Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: happiness project

  • ✨ Wintering My Way into 2026

    ✨ Wintering My Way into 2026

    👋 Hey, hi, hello! Happy New Year’s Eve!

    Wintering continues to be pretty awesome. The further I get into it, the more I am really starting to see just how much pressure I was putting on myself regularly to perform and be productive and always be further along than I actually was. I was always looking at things through a hyper critical, ever judgmental lens, especially about how I was spending my time.

    Now, instead, I am looking through a lens of curiosity. It’s given me the opportunity to notice trends, acknowledge habits, and learn quite a bit in the process.

    📵 A January Social Media Break

    One main thing I have learned recently is that I spend a lot more time scrolling on social media than I think I ever really realized. More often than not, if I have a free moment, I instinctively reach for my phone, and then scroll. And while I am doing my best to refrain from judging myself for it, I am quickly determining that it is not something I want to continue to support for myself.

    So, in response, I have decided that for the month of January I am going to take a complete break from social media. I will still be posting here on the blog regularly, but I will no longer be logging onto Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. I will be deleting the apps from my phone and iPad so I will not be tempted to log in out of habit. I am giving myself 31 days without scrolling and I’ll see how I feel after that.

    I know that this is the right thing for me to do, although I know it will absolutely be a struggle. But I am looking forward to the new fun things I come up with to fill my time instead. I am going to be giving myself the freedom to be bored and explore my mind space a little more than I have been giving myself the opportunity to do in recent years. Pretty much since social media took over the world, if we’re being completely honest.

    While I know this will be a struggle, I also know that I am absolutely capable. I can do hard things, I have proven that to myself time and time again. If I can quit drinking and smoking cold turkey, I can quit social media for a month. I know I can.

    When I first started my happiness journey, I knew that I was spending a lot of time on my phone, and it was something I would eventually need to address. To begin slowly, I tried a little hack I learned from Mel Robbins and I set my phone to grayscale mode. Although, full disclosure, I do switch it back to full color mode once a day to play Wordle and Connections in the NYT Games app. But other than that, my phone is always set to black and white.

    At the beginning, it really did help curb my scrolling habits. But recently, I have found myself still scrolling away anyway, so I’ve decided it was time to do something about it. I think that one month away will do me a whole lot of good. I look forward to sharing the experience and my findings with you all. ✨

    🌿 No Big Resolutions — Just Listening

    Other than that, I am refraining from making any big resolutions for the new year. I am going to continue to keep wintering until I feel my spring develop naturally — I am not going to rush myself.

    I am going to continue to keep enjoying my days, one at a time, and enjoying the journey as it develops. I am excited to see what 2026 brings, but I am not going to force any of it. Rather, I am going to listen to my intuition and enjoy the ride. So far, it’s been paying off pretty well. Far better than over controlling and over criticizing myself ever did, that’s for dang sure. 💛

    ✨ Things That Have Brought Me Joy Recently

    The more I slow down and focus on being present in each moment, the more I find myself simply enjoying things — and I wanted to share some of those with you.

    🎬 The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

    I discovered this on Netflix a week or so ago while Heath was at a work dinner and it was absolutely delightful — a beautiful bite sized piece of Wes Anderson goodness. A few days ago, I shared it with Heath and we watched it together. I enjoyed both watching it again and the act of sharing something together. He enjoyed it too and the whole experience brought me a substantial amount of joy.

    🐶 Spending Time With My Dogs

    Winston and Wrigley are my constant companions, and I have really been enjoying my time with them recently. Not that I don’t always, but I feel like I have a new appreciation for it along with everything else now as I am slowing down. Playing with them, talking to them, loving on them, snuggling on the couch with them — I am just embracing all of it a little bit more these days and it’s bringing me a lot of joy.

    🍽️ Crossroads Diner

    Yesterday, Heath and I drove up to Plano to go to one of our favorite restaurants in its new location. It had closed for a few years during COVID but has recently reopened and we hadn’t had a chance to make it up there until now. It’s a bit of a drive for us from Fort Worth, about 50 minutes. We used to go to their previous location quite a bit when we lived in Dallas and it was closer for us.

    They make a quiche that is one of my absolute favorite dishes in the world, and getting to have it again after so long was an absolute delight. Previously, when we used to go, I always ordered a Bloody Mary or two, but since I have chosen sobriety, I had coffee this time and I am proud of myself.

