Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: inner critic

  • 🌿 Curiosity Over Criticism, Again and Again

    🌿 Curiosity Over Criticism, Again and Again

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday! 🤍

    The beginning of 2026 has been slow, beautiful, intentional, and mindful so far — and I intend to keep it that way as much as I possibly can. I’m slowly but surely getting better at letting go of the pressure to perform and instead just exist in the moment.

    I’m giving myself permission to just be, and I’ve gotta tell you… it’s pretty amazing.

    📵 Life Without Social Media (So Far)

    Ditching social media is going very well so far. I’d be lying if I said there haven’t been moments where I’ve instinctively wanted to reach for it — because there absolutely have been — but overall, I’ve felt a pretty significant sense of relief in its absence.

    One thing I didn’t fully realize before is how obligated I felt to always be available to others simply because social media is always available. It wasn’t a conscious thought, but it was there in the background, quietly telling me I was letting people down if I wasn’t reachable.

    And wow… that was deeply exhausting.

    Honestly, I expected this transition to be much harder — going from frequent social media use to none at all — but it’s been easier than anticipated. And that alone tells me it’s the right choice. My nervous system is benefiting in noticeable ways: I’m sleeping better, feeling less daily anxiety, and staying far more present.

    I’m also realizing how much I was being triggered by constant external input without even noticing it. Now, my triggers are mostly tied to my own lived experiences, which makes them far more manageable to address. Eliminating social media also eliminated the constant comparison spiral — and that has been a total game changer.

    📓 A New Relationship with Planning

    In preparation for 2026, I bought myself a cute new planner — but instead of forcing myself to use it the way I think I’m “supposed to,” I’m trying something new.

    In years past, I’d buy a planner convinced this would be the year I magically became a hyper-organized, color-coded, Type A human. I’d try to plan every detail in advance, then beat myself up for everything I didn’t complete. And every year, I’d end up feeling like I had failed yet again — not because planners don’t work, but because I was trying to use them in a way that never worked for me.

    This year, I’ve changed my approach.

    Instead of only planning ahead, I’m primarily using my planner as a tracker — writing things down after they happen. I note when I practice piano, journal, do yoga, nap, or read. Even if it’s just a few minutes, it counts. Writing it down gives me a genuine sense of accomplishment, and I love being able to see my patterns without having to keep track of them all in my head.

    I’m also logging various tasks and projects I complete — like decluttering our closet today and turning it back into a functional space. It’s not perfect, but it’s so much better, and writing it down once I was done felt incredibly validating.

    I didn’t realize how much mental energy I was spending just trying to remember everything I was doing. Recording it externally has freed up so much brain space — and I didn’t even know how badly I needed that until now.

    ✍️ Letting Go of Perfection

    In the past, I also put an absurd amount of pressure on my planner needing to be perfect. Perfect handwriting. Perfect colors. Perfect layout. Even though I was the only one who would ever see it.

    If I didn’t have the “right” pen, I wouldn’t write anything.
    If my handwriting looked off, I’d criticize myself.
    If I misspelled something and crossed it out, I’d spiral like I had ruined the entire thing.

    It was exhausting — and it’s no wonder my planners always ended up shoved in a drawer.

    This year, I’m doing things differently. I’m using a simple black ballpoint pen. No perfection required. I’ve told myself I can add color later if I want — but I don’t have to. None of it is necessary. The planner exists to support me, not challenge me.

    And shockingly? I’m actually enjoying it.

    If at any point this tool stops serving me and starts becoming a struggle, I’ll let it go — without calling it a failure. Right now, it’s helping me logistically, mentally, and emotionally, and that’s what matters.

    📚 Reading for Wisdom, Not Just Knowledge

    I’m reading a few books right now, and each one is bringing me joy in a different way. I’m also working on slowing down and truly absorbing what I read instead of rushing through it. My current fiction read is The Authenticity Project by Clare Pooley. My current nonfiction reads are The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and The Path of Greatness: The Game of Life and How to Play It and Other Essential Works by Florence Scovel Shinn.

