    I felt like I needed to be strict and rigid with myself to somehow earn this period of healing. That I needed to make radical changes in short amounts of time and force this growth as if it were my job so that I could justify the space I was taking up on this planet.

    I was not being very kind or patient with myself at all.

    Even though I thought I was trying to be gentle with myself — I told myself I was, I wrote here about how I was — ultimately I was never really succeeding. I liked the idea of being gentle with myself, but to be honest, I had really no idea how to actually execute it in practice, because I never learned how to.

    It was never modeled for me when I was growing up. I never saw it in action. It was never really encouraged. All I have ever known is self criticism, so breaking the cycle has been quite the challenge.

    ⏳ Rest Used to Feel Like “Wasting Time”

    Prior to starting this book, anytime I was resting during a non-designated rest or sleep time, I was thinking to myself that I should be working on something else. I should be reading. I should be writing a blog post. I should be practicing piano. I should be up on the walk pad. I should be cleaning the house.

    And yes — all of those things are valid uses of my time. But I was tired. My body was telling me to rest. Instead of appreciating the message from my body, I was shaming myself. Telling myself that I shouldn’t be tired, that if I rest now, I’m wasting time and throwing off my sleep schedule.

    📚 What “Wintering” Taught Me

    Then I started reading Wintering, and it has helped immensely.

    May explains Wintering as:

    “a time of withdrawing from the world, maximizing scant resources, carrying out acts of brutal efficiency and vanishing from sight; but thats where the transformation occurs. Winter is not the death of the life cycle, but its crucible… Doing those deeply unfashionable things — slowing down, letting your spare time expand, getting enough sleep, resting — is a radical act now, but it is essential.”

    I didn’t realize it at first, but I was absolutely thinking of this season I’m going through as a spring — a rebirth of some sort. I was expecting to just become this whole new version of myself overnight through sheer will.

    I was trying to skip over the wintering completely.

    I felt that by slowing down, I was wasting this time and opportunity when I could be doing so much more. I had given myself a few weeks at the beginning of all this to slow down (or so I thought), and I told myself that was plenty and it was time to push through and move on and get to the doing and growing and healing.

    As I have been working my way through this book, I have realized that the rest and the slowing down is exactly what this time is for. That by not utilizing this time to do that, I am in fact wasting this opportunity.

    🌙 Letting the Season Be What It Is

    So, that is what I am trying to really focus on.

    Prior to starting this book and shifting my perspective, I was feeling a little bit frustrated that I was going through this experience going into the winter months. I wanted to be in the summer with the sun rising earlier and setting later so I could work on my circadian rhythm easier.

    I was feeling frustrated over the evenings arriving earlier and earlier each day. I was fussing over the fact that I needed to wear more and more layers as the temperatures fell. I was just resisting every bit of it because I was trying to race ahead to spring and summer — literally and figuratively.

    But now that I have taken a step back and realized that the process of wintering is absolutely necessary in order to have a successful spring, I am so very grateful that my winter of life is also falling during the physical seasonal winter.

    All those things I was resisting — the shorter days, the lower temperatures, the extra layers — now I see them as benefits, so I am leaning into them.

    Now I am going to focus on hibernating like my life depends on it, because you know what? It kind of does. ❄️

    🛌 Practicing Rest, Presence, and “Awareness Without Judgment”

    The past few days I have spent quite a bit of time in bed, reading and resting and resisting the urge to rush.

    I am trying not to scroll on my phone as much, trying to be present in my relaxation. I am spending time in bed just thinking/meditating and it’s been odd but really nice.

    I am napping when I am tired. I am listening to my body.

    I am still mindful of my nighttime and morning routines, but I am not beating myself up for any deviations from them. If I wake up feeling like I need to go back to sleep for a little bit longer, I am letting myself do it.

    If I am struggling to go to sleep and decide I am going to stay up and read for a little bit longer until I really do start to feel sleepy, I am letting myself do it.

    I am just trying to be in the moment more, listen to my body more, and overall let go of the reins a little bit.

    I really was being so strict with myself and so rigid. I was holding myself to an impossibly high standard for what I am going through, and it was ultimately becoming a detriment.