    I also ordered a cup of their tomato basil soup because it just sounded good, and WOW it was the best tomato basil soup I have had in a very long time. We ended up ordering two bowls of it to go before we left and then today I warmed them up, prepared some grilled cheeses for us to go with it and had it for lunch. Yum, yum, yum. ☕🥣

    🍳 Making Meals

    Having Heath home this past week has been great for a lot of reasons, but mostly because we are able to eat all of our meals together and we are cooking a lot at home. I have been making my chopped Mediterranean salad for us, Heath has been making breakfast burritos for us, I’ve made my tomato feta pasta, and it’s all just been very rewarding.

    To prepare a meal and then sit and eat it together is a simple pleasure that we had lost sight of for a while. But slowing down has helped bring it back into focus and cooking has been bringing me a lot of joy recently. 🥗🍝

    📺 Severance

    I am a sucker for a good story. The other night, we were looking for a new show to start and after some options scrolling and discussion, we decided it was finally time to give Severance on Apple TV a shot. Man, oh man. I was not ready.

    You guys, this is the best TV writing I have experienced in a VERY long time. I have been on the edge of my seat for every episode. Last night we finished season 1 and had it not been already past my bedtime, I would have wanted to keep going.

    Other than Stranger Things Chapter 5, it has been a while since I have been so sucked into a storyline. I wasn’t even reaching for my phone during episodes. This show is completely engulfing and I am thoroughly enjoying every bit of it. 😮‍💨

    👾 Stranger Things

    Tonight is the final episode of Stranger Things and looking forward to it has been bringing me a lot of joy. We have been watching a lot of fan videos on YouTube explaining easter eggs we might have missed in the previous episodes and detailing possible theories for how it will all end.

    It’s been really fun to get really nerdy about it together with Heath and to be counting down to the airtime with each release. I love a good pop culture reference, and Stranger Things is packed full with them.

    With the staggered release dates — 4 episodes Thanksgiving Day, 3 episodes Christmas Day, and the finale on New Years Eve — it has been reminiscent of how TV used to be and that has brought me joy as well. While I will be sad that it’s over, I am very much looking forward to seeing how it all comes together in the final two hours. 🍿✨

    🎶 Music

    I have started listening to music first thing when I get up in the morning while I brush my teeth and get ready for the day. I’ve been jamming to “The Beatles & Similar Artists” radio station on Apple Music and it is pure vibes. One bop after another, and it’s been a great way to start my day. Joy, joy, so much joy.

    Last night I did not sleep well at all. I woke up to my alarm absolutely exhausted and wanting to go right back to sleep, but once I got my music going, I was immediately feeling better. I still ended up needing a nap this afternoon, but I was able to get up and moving and to my chiropractor appointment without too much struggle — and music had everything to do with that. 🎧💛

    🥂 Tonight’s New Year’s Eve Plans

    Tonight we are staying in and I wouldn’t have it any other way. No big New Years plans other than making a nice dinner (salmon and purple sweet potatoes), watching the finale of Stranger Things, and just being together. We might work on tidying up the house a bit, but that’s about it.

    I hope everyone has a safe and joyful New Year’s Eve! May 2026 be less chaotic for us all! ✨

    💬 A Question for You

    If you were to “winter” your way into 2026, what would you want to let go of — and what would you want to make more space for? 💛

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my wintering era, my little joys, and whatever 2026 brings, I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thank you for being here. It truly means the world to me. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Releasing Rigidity, Embracing Flow 💫

    Releasing Rigidity, Embracing Flow 💫

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Saturday!

    Recently, I’ve been feeling a little stagnant. A little off, a little out of sorts, a little distracted. Instead of feeling grateful for this journey I’m on and the incredible opportunity that it is, I found myself feeling obligated — even overwhelmed — by all the “work” I still needed to do. It started to feel like every spare moment had to be dedicated to healing, studying, improving. And slowly but surely, I drained myself of the excitement and joy that originally fueled all of this.

    Realizing I’d Turned Healing Into Homework 📚

    Through some honest self-reflection, I realized I’ve been focusing too much on the fine print — the self-help texts, the podcasts, the expert advice — and not nearly enough time actually exploring what feels good for me.

