Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: love

  • Are You Ready For It? ✨

    Are You Ready For It? ✨

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Sunday!

    It has been quite a while since I last posted, and it feels weird but very good to be back.

    I decided to step away because when I was writing my last post, I was really struggling with the whole process. I had a hard time coming up with what I wanted to say, and ultimately I was beating myself up because I felt like I didn’t have a whole lot of meaningful wisdom to impart. I was putting a heck of a lot of pressure on myself, more than I even realized at the time. So, after some reflection, I decided to take a little break without any real plan of how long that break would be. I just knew intuitively that it was what I needed to do.

    🌿 Trusting My Timing (And Myself)

    A lot of what I have been working on in therapy is trusting myself and my instincts, learning how to listen to what my body and my nervous system need in each moment. I’m also working on honoring the process and not rushing.

    Each time I have made a big step forward, like getting sober or taking a break from social media, I have said to my therapist, “I wish I had done it so much sooner!” And each time she stops me and says, “No, you weren’t ready before. You did it when you were ready.” And you know what? She’s right! If I had tried to get sober before I was ready, it would not have stuck. Same with social media. So when I took a step away from the blog, I knew I had to listen to myself and trust that I would know when I was ready to come back. And, hey guess what, it worked!

    I trusted my instincts, I trusted that I would post again when I felt ready, and I trusted that I would know when I felt ready again without forcing it. I am really grateful that I listened to those instincts because as I sit here writing this post I feel a lot more centered and way less pressured. I am genuinely excited to be writing again. Sure, I’m a little nervous, and a little rusty, but still excited.

    🧠 Letting Go of the Pressure

    At first when I stepped away, I was admittedly beating myself up pretty badly pretty consistently. I kept telling myself I needed to go ahead and post again because it had already been so long and I just needed to get it together and come up with something to write about. And the more I tried to push myself, the further and further I stayed away from my keyboard.

    So I took some time to reflect on that and then decided to try something different. I decided that I would just let myself let it go for a while. I gave myself permission to release the pressure and be authentic and trust myself. If for whatever reason, I never ended up posting again, so be it. If I came up with something I wanted to write about, I knew I would feel it strongly and it wouldn’t feel forced. I trusted myself, and it took some time, but now here we are, back to writing and feeling good about it! HUZZAH!

    🚢 The Cruise, The Balcony, And The Inner Critic

    I’ve spent most of my time away continuing to focus on wintering, but there have also been some notable events worth sharing. First, Heath and I went on a cruise. It was a great time, and I am so glad we went. But I have to admit, during the actual vacation, I was being pretty mean to myself.

    All I wanted to do was sit on our balcony and read and look out at the water and listen to the waves and just be quiet and still. And that is what I did for the most part. But I was also simultaneously telling myself that I should be making the most out of the trip, that we should be going on excursions at every port and participating in all the on board activities and going to all the shows each night. I told myself that by staying in the room and on the balcony for the majority of the time, I was wasting the trip, even though deep down I knew I was doing exactly what I wanted to be doing.

    I knew I was honoring what my body and nervous system needed, but at the same time I was criticizing myself for it. I was able to recognize what was happening, and I actively worked on being present and trying to ignore my inner critic, but honestly, it was a struggle.

    Even when we got back to Fort Worth, I was having a hard time with it all. I was feeling guilty that I didn’t do more, I was feeling guilty that I was so happy to be home. Truth be told, it took me almost a week to get myself back.

    Now that I have had some time to reflect, I am proud of myself for not forcing myself to do any of the things I told myself I “should” have been doing. I’m glad I did exactly what I wanted to do, even though I mentally struggled with it at the time. I know I would have been a lot worse off if I had ignored what my body and my nervous system were telling me and tried to force things I didn’t feel up to, that didn’t feel authentic. I trusted myself and I did what I felt up to, regardless of what it might look like to other people. It was a struggle, but I did it and I feel good about it.

    🦷 Facing The Dentist (Finally)

    When we got back, I went to the dentist for the first time in many, many years. It’s something I had been putting off over and over because honestly I just wasn’t ready to tackle that tiger yet.

