Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: life

  • 🌞 Showing Up in the Small Ways

    🌞 Showing Up in the Small Ways

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Monday! ✨
    I hope everyone’s week is off to a great start so far.

    Today has felt like one of those simple but meaningful days — the kind where you show up for yourself in the little ways, and it quietly adds up to something big.

    🌅 Morning Momentum

    I got up when my alarm went off (no procrastinating, for once 😅). I did my morning pages and affirmations, made my breakfast protein shake, took my supplements, and then headed to the chiropractor. Heath works from home on Mondays, so I was lucky enough to have him join me — we BOTH got adjusted this morning! Such a great way to start the week refreshed and in alignment (literally and energetically).

    When we got home, he started his workday and I put on my headphones, cued up an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, and started working on the house. 🧺 I did the dishes, worked on laundry, tidied the living room, made the bed — just focused on making the space feel good.

    🚶‍♀️ Walking Through Resistance

    Once I ran out of chores (waiting on laundry cycles), I hopped on the walk pad. Instead of my usual silent walk, I kept listening to Mel Robbins — a little mental bribe to get moving, and it worked.

    But then the thoughts started: “I can just do 20 minutes today. That’s better than nothing.” True — but I’ve set a 45-minute goal, and every time I reach it, I feel proud. I realized I was rushing for no real reason — just because part of me didn’t want to be uncomfortable. So I asked myself, “Okay, fine. If I get off now, what would I do instead?”

    Every time, I came up blank. There wasn’t anything else I actually wanted to be doing. I was just getting sweaty and my instinct was to stop. Once I noticed that, I decided to push through. I slowed my pace to about 2.6, but I kept going until the timer hit 45 minutes. ✅ When I finished, I felt accomplished — sweaty, yes, but genuinely proud for honoring that commitment.

    💪 Rewriting My Story with Movement

    I know walking is good for me — physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m still unlearning 35 years of believing exercise “isn’t for me,” so this chapter is about rewriting that story. Every time I do the thing I don’t want to do but know I need to, it gets a little easier. I’m building evidence that I can be consistent.

    📚 The Rest of the Day

    After my walk, I made lunch and enjoyed it slowly. I kept up with the laundry, tidied a few more things, and then sat down to read. I’m working through The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk — fascinating and dense. Today I made it through a few chapters in one sitting, and it felt good to be learning and focusing again.

    🌙 Consistency & Calm

    Over the last week I’ve stuck to my bedtime and morning routines and been intentional about nutrition — and I can finally feel the payoff. My energy is more stable, my focus is sharper, and even though sleep isn’t perfect yet, I can tell I’m moving in the right direction. It’s slow progress, but it’s progress.

    My goal right now is simple: stay consistent — with food, routines, movement, and mindset. If I build small, trustworthy habits my body and mind can rely on, that foundation will carry me forward.

    💜 The Beauty in Ordinary Days

    Today wasn’t extraordinary. Nothing flashy happened. But it was full of small, intentional choices — and that’s what real transformation looks like. This is the work. It isn’t always exciting or glamorous. It’s regulating my nervous system, showing up for myself, and learning to trust myself — even on quiet days when no one’s watching.

    All those little things I did today are helping me heal — one literal step at a time.

    Thanks for being here while I practice consistency, celebrate tiny wins, and keep choosing the long game.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

    💌 If you enjoyed this post and want to follow along on my journey of healing, self-discovery, and everyday magic, please subscribe so you never miss a new post. 🌿

  • 🌿 Two Years Post-Chemo: A Reflection on Healing, Growth, and Self-Trust

    🌿 Two Years Post-Chemo: A Reflection on Healing, Growth, and Self-Trust

    Yesterday, October 25th, officially marked two years since my last chemo infusion to treat Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

    I’ll admit — I didn’t realize what day it was at first. There wasn’t some big countdown like a birthday or anniversary. And when I finally did realize, it hit me harder than I expected. I knew the date was coming up, and I knew I wanted to write about it here, but I procrastinated thinking about it. I told myself, “I’ll think about it on the day.”

    And then suddenly, there it was — the day — and I felt blindsided.

    💭 Revisiting “That Day”

    At first, my mind went straight back to that original October 25th in 2023. To be honest, it wasn’t a great day.

    What I’d imagined would be full of joy and celebration ended up feeling disappointing and frustrating. I gave my emotional power away — not consciously, but I did.

    As I started writing about it, I got sucked right back into that version of myself — angry, hurt, raw. I wrote, deleted, rewrote. The emotions were heavy. I could feel them crawling up through the keys. It was like I’d time-traveled, sitting at my kitchen table but right back there.

    Eventually, I realized how foul I was feeling and stopped. I went to Heath, told him what was happening, and he just hugged men and listened. We talked, and he gently helped pull me out of that dark loop. He asked what I wanted to do that day just for fun, and the answer came easily: I wanted a pedicure — and I wanted him to go with me.

