Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: intentional living

  • Are You Ready For It? ✨

    Are You Ready For It? ✨

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Sunday!

    It has been quite a while since I last posted, and it feels weird but very good to be back.

    I decided to step away because when I was writing my last post, I was really struggling with the whole process. I had a hard time coming up with what I wanted to say, and ultimately I was beating myself up because I felt like I didn’t have a whole lot of meaningful wisdom to impart. I was putting a heck of a lot of pressure on myself, more than I even realized at the time. So, after some reflection, I decided to take a little break without any real plan of how long that break would be. I just knew intuitively that it was what I needed to do.

    🌿 Trusting My Timing (And Myself)

    A lot of what I have been working on in therapy is trusting myself and my instincts, learning how to listen to what my body and my nervous system need in each moment. I’m also working on honoring the process and not rushing.

    Each time I have made a big step forward, like getting sober or taking a break from social media, I have said to my therapist, “I wish I had done it so much sooner!” And each time she stops me and says, “No, you weren’t ready before. You did it when you were ready.” And you know what? She’s right! If I had tried to get sober before I was ready, it would not have stuck. Same with social media. So when I took a step away from the blog, I knew I had to listen to myself and trust that I would know when I was ready to come back. And, hey guess what, it worked!

    I trusted my instincts, I trusted that I would post again when I felt ready, and I trusted that I would know when I felt ready again without forcing it. I am really grateful that I listened to those instincts because as I sit here writing this post I feel a lot more centered and way less pressured. I am genuinely excited to be writing again. Sure, I’m a little nervous, and a little rusty, but still excited.

    🧠 Letting Go of the Pressure

    At first when I stepped away, I was admittedly beating myself up pretty badly pretty consistently. I kept telling myself I needed to go ahead and post again because it had already been so long and I just needed to get it together and come up with something to write about. And the more I tried to push myself, the further and further I stayed away from my keyboard.

    So I took some time to reflect on that and then decided to try something different. I decided that I would just let myself let it go for a while. I gave myself permission to release the pressure and be authentic and trust myself. If for whatever reason, I never ended up posting again, so be it. If I came up with something I wanted to write about, I knew I would feel it strongly and it wouldn’t feel forced. I trusted myself, and it took some time, but now here we are, back to writing and feeling good about it! HUZZAH!

    🚢 The Cruise, The Balcony, And The Inner Critic

    I’ve spent most of my time away continuing to focus on wintering, but there have also been some notable events worth sharing. First, Heath and I went on a cruise. It was a great time, and I am so glad we went. But I have to admit, during the actual vacation, I was being pretty mean to myself.

    All I wanted to do was sit on our balcony and read and look out at the water and listen to the waves and just be quiet and still. And that is what I did for the most part. But I was also simultaneously telling myself that I should be making the most out of the trip, that we should be going on excursions at every port and participating in all the on board activities and going to all the shows each night. I told myself that by staying in the room and on the balcony for the majority of the time, I was wasting the trip, even though deep down I knew I was doing exactly what I wanted to be doing.

    I knew I was honoring what my body and nervous system needed, but at the same time I was criticizing myself for it. I was able to recognize what was happening, and I actively worked on being present and trying to ignore my inner critic, but honestly, it was a struggle.

    Even when we got back to Fort Worth, I was having a hard time with it all. I was feeling guilty that I didn’t do more, I was feeling guilty that I was so happy to be home. Truth be told, it took me almost a week to get myself back.

    Now that I have had some time to reflect, I am proud of myself for not forcing myself to do any of the things I told myself I “should” have been doing. I’m glad I did exactly what I wanted to do, even though I mentally struggled with it at the time. I know I would have been a lot worse off if I had ignored what my body and my nervous system were telling me and tried to force things I didn’t feel up to, that didn’t feel authentic. I trusted myself and I did what I felt up to, regardless of what it might look like to other people. It was a struggle, but I did it and I feel good about it.

    🦷 Facing The Dentist (Finally)

    When we got back, I went to the dentist for the first time in many, many years. It’s something I had been putting off over and over because honestly I just wasn’t ready to tackle that tiger yet.

    For some context, when I am struggling with my mental health, personal care, specifically brushing my teeth, is usually the first thing to get tossed out the window. I’m not really sure why it is, but when I am feeling really rotten, the last thing I want to do is something to take care of myself, to do something responsible. If I didn’t have to go anywhere or interact with anyone, I just didn’t care about it. Gross, I know. But its true.

    Also, my drinking and smoking directly affected things as well. Most nights, I would be too buzzed to think about taking care of myself in that way, or feeling too lazy to get up and do it. I am not proud of it, but its the truth. I just didn’t care, it was never a priority. For years and years.

    So, ultimately, I had convinced myself that I had forever ruined my teeth because of that. I convinced myself that because it had been so long, there was going to be an enormous amount of work to be done, that I’d probably have to have root canals done on all of my teeth or that I’d lose them all and would need implants or something like that, even though I was not experiencing any pain or could detect any real issues on my own. I just told myself it would be horrible, so I put it off for years and years.

    But then, I started this self healing adventure, and somewhere deep within me I knew that the dentist would eventually be a part of it. Not right off the bat obviously, but eventually. I started with other things first, like regulating my nervous system through chiropractic care, getting sober, and starting therapy.

    Then, at the beginning of January, I decided I was ready. All of the sudden, I just felt ready. I’m not really sure exactly what changed, I just know that the thought of the dentist didn’t seem quite so scary, it seemed like something that I could actually handle now. I felt ready.

    📞 The Phone Call Win

    Once I had this realization, I immediately got online and found a holistic dentist near me. I did my research and made sure it was going to be a good fit, then I called and got an appointment scheduled. I’d like to take a quick moment to point out that in itself is a pretty big deal for me. For whatever reason, I have a good amount of anxiety about calling strangers on the phone. I always have, as long as I can remember. I’m not sure why, but its a pretty strong fear.

    For some reason though, I didn’t feel so anxious to make this call. To be honest, I was kind of excited actually. I knew that I would feel really accomplished and proud of myself once I had made the call and scheduled the appointment, and somehow that overshadowed all possibilities of anxiety prior to the call. I didn’t even hesitate, I just dialed the number. It felt really odd but also really good.

    ✅ The Results (Not Nearly As Bad As I Feared)

    My first appointment was just x-rays and scans to see what was going on, inside and out. Shockingly, even though it had been almost 10 years since my last dental appointment, the prognosis was not nearly as bad as I had built up in my head. In terms of work to be done, I only needed a deep cleaning and 2 fillings. Not sure how that is possible, but I will absolutely take it.

    I also learned that I have some gum recession and some teeny tiny stress fractures in my teeth that are the result of constantly clenching my jaw… which, to be honest, not so shocking. I have known that constantly clenching my jaw is an issue, but I had no idea it could cause these kinds of things. So now, I am overly focused on my jaw and constantly telling myself “release, stop clenching!” And I think I am making some good progress. Simply bringing consistent awareness to it has been a game changer.

    Other than that, everything else looked pretty good, and that was such a relief! They did all of the necessary work over two appointments, starting with deep cleaning the right side of my mouth and completing one filling, and then they tackled the left side and the other filling a week later. They numbed me up thoroughly for both appointments, so they were significantly less uncomfortable than I had anticipated. Overall, the whole process was dare I say easy and painless.

    🙋‍♀️ Advocating For Myself

    When they were doing my left side, I was a little more sensitive than I had been on the right side. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that old Bailz would have just sucked it up and endured the pain because she would not have wanted to burden the dentist and ask for more numbing shots. But thanks to all of the work I have been dedicating myself to recently, I am no longer old Bailz!