    Once again, balance has revealed itself as my biggest struggle. Despite my intentions, I became rigid, strict, and overly disciplined in ways that led me right back to the burnout I was trying so hard to heal from.

    When I started this blog, I proudly proclaimed that every new thing I consumed would relate to my happiness project. Only self-improvement books. Only mindset podcasts. Only healing-focused content. For a while, that was motivating… but eventually, it became suffocating.

    Instead of embracing what I’d learned and focusing on integrating it, I convinced myself I needed to keep reading, keep studying, keep digging deeper. I sent myself straight into information overload — to the point where everything blurred together. I couldn’t even tell you which ideas came from which book anymore; it was all just a big, overwhelming soup of “shoulds.”

    And little by little, it all started feeling like I was completing tasks just to check them off a list, not because they were supporting my happiness. I was either “studying” or watching familiar shows while scrolling my phone — old patterns, old distractions, old autopilot. I stopped being fully present, and my body let me know. (Hi, neck tension!)

    Where’s the Fun in All of This? 🎢

    I’ve bought several new books recently — Beatles biographies, historical fiction, romantasy — all things that bring me joy. Yet I told myself I couldn’t read them because they weren’t part of “the project.” I refused myself joy if it wasn’t officially productive.

    I lost sight of what the bigger journey was actually supposed to be: not fixing myself… but finding myself.

    And the question finally hit me:

    If I’m not finding joy in my days, what the hell am I even doing?

    So yesterday, I recalibrated. Hard.

    I finished a novel I’ve been slowly reading for months — A Resistance of Witches, which was SO up my alley. And wow… I realized how much guilt I’d buried around simply enjoying myself. I thought I was being disciplined. Really, I was depriving myself.

    After my walk-pad session, I took a nap — a full, luxurious 2-hour nap — without setting a 45-minute “approved” timer. When I woke up, I finally cracked open SHOUT!, the Beatles biography that has been calling to me from the shelf for weeks. And reading it felt like a deep, contented exhale.

    There is a time and place for rigidity and structure, but it does not need to be constant. So now I’m focusing on balance — real balance — not rules disguised as self-care.

    Letting Myself Rest (For Real) 😴

    This morning, I let myself sleep in because I’ve been fighting off a cold. When I finally got up, I felt more rested than I have in days.

    I stepped outside for my morning sun exposure, made my breakfast shake, took my supplements, and did my morning pages and affirmations. The basics still matter to me — they keep me grounded — but I’m softening the edges around them.

    Dusting Off the Piano Keys 🎹

    After my morning routine, I wandered into the guest room/my office and decided… it’s time to play piano again.

    Back in May, one of my closest friends gifted me her old keyboard because I’d talked about wanting to learn. I practiced daily for a couple weeks, posted some videos, felt proud… and then life happened. I fell out of the habit.

    Every time I saw the keyboard afterward, the shame hit hard. Instead of recognizing that ache as longing, I told myself I “should be working on other things,” so I’d close the door and pretend it didn’t hurt my heart to leave it sitting there.

    But after my realization about joy and rigidity, I decided that playing music gets to be part of my daily routine, just like walking and yoga.

    So today, I dusted off the keys and practiced for about 30 minutes with a beginner YouTube video. I was rusty, but I was smiling. Really smiling.

    This is the kind of thing I want to chase — joy, fun, creativity, magic. The self-improvement literature helped me build a foundation. But now I need to live on that foundation, not bury myself under more textbooks about how to live.

    Getting Honest About Alcohol 🍷🚫

    Another big realization: as much as I may wish it were different, alcohol just cannot be part of my life right now.

    I’ve done great avoiding it during the week, but Friday rolls around and suddenly I’m counting down to 5 p.m. Sometimes I manage to stick to one drink, sometimes I don’t. Either way, I always feel worse afterward — in my sleep, my mood, my body.

    The short-term buzz just isn’t worth the long-term crash. So for now, alcohol is off the table. It’s scary to say that out loud, but it also feels like relief. Like I’m finally choosing myself — not just in theory, but in practice.

    Softening the Edges of My Routines 🌿

    Going forward, I’m keeping the core of my routines — sleep, nutrition, walking, yoga, Pilates — but loosening the rigidity that was making everything feel like homework.

