Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: lifestyle reset

  • Releasing Rigidity, Embracing Flow 💫

    Releasing Rigidity, Embracing Flow 💫

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Saturday!

    Recently, I’ve been feeling a little stagnant. A little off, a little out of sorts, a little distracted. Instead of feeling grateful for this journey I’m on and the incredible opportunity that it is, I found myself feeling obligated — even overwhelmed — by all the “work” I still needed to do. It started to feel like every spare moment had to be dedicated to healing, studying, improving. And slowly but surely, I drained myself of the excitement and joy that originally fueled all of this.

    Realizing I’d Turned Healing Into Homework 📚

    Through some honest self-reflection, I realized I’ve been focusing too much on the fine print — the self-help texts, the podcasts, the expert advice — and not nearly enough time actually exploring what feels good for me.

    Once again, balance has revealed itself as my biggest struggle. Despite my intentions, I became rigid, strict, and overly disciplined in ways that led me right back to the burnout I was trying so hard to heal from.

    When I started this blog, I proudly proclaimed that every new thing I consumed would relate to my happiness project. Only self-improvement books. Only mindset podcasts. Only healing-focused content. For a while, that was motivating… but eventually, it became suffocating.

    Instead of embracing what I’d learned and focusing on integrating it, I convinced myself I needed to keep reading, keep studying, keep digging deeper. I sent myself straight into information overload — to the point where everything blurred together. I couldn’t even tell you which ideas came from which book anymore; it was all just a big, overwhelming soup of “shoulds.”

    And little by little, it all started feeling like I was completing tasks just to check them off a list, not because they were supporting my happiness. I was either “studying” or watching familiar shows while scrolling my phone — old patterns, old distractions, old autopilot. I stopped being fully present, and my body let me know. (Hi, neck tension!)

    Where’s the Fun in All of This? 🎢

    I’ve bought several new books recently — Beatles biographies, historical fiction, romantasy — all things that bring me joy. Yet I told myself I couldn’t read them because they weren’t part of “the project.” I refused myself joy if it wasn’t officially productive.

    I lost sight of what the bigger journey was actually supposed to be: not fixing myself… but finding myself.

    And the question finally hit me:

    If I’m not finding joy in my days, what the hell am I even doing?

    So yesterday, I recalibrated. Hard.

    I finished a novel I’ve been slowly reading for months — A Resistance of Witches, which was SO up my alley. And wow… I realized how much guilt I’d buried around simply enjoying myself. I thought I was being disciplined. Really, I was depriving myself.

    After my walk-pad session, I took a nap — a full, luxurious 2-hour nap — without setting a 45-minute “approved” timer. When I woke up, I finally cracked open SHOUT!, the Beatles biography that has been calling to me from the shelf for weeks. And reading it felt like a deep, contented exhale.

    There is a time and place for rigidity and structure, but it does not need to be constant. So now I’m focusing on balance — real balance — not rules disguised as self-care.

    Letting Myself Rest (For Real) 😴

    This morning, I let myself sleep in because I’ve been fighting off a cold. When I finally got up, I felt more rested than I have in days.

    I stepped outside for my morning sun exposure, made my breakfast shake, took my supplements, and did my morning pages and affirmations. The basics still matter to me — they keep me grounded — but I’m softening the edges around them.

    Dusting Off the Piano Keys 🎹

    After my morning routine, I wandered into the guest room/my office and decided… it’s time to play piano again.

    Back in May, one of my closest friends gifted me her old keyboard because I’d talked about wanting to learn. I practiced daily for a couple weeks, posted some videos, felt proud… and then life happened. I fell out of the habit.

    Every time I saw the keyboard afterward, the shame hit hard. Instead of recognizing that ache as longing, I told myself I “should be working on other things,” so I’d close the door and pretend it didn’t hurt my heart to leave it sitting there.

    But after my realization about joy and rigidity, I decided that playing music gets to be part of my daily routine, just like walking and yoga.

    So today, I dusted off the keys and practiced for about 30 minutes with a beginner YouTube video. I was rusty, but I was smiling. Really smiling.

    This is the kind of thing I want to chase — joy, fun, creativity, magic. The self-improvement literature helped me build a foundation. But now I need to live on that foundation, not bury myself under more textbooks about how to live.

    Getting Honest About Alcohol 🍷🚫

    Another big realization: as much as I may wish it were different, alcohol just cannot be part of my life right now.

    I’ve done great avoiding it during the week, but Friday rolls around and suddenly I’m counting down to 5 p.m. Sometimes I manage to stick to one drink, sometimes I don’t. Either way, I always feel worse afterward — in my sleep, my mood, my body.

    The short-term buzz just isn’t worth the long-term crash. So for now, alcohol is off the table. It’s scary to say that out loud, but it also feels like relief. Like I’m finally choosing myself — not just in theory, but in practice.

    Softening the Edges of My Routines 🌿

    Going forward, I’m keeping the core of my routines — sleep, nutrition, walking, yoga, Pilates — but loosening the rigidity that was making everything feel like homework.

    The time in between? That belongs to joy now.