    This week in therapy, my therapist and I talked about the difference between knowledge and wisdom, and it kind of rocked my world. I realized I’d been devouring information without giving myself time to let it marinate — to see how (or if) I wanted to integrate it into my life.

    No wonder I burned out on self-help.

    Now, I’m reading fiction at night to help wind down, and keeping nonfiction for the daytime. That simple shift has made a huge difference. I’m taking my time, reading a few pages at once, then pausing to reflect. It finally feels like I’m gaining wisdom instead of just collecting information.

    And it feels really, really good.

    ❄️ Settling Deeper into Wintering

    I’m still very much enjoying this season of wintering, and I feel like I’m finally getting into its rhythm. The critical voice telling me to do more, go faster, push through, and ignore my body’s signals is getting quieter.

    She’s still there — but I’m no longer mistaking her for absolute truth.

    I’m learning to notice those thoughts, acknowledge them, and let them pass instead of gripping them tightly. There was a time when I couldn’t separate my thoughts from my identity at all. Now I am slowly but surely getting better and better at it. And that shift has been incredibly freeing.

    🌱 A Gentle Conclusion

    As I sit with all of this, one thing feels very clear: I’m no longer interested in systems, habits, or expectations that make my life harder than it needs to be. I’m actively choosing ease. I’m choosing tools and rhythms that support me instead of shame me. I’m choosing curiosity over criticism — again and again.

    This season isn’t about doing more or becoming someone else. It’s about making space for who I already am, and allowing my life to feel lighter, kinder, and more honest as I move forward.

    And honestly? That feels like the most sustainable kind of growth there is.

    💬 A Question for You

    Have you noticed any habits, systems, or expectations in your own life that feel heavier than they need to be?
    What might it look like to soften them — even just a little?

    Thank you for being here with me on this journey. Stay tuned for more as I continue to grow through what I’m going through.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ❄️ In My “Wintering” Era

    ❄️ In My “Wintering” Era

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Tuesday!

    Last week, my therapist recommended a book to me called Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May, and it has really helped shift my perspective on this entire process I have been going through.

    Before I started reading this book, I had no idea just how much pressure I was putting on myself to always be doing more. I was so strict and rigid with myself, and I expected myself to be so much further along than I was.

    I was neglecting to acknowledge everything I was trying to heal from — I just wanted to be healed.

    🧠 The Pressure I Didn’t Realize I Was Carrying

    Some days, I was accomplishing a lot and sticking to my routines, but some days I was struggling more than I let myself realize and therefore was beating myself up a lot.

    There was more consistency than I have ever had before, but it was not nearly 100%, and deep down, I was ashamed of it. I was ashamed of what I was doing or not doing, of the fact that I was “weak” and needed to take this time to figure my shit out.

    I felt like I needed to be strict and rigid with myself to somehow earn this period of healing. That I needed to make radical changes in short amounts of time and force this growth as if it were my job so that I could justify the space I was taking up on this planet.

    I was not being very kind or patient with myself at all.

    Even though I thought I was trying to be gentle with myself — I told myself I was, I wrote here about how I was — ultimately I was never really succeeding. I liked the idea of being gentle with myself, but to be honest, I had really no idea how to actually execute it in practice, because I never learned how to.

    It was never modeled for me when I was growing up. I never saw it in action. It was never really encouraged. All I have ever known is self criticism, so breaking the cycle has been quite the challenge.

    ⏳ Rest Used to Feel Like “Wasting Time”

    Prior to starting this book, anytime I was resting during a non-designated rest or sleep time, I was thinking to myself that I should be working on something else. I should be reading. I should be writing a blog post. I should be practicing piano. I should be up on the walk pad. I should be cleaning the house.

    And yes — all of those things are valid uses of my time. But I was tired. My body was telling me to rest. Instead of appreciating the message from my body, I was shaming myself. Telling myself that I shouldn’t be tired, that if I rest now, I’m wasting time and throwing off my sleep schedule.

