First things first—my doctor said everything on my CT scan looked normal. That news brought an enormous sense of relief, and I’m incredibly grateful. 🌤️
That said… I’m also feeling deeply drained. I didn’t fully realize how tense I’d been until we walked out of the doctor’s office. It felt like every muscle in my body had been clenched for days without me even noticing.
🧬 Relief Isn’t the Same as Resolution
While I’m beyond thankful that the scan didn’t show anything alarming, I’m still dealing with some uncomfortable symptoms. So the worry hasn’t completely vanished—it’s just shifted.
I’ve started taking a new set of supplements—high-quality vitamins and herbs—to support my physical, mental, and emotional well-being. I’m hopeful that staying consistent with them will bring some clarity and comfort soon. 🌱
📺 Switching the Channel
Today is another day for gentleness and rest. But instead of another episode of The Office, I’ve started a rewatch of Gilmore Girls. It’s been years since I’ve watched it, but our weekend in Guthrie brought it back into my orbit. The local bookstore, A Novel Idea, hosted a Gilmore Girls-themed event that transformed downtown Guthrie into Stars Hollow for a day—and it totally charmed me. 💫
So today felt like the perfect time to press play and ease into a little cozy nostalgia.
🛁 Soft Focus
The rest of the day is dedicated to quiet comforts: a long bath, some gentle yoga, journaling, and (most likely) a nap. I don’t have much to say today—and that’s okay.
My inner critic, of course, has opinions: “What’s the point? Who’s going to care? You’re not doing anything important.” But I’m doing my best to shush that voice. Because truthfully, this—this slowing down, this reframing, this being—is the whole point of what I’m doing here.
I’m reworking my relationship with rest. I’m learning to believe that rest has value even when it doesn’t come with a checklist or an epiphany attached.
💜 Progress Isn’t Always Loud
I’m reminding myself—over and over—that my worth is not measured by how much I accomplish. I’m showing up and sharing today, even when I don’t feel particularly wise or inspiring.
This blog is about honesty, vulnerability, and the messy middle. And today? Today is a work-in-progress kind of day. And that’s more than enough.
Thank you for being here with me, even on the quiet days. 🫶 More stories from the life of Bailz coming soon. 💜
Today has been a better day. I still feel a little off balance, but I can feel myself gently moving in the right direction. Little by little. I even high-fived the mirror twice this morning. 🙌
I’m taking better care of myself, though I’ll be honest—my mind is still racing a bit.
🩺 Scanxiety & Staying Grounded
Yesterday afternoon, I had a CT scan with contrast dye. It’s been almost two years since my last chemotherapy treatment, and recently, a few of my old symptoms have started creeping back in. A few weeks ago, I had bloodwork done and my oncologist said everything looked good—but because of the symptoms, he ordered this scan to be safe.
I go in for results tomorrow morning. I’m hopeful that everything is fine. But… it’s hard not to think about it. The waiting, the what-ifs, the heavy swirl of uncertainty—it’s a lot.
So in the meantime, I’m doing my best to stay grounded, stay gentle, and keep my mind occupied with things that bring me joy.
🛁 Cozy Comforts & Simple Wins
Right now, self-care looks like this:
Wearing my comfiest clothes 🧦
Snuggling with the dogs 🐶
Watching The Office Superfan episodes 📺
Resting when I feel like it 💤
Taking a long bath while listening to The Little Book of Hygge 🕯️
Hydrating, eating, and staying on top of my supplements 🥤🍽️💊
I’ve tidied the house a little—just enough to feel clear-minded—but I’m not pushing myself. I ran the robot vacuum/mop, did the dishes, and straightened up the kitchen and living room. And honestly? That’s enough for today.
If I do more, great. If I don’t, that’s okay too.
💜 Grace Over Guilt
There are no expectations today. No lists, no pressure, no “shoulds.” Just soft care. Just showing up for myself in small, meaningful ways.
My body and spirit are asking for rest, so I’m doing my best to listen. I’ll keep watching my comfort show. I’ll roll out my yoga mat for a few slow stretches. I’ll breathe deeply. I’ll try—really try—to give myself grace.