    For some context, when I am struggling with my mental health, personal care, specifically brushing my teeth, is usually the first thing to get tossed out the window. I’m not really sure why it is, but when I am feeling really rotten, the last thing I want to do is something to take care of myself, to do something responsible. If I didn’t have to go anywhere or interact with anyone, I just didn’t care about it. Gross, I know. But its true.

    Also, my drinking and smoking directly affected things as well. Most nights, I would be too buzzed to think about taking care of myself in that way, or feeling too lazy to get up and do it. I am not proud of it, but its the truth. I just didn’t care, it was never a priority. For years and years.

    So, ultimately, I had convinced myself that I had forever ruined my teeth because of that. I convinced myself that because it had been so long, there was going to be an enormous amount of work to be done, that I’d probably have to have root canals done on all of my teeth or that I’d lose them all and would need implants or something like that, even though I was not experiencing any pain or could detect any real issues on my own. I just told myself it would be horrible, so I put it off for years and years.

    But then, I started this self healing adventure, and somewhere deep within me I knew that the dentist would eventually be a part of it. Not right off the bat obviously, but eventually. I started with other things first, like regulating my nervous system through chiropractic care, getting sober, and starting therapy.

    Then, at the beginning of January, I decided I was ready. All of the sudden, I just felt ready. I’m not really sure exactly what changed, I just know that the thought of the dentist didn’t seem quite so scary, it seemed like something that I could actually handle now. I felt ready.

    📞 The Phone Call Win

    Once I had this realization, I immediately got online and found a holistic dentist near me. I did my research and made sure it was going to be a good fit, then I called and got an appointment scheduled. I’d like to take a quick moment to point out that in itself is a pretty big deal for me. For whatever reason, I have a good amount of anxiety about calling strangers on the phone. I always have, as long as I can remember. I’m not sure why, but its a pretty strong fear.

    For some reason though, I didn’t feel so anxious to make this call. To be honest, I was kind of excited actually. I knew that I would feel really accomplished and proud of myself once I had made the call and scheduled the appointment, and somehow that overshadowed all possibilities of anxiety prior to the call. I didn’t even hesitate, I just dialed the number. It felt really odd but also really good.

    ✅ The Results (Not Nearly As Bad As I Feared)

    My first appointment was just x-rays and scans to see what was going on, inside and out. Shockingly, even though it had been almost 10 years since my last dental appointment, the prognosis was not nearly as bad as I had built up in my head. In terms of work to be done, I only needed a deep cleaning and 2 fillings. Not sure how that is possible, but I will absolutely take it.

    I also learned that I have some gum recession and some teeny tiny stress fractures in my teeth that are the result of constantly clenching my jaw… which, to be honest, not so shocking. I have known that constantly clenching my jaw is an issue, but I had no idea it could cause these kinds of things. So now, I am overly focused on my jaw and constantly telling myself “release, stop clenching!” And I think I am making some good progress. Simply bringing consistent awareness to it has been a game changer.

    Other than that, everything else looked pretty good, and that was such a relief! They did all of the necessary work over two appointments, starting with deep cleaning the right side of my mouth and completing one filling, and then they tackled the left side and the other filling a week later. They numbed me up thoroughly for both appointments, so they were significantly less uncomfortable than I had anticipated. Overall, the whole process was dare I say easy and painless.

    🙋‍♀️ Advocating For Myself

    When they were doing my left side, I was a little more sensitive than I had been on the right side. And I can tell you with 100% certainty that old Bailz would have just sucked it up and endured the pain because she would not have wanted to burden the dentist and ask for more numbing shots. But thanks to all of the work I have been dedicating myself to recently, I am no longer old Bailz!

    So as soon as I realized that this side felt significantly different, I raised my hand immediately and spoke up for what I needed. And guess what? They were more than happy to handle it. No one judged me or laughed at me or told me I was asking for too much. They actually thanked me for speaking up. Imagine that!

    Once I was thoroughly numbed, the rest of the procedure was easy peasy and I had the added bonus of feeling victorious for advocating for myself. It’s a little thing, but these are the little wins that add up over time and are creating a whole new version of myself. So I am doing my best to celebrate each and every little win as they come because I know its important.