    📚 What “Wintering” Taught Me

    Then I started reading Wintering, and it has helped immensely.

    May explains Wintering as:

    “a time of withdrawing from the world, maximizing scant resources, carrying out acts of brutal efficiency and vanishing from sight; but thats where the transformation occurs. Winter is not the death of the life cycle, but its crucible… Doing those deeply unfashionable things — slowing down, letting your spare time expand, getting enough sleep, resting — is a radical act now, but it is essential.”

    I didn’t realize it at first, but I was absolutely thinking of this season I’m going through as a spring — a rebirth of some sort. I was expecting to just become this whole new version of myself overnight through sheer will.

    I was trying to skip over the wintering completely.

    I felt that by slowing down, I was wasting this time and opportunity when I could be doing so much more. I had given myself a few weeks at the beginning of all this to slow down (or so I thought), and I told myself that was plenty and it was time to push through and move on and get to the doing and growing and healing.

    As I have been working my way through this book, I have realized that the rest and the slowing down is exactly what this time is for. That by not utilizing this time to do that, I am in fact wasting this opportunity.

    🌙 Letting the Season Be What It Is

    So, that is what I am trying to really focus on.

    Prior to starting this book and shifting my perspective, I was feeling a little bit frustrated that I was going through this experience going into the winter months. I wanted to be in the summer with the sun rising earlier and setting later so I could work on my circadian rhythm easier.

    I was feeling frustrated over the evenings arriving earlier and earlier each day. I was fussing over the fact that I needed to wear more and more layers as the temperatures fell. I was just resisting every bit of it because I was trying to race ahead to spring and summer — literally and figuratively.

    But now that I have taken a step back and realized that the process of wintering is absolutely necessary in order to have a successful spring, I am so very grateful that my winter of life is also falling during the physical seasonal winter.

    All those things I was resisting — the shorter days, the lower temperatures, the extra layers — now I see them as benefits, so I am leaning into them.

    Now I am going to focus on hibernating like my life depends on it, because you know what? It kind of does. ❄️

    🛌 Practicing Rest, Presence, and “Awareness Without Judgment”

    The past few days I have spent quite a bit of time in bed, reading and resting and resisting the urge to rush.

    I am trying not to scroll on my phone as much, trying to be present in my relaxation. I am spending time in bed just thinking/meditating and it’s been odd but really nice.

    I am napping when I am tired. I am listening to my body.

    I am still mindful of my nighttime and morning routines, but I am not beating myself up for any deviations from them. If I wake up feeling like I need to go back to sleep for a little bit longer, I am letting myself do it.

    If I am struggling to go to sleep and decide I am going to stay up and read for a little bit longer until I really do start to feel sleepy, I am letting myself do it.

    I am just trying to be in the moment more, listen to my body more, and overall let go of the reins a little bit.

    I really was being so strict with myself and so rigid. I was holding myself to an impossibly high standard for what I am going through, and it was ultimately becoming a detriment.

    I am trying to bring a lot of awareness into my days — awareness without judgment. I am trying to pay attention to where my thoughts are going, how my body is feeling, how my spirit is feeling, and simply notice those things instead of judging or criticizing myself for them.

    I am trying to approach everything through a lens of curiosity instead — curiosity and kindness and compassion. 💜

    I have also started gratitude journaling before bed each night. I spend a few moments writing down everything I am thankful for, and that has been very helpful in keeping me present as well.

    🤍 Choosing Honesty (Even When Hustle Culture Says Otherwise)

    This bit of the journey may not be glamorous or exciting. It may not be the most captivating thing to read about — but it’s where I am right now.

    There is a part of me that is scared to talk about all of this, to be broadcasting the fact that I am actively trying to do less in a world where hustling is king.

    But when I created this space, I vowed to be honest and transparent and vulnerable with you all, so I am going to hold myself to that and keep showing up — even when there isn’t a whole lot to say.

    I had been flailing a bit trying to hold onto some direction and growth and progress that just wasn’t sticking, but now I know that this is not the time for that. This is not my spring yet. This is my winter, and I need to respect that.