    I am trying to bring a lot of awareness into my days — awareness without judgment. I am trying to pay attention to where my thoughts are going, how my body is feeling, how my spirit is feeling, and simply notice those things instead of judging or criticizing myself for them.

    I am trying to approach everything through a lens of curiosity instead — curiosity and kindness and compassion. 💜

    I have also started gratitude journaling before bed each night. I spend a few moments writing down everything I am thankful for, and that has been very helpful in keeping me present as well.

    🤍 Choosing Honesty (Even When Hustle Culture Says Otherwise)

    This bit of the journey may not be glamorous or exciting. It may not be the most captivating thing to read about — but it’s where I am right now.

    There is a part of me that is scared to talk about all of this, to be broadcasting the fact that I am actively trying to do less in a world where hustling is king.

    But when I created this space, I vowed to be honest and transparent and vulnerable with you all, so I am going to hold myself to that and keep showing up — even when there isn’t a whole lot to say.

    I had been flailing a bit trying to hold onto some direction and growth and progress that just wasn’t sticking, but now I know that this is not the time for that. This is not my spring yet. This is my winter, and I need to respect that.

    I am wintering, and I am going to give it my all. ❄️

    💬 A Question for You

    Have you ever had a season of life where rest was the work?
    If you feel comfortable sharing — what did your “wintering” look like, and what helped you soften into it? 🤍

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my healing journey — the realizations, the quiet seasons, the messy middle, and everything in between — I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thank you for being here and holding space for me. It truly means the world. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌾 24 Hours in Guthrie

    🌾 24 Hours in Guthrie

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Saturday!

    Today marks three months of Bailz Has a Blog!
    The time has really flown by, it’s hard to believe it’s already been 3 months!

    I am so proud of how far I have come since I created this space. So much has changed, I have accomplished so much and acknowledged so much in such a short amount of time. It’s wild and amazing and I am flooded with gratitude. 💜

    I am so grateful for all of you who have been following along with the journey and sending me all of your kind words and encouragement with each step of the way. It sincerely means the world to me, not only that you guys are reading the words I write, but also that they are resonating with so many of you. I am so incredibly grateful, I really cannot express that enough.

    💆‍♀️ Progress Scans, Nervous System Wins & Healing in Real Time

    Thursday morning I had my second set of progress scans with my chiropractor and it went really well. I got a chance to sit down with Dr. Lauren and go over everything in detail and also talk about what still needs attention.

    My rib is doing better than it was when we started, but it still doesn’t feel 100% yet, so we are going to focus on that more going forward. Same with the left side of my neck.

    Because I am actively excavating past traumas to deal with and then ultimately heal from them, I have been experiencing more frequent tension in my neck recently. Dr. Lauren said this is normal as that is the first place that tension/misalignment will occur if there is any sort of disruption. So going forward, that will be a primary focus along with my rib.

    But overall, my spine itself is in MUCH better shape than it was when I started, and my nervous system is much more regulated than it has really ever been in my whole life.

    Yes, I am still experiencing some distress and I am still pretty easily triggered, but I am recovering from it all a lot quicker and easier than I ever have before. And that is simply incredible.

    I honestly thought I would always be overwhelmed and that I would always struggle with everything — the big things, the little things, all of it. Being a fully functioning human always seemed like a foreign concept for me, I just never saw it as something achievable for myself.

    But now I know that it is and I am working towards it, slowly but surely. ✨

    🚗 Heading to My Happy Place: Guthrie, Oklahoma

    After my appointment, I hopped in the car and headed up to Guthrie, Oklahoma for the night. Guthrie really is my happy place and I am so glad I made the effort to make that happen for myself. It was a very quick trip, but it filled my heart so much.

    I got to spend brief but quality time with some of my favorite people. Though they are relatively new friends, my heart feels like I have known them for a lot longer, and it was so lovely to get to hug them and laugh with them and talk about everything we possibly could in the short amount of time we had together.

    Though I was only there for 24 hours, I definitely feel like I was able to make the most of my time. I was fortunate enough to be able to see the local production of A Territorial Christmas Carol, a creative Okie spin on the Dickens classic, at the historic Pollard Theater.