    So as soon as I realized that this side felt significantly different, I raised my hand immediately and spoke up for what I needed. And guess what? They were more than happy to handle it. No one judged me or laughed at me or told me I was asking for too much. They actually thanked me for speaking up. Imagine that!

    Once I was thoroughly numbed, the rest of the procedure was easy peasy and I had the added bonus of feeling victorious for advocating for myself. It’s a little thing, but these are the little wins that add up over time and are creating a whole new version of myself. So I am doing my best to celebrate each and every little win as they come because I know its important.

    🪥 A New Nonnegotiable Routine

    After all the work was done, my dentist walked me through a personalized oral health care routine to keep up with at home and I am honestly really enjoying it. It has become a nonnegotiable part of my morning and evening routines, whether I am going to be interacting with people or not.

    It has shifted from feeling like a hassle to becoming something I am doing for myself because I see the value in taking care of myself. The more I do them, the more I enjoy the little things I do to show myself love, to support my health, and to keep reminding myself that I am worth taking care of, time after time.

    And the more I am keeping up with it, I am learning that the more I show up for myself, the easier it gets to keep doing so.

    🔥 Hot Yoga: A Plot Twist

    Last week, my chiropractor posted about a hot yoga Galentine’s Day event they were hosting at a local yoga studio. I had never tried hot yoga before, but I do love yoga itself. I practice at home, almost daily, and after 3 years of practicing off and on, recently I had been toying with the idea of finding a studio where I could take classes in person instead of only relying on YouTube. When I saw my chiropractor’s post, I knew immediately that this felt like the perfect opportunity to dip my toe in the hot yoga pool.

    Without letting myself overthink it, I bought my ticket and added it to my calendar. I really wasn’t sure what to expect. I had no clue if I would be able to keep up or if I could handle the heat, but I also knew that I would never find out if I never tried. So I packed up my mat, filled up my water bottle, and decided to give it my all and see what happened. I showed up, nervous but excited.

    You guys, I am OBSESSED with hot yoga now. That class unlocked something within me. Normally, getting sweaty gives me the absolute ick, but somehow this hits different. I don’t understand why or how, but I actually enjoyed the aspect of sweating in this scenario. It was like I could feel the toxins and negative energy leaving my body in real time. It was truly wild.

    Also, not gonna lie, I was so impressed with how much I was able to do. I realize now that in my years of at home practice, I had not given myself nearly enough credit for my yogi skills. I had been telling myself that because I was just doing videos at home by myself that somehow it didn’t really count. But I don’t think that anymore. I know that I am absolutely a yogi and I am leaning so far into it now.

    The studio where the event was held offers a free first class (the event didn’t count), so I signed up in the app and booked myself for a 60 minute Vinyasa class this past Friday morning. To be honest, it was a little more difficult than the Galentine’s event, BUT I still held my own and confirmed that I really want this to become part of my wellness journey.

    Yesterday, I signed up for a month unlimited membership and I am booked to go back Monday evening for a restorative class. I am thinking of starting with going twice a week. One restorative class and one Vinyasa class and see how my body handles that.

    🧘‍♀️ The Mat Upgrade

    I also ordered myself a new cork yoga mat with a natural rubber backing, specifically made for hot yoga. I did this for a few reasons. First of all, the one I have now is pretty old and kind of falling apart. Winston and Wrigley like to “help me” practice at home and their claws do no favors to the mat.

    I also learned very quickly during my first two classes that my current mat gets slippery AF by the end of class and that just seems unnecessarily dangerous. Additionally, I now know that it’s made of toxic chemicals and forever plastics, which I didn’t know too much about when I first ordered it. Now I know a lot more, and I knew that when I replaced my mat it would be with something that was good for both me and the earth. So that is exactly what I did.

    🌱 Owning My “Health & Wellness Girlie” Era

    I am really leaning into my health and wellness journey these days and it feels really good. Six months ago, if you had asked me if I considered myself a “health and wellness girlie,” I would have shuddered with imposter syndrome and said, “absolutely not!” I would have gotten so caught up with comparing myself to all the Instagram influencers, assuming they know and do more than me and therefore what I know and do doesn’t count.

    But today I can proudly tell you that hell yes I am a health and wellness girlie! I am a yogi and I prioritize my nutrition and health and wellbeing, and that is all that matters. I am not letting myself negate my interests and focuses and hobbies through comparison. And that feels like a really significant shift. I am really proud of myself and the progress I have made on this journey.

    I know that there will always be someone out there who knows more and does more, and I also know that that has nothing to do with me. I am on my own journey and it can look like whatever I want it to look like. And right now, it looks like cutting myself a lot of slack when I am struggling, taking extra care of my personal care routines, and sweating up a storm on a non-toxic yoga mat twice a week.

    Thank you for being here with me as I continue on this journey! I am grateful for each and everyone of you!

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Unlearning “I Can’t” in my Wintering Season

    Unlearning “I Can’t” in my Wintering Season

    🌿 Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday!

    I’ve taken a bit of a break from updating the blog recently. Life has been a little busier than usual, and when I have had downtime, I’ve been intentionally using it to rest, relax, and stay away from screens as much as possible. Taking a break from social media has been a deeply positive shift in my routine and has helped me move from a performative mindset into a much more present one.

    Over the past few weeks, I’ve started paying closer attention to the things I tell myself, and I’m learning to approach those thoughts with curiosity instead of judgment.

    🔄 Unlearning “I Can’t”

    Recently, I noticed something surprising: I tell myself “I can’t” far more often than I ever realized.

    As I sink deeper into this wintering season and slow down enough to really notice, I’m learning that so many of the “rules” we live by are completely made up. And if everything is made up… then I get to make up my own rules for my life.

    Some of the ones I’ve been unconsciously following:

    • I can’t wear that shirt with those pants
    • I can’t shower before I’ve done my yoga for the day
    • I can’t read fiction before nonfiction
    • I can’t take myself out for coffee
    • I can’t start a week long yoga series midweek

    So I made a new rule:

    If it makes me happy and doesn’t harm anyone else, I’m doing it.

    I’m dressing for comfort. I’m doing things when I feel called to them. I’m listening to my intuition. And wow… it feels incredible. Taking better care of myself has actually made it easier to handle the harder, less fun parts of life too.

    💬 A Question for You

    What’s a “rule” you’ve realized you’ve been following that doesn’t actually serve you?

    🛂 Big #Adulting Energy

    This past week brought some serious adulting moments. Heath and I are heading on a cruise next weekend, and last week I woke up in the middle of the night realizing I needed to renew my passport. Panic followed. Guilt followed. Negative self-talk followed.

    But instead of spiraling, I slowed down. I breathed. I let the emotions move through my body. Then I tackled the problem step by step. I found a passport expediting service, shipped my documents the next day, and my new passport arrived today.

    I’m pretty dang proud of myself. Old me would have avoided the situation entirely. This time, I faced it head-on.

    And yes… seeing my married name on my passport still makes my heart flutter. 💜

    🚗 A Granbury Adventure & Breaking Another Rule

    I also updated my driver’s license this week. The Fort Worth DMV was booked months out, so I snagged a quicker appointment in Granbury and turned it into a solo adventure day.

    Granbury is about an hour drive from Fort Worth, so before I got on the road I treated myself to an iced coffee and a kolache for the drive. I put on some tunes and began my journey.

    I arrived about and hour and a half before my scheduled appointment, so I spent that time wandering around the town square, perusing the shelves of the local bookstore, and just enjoying the day.

    After my DMV appointment was completed, I almost left town because the restaurant I was planning to go to for a midafternoon snack was closed until 5pm. I told myself, “I can’t stay that long.” I started to make my way back to Fort Worth. Then, as I was driving over the lake and leaving the town, I caught myself.