    I am wintering, and I am going to give it my all. ❄️

    💬 A Question for You

    Have you ever had a season of life where rest was the work?
    If you feel comfortable sharing — what did your “wintering” look like, and what helped you soften into it? 🤍

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my healing journey — the realizations, the quiet seasons, the messy middle, and everything in between — I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thank you for being here and holding space for me. It truly means the world. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 💔 I Accidentally Hurt My Own Feelings

    💔 I Accidentally Hurt My Own Feelings

    Hey, hi, hello — happy Monday! 💜

    This weekend, while perusing the interwebs as one does, I stumbled across a ChatGPT prompt posted on Reddit that claimed it would take out the “yes-man” qualities of ChatGPT and give you honest feedback, point out weaknesses, and basically call you out on all your BS.

    I know now that I should not have done it. I am not in the space for that. I am still very delicate when it comes to my healing, self-love, and gentle re-parenting of myself. But what can I say? I was curious — so I tried it out.

    OMFG, I was not ready for that. 😳

    💥 When Curiosity Backfires

    My intentions were good — I wanted to push myself, to see what I could be doing better. But the results… well, they messed with my head quite a bit. I wonder if that’s what it’s like to Google yourself when you’re famous — you have good intentions, you want to see what people think, and then you immediately regret it because OMG.

    To me, it felt like reading a transcript of my inner critic. It was all laid out there in black and white — how much more I “should” be doing, how much I was “lying” to myself, how much time I was “wasting,” and how far I really hadn’t come. And you guys — I believed it so quick. SO quick. Because I have so much more practice believing the negative about myself.

    It completely tanked my day. Heath was out of town, I was home with the dogs, and I went from having a nice, quiet bit of “me time” to completely beating myself up over what a robot told me. 🤦‍♀️

    Yes, there are things I can improve on — of course there are. I am a work in progress, and I always will be. But I’ve made huge strides, and I’m incredibly proud of myself. And yet, I was so quick to doubt it all and throw away my progress because of something on a screen.

    I’ve since deleted that thread and its memory because it wasn’t bringing me any positive energy. I knew if I kept it, I’d just keep going back, rereading it, and slowly destroying my hard-fought confidence one word at a time. So — it’s gone to the ether now. Good riddance. 🚫

    🧘‍♀️ Re-Centering and Reconnecting

    Before I deleted it, I could feel Old Bailz slipping back in — slowly but surely. And it felt awful. So, I got up, put on my walking shoes, and walked it out on the walk pad. I also did a Pilates booty workout video on YouTube to really bring myself back into my body.

    As I moved, I started taking deeper breaths and gently — but firmly — reminded myself of all the good things I’ve done for myself recently, and how far I’ve come just in the last few weeks. By the time Heath got home, I felt more like myself again. I told him what happened, and you know what he did? He sent me into the bathroom and told me to high five myself ten times for how great I’m doing and how hard I’ve been working. 🖐️🪞

    So I did. And yeah, I cried — but they were tears of pride this time. And that felt really incredible. 💫

    🌿 Proof of Progress

    I really have come so far in a short amount of time. I’ve built rhythms and habits that I’ve never had before — and I’m keeping them because I finally believe I’m worth the effort.

    • 🕰️ Sleep: I have a set sleep schedule and stick to it pretty strictly — something I haven’t done since childhood. I’ve created this rhythm for myself because I know I’m worth it.
    • 🥗 Nutrition: I’m eating three balanced meals a day, getting 130+ grams of protein, hydrating, and taking my supplements consistently. I’m nourishing my body because I know I’m worth it.
    • 🏃‍♀️ Movement: I’m walking regularly, doing yoga, and now adding Pilates. I’m training my body because I know I’m worth it.

    Bottom line: I finally know I’m worth the effort I used to neglect. That’s the biggest win of all. 💜

    🌙 Showing Up Anyway

    Yeah, I’m still waking up in the middle of the night — and yeah, Daylight Savings Time didn’t help. But I’m going to keep trying, keep working toward that goal of sleeping through the night, and I bet I’ll get there sooner than I think.