    I got in a round of karaoke. I got a private tour of The State Capital Publishing Museum which was SO incredibly cool. I even got to go upstairs and out onto the balcony from which it was announced that Oklahoma was officially a state in 1907. I won’t lie, I got a little emotional as I stood there. It was truly amazing. 🥹

    🌆 Food, Local Favorites & Walking the Town

    I ate at some of my favorite places. I shopped at my favorite local businesses and I got to walk around the town quite a bit, which is honestly one of my favorite parts about being in Guthrie.

    The houses and downtown buildings are just so beautiful and historic and it just does my heart so good to be out and about in town just taking it all in. 🏡✨

    🌹 The Cemetery, My Ancestors & The Roots That Pull Me Back

    One of the most meaningful parts of the trip was going to the cemetery and spending some time with my ancestors and putting some Christmas themed flowers at their gravesites. Upon arrival, I was very pleased to see that the flowers I left for them this summer are still in great condition!

    My grandfather’s great-grandparents, the Mertens, were part of the Land Run in 1889 and helped settle Guthrie in its earliest days. Later generations stayed through the early 70s. My grandfather was actually born in Guthrie, though he grew up in Atlanta. The Mertens were very involved with the community, through local government, public education, and some of them were even Masons.

    This was one of the reasons why Heath and I chose to get married at the Scottish Rite Masonic Temple in Guthrie. Even though it was just the two of us for the ceremony, it did feel like I had some family there with me, though they might not have been visible. 🤍

    I didn’t know any of them personally, they were all gone long before my arrival on the planet, but I have always felt a very strong pull to Guthrie and my ancestral roots there. Every time I am in town, I make sure to go spend some time with them at the cemetery and it feels so significant each time. I swear I feel their presence and it is so comforting.

    I honestly feel their presence all through town. Through a good amount of ancestral research, I have discovered where they all lived over the years, where they worked, what their lives might have been like back in the day, and it feels so special to be able to walk into the buildings I know they were in a century ago. To be in rooms I know they stood in. To walk by where they lived, some of the houses are even still standing in their original forms.

    It just feels incredibly significant and I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to go back as often as I do. Guthrie is just a special place and I love it so much. ✨

    🌅 The Drive Home & A Full Heart

    I left to drive home around midafternoon and it took a little bit longer to get home than normal because of Friday rush hour traffic, but instead of getting annoyed at how long it took, I focused on being present and just enjoyed the time in the car — singing along to my favorite songs and enjoying the sunset views. 🌅🎶

    I am pretty tired now that I am home and have some time to catch my breath. But I am mostly just so grateful for the experience and I am so proud of myself for making the time to go and for doing something fun just for me, just because I wanted to.

    I am also grateful that Heath was so supportive and encouraging of the trip. Though I wish he could have come with me (everything is always more fun when we are together), I am grateful that he could stay home with the dogs and give me the opportunity to get out of the city, even just for a day.

    Big city life has its advantages, but I have found myself feeling a little burnt out by it recently. So a short respite in the country was just what the doctor ordered and though I am tired, I also feel restored. Like I’ve said before, two things can be true at once. And this is one of those times. 💛

    I am hoping that we can get back up to Guthrie together soon — at the very least in March to celebrate our one year anniversary. 🥰

    💬 A Question for You

    Do you have a place that feels like your “happy place” or a place that pulls you back again and again?
    If you do, I’d love to know where it is and what it gives you when you’re there. 🤍

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my journey — the healing, the adventures, the reflections, and all the little moments in between — I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thanks for being here. It truly means the world to me. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Returning to Myself, One Pause at a Time

    Returning to Myself, One Pause at a Time

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday!

    It’s been a few days since my last post, and I’ve really been trying to slow down and focus on being gentle with myself. Although, admittedly, I’ve been struggling with it. I’m feeling better today, but the in-between was rougher than I anticipated.

    After my post on Friday, I felt a huge amount of vulnerability. On one hand, I was incredibly proud of myself for sharing everything I did. But at the same time, I felt pretty depleted — it took a lot of energy to muster up the courage to say those things out loud.