    The time in between? That belongs to joy now.

    • Playing piano.
    • Reading about Beatles lore and faeries getting freaky.
    • Drawing and painting.
    • Snuggling dogs, drinking tea, and letting myself just be.

    I am aiming to be more fluid and less rigid — and I know I’ll stumble, but I’ll adjust and keep learning what serves me and what doesn’t.

    Today, I Choose Joy ✨

    Today, I feel hopeful. Grounded. Light. I’m going to get on the walk pad, make some tea, snuggle up with the dogs, read about The Beatles, do some yoga, make myself something nourishing… and actually enjoy it.

    Not because it’s “part of the protocol.” Not because a book told me to. But because it feels good. And isn’t that the whole point?

    Let’s Chat 💬

    I’d love to hear from you in the comments:

    • Where in your life have you gotten a little too rigid with your “self-improvement” habits?
    • What’s one joyful, “just for fun” thing you’ve been denying yourself that you’d like to bring back?
    • How do you personally find balance between growth and rest?

    Stay Connected 💌

    If you’re walking your own winding healing path and want some company along the way, I’d love for you to stick around.

    Subscribe to the blog to get updates when new posts go live — cozy reflections on healing, nervous-system regulation, self-trust, creativity, and all the messy in-between. No spam, just little love notes and honest check-ins from my corner of the world.

    Thank you for being here. It means more than you know.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

  • 🌞 I Woke Up Not Sweaty This Morning!

    🌞 I Woke Up Not Sweaty This Morning!

    YOU GUYS — I WOKE UP NOT SWEATY THIS MORNING!!!

    Wow. Just… wow. I am so excited. Truly.

    I still woke up tired and wishing I could go right back to sleep, but the excitement of head-to-toe bodily dryness (!!!) got me up and out of bed within minutes of my alarm going off. HELL FREAKING YES. That is a win! 🙌

    A lot of work has gone into this big change, and I’m excited to share what I’ve been doing.

    🍸 Let’s Start with Alcohol

    First things first: I haven’t been drinking — not even one cocktail a night. I might try again this weekend, but for now, my new rule is no alcohol during the week. My last drink was on Monday night.

    🍳 Refueling My Body

    I’ve also started really focusing on eating enough. Honestly, this has been a lifelong challenge. My appetite fluctuates, and I’ve never been consistent about nourishing myself throughout the day.

    But now that I’m focusing on healing my body one step at a time, a new day has dawned — and food is a priority. My main focus right now is making sure I get enough protein every day, while keeping balance and intention.

    That means:

    • minimal processed foods,
    • no ingredients I can’t pronounce,
    • no dyes, artificial sweeteners, or “natural flavors.”

    Just real food, 80% of the time. The other 20%? Whatever makes life sweet — like Ben & Jerry’s. Because a life without ice cream? Not interested. 🍦

    💊 Supplements That Are Working

    I’ve been super consistent with my supplements lately.

    Recently, we discovered Just Ingredients and love how clean their products are — no fillers, and they list exactly where their vitamins and minerals come from. For example, their multivitamin’s Vitamin A comes from fermented wild carrot fruit extract. How cool is that?

    Here’s what my current regimen looks like:

    🥛 Breakfast:

    • 8 oz organic grass-fed milk
    • 1 scoop Just Ingredients Chocolate protein powder
    • 1 scoop Orgain Collagen Peptides

    💊 Morning Supplements:

    • Seed Probiotics (2)
    • Just Ingredients Adrenal Complex (2)
    • Just Ingredients Perimenopause (2)
    • Just Ingredients Multivitamin (2)
    • Now Vitamin D-3 2000 IU (2)

    🌙 Evening Supplements:

    • Now Magnesium Glycinate (2)
    • Solgar Evening Primrose Oil 1300 mg (1)

    🌙 Building a Bedtime Routine

    I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a solid bedtime and morning routine that stuck. Maybe elementary school?

    By fifth grade, I was already lying awake worrying about everything under the sun. As I got older, homework and perfectionism kept me up later and later. Sleep was always secondary. No wonder burnout has followed me my whole life.

    Now, I’m changing that story.