    I trust myself to keep showing up and doing the work. I’m measuring my progress by how I feel — and truth be told, I feel pretty dang good. 🌸

    💫 Final Thoughts

    If you’re on a similar journey — if your confidence dips, if you slip back into old patterns, if you feel like you’ve taken a step backward — please know that you are not alone. Healing is not linear. Sometimes you’ll take a step forward and then two steps back, but what matters is that you keep showing up.

    If I can do it, I know that you can too. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

    Thank you so much for being here — it means more than you know. 💜 If you’d like to keep following along as I stumble, grow, and figure it all out one day at a time, subscribe below to get new posts sent straight to your inbox. Let’s keep learning (and unlearning) together. 🌿

  • 🧼 So Fresh and So Clean

    🧼 So Fresh and So Clean

    One of the many goals I’ve set for myself on this journey is to keep my space consistently clean and calm. A tidy space helps me feel grounded, clear-headed, and proud of my environment—which is something I’m actively learning to prioritize.

    While I’ve been doing a pretty good job overall, I’ll admit: the weekend got a little cluttered. So today, I decided it was time for a home reset.

    🧳 Getting Ready to Travel

    We’re heading out of town in a few days, and that added some extra motivation. I wanted to leave the house feeling fresh and welcoming for our return. So I spent the day cycling through the classic checklist:

    • 🧺 Laundry
    • 🛏️ Changed the sheets
    • 🍽️ Did the dishes
    • 🪴 Watered the plants
    • 🧹 Dusted and decluttered
    • 🧳 Packed what I could
    • 🧼 Vacuumed and mopped the floors

    It felt so good to go from room to room and really care for the space I call home. Not perfectly—just intentionally.

    🎧 A Little Hygge, A Little Mel

    I’ve also been multitasking a bit. While I cleaned, I listened to two episodes of the Mel Robbins podcast and started the audiobook The Little Book of Hygge. Both were excellent companions for my day and helped me feel like I was nourishing my environment and my mindset. Win-win.

    🗣️ The Inner Critic Tried to Interrupt

    As much as I tried to be present, my inner critic made sure I knew she was still in the room. Mid-dusting, she started whispering:

    “Hey… you haven’t written your blog post yet. When are you going to do that? You HAVE to do it.”

    Oof.

    I gently reminded her—many times—that I can only do one thing at a time. Right now, I’m cleaning. I’ll write when I’m done. I’ll worry about writing when I’m done.

    Was it easy? No. I had to shush her constantly. But I kept pulling my attention back to the present moment, and slowly, it got easier. That’s what this is: practice. One intentional breath, one focused task at a time.

    🪞 Gentle Progress, Not Perfection

    This isn’t going to be an overnight transformation. Silencing my inner critic—learning to trust myself—will take time. But I believe it’s worth the effort. Every time I interrupt that anxious voice with compassion and presence, I’m making progress.

    I’m learning that I can be gentle with myself and consistent with my goals. I don’t have to be perfect to be proud. I just have to keep showing up—one step at a time, one day at a time.

    Thank you for being here. I’m so glad we’re doing this together 💜

  • Real Time results

    Real Time results

    This morning I kept my promise to myself that I would get myself up and moving on the walk pad within 30 minutes of waking. I had only a few minutes to spare before I hit the 30-minute mark, but I did it. After I brushed my teeth, high-fived myself in the mirror, put on my walking shoes, and pulled out the walk pad, I put on another episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast on YouTube and I got to stepping.

    I can’t say that I genuinely wanted to be walking right then, but I was so excited that I was doing it—because I had promised myself that I would. I DID IT! I kept a promise to myself, and not an easy one. I could have come up with a million excuses. I could have told myself I’d fit it in later. I could have done anything else. But I didn’t. I got my ass up and walking with intention, and it felt good.