    So we did. 💅 It was simple but healing. Heath had never been to a nail salon before, so it became this small, joyful adventure for both of us.

    🌸 Choosing Growth Over the Old Loops

    Instead of spiraling back into the pain of that day, I decided to focus on how far I’ve come in two years.

    Two years ago, old Bailz would have let those emotions derail the entire day. She would’ve curled up in bed and let the pain consume her — because that was familiar. That was what she knew.

    But new Bailz recognized the loop. She spoke up. She asked for help. She chose to redirect.

    That’s the difference.

    Now, I’m learning to take care of myself in the hard moments, not just when things feel easy. I’m keeping promises to myself because I finally know I’m worth the work.

    💪 Two Years of Becoming

    If old me could see me now, I don’t think she’d believe it.

    Going to bed and waking up at the same time?
    Not snoozing the alarm four times?
    Eating consistently, moving my body, and actually being kind to myself?
    Who is this girl?!

    Two years ago, I was terrified to speak up about what I needed. I thought advocating for myself was selfish or rude. I thought the things that lit me up were fine for other people — just not for me, because no one had handed me permission.

    I had no idea how small I was making myself just to keep the peace.

    🕊 Turning Pain Into Purpose

    But here’s the thing: that difficult day — the last chemo day I was so angry about — ended up being a catalyst.

    It pushed me to write that letter to my family.
    It pushed me to finally speak up and take up space.

    The fallout was painful. There was grief, depression, and a long stretch of darkness. I held out hope that accountability might come, that relationships could heal. But when that didn’t happen, I started rebuilding without them.

    And now… I look around at this life I’ve built, and I am so proud of myself.

    🌻 What I’ve Learned in Two Years

    If I had to boil it all down to one lesson, it’s this:

    You only get one life — love it.
    And if you don’t love it, change it.

    That’s what I did.

    I started speaking up for myself. I started holding people accountable — and when they refused, I learned to walk away. I’ve grieved. I’ve healed. I’ve grown.

    I’ve gotten tattoos simply because I wanted them. I’ve taken myself on solo vacations. And earlier this year, Heath and I eloped — just the two of us (with our photographers as witnesses). We made that day ours. No guilt. No permission. Just love.

    That, to me, is the definition of healing — living life on your own terms, with self-trust and self-compassion leading the way.

    🌞 Here’s to Two Years of Change

    Two years post-chemo.
    Two years of reclaiming my life.
    Two years of learning to choose peace, joy, and authenticity — over and over again.

    All the work I’ve done can’t change the past. But it has changed how I see it — and how I see myself.

    Here’s to many more years of growth, of healing, of living fully.

    💜
    Love always,
    Bailz

  • 🌞 I Woke Up Not Sweaty This Morning!

    🌞 I Woke Up Not Sweaty This Morning!

    YOU GUYS — I WOKE UP NOT SWEATY THIS MORNING!!!

    Wow. Just… wow. I am so excited. Truly.

    I still woke up tired and wishing I could go right back to sleep, but the excitement of head-to-toe bodily dryness (!!!) got me up and out of bed within minutes of my alarm going off. HELL FREAKING YES. That is a win! 🙌

    A lot of work has gone into this big change, and I’m excited to share what I’ve been doing.

    🍸 Let’s Start with Alcohol

    First things first: I haven’t been drinking — not even one cocktail a night. I might try again this weekend, but for now, my new rule is no alcohol during the week. My last drink was on Monday night.

    🍳 Refueling My Body

    I’ve also started really focusing on eating enough. Honestly, this has been a lifelong challenge. My appetite fluctuates, and I’ve never been consistent about nourishing myself throughout the day.

    But now that I’m focusing on healing my body one step at a time, a new day has dawned — and food is a priority. My main focus right now is making sure I get enough protein every day, while keeping balance and intention.

    That means:

    • minimal processed foods,
    • no ingredients I can’t pronounce,
    • no dyes, artificial sweeteners, or “natural flavors.”

    Just real food, 80% of the time. The other 20%? Whatever makes life sweet — like Ben & Jerry’s. Because a life without ice cream? Not interested. 🍦

    💊 Supplements That Are Working

    I’ve been super consistent with my supplements lately.

    Recently, we discovered Just Ingredients and love how clean their products are — no fillers, and they list exactly where their vitamins and minerals come from. For example, their multivitamin’s Vitamin A comes from fermented wild carrot fruit extract. How cool is that?

    Here’s what my current regimen looks like:

    🥛 Breakfast:

    • 8 oz organic grass-fed milk
    • 1 scoop Just Ingredients Chocolate protein powder
    • 1 scoop Orgain Collagen Peptides

    💊 Morning Supplements:

    • Seed Probiotics (2)
    • Just Ingredients Adrenal Complex (2)
    • Just Ingredients Perimenopause (2)
    • Just Ingredients Multivitamin (2)
    • Now Vitamin D-3 2000 IU (2)

    🌙 Evening Supplements:

    • Now Magnesium Glycinate (2)
    • Solgar Evening Primrose Oil 1300 mg (1)

    🌙 Building a Bedtime Routine

    I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a solid bedtime and morning routine that stuck. Maybe elementary school?