    • Playing piano.
    • Reading about Beatles lore and faeries getting freaky.
    • Drawing and painting.
    • Snuggling dogs, drinking tea, and letting myself just be.

    I am aiming to be more fluid and less rigid — and I know I’ll stumble, but I’ll adjust and keep learning what serves me and what doesn’t.

    Today, I Choose Joy ✨

    Today, I feel hopeful. Grounded. Light. I’m going to get on the walk pad, make some tea, snuggle up with the dogs, read about The Beatles, do some yoga, make myself something nourishing… and actually enjoy it.

    Not because it’s “part of the protocol.” Not because a book told me to. But because it feels good. And isn’t that the whole point?

    Let’s Chat 💬

    I’d love to hear from you in the comments:

    • Where in your life have you gotten a little too rigid with your “self-improvement” habits?
    • What’s one joyful, “just for fun” thing you’ve been denying yourself that you’d like to bring back?
    • How do you personally find balance between growth and rest?

    Stay Connected 💌

    If you’re walking your own winding healing path and want some company along the way, I’d love for you to stick around.

    Subscribe to the blog to get updates when new posts go live — cozy reflections on healing, nervous-system regulation, self-trust, creativity, and all the messy in-between. No spam, just little love notes and honest check-ins from my corner of the world.

    Thank you for being here. It means more than you know.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

  • ✨ Not Perfect—Just Practicing: A Tuesday of Realignment ✨

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Tuesday!

    I’ve been struggling a bit to figure out what I want to say today. Once again, I’m trying to find my balance after a busy, social weekend — and trying my best to do it with grace.

    I’ve fallen into a pattern lately: I thrive during the week because I’m sticking to my routines, and then the weekend comes… and everything goes out the window. I did a better job giving myself rest between events this time, but I still struggled to maintain my movement routines. And over the last few weeks, I’ve learned something important:

    My daily walks and yoga are not optional. They are non-negotiable if I want to stay centered.

    I can be doing everything else — my morning pages, my nutrition, my hydration — but if I let my intentional movement slip, I find myself struggling sooner rather than later.

    🌞 Getting Back on Track

    Today I’m focusing on getting myself back on track, and honestly? It feels pretty good. I’m definitely still tired and dragging a bit, but the work is invaluable, so I’m pushing through.

    I started by getting out of bed within minutes of my alarm going off, even though every cell in my body was begging me to stay asleep. But consistency means waking up on time even when nothing on my schedule forces me to — so I did it.

    Next, I stepped outside for five quiet, distraction-free minutes of direct sunlight to reset my circadian rhythm. Just me, the dogs, deep breaths, gentle stretching, and early morning light.

    Then I sat down and did my morning pages and affirmations. After that, I made my breakfast shake and tried to start this blog post.

    🧘‍♀️ When the Words Won’t Come

    Writing felt weird this morning — like I was saying too much and not enough at the same time. Nothing felt aligned. My voice felt muddy. And then, out of nowhere, I got intense tension on the left side of my neck.

    It was like my body grabbed my attention and said, “Hey… the words aren’t blocked — you are.”

    So I listened.

    I closed my laptop, finished my shake, changed clothes, and rolled out my yoga mat. I did two Yoga With Adriene videos for the neck and upper body, and with each stretch I could feel myself dropping back into my body. My breath deepened. My shoulders softened. My mind quieted.

    When I tried to write again… nope. Still blocked.

    So I closed my laptop again, put on my sneakers, turned on the newest episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, and hopped on the walk pad for my usual 45 minutes. With every step, I could feel myself coming home to myself again.

    Afterward, I showered and got dressed for the day.

    🌀 Therapy Round Two

    Today I also have my second appointment with my new therapist, and I’m really looking forward to it. Last week was mostly introductions — the real work starts today.

    Last week she asked what my 3-month goals were, what “success” would look like. I wasn’t sure at the time, so I gave myself space to think about it. Here’s what I came up with:

    • ✨ Find purpose — motivation for each day
    • ✨ Build more independence
    • ✨ Worry less about what others think
    • ✨ Fall asleep easier and faster
    • ✨ Feel more confident overall

    💜 Gentle, Not Lenient

    Today doesn’t feel glamorous — but it does feel important.

    I’m honoring my routines. I’m honoring my progress. I’m honoring the promises I’ve made to myself.

    I’m also learning what “being gentle with myself” actually means.

    In the moment, it’s easy to say, “I’m tired, skipping my walk is self-care.” It feels gentle. It sounds gentle. But it often pulls me further away from balance.

    Real gentleness means care, attention, and affection — even when I’m tired, even when I’ve lost my footing, even when I’ve made a mistake.

    I’m reparenting myself — and it’s messy, but meaningful. I’m showing up on the good days, the bad days, and the blah days because I know I’m worth the effort.

    This isn’t about perfection. I’m not trying to wake up someday and never stumble again. The goal is to love and nurture myself through the stumbles, not in spite of them.

    The more I keep going, the easier it becomes to find my center after a misstep. And with every stumble, I learn something valuable.

    I’m not failing — I’m learning. And that is the most important part.

    💬 Your Turn

    What helps you find your balance again after you’ve lost it? I’d truly love to hear.