Slow and steady. Gentle and kind. That’s the only path forward right now.
Thanks for being here with me.
Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz 💜
Today turned out to be a fabulous day—and I almost talked myself out of it. If I hadn’t been intentionally practicing presence and mindfulness, I would’ve stayed home. And I’m so glad I didn’t.
My husband and I were invited to a baby shower for a friend from work—well, from my old job and his current one. And I came very close to skipping it and letting Heath go solo. Not because I didn’t want to celebrate our friend, but because I felt vulnerable. I was so nervous. I changed my outfit twice. Even as we were walking out the door, I still didn’t feel settled.
I hadn’t seen any of these people since I quit. And I felt hesitant about telling anyone what I’m doing these days. I’m still unlearning the belief that if I’m not “working” in the traditional sense, then I’m not doing anything worth talking about. That old story still creeps in.
Even as we were leaving the house, I was waffling. But I reminded myself: the odds are, I’ll be glad I went. Even if part of me wants to stay home now, the future version of me probably won’t regret going. I’ve been listening to a LOT of Mel Robbins lately, and I could practically hear her voice in my head saying, Go. Show up for your life. So I did.
🎧 A Small Yes That Shifted Everything
It was about an hour drive to the party, and I kept thinking about The Let Them Theory audiobook. Since I recently wrote about it, it’s been on my mind a lot. I read the hard copy the first time around, but I had a hunch the audiobook would hit differently.
Still, every time I thought about suggesting it, I silenced myself. Until I caught what I was doing—shrinking again. I asked myself: What’s the worst that could happen? He might say he’s not in the mood. That’s not so scary.
So I trusted the nudge.
“Hey, since we have a bit of a drive there and back, want to listen to an audiobook?” “Sure!” “I have The Let Them Theory. Want to try that?” (Pause) “Yeah, that sounds good!”
And just like that, boom. A tiny moment of bravery. I spoke up. Not a massive thing on the surface, but it changed the tone of my entire day. It made me feel confident, seen, and self-trusting. My voice mattered.
☕ And Then… Starbucks Magic
About ten minutes into the drive, another nudge hit me: Starbucks. I wanted coffee. Really badly.
Cue my inner narrator writing a dramatic script in my head about how inconvenient it would be, how Heath might say no, how we didn’t have time. But again, I caught myself. We were already listening to my audiobook because I spoke up—why stop there?
“Hey, can I ask a favor?” “Of course, what’s up?” “Can we stop at Starbucks if we see one?” “Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem!”
I kid you not—the very next exit had a sign. One option listed. Starbucks.
I’ve had a lot of pumpkin spice lattes in my life, but that one? That one tasted like a win. Not because of the drink itself, but because I earned it by honoring my own voice—twice.
🎉 The Shower That Nearly Wasn’t
By the time we got to the baby shower, I was buzzing. Still a little nervous, but it felt more like excitement than dread. That kind of energy used to send me into a spiral. I would’ve mistaken it for fear and let it swallow me whole. But not today. I breathed through it, reminded myself that I was safe, and walked in with an open heart.
And y’all—it was a fantastic afternoon.
I laughed. I caught up with old coworkers. I had fun. But the cherry on top? Several people told me they’ve been reading my blog—and they like it.
WHAT?!?
Compliments have never been easy for me. They feel like wearing jeans straight out of the dryer—tight and awkward. But I did my best to receive them graciously. It meant so much to hear that people not only read my words but resonated with them.
And to think—I almost missed all of that.
🌱 From Good to Great
If I had stayed home, I’m sure the day would’ve still been good. I might’ve journaled, drafted a post, tidied the house. But instead, I took a chance. I showed up. I spoke up. I gave myself the opportunity to move from good to great.
Every day, I see more evidence that the work I’m doing is working. Today, the proof came in the form of little wins: saying what I wanted, asking for what I needed, and showing up even when it felt easier not to.
And I’m so glad I did.
Thank you for being here. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz. 💜
One of my goals right now is to be very intentional with the content I’m consuming—whether it’s related to my healing journey or just comfort content I’m using to find balance. If I’m going to sit down and give my attention to something, I want to give it some thought first. I’m letting go of living passively… or at least, I’m trying to.