    By fifth grade, I was already lying awake worrying about everything under the sun. As I got older, homework and perfectionism kept me up later and later. Sleep was always secondary. No wonder burnout has followed me my whole life.

    Now, I’m changing that story.

    Starting at 8 PM, I begin signaling to my body that it’s time to wind down:

    • Overhead lights off.
    • Phone on Do Not Disturb.
    • Soft, relaxing music on. 🎶

    Then I make my nighttime drink — Just Ingredients Chai — with milk for a little protein boost, plus a scoop of Orgain Creatine. It’s so good. This is also when I take my nighttime supplements.

    After that:

    • Wash face, brush teeth.
    • Run a hot bath, and do a short Yoga with Adriene bedtime session while the water fills up.
    • Soak for 30 minutes.
    • Rinse off with cold water to cool down.
    • Get into bed and read until 10 PM lights out.

    🛏️ Small Wins Add Up

    Last night, the routine was slightly off — Heath stopped at Costco on the way home, so dinner was late. But even with the delay, I still started my routine as soon as I could and was chasing sleep by 10:15. That’s a win.

    I did wake around 1:30 AM (thank you, Winston & Wrigley 🙄), but I fell back asleep quickly and slept through the rest of the night.

    When my alarm went off, I was tempted to hit snooze, but I didn’t. I got up — still very tired, but still moving forward. And it worked. I even had enough energy to put on a cute fall outfit for my chiropractor appointment. Normally it’s leggings and a big tee, but today? Shorts, tights, boots, cozy sweater — and I felt like me again.

    💆‍♀️ Chiropractic Progress

    I’ve now had four adjustments, and the difference is noticeable. Yesterday we discovered a dislocated rib (which explains that weird “spilling out” feeling), and now we’re working on getting it back in place. My muscles are adjusting, my body is realigning — it’s wild and fascinating all at once.

    💜 Learning to Be Proud

    I know I still have a ways to go. I’ll slip up sometimes — I’m human. But today? I’m proud of myself.

    I’m showing up, even when I don’t want to. I’m doing the work. And I’m starting to see the benefits, both physically and mentally.

    For me to even say that out loud — and mean it — is huge. I used to tear myself down before anyone else could. If I did something well, I’d downplay it. If I felt happy, I’d call it a fluke.

    But not today.

    Today, I’m letting myself celebrate.
    I’m letting myself be proud.
    And it feels really, really good. 🌸

    🌸 Wrapping It All Up

    This season of life feels like one long lesson in patience, self-trust, and grace. Every little win — every dry morning, every deep breath, every night I keep my promise to myself — reminds me that change is possible when it’s rooted in love instead of pressure.

    I know I still have work to do, but I’m finally learning to enjoy the process instead of rushing toward the finish line. Healing isn’t linear; it’s a dance of progress and pause, effort and ease. And right now, I’m just grateful to be dancing at all.

    Thank you for being here with me through it — for reading, cheering, and walking alongside me while I figure this all out, one mindful step at a time.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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  • 🎨 My Week Two Artist Date: A Conversation with Beauty

    🎨 My Week Two Artist Date: A Conversation with Beauty

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday, everyone! 👋

    As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been working through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. In addition to daily morning pages, she also recommends a weekly Artist Date — and I just got back home from mine for this week, so I wanted to share a little bit about it.

    🌿 What Is an Artist Date?

    Great question! Cameron describes it as:

    “A block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness — your inner artist.”

    She also notes that:

    “You do not take anyone on this artist date but you and your inner artist, a.k.a. your creative child.”

    So essentially, it’s a weekly solo adventure meant to refill your creative well — no productivity required, no audience to impress.

    💅 Week One: Playing It Safe

    For my first Artist Date, I played it pretty safe and took myself to get my nails done. I incorporated the “artist” part by intuitively choosing a different color than usual — red this time instead of my signature black. Small shift, big statement.

    🖼️ Week Two: The Kimbell Art Museum

    For week two, I wanted to stretch myself a bit and really lean into the artist concept.

    After my chiropractor appointment this morning, I decided that today would be my Artist Date day. I took myself to the Kimbell Art Museum here in Fort Worth. I’ve been before, but never by myself — so this experience was new and exciting, but also a little intimidating.

    I’m not really a “go-do-stuff-by-myself” kind of gal, but I’m working on that. And today was a great exercise in doing something just for me.

    ✨ Letting Art Be Enough

    I wandered for about an hour and a half, just soaking in the beauty of the paintings and sculptures on display.