    📬 Want More Like This?

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    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ⏰ The 3AM Wake-Up Call: What My Body Is Trying to Tell Me

    ⏰ The 3AM Wake-Up Call: What My Body Is Trying to Tell Me

    One of my favorite things about this journey that I’m on is how much I am learning. 🌿

    In my last post, I talked about how I am using ChatGPT to track my food and how informative and fun that has been. Well, I have since expanded that a little bit now to also include tracking symptoms, feelings, and bodily experiences I am having as I am making these dietary changes.

    🌙 The 3AM Wake-Up Mystery

    Yesterday, after another less than stellar night of sleep, I decided I was going to have my second serving of creatine earlier in the day instead of before bed with my chai nighttime drink. I noted this in ChatGPT and said that I was having problems waking up at 3am every night, so I was hoping that maybe adjusting my creatine dosage time would help that.

    When it came back with the updated food log, it also specifically addressed the 3am wake-ups and mentioned how, in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), waking up at 3am is associated with the Liver and its energy (qi), which is tied to detox and emotional processing. Ding ding ding! That tracks. 🕒

    I immediately wanted to know more, so I opened a new thread within ChatGPT and asked it to explain Liver Qi in Traditional Chinese Medicine to me, explaining that I’ve been struggling with night sweats recently. Though they’ve improved and I’m now waking up dry, I’m still waking up every night at 3am without fail.

    🜂 What I Learned About Liver Qi

    What it came back with kinda blew my mind a bit. In TCM, each major organ or system in the body has its own time on the clock when it’s most active — cleaning, repairing, and detoxifying. The time for the Liver? 1–3am.

    If I’m waking up around that time every night, it could mean my Liver Qi is blocked, overactive, or drained — and that my body (and emotions) are trying to release something. 🌒

    The Liver governs not only physical detoxification, but also emotional regulation — especially tougher emotions like anger, resentment, frustration, and disappointment. When the Liver is imbalanced, it can also cause night sweats. Aha! So, they’re connected. 🔗

    💉 The Bloodwork That Told Me Nothing

    A few weeks ago, I got bloodwork done to check my vitamin D levels and did a hormone panel. Everything came back normal — to my relief, but also to my annoyance. Yay, I’m healthy… but boo, no answers. 😅

    I did learn, though, that my Vitamin D levels were at the very bottom of the normal range. So I’ve since upped my supplementation (currently 5,000 IU daily, sublingual). Still, the labs didn’t explain the night sweats — or the 3am wake-ups.

    🌒 Nightmares & Emotional Release

    Now, I’m happy to report that the sweats have gone — but I’m still waking up at 3am. And when I finally fall back asleep, I’ve been having rage-filled nightmares. Not monsters or exams — but screaming matches with my mom or sister, begging them to listen to me, to understand, to see me. In the dreams, they tell me to stop being so dramatic. 🌀

    I wake up furious, my body tense, my brain still convinced it really happened. It’s a horrible way to start the day, but my morning pages have been helping me process it. I write it all out — the anger, the sadness, the frustration — and it helps. Still, I’d prefer not to have the experience at all. Maybe someday soon. Fingers crossed. 🤞

    🪞Connecting the Dots

    Now that I know waking up at 3am and the night sweats are connected to my Liver Qi, it makes so much sense. My emotional regulation system is working overtime, processing old wounds and unresolved emotions. I’ve been stirring up a lot — both emotionally and physically — as I heal my gut and change my diet. It’s like my body said, “Oh, we’re doing this? Okay, let’s clean everything out.” 🌀

    So yes — it’s a bit of an “it gets worse before it gets better” situation. But I can feel myself on the other side of the worst of it. And I’ll take that. 🌤️

    🌿 Healing Liver Qi — Day 1

    Now that I understand what’s happening, I can actually work on balancing it. I asked ChatGPT to create a seven-day plan to help me support my Liver Qi. Today is Day 1. Here’s my plan:

    🜂 DAY 1 – FLOW

    Goal: Gently move Liver Qi & release lingering stagnation.

    • Evening Tea: Dandelion root + lemon slice 🍋
    • Yoga / Movement: 10-min slow flow with side stretches and seated twists 🧘‍♀️
    • Aromatherapy: Diffuse sweet orange + atlas cedar 🌲

    Journal Prompt:
    “Where in my life am I still holding tension, resentment, or control? What would it look like to let that energy move freely?”

    Affirmation:
    “I allow my energy to flow where it needs to go. I am safe to release.” 🌸

    💜 Closing Thoughts

    I’m genuinely excited to have found this new piece of the puzzle in my healing journey. I look forward to experimenting with these TCM-inspired practices and hopefully getting some solid sleep soon! 😴

    I’m also eager to keep learning about Traditional Chinese Medicine and how to weave its wisdom into my path toward whole-body healing — mind, body, and spirit. 🌕

    Thank you for being here, for reading, and for walking this journey with me. Your kindness, support, and encouragement mean more than you know. 💫

    If you haven’t already, please subscribe below so each new post arrives directly in your inbox — that way you never miss a discovery, confession, slip-up, or big win. 🌷

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