    I walked my full 45 minutes, I learned about 7 little things I can do to improve my life from Mel, and I worked up a good sweat (gross, but yay!). When I was done, I took a few minutes to drink some water and just enjoy how my body felt. Then I switched from Mel to Yoga with Adriene and did a 20-minute practice targeting a healthy body.

    By the time I was done, I was DONE—at least physically. I felt good but also very tired. My body needed some TLC, so I decided it was time for a shower. I took my time and enjoyed the hot water. While I was amongst the suds and steam, I felt an internal jolt. I was struck with a very strong impulse to share my blog on my personal Instagram and Facebook accounts. I know it’s not polished. I know I need to work on the presentation. I know it’s a little all over the place right now. But I wanted to share it.

    My inner critic still tried her hardest to talk me out of it: “Just wait until you’re really ready! It’s not perfect yet! You still have so much work to do. It doesn’t look professional!” First of all… of course it doesn’t look professional… IT ISN’T. Second of all… the whole point of this is the process. This is part of the process.

    Once I got dressed, I went into the kitchen to get started on sharing and working on my next post. I saw a package addressed to me on the counter. When I looked at who it was from, my heart sank.

    Two weeks ago, our beloved dog, Chelsea, crossed the rainbow bridge after 9 years with us at the age of 15. The grief has been heavy, but this project has been helping me navigate it. The package on the counter was a prescription refill for Chelsea. It was a new prescription, I forgot it was on autoship. I hadn’t read the reminder emails clearly—I just assumed it was time to re-order and chose not to. And now, here it was… an opportunity for me to slip into old habits, showing up in full force.

    Let me tell you how Old Bailz would have reacted:

    • Burst into tears because she was already overwhelmed and this would’ve pushed her over the edge.
    • Beat herself up for not reading the emails carefully and letting this slip through the cracks.
    • Procrastinated doing anything about it and pretended it didn’t happen.
    • Not told her husband out of embarrassment and fear of “getting in trouble” over an expensive medication.

    (FYI: This has nothing to do with how my husband would actually react, and everything to do with my inner critic beating me to shit.)

    But today was different. Because I’ve been doing the work—and because I had already shown up for myself with momentum—I didn’t do any of those things.

    Here’s what I did instead: I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened the package, checked the shipping invoice, logged into the vet pharmacy website, and canceled the autoship. Then I looked into returning the unopened medication. I didn’t stop to overthink—I just kept doing.

    Heath was working from home. When he came into the kitchen for water, I told him immediately what was going on. No hesitation. And he wasn’t upset. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t anything but calm. Old Bailz would have worked herself into a total panic over nothing.

    I reached out to customer service and explained that our sweet girl had passed away. I didn’t even know if they accepted returns for medication, but I tried. I sent the message, and then I realized what had just happened: I was moving through life with more ease. I wasn’t stuck in my head. I was present. I tackled the task instead of avoiding it. That’s growth.

    And then I took that momentum, opened Instagram, and started crafting my announcement post about my blog. Was the inner critic still there? Absolutely. But she was quieter this time. Just a little.

    I followed through anyway. I shared my blog even though it’s a work in progress. Because like I said yesterday—it’s not about what it looks like. It’s about what it means. I promised to be open and vulnerable, so I invited people in before it was perfect. Because it will never be perfect. If not now, when?

    After posting, I felt a huge rush of energy. Old Bailz would’ve mistaken it for anxiety and gone spiraling—checking for likes, refreshing stats, looking for proof she hadn’t made a mistake. But not today. Today I sat with it and realized… this was excitement. Joy. Self-pride.

    I didn’t let fear win. I didn’t procrastinate. I didn’t hide. I moved forward—messy, honest, alive. And that? That’s worth celebrating.

    I don’t know where all of this is leading yet. But I do know this:

    • I’m showing up.
    • I’m keeping promises to myself.
    • I’m moving forward, one aligned choice at a time.

    And right now, in this moment, that is more than enough.

    I’m proud. I’m healing. I’m becoming. And I’m documenting it—messy, raw, beautiful, and true.

    Thank you for being here and witnessing more of this journey. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz! 💜