    Starting at 8 PM, I begin signaling to my body that it’s time to wind down:

    • Overhead lights off.
    • Phone on Do Not Disturb.
    • Soft, relaxing music on. 🎶

    Then I make my nighttime drink — Just Ingredients Chai — with milk for a little protein boost, plus a scoop of Orgain Creatine. It’s so good. This is also when I take my nighttime supplements.

    After that:

    • Wash face, brush teeth.
    • Run a hot bath, and do a short Yoga with Adriene bedtime session while the water fills up.
    • Soak for 30 minutes.
    • Rinse off with cold water to cool down.
    • Get into bed and read until 10 PM lights out.

    🛏️ Small Wins Add Up

    Last night, the routine was slightly off — Heath stopped at Costco on the way home, so dinner was late. But even with the delay, I still started my routine as soon as I could and was chasing sleep by 10:15. That’s a win.

    I did wake around 1:30 AM (thank you, Winston & Wrigley 🙄), but I fell back asleep quickly and slept through the rest of the night.

    When my alarm went off, I was tempted to hit snooze, but I didn’t. I got up — still very tired, but still moving forward. And it worked. I even had enough energy to put on a cute fall outfit for my chiropractor appointment. Normally it’s leggings and a big tee, but today? Shorts, tights, boots, cozy sweater — and I felt like me again.

    💆‍♀️ Chiropractic Progress

    I’ve now had four adjustments, and the difference is noticeable. Yesterday we discovered a dislocated rib (which explains that weird “spilling out” feeling), and now we’re working on getting it back in place. My muscles are adjusting, my body is realigning — it’s wild and fascinating all at once.

    💜 Learning to Be Proud

    I know I still have a ways to go. I’ll slip up sometimes — I’m human. But today? I’m proud of myself.

    I’m showing up, even when I don’t want to. I’m doing the work. And I’m starting to see the benefits, both physically and mentally.

    For me to even say that out loud — and mean it — is huge. I used to tear myself down before anyone else could. If I did something well, I’d downplay it. If I felt happy, I’d call it a fluke.

    But not today.

    Today, I’m letting myself celebrate.
    I’m letting myself be proud.
    And it feels really, really good. 🌸

    🌸 Wrapping It All Up

    This season of life feels like one long lesson in patience, self-trust, and grace. Every little win — every dry morning, every deep breath, every night I keep my promise to myself — reminds me that change is possible when it’s rooted in love instead of pressure.

    I know I still have work to do, but I’m finally learning to enjoy the process instead of rushing toward the finish line. Healing isn’t linear; it’s a dance of progress and pause, effort and ease. And right now, I’m just grateful to be dancing at all.

    Thank you for being here with me through it — for reading, cheering, and walking alongside me while I figure this all out, one mindful step at a time.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

    ✨ Stay Connected ✨

    If this post resonated with you, I’d love to have you along for the journey. Subscribe below to get new posts from Bailz Has a Blog — where creativity, healing, and a little bit of magic meet in everyday life. 🌙

    No spam, just soul. 💌

  • 🎨 My Week Two Artist Date: A Conversation with Beauty

    🎨 My Week Two Artist Date: A Conversation with Beauty

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday, everyone! 👋

    As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been working through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. In addition to daily morning pages, she also recommends a weekly Artist Date — and I just got back home from mine for this week, so I wanted to share a little bit about it.

    🌿 What Is an Artist Date?

    Great question! Cameron describes it as:

    “A block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness — your inner artist.”

    She also notes that:

    “You do not take anyone on this artist date but you and your inner artist, a.k.a. your creative child.”

    So essentially, it’s a weekly solo adventure meant to refill your creative well — no productivity required, no audience to impress.

    💅 Week One: Playing It Safe

    For my first Artist Date, I played it pretty safe and took myself to get my nails done. I incorporated the “artist” part by intuitively choosing a different color than usual — red this time instead of my signature black. Small shift, big statement.

    🖼️ Week Two: The Kimbell Art Museum

    For week two, I wanted to stretch myself a bit and really lean into the artist concept.

    After my chiropractor appointment this morning, I decided that today would be my Artist Date day. I took myself to the Kimbell Art Museum here in Fort Worth. I’ve been before, but never by myself — so this experience was new and exciting, but also a little intimidating.

    I’m not really a “go-do-stuff-by-myself” kind of gal, but I’m working on that. And today was a great exercise in doing something just for me.