    🎵 The Concert I Almost Skipped (But Absolutely Needed)

    Friday night we went to a concert, and every bit of me wanted to skip it. I was drained, I was tired, I was not feeling 100% by any means. But we were going to see one of Heath’s favorite bands, NEEDTOBREATHE, and we’d had these tickets for months. I couldn’t bring myself to deprive him of the experience, so I pushed through — and I am so glad I did. I know without a doubt that I was supposed to be there.

    The opener was a woman named Bre Kennedy. I had never heard of her before, but now? I absolutely love her. From the very first song, she grabbed my heart and didn’t let it go. Her voice was stunning, her lyrics beautiful, and I was literally moved to tears. And once they started, they didn’t stop.

    But of course — my inner critic immediately piped up:

    “Oh my god, stop crying! People are going to see you! What are they going to think?!”

    Still, for one of the first times in a long time, I chose not to listen.
    I let the tears flow.
    I stayed in the moment.
    I let myself feel.

    And yes, I ugly cried through most of her set. And I regret nothing.

    📚 The Alchemist, Omens, and the Nudge I Needed

    During her set, Bre talked about her upcoming album, The Alchemist, named after Paulo Coelho’s book. This hit me hard. I had bought that book on my last trip to Guthrie, started reading it, then put it on the shelf when I got home because I became wrapped up in all my Happiness Project reading.

    The moment she mentioned it, I knew I needed to pick it back up again.

    After the show, Heath noticed me eyeing her at the merch table and asked if I wanted to meet her. My instinct was no, because interacting with people I admire makes me panic — but I said yes.

    I told her how much her music moved me, how I cried through the whole thing, and how she inspired me to restart The Alchemist. She was so kind, so gracious, so warm. I almost cried again talking to her. I’m so glad I took the chance.

    The next day, I restarted The Alchemist from the beginning, and instantly felt immersed again — in the story, the Personal Legend, the Soul of the World, the omens. It reinforced everything I’ve been feeling lately:

    I am in the messy middle. I am doing the work. And I am on the right path.

    🌿 Therapy, Inner Critics, and Blooming Slowly

    I had therapy yesterday, and it went really well. Each session makes me more confident that I’ve finally found the right therapist. We talked a lot about childhood trauma and how those experiences still color the way I treat myself now — especially the way my inner critic talks to me.

    You would think that getting sober is a HUGE accomplishment that even my inner critic couldn’t argue with, right?
    Wrong.

    She said:

    “Obviously you should be sober! Why didn’t you do it sooner? You’re so late to the game!”

    She can be… a lot.

    I told my therapist how I’m struggling with wanting everything to happen faster — I want to be further along than I am. And she gave me an analogy that struck me deeply:

    When a flower blooms, it expands… and then it pauses.
    It contracts a little to gather energy.
    Without those pauses, it wouldn’t bloom at all — its petals would fall off.

    WOW. I loved that.

    It was exactly what I needed. I don’t want to lose my petals. I want to bloom slowly and stay intact. That means I have to pause. I have to rest. I have to let myself contract so I can grow again.

    The past few days have been my pause-and-contract phase. Today, I feel like I’m blooming again.

    📖 Books, Chiropractic Care, and Little Moments of Self-Care

    My therapist recommended a new book — Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May — and it arrived today. I’m excited to start it tonight.

    This morning I went to the chiropractor, then this afternoon I got a haircut. It felt so nice to pamper myself a little.

    Tomorrow morning I have my second progress scan with the chiropractor. The first scan showed enormous improvement and brought me to tears. I know this next one will too.

    I feel so much more centered, grounded, and connected to my body than I did even a month ago. These adjustments have helped regulate my nervous system in ways I didn’t even realize were possible.

    💜 Gratitude for Where I Am Now

    Instead of focusing on “what ifs,” I’m focusing on gratitude.

    I am grateful that I have the opportunity to do this work.
    Grateful that I can afford therapy and chiropractic care.
    Grateful that I have a husband who encourages me every step of the way.
    Grateful that I quit my job when I did.
    Grateful that I started my blog, found my chiropractor, found my therapist, quit drinking, quit smoking — when I did.