    Within the first few minutes, I knew I was going to want to write about my experience here on the blog. I was so tempted to shape my visit around that — taking photos, making notes, writing the post in my head as I went. But I stopped myself.

    The whole point was to take my inner artist out — just me and her, looking at some art together. Not to turn the experience into a performance.

    So, I decided to simply be there. To let beauty do what beauty does best — speak without words.

    I only took one photo: Caravaggio’s Judith Beheading Holofernes (on loan from Rome). It was… pretty rad.

    🧘‍♀️ Coming Home to Myself

    Now that I’m back home, I plan to do some yoga and get my steps in on the walk pad. As much as I’m feeling the pull toward a nap, I’m trying to hold off and stay consistent with the rhythm I’m building.

    Last night, I started a new bedtime routine to help me reset my sleep cycle. (Shoutout to ChatGPT for helping me design it — it’s a whole two-hour wind-down process that gets me in bed, lights out, by 10 p.m.)

    Even though it still took me a little while to drift off, I didn’t reach for my phone or my book after ten. I kept my eye mask on and focused on my breathing.

    Any time my thoughts wandered, instead of beating myself up, I gently thought:

    “That’s nice. I’m going to focus back on my breathing now.”

    It felt strange at first — but so good to be nice to myself.

    💭 Learning to Be Kind Inside My Own Head

    Now that I’m really paying attention to how I talk to myself, I’m realizing how incredibly negative I’ve been for so long — maybe my whole life. I used to justify it as self-improvement, but honestly, it only made things harder.

    So, I’m trying something new: gentle self-compassion. And it seems to be working.

    My night sweats are still lingering, but they’re so much better than before. I didn’t have to get up or change clothes last night — which feels like a win! I’m hoping that as I keep focusing on healing my body and my mind (through chiropractic care, yoga, walking, better nutrition, and real rest), the physical symptoms will fade, and I can turn my full energy toward the deeper work — inner child healing, and learning to move through the world with less fear and more faith.

    Because honestly? Everything feels more manageable when I’m sleeping well.

    🌙 Closing Thoughts

    So, fingers crossed that things will only improve from here — but even if progress is slow, I’m learning to celebrate the small shifts.

    Today reminded me that healing doesn’t have to be loud. Sometimes it’s just you, quietly standing in front of a painting, remembering that beauty exists — and that you belong to it.

    Here’s to more Artist Dates, more gentle self-talk, and more days that feel like a deep breath. 🌸

    Thank you for being here with me on this journey! I am so grateful for you all!

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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  • 🌀 A Spine-Tingling Update (Literally)

    🌀 A Spine-Tingling Update (Literally)

    Well, I had my follow-up with the chiropractor this afternoon, and MAN is my spine jacked up, y’all! My hips are rotated in ways they should not be, my mid-back is all kinds of tight, and I have some scoliosis in the top part of my spine and neck. Seeing the scans and X-rays definitely got me in my feels.

    I knew it was bad—bad enough to seek help—but I didn’t think it was that bad. Still, after hearing Dr. Lauren explain everything, it all makes sense. A lot of the things I’ve struggled with can be symptoms of a misaligned spine: difficulty sleeping, depression, focus and memory issues, anxiety and stress, allergies and congestion, even ADHD. Crazy, right?

    🌿 The Plan

    We’ve created a 90-day treatment plan, and I’ll be going three days a week for adjustments. Every 30 days, we’ll redo the scans to track progress and fine-tune as needed. I got my first adjustment today—my first in a long time—and oh my goodness, it felt amazing. Especially my neck! It was all kinds of snap, crackle, and pop. She told me to expect some emotional release afterward… and she wasn’t kidding. I cried almost my entire drive home. It felt like a dam finally breaking.

    🧘‍♀️ Movement & Mindfulness

    Before my appointment, I did a short Yoga with Adriene practice to center myself and stretch out. After I got home from my appointment, I hopped on the walk pad—but I changed up my approach. Instead of my usual 45 minutes, I walked for 20 minutes at a slow, steady pace. I wanted to move my body gently today, and that’s exactly what I did.

    Now, as I’m writing this, I’m feeling sore and tired, so the rest of my day is all about gentleness and rest. My plan? Cozy clothes, dogs on the couch, and a good book or two.

    📚 My Healing Companions

    I’m currently reading The Artist’s Way, How to Do the Work, and The Body Keeps the Score—a powerhouse trio for healing the mind, body, and spirit.

    💤 The Ongoing Battle with Sleep

    I’m still really struggling with sleep. Falling asleep feels impossible some nights, and when I finally do, I wake up drenched in sweat—like full wardrobe-change, move-to-another-spot-on-the-bed levels of sweat. It’s exhausting, and I know my lack of rest is affecting everything else. I’m hopeful that with continued chiropractic care and the other work I’m doing, I’ll start seeing some improvement soon.