    ✨ Letting Art Be Enough

    I wandered for about an hour and a half, just soaking in the beauty of the paintings and sculptures on display.

    Within the first few minutes, I knew I was going to want to write about my experience here on the blog. I was so tempted to shape my visit around that — taking photos, making notes, writing the post in my head as I went. But I stopped myself.

    The whole point was to take my inner artist out — just me and her, looking at some art together. Not to turn the experience into a performance.

    So, I decided to simply be there. To let beauty do what beauty does best — speak without words.

    I only took one photo: Caravaggio’s Judith Beheading Holofernes (on loan from Rome). It was… pretty rad.

    🧘‍♀️ Coming Home to Myself

    Now that I’m back home, I plan to do some yoga and get my steps in on the walk pad. As much as I’m feeling the pull toward a nap, I’m trying to hold off and stay consistent with the rhythm I’m building.

    Last night, I started a new bedtime routine to help me reset my sleep cycle. (Shoutout to ChatGPT for helping me design it — it’s a whole two-hour wind-down process that gets me in bed, lights out, by 10 p.m.)

    Even though it still took me a little while to drift off, I didn’t reach for my phone or my book after ten. I kept my eye mask on and focused on my breathing.

    Any time my thoughts wandered, instead of beating myself up, I gently thought:

    “That’s nice. I’m going to focus back on my breathing now.”

    It felt strange at first — but so good to be nice to myself.

    💭 Learning to Be Kind Inside My Own Head

    Now that I’m really paying attention to how I talk to myself, I’m realizing how incredibly negative I’ve been for so long — maybe my whole life. I used to justify it as self-improvement, but honestly, it only made things harder.

    So, I’m trying something new: gentle self-compassion. And it seems to be working.

    My night sweats are still lingering, but they’re so much better than before. I didn’t have to get up or change clothes last night — which feels like a win! I’m hoping that as I keep focusing on healing my body and my mind (through chiropractic care, yoga, walking, better nutrition, and real rest), the physical symptoms will fade, and I can turn my full energy toward the deeper work — inner child healing, and learning to move through the world with less fear and more faith.

    Because honestly? Everything feels more manageable when I’m sleeping well.

    🌙 Closing Thoughts

    So, fingers crossed that things will only improve from here — but even if progress is slow, I’m learning to celebrate the small shifts.

    Today reminded me that healing doesn’t have to be loud. Sometimes it’s just you, quietly standing in front of a painting, remembering that beauty exists — and that you belong to it.

    Here’s to more Artist Dates, more gentle self-talk, and more days that feel like a deep breath. 🌸

    Thank you for being here with me on this journey! I am so grateful for you all!

    Love always, Bailz 💜

    ✨ Stay Connected ✨

    Want more cozy reflections, creative rituals, and witchy musings? 🌙 Subscribe to Bailz Has a Blog and let’s grow together — one Artist Date, one cup of tea, one deep breath at a time.

    No spam, just soul. 💌

  • 😳 Showing Up Scared

    😳 Showing Up Scared

    So I did a thing today.

    And it scared the shit out of me… but I did it anyway.

    I posted a video on TikTok. A real one. A talking head vlog. Just me, sitting in my bedroom, introducing myself and this blog and this journey I’m on.

    It was vulnerable. It was awkward. It wasn’t perfect.

    But it was mine. And I am so proud of myself for finally doing it.

    I’ve wanted to share more of myself online for years, but I’ve always talked myself out of it. The fear was louder than the desire. Until today.

    Today, I stopped waiting to feel ready.
    I stopped listening to the voice that says, “No one cares.”
    I stopped hiding.

    And in its place, I just… showed up.

    Even though I was scared.
    Even though my heart was racing.
    Even though I had to start over about ten times before I could get through everything I wanted to say.
    Even though I wanted to take it down immediately after posting it.

    I’m writing this while still feeling a little shaky and overwhelmed. That post-release adrenaline is real. But I’m also writing this while feeling a glimmer of pride and courage — because I did the thing that scared me.

    💜 Growth in Real Time

    That’s what this whole project is about. Not being perfect. Not being polished. Just showing up — scared, messy, human, and real.