    I’m following the omens.
    I’m working toward my own Personal Legend.
    It’s messy.
    It’s beautiful.
    And I feel so lucky to be here.

    I am doing this for every younger version of me who couldn’t.
    For every future version of me who will benefit.
    And for the current version of me who keeps showing up — on the good days and the harder ones too.

    💬 A Question for You

    Before you go, I’d love to hear from you:

    Where are you in your own blooming process right now — expanding, contracting, or somewhere beautifully in between?

    Share in the comments if you feel comfortable. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today. 🌿

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to follow along on my healing journey, my messy middle, and all the magic I’m discovering along the way, please consider subscribing.

    You’ll get updates whenever a new post goes live — no spam, just heart, honesty, and a little bit of witchy wisdom. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🕊️ A Soft Day of Reflection

    🕊️ A Soft Day of Reflection

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Thursday! 💜

    Today feels quiet in the best way—soft, reflective, grounded. I don’t feel rushed or frantic or overwhelmed. I feel calm, present, and relaxed, and it’s been a while since I could honestly say that.

    I’ve been seeing a lot of posts online lately that say things like, “The life you’re living now is something a past version of you once dreamed of.” And honestly? It’s been hitting me right in the heart. In the best way. It’s been gently reminding me to slow down even more, to savor this exact moment of my life, even if it’s a little messy and undefined.

    Because yes—this is an in-between season.
    I still don’t know what job I want next.
    I still don’t know what I want to “be” when I grow up.
    I don’t have a clear next step, a five-year plan, or even a solid direction.

    And that used to terrify me… but right now?
    It actually feels okay. It feels necessary.

    I’m giving myself space to rest with intention—to heal my nervous system, reconnect with my inner child, and listen instead of ignoring her. I’m caring for myself in real, tangible ways: with nutrition, movement, sleep, yoga, walks, and slowing down enough to hear myself think. I’m letting joy guide me instead of productivity, which is still a challenge, but I’m learning.

    And honestly?
    This is productive.
    Discovering what brings me joy—and what doesn’t—is wildly valuable information for the rest of my life. I’m experimenting with happiness, with softness, with presence. And that feels kind of exciting.

    I don’t have much to say today. But I still wanted to show up, even if it’s short and sweet. Sometimes showing up softly is just as meaningful as showing up loudly.

    And today, softness feels like enough.

    💬 Let’s chat

    What’s one small thing bringing you quiet joy this week? I’d truly love to know. 💜

    💌 Want to follow along?

    If you’re enjoying following along on my healing journey, I’d love to have you as a subscriber so you never miss a new post. I’m building this little corner of the internet with intention, honesty, softness, and growth — and you’re invited to be a part of it. 💜

    Love always, Bailz 💜

  • 🌞 I Woke Up Not Sweaty This Morning!

    🌞 I Woke Up Not Sweaty This Morning!

    YOU GUYS — I WOKE UP NOT SWEATY THIS MORNING!!!

    Wow. Just… wow. I am so excited. Truly.

    I still woke up tired and wishing I could go right back to sleep, but the excitement of head-to-toe bodily dryness (!!!) got me up and out of bed within minutes of my alarm going off. HELL FREAKING YES. That is a win! 🙌

    A lot of work has gone into this big change, and I’m excited to share what I’ve been doing.

    🍸 Let’s Start with Alcohol

    First things first: I haven’t been drinking — not even one cocktail a night. I might try again this weekend, but for now, my new rule is no alcohol during the week. My last drink was on Monday night.

    🍳 Refueling My Body

    I’ve also started really focusing on eating enough. Honestly, this has been a lifelong challenge. My appetite fluctuates, and I’ve never been consistent about nourishing myself throughout the day.

    But now that I’m focusing on healing my body one step at a time, a new day has dawned — and food is a priority. My main focus right now is making sure I get enough protein every day, while keeping balance and intention.

    That means:

    • minimal processed foods,
    • no ingredients I can’t pronounce,
    • no dyes, artificial sweeteners, or “natural flavors.”