    💜 The Gentle Reminder

    I’m proud of myself for sticking to my goals—but I’m also proud of myself for listening to my body. Yesterday, I wanted to walk and do yoga, but my body said, “Nope, not today.” So instead, I rested and read, and that was the right call. That’s growth, too.

    I’m not at 100% yet, and that’s okay. I’m still in recovery, and healing takes time. I’m learning that giving myself grace is part of the work. I have a plan, a path, and patience—and that’s enough for today.

    As always, thank you for being here. I am so grateful for you. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz

    ✨ If you’ve been on your own healing journey too, I’d love for you to come along with me. Subscribe below to get new posts straight to your inbox — no algorithms, just authentic connection. 💜

  • 🌿 A New Chapter in Healing

    🌿 A New Chapter in Healing

    Today has been a busy but really good day so far. This morning, I had my first appointment with a holistic chiropractor, and I left feeling lighter — emotionally and energetically. ✨

    The doctor was wonderful. We talked in depth about everything that has been going on in my life recently, including past trauma and how it has manifested in my body over time. She explained all of the scans they were going to run, why they were important, and what kind of change and benefit I can expect once she creates a care plan for me. Her approach was thorough, kind, and validating — and for the first time in a long time, I felt truly seen and hopeful.

    💧 Letting Go of What I’ve Been Carrying

    I won’t lie — I cried in her office. I’ve been holding so much tension and emotional weight for so long, and I just can’t keep doing it. It’s been affecting my well-being, my sleep, and even the way I see myself. Something has to change, and I’m finally taking the steps to make that happen.

    Heath came with me to the appointment, and I think he’s just as excited as I am about this new path. He’s seen firsthand how much all of this has impacted me day to day, and the promise of relief feels like a gift to both of us. 💜

    📚 The Body Keeps the Score

    I brought The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk with me to read while I waited. When my doctor saw it, she lit up — she said she was going to recommend it to me after reading my intake questionnaire! It felt like such a moment of alignment — a little confirmation that I’m on the right track and making the right choices for myself.

    🩸 Gathering More Answers

    After my chiropractic appointment, I went to get some bloodwork done. They’re checking my B12 and vitamin D levels, as well as running a comprehensive female hormone panel to see if that can help explain some of the symptoms I’ve been struggling with. I should have those results in a couple of days, and I’m looking forward to seeing what comes back.

    Tomorrow, I go back to the chiropractor for the results of all my scans and X-rays — and my first adjustment! I’m honestly so excited to get started and to finally have a clear plan of action for my healing. 🌸

    😴 The Ongoing Battle with Sleep

    Even though I’m feeling accomplished today, I’m also completely exhausted — physically, mentally, emotionally. Last night was another rough night of little to no sleep. I’ve been struggling to fall asleep, waking up drenched in sweat in the middle of the night, and often having to change clothes or even switch sleeping spots. I feel like I’m constantly tired, and it makes everything harder.

    Sometimes I manage to go back to sleep later in the morning, but then I end up sleeping into the early afternoon and beating myself up for it — even though one of my main goals has been to rest when I’m tired and rebuild a healthier relationship with rest. I know that’s part of the work, but it’s still hard to practice grace when I feel so drained.

    🧘‍♀️ Movement, Rest, and Balance

    I’m sore from all the yoga I did yesterday, but I’m not skipping today — not for yoga, not for my walk. I’m going to push through… after a nap, of course. 😅 Your girl is TIRED. But I know movement helps, and I want to keep showing up for myself, even if it’s in small ways.

    I’m optimistic about what’s coming — the adjustments, the bloodwork, the personalized care plan — all of it. I feel confident that I’m moving in the right direction and that positive change is on the horizon. For now, though, I’m giving myself permission to rest, recharge, and cuddle up with my pups for some much-needed downtime. 🐾💤

    As always, thank you for being here. I am so grateful for your support, your presence, and your encouragement along this journey. 💜

    Love always, Bailz

    This healing journey is unfolding one step, one breath, one post at a time — and it means so much that you’re here with me. 💜 If you’d like to keep following along, subscribe below to have new posts delivered right to your inbox.

  • ✨ Learning to Take Up Space

    ✨ Learning to Take Up Space

    I feel like I’m still very much struggling with the concept of taking up space. My inner critic keeps piping up from the back —

    “Who do you think you are? Who cares how you’re feeling right now? Who cares what you’re doing right now? How vain of you to think that people would care about anything you do or say!”

    But I’m doing my best to keep pushing through it — to keep showing up, sharing, and putting myself out there anyway. 💜

    🌿 The Reality of Burnout Recovery

    The burnout recovery process, in the day-to-day scheme of things, isn’t fun or exciting. It’s not glamorous, and it doesn’t always make for riveting updates. But to portray it as anything else would be dishonest — and authenticity is what I’m striving for.

    Sometimes my updates will simply be: “I’m tired, so I’m going to rest.” That’s not laziness. That’s the work. Listening to my body and honoring what it needs instead of forcing productivity because of what my brain says I “should” be doing — that is healing.