    I turned my car around, and went to the public beach on Lake Granbury and had the whole place to myself. It was absolutely serene. I journaled, meditated, soaked up the sun, and enjoyed the quiet. Later, I went to the restaurant I was planning to go to earlier and had dinner and a delicious mocktail, and then drove home during a stunning Texas sunset.

    I almost missed all of that because of a rule that wasn’t real.

    ❄️ Winter Is Here (And I’m Ready)

    Texas has officially decided it’s winter, and we’re gearing up for a snowstorm. I stocked up on essentials, cleaned the house, and now I’m fully prepared to hibernate.

    While I’m proud of all the recent adulting I’ve done, I’m very ready to get back to slowing down and wintering like it’s my job.

    📚 Books, Rituals & Simple Joys

    I’ve been rereading the Throne of Glass series and savoring it this time around. When I read it for the first time last year, I was absolutely rushing through it like it was a race. I also didn’t end up finishing it. I put the last book in the series down when I was about half way though. So to start it over from the beginning and really immerse myself in the world feels really good.

    I’m also deeply loving my new nighttime routine:

    • Bedtime yoga with Yoga With Adriene
    • Oil pulling with coconut oil
    • Gratitude journaling
    • Legs-up-the-wall stretch for 15+ minutes

    It all came together pretty naturally, and it feels aligned. I am gently winding my system down each night, unhurried, unscheduled, but fully present, and I am really enjoying it. Gratitude is a core value of mine, and including gratitude journaling in my routine each night helps me highlight and return to it daily.

    🎶 Pirate Radio, Sobriety & Reclaiming My Power

    Another thing that brought me joy this week was rewatching one of my favorite movies, Pirate Radio. It never fails to put a smile on my face. Quoting along, singing along, laughing along, I enjoyed every minute of it. Because I have been listening to so much 60s music recently, the film has been on my mind quite a bit over the last few weeks. So I finally sat down and hit play and I am so grateful that I did. The last few times I have watched it over the past few years, I have undoubtedly been also scrolling on my phone and not giving it 100% of my attention. But that was not the case with this viewing and it felt so good.

    Giving up social media has been one of the best things I have done for myself since I started this journey. I’d honestly put it up there with getting sober. It’s had that much of an impact on my life. I honestly may not go back to it in February. And if I do, I will not be downloading the apps back onto my phone. I simply don’t need it at my fingertips at any point in time. 

    Speaking of sobriety, I am almost at the 2 month mark since my last drink and I couldn’t not be happier. I really didn’t realize how much alcohol was affecting me until I removed it completely. Now that I know how much of a detriment it is to my health and my happiness, I simply cannot imagine willingly having a drink ever again. It just isn’t worth it to me. My health and happiness are far more important to me than having a drink. They are doing some good work in the world of mocktails these days, and I am perfectly happy to have one of those as a little treat every now and then and be able to feel good the next day.

    🌱 Closing Thoughts

    I am feeling a lot better a lot more consistently these days and I am really proud of myself for all of the work I have been doing to get myself to where I am. Sometimes the work doesn’t look like work. Sometimes it looks like sleeping when I am tired, doing things just for fun, or journaling about all the things I am thankful for. Just because it doesn’t look or feel like work doesn’t make it any less effective. Slowly but surely I am regulating my nervous system, finding myself, and reclaiming my power. And it feels freaking good. 

    Thank you all for being here as I go through this journey. I appreciate all of your love and support! 

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ❄️ Wintering, Healing, and Finding my Center

    ❄️ Wintering, Healing, and Finding my Center

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday! 🤍

    Yesterday marked four months of Bailz has a Blog, which honestly feels a little surreal. Part of me feels like I just started, and part of me feels like I’ve been doing this much longer than four months. Both parts of me are incredibly proud.

    After spending so much of my life living in fear, it feels really amazing to be sharing my life, my journey, my thoughts, my feelings, and my experiences with all of you lovely people. Creating this space has easily been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. I started scared… and I kept showing up. And here we are. 💜

    🐾 Remembering Chelsea

    Yesterday was also Chelsea’s Gotcha Day. We lost her in September, and while we know it was the right decision and we’re grateful she’s no longer in pain, it was still a hard day.

    I miss her smile and her sass. She was truly one of a kind. 🤍

    ❄️ Deep in Wintering

    I’m still very much in my wintering phase, and I’m honestly enjoying it more than I ever expected. I’m hibernating. I’m cocooning. I’m resting, healing, and honoring the process to the best of my ability.

    Each day, I feel a little more calm — and that realization alone has been huge. I’m starting to feel present in my body and in my life in a way I don’t think I ever have consistently before.

    For most of my life, rest came with criticism. Wanting rest came with shame. Enjoyment came with a warning not to get used to it. Quiet moments felt wasted. My mind was always racing, multitasking, performing, trying to impress — and I was never fully in any moment.

    Now I see how deeply that hurt me.

    These days, quiet moments are the goal. 🤍

    📖 Reading Slowly, On Purpose

    I’m still working my way through The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and I’m intentionally taking my time with it. Throughout the book, Tolle includes small pause symbols, encouraging the reader to stop, become still, and really experience what’s just been read before moving on.

    That practice has been exactly what I needed.

    Before starting this book, I had already noticed how much I rushed through everything I read. I knew it was a problem, but I didn’t really know how to fix it. These built-in pauses have been helping me learn how to slow down and absorb instead of sprinting to the next page. I’m also really enjoying the question-and-answer format — it feels approachable and grounding.

    More than anything, the book has helped me realize how much priority I’ve always given to thinking and analyzing — and how much pain, stress, and anxiety that ultimately caused me. The more I take my thoughts as absolute truth, the more power I give away.

    So now, I’m practicing being what Tolle calls “the watcher” of my thoughts and emotions, rather than letting them become my identity. It’s a slow practice, but one that’s already changing so much for me.

    🩺 Signs of Real Progress

    On Monday, I had my third set of progress scans with the chiropractor, and the results were honestly incredible. Comparing my original scans from October to my current ones, I can hardly believe how much progress I’ve made in such a short amount of time.

    Because of that improvement, I’ve been cleared to reduce my visits from three times a week to two times a week. Going forward, I’ll be going on Mondays and Thursdays, and we’ll reassess in a month.

    It’s a bittersweet feeling. I’m incredibly grateful for the healing — releasing tension and trauma from my body has been life-changing. But I’m also a little sad about the routine change. That office has become a home away from home, and even on my hardest days, I’ve looked forward to being there.

    Today is the first Wednesday I haven’t gone, and it feels… weird. Like I’m forgetting something. But I also know this change is a sign of growth — and that matters.

    (And yes, I am very excited to go tomorrow. 😅)

    🧘‍♀️ Listening to My Body

    Overall, my body feels so much better. I’m holding far less tension, my stress levels are lower than they’ve ever been, my neck and shoulders feel better, and I’m sleeping more deeply.

    The one area still holding tightness is my hips, so I’ve been using yoga to focus on hip and lower back opening. I can already feel the difference — physically and emotionally. I feel more fluid and less rigid, and that shift has been really powerful.

    🛁 A Little Extra Care

    Today, I leaned into some extra self-care, and I’m feeling deeply relaxed.

    I started with yoga — some focused on hip opening, some restorative and meditative. Then I made a DIY face mask with plain Greek yogurt and raw honey, soaked in a bath with a Flewd bath soak, scrubbed head to toe with a Dead Sea salt scrub, shaved my legs, and moisturized thoroughly.