    Just real food, 80% of the time. The other 20%? Whatever makes life sweet — like Ben & Jerry’s. Because a life without ice cream? Not interested. 🍦

    💊 Supplements That Are Working

    I’ve been super consistent with my supplements lately.

    Recently, we discovered Just Ingredients and love how clean their products are — no fillers, and they list exactly where their vitamins and minerals come from. For example, their multivitamin’s Vitamin A comes from fermented wild carrot fruit extract. How cool is that?

    Here’s what my current regimen looks like:

    🥛 Breakfast:

    • 8 oz organic grass-fed milk
    • 1 scoop Just Ingredients Chocolate protein powder
    • 1 scoop Orgain Collagen Peptides

    💊 Morning Supplements:

    • Seed Probiotics (2)
    • Just Ingredients Adrenal Complex (2)
    • Just Ingredients Perimenopause (2)
    • Just Ingredients Multivitamin (2)
    • Now Vitamin D-3 2000 IU (2)

    🌙 Evening Supplements:

    • Now Magnesium Glycinate (2)
    • Solgar Evening Primrose Oil 1300 mg (1)

    🌙 Building a Bedtime Routine

    I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a solid bedtime and morning routine that stuck. Maybe elementary school?

    By fifth grade, I was already lying awake worrying about everything under the sun. As I got older, homework and perfectionism kept me up later and later. Sleep was always secondary. No wonder burnout has followed me my whole life.

    Now, I’m changing that story.

    Starting at 8 PM, I begin signaling to my body that it’s time to wind down:

    • Overhead lights off.
    • Phone on Do Not Disturb.
    • Soft, relaxing music on. 🎶

    Then I make my nighttime drink — Just Ingredients Chai — with milk for a little protein boost, plus a scoop of Orgain Creatine. It’s so good. This is also when I take my nighttime supplements.

    After that:

    • Wash face, brush teeth.
    • Run a hot bath, and do a short Yoga with Adriene bedtime session while the water fills up.
    • Soak for 30 minutes.
    • Rinse off with cold water to cool down.
    • Get into bed and read until 10 PM lights out.

    🛏️ Small Wins Add Up

    Last night, the routine was slightly off — Heath stopped at Costco on the way home, so dinner was late. But even with the delay, I still started my routine as soon as I could and was chasing sleep by 10:15. That’s a win.

    I did wake around 1:30 AM (thank you, Winston & Wrigley 🙄), but I fell back asleep quickly and slept through the rest of the night.

    When my alarm went off, I was tempted to hit snooze, but I didn’t. I got up — still very tired, but still moving forward. And it worked. I even had enough energy to put on a cute fall outfit for my chiropractor appointment. Normally it’s leggings and a big tee, but today? Shorts, tights, boots, cozy sweater — and I felt like me again.

    💆‍♀️ Chiropractic Progress

    I’ve now had four adjustments, and the difference is noticeable. Yesterday we discovered a dislocated rib (which explains that weird “spilling out” feeling), and now we’re working on getting it back in place. My muscles are adjusting, my body is realigning — it’s wild and fascinating all at once.

    💜 Learning to Be Proud

    I know I still have a ways to go. I’ll slip up sometimes — I’m human. But today? I’m proud of myself.

    I’m showing up, even when I don’t want to. I’m doing the work. And I’m starting to see the benefits, both physically and mentally.

    For me to even say that out loud — and mean it — is huge. I used to tear myself down before anyone else could. If I did something well, I’d downplay it. If I felt happy, I’d call it a fluke.

    But not today.

    Today, I’m letting myself celebrate.
    I’m letting myself be proud.
    And it feels really, really good. 🌸

    🌸 Wrapping It All Up

    This season of life feels like one long lesson in patience, self-trust, and grace. Every little win — every dry morning, every deep breath, every night I keep my promise to myself — reminds me that change is possible when it’s rooted in love instead of pressure.

    I know I still have work to do, but I’m finally learning to enjoy the process instead of rushing toward the finish line. Healing isn’t linear; it’s a dance of progress and pause, effort and ease. And right now, I’m just grateful to be dancing at all.

    Thank you for being here with me through it — for reading, cheering, and walking alongside me while I figure this all out, one mindful step at a time.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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