    💗 Giving Myself Grace

    This last week has been beautiful, but it’s been a lot. I’ve done big, brave things and I’m proud of myself for each one. But I also know that big steps require recovery time — and I’m learning that I can’t keep doing “big things” without recharging in between. Otherwise, I’ll push myself until my battery runs out, and then I’ll crash into burnout again — tired, resentful, and self-critical. I don’t want to live there anymore.

    So I’m practicing gentleness instead. I’m building in space to breathe. To rest. To just be.

    🛋️ Rest as the Work

    I could have forced myself to write yesterday, but instead, I made rest the priority. I spent the afternoon on the couch watching The Office, snuggling with my dogs, snacking, and just straight chilling — no guilt, no pressure. And you know what? It was exactly what I needed. 🐾

    💅 A Little Act of Rebellion

    Today, I still felt tired, but I had enough energy to do something kind for myself. I went to get my nails done and splurged on the fancy pedicure — the one with all the extras — because I’m learning that I’m worth it, especially when it comes to self-care.

    And for the first time in years, I changed up my polish color. I almost always go for black, but today, I felt drawn to something different — a bold, classic cherry red. 🍒

    It’s funny how something as small as nail polish can feel like a declaration. I stood at the color table, quieted my thoughts, and paid attention to how I felt. I was drawn to the reds, so I picked one without overthinking it. At the last second, my anxious brain tried to talk me out of it — “Just get black like always, be safe, stick with the usual.” But I didn’t listen this time. I trusted my gut. And I’m so glad I did.

    🎯 Present, Not Perfect

    I don’t know if cherry red will be my new signature color or if I’ll go back to black next time. But for right now, I love it. It feels authentic to this version of me — and that’s all that matters.

    This was a small but powerful exercise in being intentional and staying present. I’m not worried about what past Bailz would’ve thought or what future Bailz will think. Today, I just wanted to make current Bailz happy — and I nailed it. (Pun absolutely intended.) 💅😉

    Thank you for being here, I’m honored to have you on this adventure with me!

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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  • ✨ Better, Not Perfect ✨

    ✨ Better, Not Perfect ✨

    Today has been one of those days that perfectly captures what this whole journey is about — learning to listen to myself, honor my energy, and follow inspiration when it shows up.

    🌙 Gentle Intentions

    This morning, I woke up feeling heavy — emotionally, mentally, energetically. I had what Brené Brown calls a vulnerability hangover. The last few days have been full of openness, honesty, and sharing my truth in big, public ways. It’s all been good — but it’s also been a lot.

    So I decided to post a TikTok earlier today talking about that. About how tired and tender I felt. About the importance of being gentle with myself when I’m stretched thin from growth. I didn’t script it, I didn’t overthink it — I just spoke honestly from where I was.

    @bailzhasablog

    Day 2 of whatever this is?

    ♬ original sound – bailzhasablog

    After posting, I expected to feel depleted. Instead… I felt lighter. Seen. Proud. Something shifted.

    🔥 Following the Spark

    That tiny act of showing up authentically — even while scared, even while tired — gave me a spark of energy. I didn’t plan to do anything big today. My only goal was to rest and be gentle with myself. But as the day went on, that spark grew.

    Before I knew it, I found myself tidying the house. I didn’t do it because I had to — I did it because I wanted to. Because my space needed love, and so did I. Cleaning didn’t feel like punishment; it felt like self-care.

    And somewhere between doing the dishes and vacuuming, I had an idea for another TikTok. One that felt alive.

    💜 Showing Up Again

    So I set up my phone and recorded it: “Five Things About Me.”

    It wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t fancy, but it was me — raw, real, and a little bit weird. And it felt good. Not in a dopamine-rush, validation-seeking way, but in a soul feels lighter kind of way.

    I didn’t post because I felt obligated or because I was chasing momentum — I posted because I felt inspired. Because I felt better, so I did better.

    @bailzhasablog

    5 things to know about Bailz! Thanks for being here 💜 #recoveringpeoplepleaser #audhd #witchywoman #writer #artist

    ♬ original sound – bailzhasablog

    🌿 The Lesson

    Today reminded me that healing isn’t linear, but it is responsive. When I nurture myself instead of forcing productivity, I actually create energy instead of depleting it.

    That’s what I want more of.
    Not perfect days. Just better ones.
    Days that honor where I’m at while leaving space for what could bloom from there.

    So if you’re reading this and you’ve been hard on yourself lately — please remember: you don’t have to do everything. You just have to do one gentle, honest thing for yourself. The rest will follow. 🌸

    Love always,

    Bailz 💜

    Thank you for being here — truly. If you want to follow along as I keep learning, healing, and showing up (even when it’s scary), you can subscribe below to have each new post sent straight to your inbox.