    🪥 A New Nonnegotiable Routine

    After all the work was done, my dentist walked me through a personalized oral health care routine to keep up with at home and I am honestly really enjoying it. It has become a nonnegotiable part of my morning and evening routines, whether I am going to be interacting with people or not.

    It has shifted from feeling like a hassle to becoming something I am doing for myself because I see the value in taking care of myself. The more I do them, the more I enjoy the little things I do to show myself love, to support my health, and to keep reminding myself that I am worth taking care of, time after time.

    And the more I am keeping up with it, I am learning that the more I show up for myself, the easier it gets to keep doing so.

    🔥 Hot Yoga: A Plot Twist

    Last week, my chiropractor posted about a hot yoga Galentine’s Day event they were hosting at a local yoga studio. I had never tried hot yoga before, but I do love yoga itself. I practice at home, almost daily, and after 3 years of practicing off and on, recently I had been toying with the idea of finding a studio where I could take classes in person instead of only relying on YouTube. When I saw my chiropractor’s post, I knew immediately that this felt like the perfect opportunity to dip my toe in the hot yoga pool.

    Without letting myself overthink it, I bought my ticket and added it to my calendar. I really wasn’t sure what to expect. I had no clue if I would be able to keep up or if I could handle the heat, but I also knew that I would never find out if I never tried. So I packed up my mat, filled up my water bottle, and decided to give it my all and see what happened. I showed up, nervous but excited.

    You guys, I am OBSESSED with hot yoga now. That class unlocked something within me. Normally, getting sweaty gives me the absolute ick, but somehow this hits different. I don’t understand why or how, but I actually enjoyed the aspect of sweating in this scenario. It was like I could feel the toxins and negative energy leaving my body in real time. It was truly wild.

    Also, not gonna lie, I was so impressed with how much I was able to do. I realize now that in my years of at home practice, I had not given myself nearly enough credit for my yogi skills. I had been telling myself that because I was just doing videos at home by myself that somehow it didn’t really count. But I don’t think that anymore. I know that I am absolutely a yogi and I am leaning so far into it now.

    The studio where the event was held offers a free first class (the event didn’t count), so I signed up in the app and booked myself for a 60 minute Vinyasa class this past Friday morning. To be honest, it was a little more difficult than the Galentine’s event, BUT I still held my own and confirmed that I really want this to become part of my wellness journey.

    Yesterday, I signed up for a month unlimited membership and I am booked to go back Monday evening for a restorative class. I am thinking of starting with going twice a week. One restorative class and one Vinyasa class and see how my body handles that.

    🧘‍♀️ The Mat Upgrade

    I also ordered myself a new cork yoga mat with a natural rubber backing, specifically made for hot yoga. I did this for a few reasons. First of all, the one I have now is pretty old and kind of falling apart. Winston and Wrigley like to “help me” practice at home and their claws do no favors to the mat.

    I also learned very quickly during my first two classes that my current mat gets slippery AF by the end of class and that just seems unnecessarily dangerous. Additionally, I now know that it’s made of toxic chemicals and forever plastics, which I didn’t know too much about when I first ordered it. Now I know a lot more, and I knew that when I replaced my mat it would be with something that was good for both me and the earth. So that is exactly what I did.

    🌱 Owning My “Health & Wellness Girlie” Era

    I am really leaning into my health and wellness journey these days and it feels really good. Six months ago, if you had asked me if I considered myself a “health and wellness girlie,” I would have shuddered with imposter syndrome and said, “absolutely not!” I would have gotten so caught up with comparing myself to all the Instagram influencers, assuming they know and do more than me and therefore what I know and do doesn’t count.

    But today I can proudly tell you that hell yes I am a health and wellness girlie! I am a yogi and I prioritize my nutrition and health and wellbeing, and that is all that matters. I am not letting myself negate my interests and focuses and hobbies through comparison. And that feels like a really significant shift. I am really proud of myself and the progress I have made on this journey.

    I know that there will always be someone out there who knows more and does more, and I also know that that has nothing to do with me. I am on my own journey and it can look like whatever I want it to look like. And right now, it looks like cutting myself a lot of slack when I am struggling, taking extra care of my personal care routines, and sweating up a storm on a non-toxic yoga mat twice a week.