    I feel pampered, calm, and really proud of myself for taking care of my body and my nervous system. ✨

    🌱 Simple, Not Easy

    This part of my journey may not look glamorous or exciting — but that doesn’t make it any less important. Slowing down and being present sounds simple, but it’s not easy. It’s taken weeks for it to feel less strange.

    I’m not perfect at it. It’s a practice. But I’m getting better every day — and that feels pretty amazing.

    I hope you can take a few moments to slow down today too. Check in with yourself. Be present where you are. I promise, it’s worth it.

    Thank you for being here. I’m so incredibly grateful for you. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌿 Curiosity Over Criticism, Again and Again

    🌿 Curiosity Over Criticism, Again and Again

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday! 🤍

    The beginning of 2026 has been slow, beautiful, intentional, and mindful so far — and I intend to keep it that way as much as I possibly can. I’m slowly but surely getting better at letting go of the pressure to perform and instead just exist in the moment.

    I’m giving myself permission to just be, and I’ve gotta tell you… it’s pretty amazing.

    📵 Life Without Social Media (So Far)

    Ditching social media is going very well so far. I’d be lying if I said there haven’t been moments where I’ve instinctively wanted to reach for it — because there absolutely have been — but overall, I’ve felt a pretty significant sense of relief in its absence.

    One thing I didn’t fully realize before is how obligated I felt to always be available to others simply because social media is always available. It wasn’t a conscious thought, but it was there in the background, quietly telling me I was letting people down if I wasn’t reachable.

    And wow… that was deeply exhausting.

    Honestly, I expected this transition to be much harder — going from frequent social media use to none at all — but it’s been easier than anticipated. And that alone tells me it’s the right choice. My nervous system is benefiting in noticeable ways: I’m sleeping better, feeling less daily anxiety, and staying far more present.

    I’m also realizing how much I was being triggered by constant external input without even noticing it. Now, my triggers are mostly tied to my own lived experiences, which makes them far more manageable to address. Eliminating social media also eliminated the constant comparison spiral — and that has been a total game changer.

    📓 A New Relationship with Planning

    In preparation for 2026, I bought myself a cute new planner — but instead of forcing myself to use it the way I think I’m “supposed to,” I’m trying something new.

    In years past, I’d buy a planner convinced this would be the year I magically became a hyper-organized, color-coded, Type A human. I’d try to plan every detail in advance, then beat myself up for everything I didn’t complete. And every year, I’d end up feeling like I had failed yet again — not because planners don’t work, but because I was trying to use them in a way that never worked for me.

    This year, I’ve changed my approach.

    Instead of only planning ahead, I’m primarily using my planner as a tracker — writing things down after they happen. I note when I practice piano, journal, do yoga, nap, or read. Even if it’s just a few minutes, it counts. Writing it down gives me a genuine sense of accomplishment, and I love being able to see my patterns without having to keep track of them all in my head.

    I’m also logging various tasks and projects I complete — like decluttering our closet today and turning it back into a functional space. It’s not perfect, but it’s so much better, and writing it down once I was done felt incredibly validating.

    I didn’t realize how much mental energy I was spending just trying to remember everything I was doing. Recording it externally has freed up so much brain space — and I didn’t even know how badly I needed that until now.

    ✍️ Letting Go of Perfection

    In the past, I also put an absurd amount of pressure on my planner needing to be perfect. Perfect handwriting. Perfect colors. Perfect layout. Even though I was the only one who would ever see it.

    If I didn’t have the “right” pen, I wouldn’t write anything.
    If my handwriting looked off, I’d criticize myself.
    If I misspelled something and crossed it out, I’d spiral like I had ruined the entire thing.

    It was exhausting — and it’s no wonder my planners always ended up shoved in a drawer.

    This year, I’m doing things differently. I’m using a simple black ballpoint pen. No perfection required. I’ve told myself I can add color later if I want — but I don’t have to. None of it is necessary. The planner exists to support me, not challenge me.

    And shockingly? I’m actually enjoying it.

    If at any point this tool stops serving me and starts becoming a struggle, I’ll let it go — without calling it a failure. Right now, it’s helping me logistically, mentally, and emotionally, and that’s what matters.

    📚 Reading for Wisdom, Not Just Knowledge

    I’m reading a few books right now, and each one is bringing me joy in a different way. I’m also working on slowing down and truly absorbing what I read instead of rushing through it. My current fiction read is The Authenticity Project by Clare Pooley. My current nonfiction reads are The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and The Path of Greatness: The Game of Life and How to Play It and Other Essential Works by Florence Scovel Shinn.

    This week in therapy, my therapist and I talked about the difference between knowledge and wisdom, and it kind of rocked my world. I realized I’d been devouring information without giving myself time to let it marinate — to see how (or if) I wanted to integrate it into my life.

    No wonder I burned out on self-help.

    Now, I’m reading fiction at night to help wind down, and keeping nonfiction for the daytime. That simple shift has made a huge difference. I’m taking my time, reading a few pages at once, then pausing to reflect. It finally feels like I’m gaining wisdom instead of just collecting information.

    And it feels really, really good.

    ❄️ Settling Deeper into Wintering

    I’m still very much enjoying this season of wintering, and I feel like I’m finally getting into its rhythm. The critical voice telling me to do more, go faster, push through, and ignore my body’s signals is getting quieter.

    She’s still there — but I’m no longer mistaking her for absolute truth.

    I’m learning to notice those thoughts, acknowledge them, and let them pass instead of gripping them tightly. There was a time when I couldn’t separate my thoughts from my identity at all. Now I am slowly but surely getting better and better at it. And that shift has been incredibly freeing.

    🌱 A Gentle Conclusion

    As I sit with all of this, one thing feels very clear: I’m no longer interested in systems, habits, or expectations that make my life harder than it needs to be. I’m actively choosing ease. I’m choosing tools and rhythms that support me instead of shame me. I’m choosing curiosity over criticism — again and again.

    This season isn’t about doing more or becoming someone else. It’s about making space for who I already am, and allowing my life to feel lighter, kinder, and more honest as I move forward.

    And honestly? That feels like the most sustainable kind of growth there is.

    💬 A Question for You

    Have you noticed any habits, systems, or expectations in your own life that feel heavier than they need to be?
    What might it look like to soften them — even just a little?

    Thank you for being here with me on this journey. Stay tuned for more as I continue to grow through what I’m going through.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ✨ Wintering My Way into 2026

    ✨ Wintering My Way into 2026

    👋 Hey, hi, hello! Happy New Year’s Eve!

    Wintering continues to be pretty awesome. The further I get into it, the more I am really starting to see just how much pressure I was putting on myself regularly to perform and be productive and always be further along than I actually was. I was always looking at things through a hyper critical, ever judgmental lens, especially about how I was spending my time.

    Now, instead, I am looking through a lens of curiosity. It’s given me the opportunity to notice trends, acknowledge habits, and learn quite a bit in the process.

    📵 A January Social Media Break

    One main thing I have learned recently is that I spend a lot more time scrolling on social media than I think I ever really realized. More often than not, if I have a free moment, I instinctively reach for my phone, and then scroll. And while I am doing my best to refrain from judging myself for it, I am quickly determining that it is not something I want to continue to support for myself.

    So, in response, I have decided that for the month of January I am going to take a complete break from social media. I will still be posting here on the blog regularly, but I will no longer be logging onto Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. I will be deleting the apps from my phone and iPad so I will not be tempted to log in out of habit. I am giving myself 31 days without scrolling and I’ll see how I feel after that.

    I know that this is the right thing for me to do, although I know it will absolutely be a struggle. But I am looking forward to the new fun things I come up with to fill my time instead. I am going to be giving myself the freedom to be bored and explore my mind space a little more than I have been giving myself the opportunity to do in recent years. Pretty much since social media took over the world, if we’re being completely honest.