A few nights ago, my husband had a work dinner, so I had the evening to myself. I considered reading The Art of Happiness or watching a Mel Robbins podcast on YouTube. But eventually, I realized I was “shoulding” on myself. Deep down, I was craving comfort content. I wanted to curl up on the couch and watch a movie. So I asked myself: what if I chose comfort content I could also explore through the lens of this healing project? Best of both worlds. I put on Barbie.
I knew I made the right call the second I saw that pink Warner Brothers logo.
When Barbie first came out, I fell in love with it instantly—like so many others. And something surprising happened… I suddenly loved the color pink. Which was a pretty big deal for me.
See, for most of my adult life, I was staunchly anti-pink. I never really examined why. I just told myself I didn’t like pink. I repeated it constantly—if I had a choice of colors, I’d skip over pink every time. I didn’t consider myself a “girlie girl,” and pink was for girlie girls. Those were the rules. So it wasn’t for me. Flawless logic, right? Oh, younger Bailz. So rigid in her thinking.
But after watching Barbie, I had to pause and reconsider. Why had I stopped liking pink?
I remembered liking it as a kid. I’ve always been a purple girlie, but pink was never the enemy. Somewhere along the way, though, it became something I avoided. And as I sat with it, I realized what had happened: society taught me that being “girlie” was weak. Pink was girlie. Therefore, pink was weak. And I did not want to be seen as weak. I was such a Sasha at the beginning of the movie, you guys. So very much.
But I didn’t realize I was even thinking that way until Barbie helped me see it.
Gloria’s “It is literally impossible to be a woman” monologue cracked something open in me. It felt like being gently shaken awake from a life I didn’t realize I had been sleeping through. The timing couldn’t have been more aligned.
Just a few months earlier, in May of 2023, I had been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and started chemo. It was the hardest season of my life—and the most transformative. I had lived in fear for so long: fear of rejection, of not being enough, of being too much. Fear of life itself, honestly. But cancer forced me to face things head-on. I knew I wanted to approach this new chapter differently. And the messages in Barbie were exactly what I needed to hear as I began rewriting everything.
The line that gutted me most wasn’t what I would have guessed. And it wasn’t from a Barbie. It came from a Ken—after the Barbies had reclaimed Barbie Land. He says, “We were fighting because we didn’t know who we were.”
And just like that, something clicked in my brain.
I didn’t really know who I was either. And not knowing who you are creates friction with the world—friction that shows up everywhere, from how you show up at work to how you talk to yourself when no one’s around. But like my relationship with pink, I hadn’t seen the pattern until I paused long enough to ask why.
This movie became a landmark on my personal growth map. It genuinely changed the way I see myself and the world. So of course, it made sense to return to it now, as comfort content I could experience through the lens of intentional healing.
One of the coolest things about re-watching something (or re-reading, or re-listening) is that the content stays the same, but I’ve changed. I’m not the same person who watched it the first time. So I notice different things. Different characters and messages resonate. I bring new insights and lived experiences to the table.
When I first saw Barbie, I related deeply to Ken. I felt invisible. I felt like I only mattered if I had approval from others. I was struggling in every area of my life. But when I rewatched it this week, I saw myself more in Stereotypical Barbie. I feel like I’ve metaphorically chosen the Birkenstock. I’m on this journey to find myself, to heal, to celebrate who I am.
There will be hard days. I will absolutely feel like Depression Barbie sometimes. I expect that. But I’m not afraid of it anymore. I’m learning to be okay with the mess of it. I’m reconnecting with my inner child. I know this work is worth doing.
Being intentional with my content is helping me stay present and mindful. It’s reminding me that I can be gentle with myself—rest, comfort myself with familiar favorites, and still be awake to new insights. I can take care of my heart and mind at the same time.
Also, like Ruth, I too always think best at kitchen tables. That’s where I’m sitting now, writing this post. It’s where I’ve written most of them, actually.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for witnessing this season of rediscovery. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz. 💜
Bailz Has a Blog 