    Thank you for being here with me as I continue on this journey! I am grateful for each and everyone of you!

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Unlearning “I Can’t” in my Wintering Season

    Unlearning “I Can’t” in my Wintering Season

    🌿 Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday!

    I’ve taken a bit of a break from updating the blog recently. Life has been a little busier than usual, and when I have had downtime, I’ve been intentionally using it to rest, relax, and stay away from screens as much as possible. Taking a break from social media has been a deeply positive shift in my routine and has helped me move from a performative mindset into a much more present one.

    Over the past few weeks, I’ve started paying closer attention to the things I tell myself, and I’m learning to approach those thoughts with curiosity instead of judgment.

    🔄 Unlearning “I Can’t”

    Recently, I noticed something surprising: I tell myself “I can’t” far more often than I ever realized.

    As I sink deeper into this wintering season and slow down enough to really notice, I’m learning that so many of the “rules” we live by are completely made up. And if everything is made up… then I get to make up my own rules for my life.

    Some of the ones I’ve been unconsciously following:

    • I can’t wear that shirt with those pants
    • I can’t shower before I’ve done my yoga for the day
    • I can’t read fiction before nonfiction
    • I can’t take myself out for coffee
    • I can’t start a week long yoga series midweek

    So I made a new rule:

    If it makes me happy and doesn’t harm anyone else, I’m doing it.

    I’m dressing for comfort. I’m doing things when I feel called to them. I’m listening to my intuition. And wow… it feels incredible. Taking better care of myself has actually made it easier to handle the harder, less fun parts of life too.

    💬 A Question for You

    What’s a “rule” you’ve realized you’ve been following that doesn’t actually serve you?

    🛂 Big #Adulting Energy

    This past week brought some serious adulting moments. Heath and I are heading on a cruise next weekend, and last week I woke up in the middle of the night realizing I needed to renew my passport. Panic followed. Guilt followed. Negative self-talk followed.

    But instead of spiraling, I slowed down. I breathed. I let the emotions move through my body. Then I tackled the problem step by step. I found a passport expediting service, shipped my documents the next day, and my new passport arrived today.

    I’m pretty dang proud of myself. Old me would have avoided the situation entirely. This time, I faced it head-on.

    And yes… seeing my married name on my passport still makes my heart flutter. 💜

    🚗 A Granbury Adventure & Breaking Another Rule

    I also updated my driver’s license this week. The Fort Worth DMV was booked months out, so I snagged a quicker appointment in Granbury and turned it into a solo adventure day.

    Granbury is about an hour drive from Fort Worth, so before I got on the road I treated myself to an iced coffee and a kolache for the drive. I put on some tunes and began my journey.

    I arrived about and hour and a half before my scheduled appointment, so I spent that time wandering around the town square, perusing the shelves of the local bookstore, and just enjoying the day.

    After my DMV appointment was completed, I almost left town because the restaurant I was planning to go to for a midafternoon snack was closed until 5pm. I told myself, “I can’t stay that long.” I started to make my way back to Fort Worth. Then, as I was driving over the lake and leaving the town, I caught myself.

    I turned my car around, and went to the public beach on Lake Granbury and had the whole place to myself. It was absolutely serene. I journaled, meditated, soaked up the sun, and enjoyed the quiet. Later, I went to the restaurant I was planning to go to earlier and had dinner and a delicious mocktail, and then drove home during a stunning Texas sunset.

    I almost missed all of that because of a rule that wasn’t real.

    ❄️ Winter Is Here (And I’m Ready)

    Texas has officially decided it’s winter, and we’re gearing up for a snowstorm. I stocked up on essentials, cleaned the house, and now I’m fully prepared to hibernate.

    While I’m proud of all the recent adulting I’ve done, I’m very ready to get back to slowing down and wintering like it’s my job.

    📚 Books, Rituals & Simple Joys

    I’ve been rereading the Throne of Glass series and savoring it this time around. When I read it for the first time last year, I was absolutely rushing through it like it was a race. I also didn’t end up finishing it. I put the last book in the series down when I was about half way though. So to start it over from the beginning and really immerse myself in the world feels really good.