    While I know this will be a struggle, I also know that I am absolutely capable. I can do hard things, I have proven that to myself time and time again. If I can quit drinking and smoking cold turkey, I can quit social media for a month. I know I can.

    When I first started my happiness journey, I knew that I was spending a lot of time on my phone, and it was something I would eventually need to address. To begin slowly, I tried a little hack I learned from Mel Robbins and I set my phone to grayscale mode. Although, full disclosure, I do switch it back to full color mode once a day to play Wordle and Connections in the NYT Games app. But other than that, my phone is always set to black and white.

    At the beginning, it really did help curb my scrolling habits. But recently, I have found myself still scrolling away anyway, so I’ve decided it was time to do something about it. I think that one month away will do me a whole lot of good. I look forward to sharing the experience and my findings with you all. ✨

    🌿 No Big Resolutions — Just Listening

    Other than that, I am refraining from making any big resolutions for the new year. I am going to continue to keep wintering until I feel my spring develop naturally — I am not going to rush myself.

    I am going to continue to keep enjoying my days, one at a time, and enjoying the journey as it develops. I am excited to see what 2026 brings, but I am not going to force any of it. Rather, I am going to listen to my intuition and enjoy the ride. So far, it’s been paying off pretty well. Far better than over controlling and over criticizing myself ever did, that’s for dang sure. 💛

    ✨ Things That Have Brought Me Joy Recently

    The more I slow down and focus on being present in each moment, the more I find myself simply enjoying things — and I wanted to share some of those with you.

    🎬 The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

    I discovered this on Netflix a week or so ago while Heath was at a work dinner and it was absolutely delightful — a beautiful bite sized piece of Wes Anderson goodness. A few days ago, I shared it with Heath and we watched it together. I enjoyed both watching it again and the act of sharing something together. He enjoyed it too and the whole experience brought me a substantial amount of joy.

    🐶 Spending Time With My Dogs

    Winston and Wrigley are my constant companions, and I have really been enjoying my time with them recently. Not that I don’t always, but I feel like I have a new appreciation for it along with everything else now as I am slowing down. Playing with them, talking to them, loving on them, snuggling on the couch with them — I am just embracing all of it a little bit more these days and it’s bringing me a lot of joy.

    🍽️ Crossroads Diner

    Yesterday, Heath and I drove up to Plano to go to one of our favorite restaurants in its new location. It had closed for a few years during COVID but has recently reopened and we hadn’t had a chance to make it up there until now. It’s a bit of a drive for us from Fort Worth, about 50 minutes. We used to go to their previous location quite a bit when we lived in Dallas and it was closer for us.

    They make a quiche that is one of my absolute favorite dishes in the world, and getting to have it again after so long was an absolute delight. Previously, when we used to go, I always ordered a Bloody Mary or two, but since I have chosen sobriety, I had coffee this time and I am proud of myself.

    I also ordered a cup of their tomato basil soup because it just sounded good, and WOW it was the best tomato basil soup I have had in a very long time. We ended up ordering two bowls of it to go before we left and then today I warmed them up, prepared some grilled cheeses for us to go with it and had it for lunch. Yum, yum, yum. ☕🥣

    🍳 Making Meals

    Having Heath home this past week has been great for a lot of reasons, but mostly because we are able to eat all of our meals together and we are cooking a lot at home. I have been making my chopped Mediterranean salad for us, Heath has been making breakfast burritos for us, I’ve made my tomato feta pasta, and it’s all just been very rewarding.

    To prepare a meal and then sit and eat it together is a simple pleasure that we had lost sight of for a while. But slowing down has helped bring it back into focus and cooking has been bringing me a lot of joy recently. 🥗🍝

    📺 Severance

    I am a sucker for a good story. The other night, we were looking for a new show to start and after some options scrolling and discussion, we decided it was finally time to give Severance on Apple TV a shot. Man, oh man. I was not ready.

    You guys, this is the best TV writing I have experienced in a VERY long time. I have been on the edge of my seat for every episode. Last night we finished season 1 and had it not been already past my bedtime, I would have wanted to keep going.

    Other than Stranger Things Chapter 5, it has been a while since I have been so sucked into a storyline. I wasn’t even reaching for my phone during episodes. This show is completely engulfing and I am thoroughly enjoying every bit of it. 😮‍💨

    👾 Stranger Things

    Tonight is the final episode of Stranger Things and looking forward to it has been bringing me a lot of joy. We have been watching a lot of fan videos on YouTube explaining easter eggs we might have missed in the previous episodes and detailing possible theories for how it will all end.

    It’s been really fun to get really nerdy about it together with Heath and to be counting down to the airtime with each release. I love a good pop culture reference, and Stranger Things is packed full with them.

    With the staggered release dates — 4 episodes Thanksgiving Day, 3 episodes Christmas Day, and the finale on New Years Eve — it has been reminiscent of how TV used to be and that has brought me joy as well. While I will be sad that it’s over, I am very much looking forward to seeing how it all comes together in the final two hours. 🍿✨

    🎶 Music

    I have started listening to music first thing when I get up in the morning while I brush my teeth and get ready for the day. I’ve been jamming to “The Beatles & Similar Artists” radio station on Apple Music and it is pure vibes. One bop after another, and it’s been a great way to start my day. Joy, joy, so much joy.

    Last night I did not sleep well at all. I woke up to my alarm absolutely exhausted and wanting to go right back to sleep, but once I got my music going, I was immediately feeling better. I still ended up needing a nap this afternoon, but I was able to get up and moving and to my chiropractor appointment without too much struggle — and music had everything to do with that. 🎧💛

    🥂 Tonight’s New Year’s Eve Plans

    Tonight we are staying in and I wouldn’t have it any other way. No big New Years plans other than making a nice dinner (salmon and purple sweet potatoes), watching the finale of Stranger Things, and just being together. We might work on tidying up the house a bit, but that’s about it.

    I hope everyone has a safe and joyful New Year’s Eve! May 2026 be less chaotic for us all! ✨

    💬 A Question for You

    If you were to “winter” your way into 2026, what would you want to let go of — and what would you want to make more space for? 💛

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my wintering era, my little joys, and whatever 2026 brings, I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thank you for being here. It truly means the world to me. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ❄️ In My “Wintering” Era

    ❄️ In My “Wintering” Era

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Tuesday!

    Last week, my therapist recommended a book to me called Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May, and it has really helped shift my perspective on this entire process I have been going through.

    Before I started reading this book, I had no idea just how much pressure I was putting on myself to always be doing more. I was so strict and rigid with myself, and I expected myself to be so much further along than I was.

    I was neglecting to acknowledge everything I was trying to heal from — I just wanted to be healed.

    🧠 The Pressure I Didn’t Realize I Was Carrying

    Some days, I was accomplishing a lot and sticking to my routines, but some days I was struggling more than I let myself realize and therefore was beating myself up a lot.

    There was more consistency than I have ever had before, but it was not nearly 100%, and deep down, I was ashamed of it. I was ashamed of what I was doing or not doing, of the fact that I was “weak” and needed to take this time to figure my shit out.

    I felt like I needed to be strict and rigid with myself to somehow earn this period of healing. That I needed to make radical changes in short amounts of time and force this growth as if it were my job so that I could justify the space I was taking up on this planet.

    I was not being very kind or patient with myself at all.

    Even though I thought I was trying to be gentle with myself — I told myself I was, I wrote here about how I was — ultimately I was never really succeeding. I liked the idea of being gentle with myself, but to be honest, I had really no idea how to actually execute it in practice, because I never learned how to.