  • 😳 Showing Up Scared

    😳 Showing Up Scared

    So I did a thing today.

    And it scared the shit out of me… but I did it anyway.

    I posted a video on TikTok. A real one. A talking head vlog. Just me, sitting in my bedroom, introducing myself and this blog and this journey I’m on.

    It was vulnerable. It was awkward. It wasn’t perfect.

    But it was mine. And I am so proud of myself for finally doing it.

    I’ve wanted to share more of myself online for years, but I’ve always talked myself out of it. The fear was louder than the desire. Until today.

    Today, I stopped waiting to feel ready.
    I stopped listening to the voice that says, “No one cares.”
    I stopped hiding.

    And in its place, I just… showed up.

    Even though I was scared.
    Even though my heart was racing.
    Even though I had to start over about ten times before I could get through everything I wanted to say.
    Even though I wanted to take it down immediately after posting it.

    I’m writing this while still feeling a little shaky and overwhelmed. That post-release adrenaline is real. But I’m also writing this while feeling a glimmer of pride and courage — because I did the thing that scared me.

    💜 Growth in Real Time

    That’s what this whole project is about. Not being perfect. Not being polished. Just showing up — scared, messy, human, and real.

    I’m trying new things and letting myself sit in the discomfort instead of avoiding it. It’s scary to put myself out there, and it’s normal and healthy for me to feel scared while doing it. But I’m not going to let that stop me anymore. I’m not going to avoid those harder feelings anymore — at least, that’s the goal.

    Let’s be real, I’m human. I’ll trip up. Last week more than proved that. But now I know the harder feelings aren’t always bad — they’re just different and unfamiliar.

    I’m working on nurturing myself through this growth period. The term “growing pains” exists for a reason (coincidentally, it was also one of my favorite TV shows when I was younger — young Kirk Cameron? Swoon!). It’s not comfortable to expand yourself and push to the edges of safety and vulnerability, but it’s worth it.

    The more I share, the more vulnerable and open I am, the more I see changes in myself — how I talk to myself, how I feel about myself, and how I feel about what I’m doing.

    😬 Feeling the Feelings

    Last night after I published my last post, I was really struggling with the vulnerability. I was so anxious, you guys. I almost immediately wanted to take it down. I worried I came across as whiney, or “woe is me,” or ungrateful. I was scared of what people would think.

    To be honest, I avoided the feelings for a while. I turned on The Office, asked Heath to make me an Old Fashioned (or two), and started drawing on my iPad. I didn’t want to feel those feelings — I wanted to avoid them.

    When I finally looked at the clock and realized it was 2:30 a.m., I realized what I had been doing. My post had made me feel vulnerable, and because I was avoiding that feeling, it wasn’t going away. It was just hanging out under my rib cage — a swirling vortex of nerves.

    So I stopped. I put away the iPad, turned off the TV, laid in bed, and let myself feel my feelings. And a lot came up.

    For a while, I really considered taking down my post. I felt like I was taking up too much space. I worried what people would think about Heath, or my dad, or me. I was scared that my voice and my experiences weren’t valid or worth sharing. I felt like people would think I was trying to be someone I’m not.

    But the truth is, I’m still figuring out who I am — and that’s what all of this has been about.

    🌬️ Breathing Through It

    Instead of giving in to those fears and retreating to safety, I forced myself to breathe through the discomfort. Literally.

    I did some breathing exercises — starting with a 4-4-6 pattern: breathing in for four seconds, holding for four, and breathing out for six. I repeated it a few times, and it’s wild how much it helped. I could actually feel myself come back into my body.

    Once I felt more comfortable, I shifted to a 4-7-8 pattern… and eventually, I fell asleep.

    ☀️ Waking Up Lighter

    I woke up to a beautiful text from one of my absolute favorite humans telling me how proud she was of me for my post. Suddenly, all the things I’d been scared of seemed so small.

    So small, in fact, that I decided to push myself again today — to post a video on TikTok and stretch that comfort zone even further.

    I can see the changes happening in myself. I can see the bravery growing. I never thought I’d be brave enough to start a blog about my life — but I did it anyway, and I’ve kept with it. And it turns out, I really enjoy it.

    I never thought that if I ever did have a blog, I’d share it publicly and actually want people to read it and really see me. But I did it anyway, and the response has been so incredible. I also never thought I’d post a video of myself talking straight to the camera — unscripted, open, raw, unpolished, and real. But I did it anyway.

    It’s scary, and I’m still buzzing, but instead of avoiding the nerves, I’m going to hop into some leggings, pull out my yoga mat, cue up some Yoga With Adriene, and breathe and move through this growing pain.

    💫 Final Thoughts

    If you’re reading this and you’ve been holding back from doing something because you don’t feel ready — I see you. I am you. And I just want to say:

    It’s okay to start scared.
    It’s okay to do the thing while your voice shakes.
    It’s okay to be vulnerable.
    You might be surprised what happens when you do.