    I’m trying new things and letting myself sit in the discomfort instead of avoiding it. It’s scary to put myself out there, and it’s normal and healthy for me to feel scared while doing it. But I’m not going to let that stop me anymore. I’m not going to avoid those harder feelings anymore — at least, that’s the goal.

    Let’s be real, I’m human. I’ll trip up. Last week more than proved that. But now I know the harder feelings aren’t always bad — they’re just different and unfamiliar.

    I’m working on nurturing myself through this growth period. The term “growing pains” exists for a reason (coincidentally, it was also one of my favorite TV shows when I was younger — young Kirk Cameron? Swoon!). It’s not comfortable to expand yourself and push to the edges of safety and vulnerability, but it’s worth it.

    The more I share, the more vulnerable and open I am, the more I see changes in myself — how I talk to myself, how I feel about myself, and how I feel about what I’m doing.

    😬 Feeling the Feelings

    Last night after I published my last post, I was really struggling with the vulnerability. I was so anxious, you guys. I almost immediately wanted to take it down. I worried I came across as whiney, or “woe is me,” or ungrateful. I was scared of what people would think.

    To be honest, I avoided the feelings for a while. I turned on The Office, asked Heath to make me an Old Fashioned (or two), and started drawing on my iPad. I didn’t want to feel those feelings — I wanted to avoid them.

    When I finally looked at the clock and realized it was 2:30 a.m., I realized what I had been doing. My post had made me feel vulnerable, and because I was avoiding that feeling, it wasn’t going away. It was just hanging out under my rib cage — a swirling vortex of nerves.

    So I stopped. I put away the iPad, turned off the TV, laid in bed, and let myself feel my feelings. And a lot came up.

    For a while, I really considered taking down my post. I felt like I was taking up too much space. I worried what people would think about Heath, or my dad, or me. I was scared that my voice and my experiences weren’t valid or worth sharing. I felt like people would think I was trying to be someone I’m not.

    But the truth is, I’m still figuring out who I am — and that’s what all of this has been about.

    🌬️ Breathing Through It

    Instead of giving in to those fears and retreating to safety, I forced myself to breathe through the discomfort. Literally.

    I did some breathing exercises — starting with a 4-4-6 pattern: breathing in for four seconds, holding for four, and breathing out for six. I repeated it a few times, and it’s wild how much it helped. I could actually feel myself come back into my body.

    Once I felt more comfortable, I shifted to a 4-7-8 pattern… and eventually, I fell asleep.

    ☀️ Waking Up Lighter

    I woke up to a beautiful text from one of my absolute favorite humans telling me how proud she was of me for my post. Suddenly, all the things I’d been scared of seemed so small.

    So small, in fact, that I decided to push myself again today — to post a video on TikTok and stretch that comfort zone even further.

    I can see the changes happening in myself. I can see the bravery growing. I never thought I’d be brave enough to start a blog about my life — but I did it anyway, and I’ve kept with it. And it turns out, I really enjoy it.

    I never thought that if I ever did have a blog, I’d share it publicly and actually want people to read it and really see me. But I did it anyway, and the response has been so incredible. I also never thought I’d post a video of myself talking straight to the camera — unscripted, open, raw, unpolished, and real. But I did it anyway.

    It’s scary, and I’m still buzzing, but instead of avoiding the nerves, I’m going to hop into some leggings, pull out my yoga mat, cue up some Yoga With Adriene, and breathe and move through this growing pain.

    💫 Final Thoughts

    If you’re reading this and you’ve been holding back from doing something because you don’t feel ready — I see you. I am you. And I just want to say:

    It’s okay to start scared.
    It’s okay to do the thing while your voice shakes.
    It’s okay to be vulnerable.
    You might be surprised what happens when you do.

    @bailzhasablog

    Doing the thing, even though it’s terrifying. Not striving for perfection, just authenticity. Like and follow for more! 💜 #showingup #tryingnewthings #happinessjourney #creatingthelifeilove

    ♬ original sound – bailzhasablog

    Follow me on TikTok (@bailzhasablog) to see more of this journey. I have no idea what to expect, but I’m nervously excited about it — and I hope you come along for the ride!

    And if you haven’t already, please subscribe here so you never miss a post! You can have it sent right to your inbox as soon as it’s live. 💌

    Thank you for being here and for walking alongside me in this journey. I truly feel like my life is changing — and I’m glad you’re here to witness it.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