    It was never modeled for me when I was growing up. I never saw it in action. It was never really encouraged. All I have ever known is self criticism, so breaking the cycle has been quite the challenge.

    ⏳ Rest Used to Feel Like “Wasting Time”

    Prior to starting this book, anytime I was resting during a non-designated rest or sleep time, I was thinking to myself that I should be working on something else. I should be reading. I should be writing a blog post. I should be practicing piano. I should be up on the walk pad. I should be cleaning the house.

    And yes — all of those things are valid uses of my time. But I was tired. My body was telling me to rest. Instead of appreciating the message from my body, I was shaming myself. Telling myself that I shouldn’t be tired, that if I rest now, I’m wasting time and throwing off my sleep schedule.

    📚 What “Wintering” Taught Me

    Then I started reading Wintering, and it has helped immensely.

    May explains Wintering as:

    “a time of withdrawing from the world, maximizing scant resources, carrying out acts of brutal efficiency and vanishing from sight; but thats where the transformation occurs. Winter is not the death of the life cycle, but its crucible… Doing those deeply unfashionable things — slowing down, letting your spare time expand, getting enough sleep, resting — is a radical act now, but it is essential.”

    I didn’t realize it at first, but I was absolutely thinking of this season I’m going through as a spring — a rebirth of some sort. I was expecting to just become this whole new version of myself overnight through sheer will.

    I was trying to skip over the wintering completely.

    I felt that by slowing down, I was wasting this time and opportunity when I could be doing so much more. I had given myself a few weeks at the beginning of all this to slow down (or so I thought), and I told myself that was plenty and it was time to push through and move on and get to the doing and growing and healing.

    As I have been working my way through this book, I have realized that the rest and the slowing down is exactly what this time is for. That by not utilizing this time to do that, I am in fact wasting this opportunity.

    🌙 Letting the Season Be What It Is

    So, that is what I am trying to really focus on.

    Prior to starting this book and shifting my perspective, I was feeling a little bit frustrated that I was going through this experience going into the winter months. I wanted to be in the summer with the sun rising earlier and setting later so I could work on my circadian rhythm easier.

    I was feeling frustrated over the evenings arriving earlier and earlier each day. I was fussing over the fact that I needed to wear more and more layers as the temperatures fell. I was just resisting every bit of it because I was trying to race ahead to spring and summer — literally and figuratively.

    But now that I have taken a step back and realized that the process of wintering is absolutely necessary in order to have a successful spring, I am so very grateful that my winter of life is also falling during the physical seasonal winter.

    All those things I was resisting — the shorter days, the lower temperatures, the extra layers — now I see them as benefits, so I am leaning into them.

    Now I am going to focus on hibernating like my life depends on it, because you know what? It kind of does. ❄️

    🛌 Practicing Rest, Presence, and “Awareness Without Judgment”

    The past few days I have spent quite a bit of time in bed, reading and resting and resisting the urge to rush.

    I am trying not to scroll on my phone as much, trying to be present in my relaxation. I am spending time in bed just thinking/meditating and it’s been odd but really nice.

    I am napping when I am tired. I am listening to my body.

    I am still mindful of my nighttime and morning routines, but I am not beating myself up for any deviations from them. If I wake up feeling like I need to go back to sleep for a little bit longer, I am letting myself do it.

    If I am struggling to go to sleep and decide I am going to stay up and read for a little bit longer until I really do start to feel sleepy, I am letting myself do it.

    I am just trying to be in the moment more, listen to my body more, and overall let go of the reins a little bit.

    I really was being so strict with myself and so rigid. I was holding myself to an impossibly high standard for what I am going through, and it was ultimately becoming a detriment.

    I am trying to bring a lot of awareness into my days — awareness without judgment. I am trying to pay attention to where my thoughts are going, how my body is feeling, how my spirit is feeling, and simply notice those things instead of judging or criticizing myself for them.

    I am trying to approach everything through a lens of curiosity instead — curiosity and kindness and compassion. 💜

    I have also started gratitude journaling before bed each night. I spend a few moments writing down everything I am thankful for, and that has been very helpful in keeping me present as well.

    🤍 Choosing Honesty (Even When Hustle Culture Says Otherwise)

    This bit of the journey may not be glamorous or exciting. It may not be the most captivating thing to read about — but it’s where I am right now.

    There is a part of me that is scared to talk about all of this, to be broadcasting the fact that I am actively trying to do less in a world where hustling is king.

    But when I created this space, I vowed to be honest and transparent and vulnerable with you all, so I am going to hold myself to that and keep showing up — even when there isn’t a whole lot to say.

    I had been flailing a bit trying to hold onto some direction and growth and progress that just wasn’t sticking, but now I know that this is not the time for that. This is not my spring yet. This is my winter, and I need to respect that.

    I am wintering, and I am going to give it my all. ❄️

    💬 A Question for You

    Have you ever had a season of life where rest was the work?
    If you feel comfortable sharing — what did your “wintering” look like, and what helped you soften into it? 🤍

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my healing journey — the realizations, the quiet seasons, the messy middle, and everything in between — I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thank you for being here and holding space for me. It truly means the world. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🕊️ A Soft Day of Reflection

    🕊️ A Soft Day of Reflection

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Thursday! 💜

    Today feels quiet in the best way—soft, reflective, grounded. I don’t feel rushed or frantic or overwhelmed. I feel calm, present, and relaxed, and it’s been a while since I could honestly say that.

    I’ve been seeing a lot of posts online lately that say things like, “The life you’re living now is something a past version of you once dreamed of.” And honestly? It’s been hitting me right in the heart. In the best way. It’s been gently reminding me to slow down even more, to savor this exact moment of my life, even if it’s a little messy and undefined.

    Because yes—this is an in-between season.
    I still don’t know what job I want next.
    I still don’t know what I want to “be” when I grow up.
    I don’t have a clear next step, a five-year plan, or even a solid direction.

    And that used to terrify me… but right now?
    It actually feels okay. It feels necessary.

    I’m giving myself space to rest with intention—to heal my nervous system, reconnect with my inner child, and listen instead of ignoring her. I’m caring for myself in real, tangible ways: with nutrition, movement, sleep, yoga, walks, and slowing down enough to hear myself think. I’m letting joy guide me instead of productivity, which is still a challenge, but I’m learning.

    And honestly?
    This is productive.
    Discovering what brings me joy—and what doesn’t—is wildly valuable information for the rest of my life. I’m experimenting with happiness, with softness, with presence. And that feels kind of exciting.

    I don’t have much to say today. But I still wanted to show up, even if it’s short and sweet. Sometimes showing up softly is just as meaningful as showing up loudly.

    And today, softness feels like enough.

    💬 Let’s chat

    What’s one small thing bringing you quiet joy this week? I’d truly love to know. 💜

    💌 Want to follow along?

    If you’re enjoying following along on my healing journey, I’d love to have you as a subscriber so you never miss a new post. I’m building this little corner of the internet with intention, honesty, softness, and growth — and you’re invited to be a part of it. 💜

    Love always, Bailz 💜

  • Unlearning the Urge to Rush

    Unlearning the Urge to Rush

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday!

    Yesterday’s therapy appointment went really well. I learned more about what our sessions will look like going forward — how we’ll approach things as they come up, how we’ll communicate, and how we’ll co-create this healing process. She gave me a few handouts for reference, and honestly? It felt fun to get a little nerdy together and lean into learning.

    After therapy, I headed to Costco for my little “present and mindful” field trip… and it went GREAT. I found almost everything I needed, I didn’t get overwhelmed, and I got in and out with zero panic. That is a huge win for me.