    I’m also deeply loving my new nighttime routine:

    • Bedtime yoga with Yoga With Adriene
    • Oil pulling with coconut oil
    • Gratitude journaling
    • Legs-up-the-wall stretch for 15+ minutes

    It all came together pretty naturally, and it feels aligned. I am gently winding my system down each night, unhurried, unscheduled, but fully present, and I am really enjoying it. Gratitude is a core value of mine, and including gratitude journaling in my routine each night helps me highlight and return to it daily.

    🎶 Pirate Radio, Sobriety & Reclaiming My Power

    Another thing that brought me joy this week was rewatching one of my favorite movies, Pirate Radio. It never fails to put a smile on my face. Quoting along, singing along, laughing along, I enjoyed every minute of it. Because I have been listening to so much 60s music recently, the film has been on my mind quite a bit over the last few weeks. So I finally sat down and hit play and I am so grateful that I did. The last few times I have watched it over the past few years, I have undoubtedly been also scrolling on my phone and not giving it 100% of my attention. But that was not the case with this viewing and it felt so good.

    Giving up social media has been one of the best things I have done for myself since I started this journey. I’d honestly put it up there with getting sober. It’s had that much of an impact on my life. I honestly may not go back to it in February. And if I do, I will not be downloading the apps back onto my phone. I simply don’t need it at my fingertips at any point in time. 

    Speaking of sobriety, I am almost at the 2 month mark since my last drink and I couldn’t not be happier. I really didn’t realize how much alcohol was affecting me until I removed it completely. Now that I know how much of a detriment it is to my health and my happiness, I simply cannot imagine willingly having a drink ever again. It just isn’t worth it to me. My health and happiness are far more important to me than having a drink. They are doing some good work in the world of mocktails these days, and I am perfectly happy to have one of those as a little treat every now and then and be able to feel good the next day.

    🌱 Closing Thoughts

    I am feeling a lot better a lot more consistently these days and I am really proud of myself for all of the work I have been doing to get myself to where I am. Sometimes the work doesn’t look like work. Sometimes it looks like sleeping when I am tired, doing things just for fun, or journaling about all the things I am thankful for. Just because it doesn’t look or feel like work doesn’t make it any less effective. Slowly but surely I am regulating my nervous system, finding myself, and reclaiming my power. And it feels freaking good. 

    Thank you all for being here as I go through this journey. I appreciate all of your love and support! 

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ✨ Wintering My Way into 2026

    ✨ Wintering My Way into 2026

    👋 Hey, hi, hello! Happy New Year’s Eve!

    Wintering continues to be pretty awesome. The further I get into it, the more I am really starting to see just how much pressure I was putting on myself regularly to perform and be productive and always be further along than I actually was. I was always looking at things through a hyper critical, ever judgmental lens, especially about how I was spending my time.

    Now, instead, I am looking through a lens of curiosity. It’s given me the opportunity to notice trends, acknowledge habits, and learn quite a bit in the process.

    📵 A January Social Media Break

    One main thing I have learned recently is that I spend a lot more time scrolling on social media than I think I ever really realized. More often than not, if I have a free moment, I instinctively reach for my phone, and then scroll. And while I am doing my best to refrain from judging myself for it, I am quickly determining that it is not something I want to continue to support for myself.

    So, in response, I have decided that for the month of January I am going to take a complete break from social media. I will still be posting here on the blog regularly, but I will no longer be logging onto Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. I will be deleting the apps from my phone and iPad so I will not be tempted to log in out of habit. I am giving myself 31 days without scrolling and I’ll see how I feel after that.

    I know that this is the right thing for me to do, although I know it will absolutely be a struggle. But I am looking forward to the new fun things I come up with to fill my time instead. I am going to be giving myself the freedom to be bored and explore my mind space a little more than I have been giving myself the opportunity to do in recent years. Pretty much since social media took over the world, if we’re being completely honest.

    While I know this will be a struggle, I also know that I am absolutely capable. I can do hard things, I have proven that to myself time and time again. If I can quit drinking and smoking cold turkey, I can quit social media for a month. I know I can.