    @bailzhasablog

    Doing the thing, even though it’s terrifying. Not striving for perfection, just authenticity. Like and follow for more! 💜 #showingup #tryingnewthings #happinessjourney #creatingthelifeilove

    ♬ original sound – bailzhasablog

    Follow me on TikTok (@bailzhasablog) to see more of this journey. I have no idea what to expect, but I’m nervously excited about it — and I hope you come along for the ride!

    And if you haven’t already, please subscribe here so you never miss a post! You can have it sent right to your inbox as soon as it’s live. 💌

    Thank you for being here and for walking alongside me in this journey. I truly feel like my life is changing — and I’m glad you’re here to witness it.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ✨ Aaaaaand We’re Back!

    ✨ Aaaaaand We’re Back!

    Today is the first day I’ve genuinely felt like myself in… honestly, I don’t even know how long. Definitely not since starting this blog. I’ve had flickers of my true self here and there—but they’ve been fleeting.

    This morning, I woke up ready. Ready to participate in my life again. Ready to take the reins.

    Now, I know what you might be thinking: It must be because I finally did all those things I said I would yesterday, right?

    Nope. Not even close. I managed to do a yoga video with Heath, but that is it.

    Instead, Heath and I talked. For hours. And not surface-level, small talk—we had an open, vulnerable, honest conversation that I didn’t realize I’d been aching for. I cracked open, and the floodgates came down. I spoke things I didn’t even know I’d been bottling up.

    And because I’m committed to documenting this journey truthfully, I want to share some of what we talked about—with Heath’s blessing, of course.

    💼 Generational Echoes

    Growing up, and honestly even now, my dad has always been a workaholic. And to be fair—he’s brilliant at what he does. His work ethic is unmatched. But it also meant that work almost always came first. Even on vacations or holidays, he’d be on his laptop, answering emails, solving problems.

    He never missed the big things—he was there, camera in hand, documenting every milestone “for posterity.” But day-to-day? He was rarely fully with us.

    I adore my dad. But I missed him a lot growing up. I wanted more time, more attention, more connection.

    And as they say—we often marry a version of our parents.

    Heath is also a workaholic. And just like my dad, he’s phenomenal at what he does. He manages a large team, he cares deeply about people, and he pours his heart into his job. It’s one of the things I love most about him.

    But sometimes, that passion means there’s not much left for anything else at the end of the day. I often get what feels like scraps of his attention, and I convince myself it’s fine. That I’m strong enough. That this is normal.

    But over time, it chipped away at me.

    😔 Loneliness in the Quiet Moments

    What I hadn’t realized until last night is that the loneliness had grown louder than I’d allowed myself to admit. Even when he was sitting right next to me, I missed him.

    I finally said the words I had been afraid to speak for years:

    “I’m scared you work so much because you don’t want to be home with me.”
    “I’m scared that if I left, you’d be fine—maybe even relieved because you would have more time and energy for work.”
    “I feel like I only get the best version of you when you’re away from work—and the rest of the time, I’m just… managing.”

    I let it all out—my fears, my longing, the echoes of my childhood loneliness. I laid it bare, and for the first time, I felt fully seen.

    He didn’t get defensive. He heard me. And that changed everything.

    ☀️ A New Kind of Morning

    No, I wasn’t asleep by 10 PM. It was closer to 3 AM. But I still woke up lighter.

    I let myself sleep in. Then I got up, brushed my teeth, high-fived myself in the mirror (thanks, Mel Robbins), laced up my sneakers, and stepped onto my walk pad. I walked for 45 minutes and watched The Office, comfort food for my soul.

    (Side note: If you haven’t watched the Superfan episodes on Peacock—what are you even doing? It’s like getting bonus time with old friends. I highly, highly recommend them.)

    After walking, I did some stretches, took some slow, deep belly breaths, and actually felt my body again. Not just existing in it—being in it. Sweaty, a little winded, and so very alive.

    🍝 A Simple Kind of Joy

    After walking, stretching, breathing, and then showering, I volunteered as tribute to go grocery shopping. We needed a few things, so I threw on a cute outfit and made a Trader Joe’s trip feel like a mini adventure.

    No overthinking. No dread. Just me, out in the world, present.

    I sang my heart out to The Tortured Poets Department in the car. I chatted with the cashier. I picked up treats for the dogs. I got complimented on my outfit. And the best part? I didn’t feel overwhelmed once.

    That is HUGE for me.

    🌱 Lighter, Not Fixed (Yet)

    I still have goals I’m not quite meeting. I still have healing to do. But today felt like a turning point.

    All because I said the things I was afraid to say.

    I told the truth—not just to Heath, but to myself.

    And in doing so, I put down a weight I didn’t realize I’d been carrying.

    I feel lighter. I feel more like me.

    I’m not all the way back, but I’m on my way.

    And that, my friends, is enough for today. 💜

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