    When I got home, I put everything away, made myself some dinner, and waited for Heath to get home. We spent a cozy night together — one episode of Great British Baking Show, then reading side-by-side on the couch before winding down for bed. Pure comfort.

    🌅 This Morning Felt Different — In the Best Way

    Last night, I got myself into bed on time. I still struggled to fall asleep (my brain loves to party), but I honored my routine anyway. And this morning… I felt more on track than I have in a while.

    My alarm went off and instead of the usual groan of “ugh, already?” — I just stretched, snuggled the dogs for a minute, and got up. I stepped outside for a few minutes of sunlight, then came back in for morning pages, affirmations, breakfast shake, and supplements. After that, I got dressed and headed to the chiropractor.

    Slow, steady, grounded. It felt good.

    ⚡️ The Constant Urge to Rush — and Undoing It

    Something I’m actively working on right now is my lifelong habit of rushing… through everything.

    Brushing my teeth. Making breakfast. Reading a book. Cleaning the house. Watching a show. Doing yoga. Even resting.

    There’s this relentless voice in my head saying:

    “Go! Go! Go! Faster! Faster! Faster!”

    Heart racing. Jaw clenched. Muscles tight. Breath shallow.
    Even when there’s no urgency, my body behaves like something terrible is chasing me.

    So I’m learning to catch myself in those moments — to pause, breathe deeply, and remind myself:

    “I am safe. Nothing is chasing me. This can take as long as it takes.”

    This morning, I intentionally slowed down while getting ready.
    No frantic energy. No rushing. No panicked clock-checking.

    And leaving the house actually felt… calm.

    🚨 A Little Dog Drama

    About halfway to my chiropractor appointment, I got a notification that the back door had opened — the house alarm was going off.

    My stomach dropped.

    Then I remembered:
    If the back door isn’t locked, the boys can let themselves out. (Too smart for their own good.)

    I turned the alarm off from my phone and called Heath, panicking a little. He checked the cameras and confirmed it was just the dogs doing their thing. We agreed: I’d still go to my appointment and then head straight home.

    So I skipped my original plans of going to the coffee shop after (tomorrow’s treat!) and went straight back home drove back after the appointment instead.

    The boys were SO proud of themselves, completely unaware of the chaos they caused. Honestly… thank goodness they’re so cute.

    🌿 Rest, Reading, and Beatles

    The rest of my afternoon was slow and restorative.

    I tried reading a little bit of my newest fantasy read, A Winter’s Promise, but my brain felt scattered. Instead of forcing it, I curled up on the couch and let myself rest — half nap, half meditation, all peaceful.

    No shame. No “shoulds.”
    Just quiet.

    When I felt ready, I made a Mediterranean chopped salad (my current obsession) and then got on the walk pad for my 45 minutes.

    While I walked, I started Get Back on Disney+ — the Beatles documentary. After finishing Shout! the other day, I knew it was time for a rewatch. Watching them create songs out of thin air is magic. Pure magic.

    🗺 Planning My Guthrie Reset Trip

    After my walk, I finally sat down to plan something I’ve been wanting to do for a while: a solo overnight trip to Guthrie next week.

    If you know me, you know Guthrie is my happy place — the preserved Victorian architecture, the history, the slower pace, the memories tied to my ancestors and our wedding… it feels like home.

    I booked an Airbnb, messaged a couple of friends up there, and started planning my little itinerary:

    • Breakfast at my favorite spot
    • Walks around downtown
    • Visiting familiar faces
    • Solo writing time
    • A nice steak dinner
    • Rest, reflection, inspiration

    I can’t even tell you how excited I am.

    🌙 Tonight’s Plan

    For the rest of the day, I’m staying on theme: slow, intentional, restorative.

    A moderate yoga practice along with some piano practice as well.
    Some reading or more of Get Back.
    No rushing.
    No forcing.
    Just presence and ease.

    It might be simple, but honestly?

    That’s the kind of life I’ve always wanted.

    💬 Let’s Talk

    What’s one small thing you do (or want to do) to help yourself slow down and be more present in your day?

    ✨ Stay Connected

    If you enjoy following along on my healing journey, I’d love to have you as a subscriber. You’ll get all new posts delivered straight to your inbox — gentle words, honest reflections, and lots of cozy magic.

    Subscribe below to stay connected. 💜

    Love always, Bailz 💜

  • Style Shifts, Piano Notes, and Healing in the In-Between

    Style Shifts, Piano Notes, and Healing in the In-Between

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Saturday! 💜

    It’s been a minute since I last posted. Heath was off from work all week, and I wanted to savor as much time with him as possible. We didn’t have a big itinerary or a giant to-do list — we just existed together. And honestly? It was lovely.

    We went on little local adventures, spent quiet time reading side-by-side, binged the entire new season of Stranger Things in one sitting, went thrifting, browsed bookstores, cooked delicious meals, and enjoyed each other’s company in that effortless, easy way that happens when you have nowhere else to be.

    We even tackled a few home projects (cleaning out the pantry… yikes… but rewarding 🙃).

    🧵 Struggling With Style, Self-Image, and Clothes That Don’t Fit Like They Used To

    One thing I’ve been wrestling with lately is that a lot of my clothes don’t fit the same way anymore — and some don’t fit at all. I know my body is healthier now. I know she’s nourished, supported, and taken care of. But even with that awareness, it’s been such a mental hurdle.

    I’d walk into my closet and instantly shut down. I felt like I had nothing to wear… even though half of it still technically fits. It just didn’t feel right anymore. I felt like I had shed my old style but hadn’t yet grown into my new one — and that limbo was shredding my confidence.

    So I turned to my trusty sidekick, ChatGPT, and explained everything I was feeling. And SHE SHOWED UP.

    ChatGPT gave me a whole style quiz to help me zero in on what I actually like and what I want to avoid. Then she created a full vibe board and told me my style aesthetic is:

    ✨ Soft Grunge Moon Witch ✨

    And honestly? She nailed it.

    She also gave me a list of 10 starter pieces for a fresh, curated little capsule wardrobe — and as fate would have it, I already owned half of them. I found a few of the others while thrifting the next day. Blessings upon blessings.

    So right now I’m leaning into comfort and curation:

    • oversized band tees
    • long cozy cardigans
    • Doc Martens
    • leggings or straight-leg jeans
    • oversized flannels
    • my beloved $5 real leather jacket (thrift gods were generous that day 🙌)

    I wore the leather jacket yesterday (now that Texas finally got the memo it’s late November), and it was the first time I felt fully like myself in a while.

    🧘‍♀️ Getting Back Into My Routines (Because They Matter)

    Even with all the fun we had this week, I definitely fell out of my routines — especially my intentional movement. And wow… I felt it. Hard.

    Yesterday I finally got myself back on the walk pad and did some yoga. It’s wild how quickly I started feeling more like myself once I began moving my body on purpose instead of just floating through the day. One intentional step makes such a difference.

    🎹 Learning “Let It Be” (And Healing Little Me)

    I’ve also been practicing the piano again — specifically Let It Be by The Beatles.

    My very first tattoo was “let it be” in cursive on my left wrist, so it feels beautifully full-circle that its the first song I am learning, start to finish.

    I’m still very much a beginner — no dueling pianos or live performances anytime soon — but it’s FUN. And every time I play it with fewer mistakes, I feel a little bit giddy. It’s such a joyful kind of progress.

    I’ve also been reading more of Shout!, the Beatles biography, and between the book and learning the song, I feel like I’m reaching back and holding 11-year-old me’s hand.

    🍽️ Date Night & Mocktails, Please

    Tonight Heath and I are going to use a gift card we received for our wedding and enjoy a really nice dinner out. I’m excited to dress up (rare event!!!) and eat something delicious. I’m still not drinking alcohol, so I’m hoping they have some good mocktail options… but regardless, I’m going to devour some steak and enjoy every bite.

    🌙 Finding Gentleness, Grace, and Actual Rest

    This post feels a little all over the place, but honestly… that’s where I’m at today. A lot has happened, and I wanted to share pieces of it all.

    This week taught me (again) that I can’t bully or shame myself into being a better version of me. The only real path forward is gentleness, curiosity, compassion — and actual rest.

    Not collapsing into doom-scrolling.
    Not numbing out.
    Not rotting away on the couch.

    But closing my eyes when I’m tired. Letting myself sleep in when I need it. Pausing when my body whispers “please slow down.”

    There’s such a huge difference between checking out and truly resting. I’m trying to practice the latter. And it’s working — today I genuinely feel more like myself.

    💬 Let’s Connect

    What’s something small you’ve done lately that made you feel more like yourself again?

    Have you gone through a style transition before? How did you figure out what felt like “you” again?

    💌 Want More Posts Like This?

    If you’re enjoying these cozy, honest entries from my healing journey, I’d love for you to subscribe to the blog. You’ll get new posts delivered right to your inbox — no algorithms, no missing out, just real connection. 💜

    Love always, Bailz 💜

  • Releasing Rigidity, Embracing Flow 💫

    Releasing Rigidity, Embracing Flow 💫

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Saturday!

    Recently, I’ve been feeling a little stagnant. A little off, a little out of sorts, a little distracted. Instead of feeling grateful for this journey I’m on and the incredible opportunity that it is, I found myself feeling obligated — even overwhelmed — by all the “work” I still needed to do. It started to feel like every spare moment had to be dedicated to healing, studying, improving. And slowly but surely, I drained myself of the excitement and joy that originally fueled all of this.

    Realizing I’d Turned Healing Into Homework 📚

    Through some honest self-reflection, I realized I’ve been focusing too much on the fine print — the self-help texts, the podcasts, the expert advice — and not nearly enough time actually exploring what feels good for me.

    Once again, balance has revealed itself as my biggest struggle. Despite my intentions, I became rigid, strict, and overly disciplined in ways that led me right back to the burnout I was trying so hard to heal from.

    When I started this blog, I proudly proclaimed that every new thing I consumed would relate to my happiness project. Only self-improvement books. Only mindset podcasts. Only healing-focused content. For a while, that was motivating… but eventually, it became suffocating.

    Instead of embracing what I’d learned and focusing on integrating it, I convinced myself I needed to keep reading, keep studying, keep digging deeper. I sent myself straight into information overload — to the point where everything blurred together. I couldn’t even tell you which ideas came from which book anymore; it was all just a big, overwhelming soup of “shoulds.”

    And little by little, it all started feeling like I was completing tasks just to check them off a list, not because they were supporting my happiness. I was either “studying” or watching familiar shows while scrolling my phone — old patterns, old distractions, old autopilot. I stopped being fully present, and my body let me know. (Hi, neck tension!)

    Where’s the Fun in All of This? 🎢

    I’ve bought several new books recently — Beatles biographies, historical fiction, romantasy — all things that bring me joy. Yet I told myself I couldn’t read them because they weren’t part of “the project.” I refused myself joy if it wasn’t officially productive.

    I lost sight of what the bigger journey was actually supposed to be: not fixing myself… but finding myself.

    And the question finally hit me:

    If I’m not finding joy in my days, what the hell am I even doing?

    So yesterday, I recalibrated. Hard.

    I finished a novel I’ve been slowly reading for months — A Resistance of Witches, which was SO up my alley. And wow… I realized how much guilt I’d buried around simply enjoying myself. I thought I was being disciplined. Really, I was depriving myself.

    After my walk-pad session, I took a nap — a full, luxurious 2-hour nap — without setting a 45-minute “approved” timer. When I woke up, I finally cracked open SHOUT!, the Beatles biography that has been calling to me from the shelf for weeks. And reading it felt like a deep, contented exhale.

    There is a time and place for rigidity and structure, but it does not need to be constant. So now I’m focusing on balance — real balance — not rules disguised as self-care.

    Letting Myself Rest (For Real) 😴

    This morning, I let myself sleep in because I’ve been fighting off a cold. When I finally got up, I felt more rested than I have in days.

    I stepped outside for my morning sun exposure, made my breakfast shake, took my supplements, and did my morning pages and affirmations. The basics still matter to me — they keep me grounded — but I’m softening the edges around them.

    Dusting Off the Piano Keys 🎹

    After my morning routine, I wandered into the guest room/my office and decided… it’s time to play piano again.

    Back in May, one of my closest friends gifted me her old keyboard because I’d talked about wanting to learn. I practiced daily for a couple weeks, posted some videos, felt proud… and then life happened. I fell out of the habit.

    Every time I saw the keyboard afterward, the shame hit hard. Instead of recognizing that ache as longing, I told myself I “should be working on other things,” so I’d close the door and pretend it didn’t hurt my heart to leave it sitting there.

    But after my realization about joy and rigidity, I decided that playing music gets to be part of my daily routine, just like walking and yoga.

    So today, I dusted off the keys and practiced for about 30 minutes with a beginner YouTube video. I was rusty, but I was smiling. Really smiling.

    This is the kind of thing I want to chase — joy, fun, creativity, magic. The self-improvement literature helped me build a foundation. But now I need to live on that foundation, not bury myself under more textbooks about how to live.

    Getting Honest About Alcohol 🍷🚫

    Another big realization: as much as I may wish it were different, alcohol just cannot be part of my life right now.

    I’ve done great avoiding it during the week, but Friday rolls around and suddenly I’m counting down to 5 p.m. Sometimes I manage to stick to one drink, sometimes I don’t. Either way, I always feel worse afterward — in my sleep, my mood, my body.

    The short-term buzz just isn’t worth the long-term crash. So for now, alcohol is off the table. It’s scary to say that out loud, but it also feels like relief. Like I’m finally choosing myself — not just in theory, but in practice.

    Softening the Edges of My Routines 🌿

    Going forward, I’m keeping the core of my routines — sleep, nutrition, walking, yoga, Pilates — but loosening the rigidity that was making everything feel like homework.

    The time in between? That belongs to joy now.

    • Playing piano.
    • Reading about Beatles lore and faeries getting freaky.
    • Drawing and painting.
    • Snuggling dogs, drinking tea, and letting myself just be.

    I am aiming to be more fluid and less rigid — and I know I’ll stumble, but I’ll adjust and keep learning what serves me and what doesn’t.

    Today, I Choose Joy ✨

    Today, I feel hopeful. Grounded. Light. I’m going to get on the walk pad, make some tea, snuggle up with the dogs, read about The Beatles, do some yoga, make myself something nourishing… and actually enjoy it.

    Not because it’s “part of the protocol.” Not because a book told me to. But because it feels good. And isn’t that the whole point?

    Let’s Chat 💬

    I’d love to hear from you in the comments:

    • Where in your life have you gotten a little too rigid with your “self-improvement” habits?
    • What’s one joyful, “just for fun” thing you’ve been denying yourself that you’d like to bring back?
    • How do you personally find balance between growth and rest?

    Stay Connected 💌

    If you’re walking your own winding healing path and want some company along the way, I’d love for you to stick around.

    Subscribe to the blog to get updates when new posts go live — cozy reflections on healing, nervous-system regulation, self-trust, creativity, and all the messy in-between. No spam, just little love notes and honest check-ins from my corner of the world.

    Thank you for being here. It means more than you know.

    Love always, Bailz 💜