    When I first started my happiness journey, I knew that I was spending a lot of time on my phone, and it was something I would eventually need to address. To begin slowly, I tried a little hack I learned from Mel Robbins and I set my phone to grayscale mode. Although, full disclosure, I do switch it back to full color mode once a day to play Wordle and Connections in the NYT Games app. But other than that, my phone is always set to black and white.

    At the beginning, it really did help curb my scrolling habits. But recently, I have found myself still scrolling away anyway, so I’ve decided it was time to do something about it. I think that one month away will do me a whole lot of good. I look forward to sharing the experience and my findings with you all. ✨

    🌿 No Big Resolutions — Just Listening

    Other than that, I am refraining from making any big resolutions for the new year. I am going to continue to keep wintering until I feel my spring develop naturally — I am not going to rush myself.

    I am going to continue to keep enjoying my days, one at a time, and enjoying the journey as it develops. I am excited to see what 2026 brings, but I am not going to force any of it. Rather, I am going to listen to my intuition and enjoy the ride. So far, it’s been paying off pretty well. Far better than over controlling and over criticizing myself ever did, that’s for dang sure. 💛

    ✨ Things That Have Brought Me Joy Recently

    The more I slow down and focus on being present in each moment, the more I find myself simply enjoying things — and I wanted to share some of those with you.

    🎬 The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

    I discovered this on Netflix a week or so ago while Heath was at a work dinner and it was absolutely delightful — a beautiful bite sized piece of Wes Anderson goodness. A few days ago, I shared it with Heath and we watched it together. I enjoyed both watching it again and the act of sharing something together. He enjoyed it too and the whole experience brought me a substantial amount of joy.

    🐶 Spending Time With My Dogs

    Winston and Wrigley are my constant companions, and I have really been enjoying my time with them recently. Not that I don’t always, but I feel like I have a new appreciation for it along with everything else now as I am slowing down. Playing with them, talking to them, loving on them, snuggling on the couch with them — I am just embracing all of it a little bit more these days and it’s bringing me a lot of joy.

    🍽️ Crossroads Diner

    Yesterday, Heath and I drove up to Plano to go to one of our favorite restaurants in its new location. It had closed for a few years during COVID but has recently reopened and we hadn’t had a chance to make it up there until now. It’s a bit of a drive for us from Fort Worth, about 50 minutes. We used to go to their previous location quite a bit when we lived in Dallas and it was closer for us.

    They make a quiche that is one of my absolute favorite dishes in the world, and getting to have it again after so long was an absolute delight. Previously, when we used to go, I always ordered a Bloody Mary or two, but since I have chosen sobriety, I had coffee this time and I am proud of myself.

    I also ordered a cup of their tomato basil soup because it just sounded good, and WOW it was the best tomato basil soup I have had in a very long time. We ended up ordering two bowls of it to go before we left and then today I warmed them up, prepared some grilled cheeses for us to go with it and had it for lunch. Yum, yum, yum. ☕🥣

    🍳 Making Meals

    Having Heath home this past week has been great for a lot of reasons, but mostly because we are able to eat all of our meals together and we are cooking a lot at home. I have been making my chopped Mediterranean salad for us, Heath has been making breakfast burritos for us, I’ve made my tomato feta pasta, and it’s all just been very rewarding.

    To prepare a meal and then sit and eat it together is a simple pleasure that we had lost sight of for a while. But slowing down has helped bring it back into focus and cooking has been bringing me a lot of joy recently. 🥗🍝

    📺 Severance

    I am a sucker for a good story. The other night, we were looking for a new show to start and after some options scrolling and discussion, we decided it was finally time to give Severance on Apple TV a shot. Man, oh man. I was not ready.

    You guys, this is the best TV writing I have experienced in a VERY long time. I have been on the edge of my seat for every episode. Last night we finished season 1 and had it not been already past my bedtime, I would have wanted to keep going.

    Other than Stranger Things Chapter 5, it has been a while since I have been so sucked into a storyline. I wasn’t even reaching for my phone during episodes. This show is completely engulfing and I am thoroughly enjoying every bit of it. 😮‍💨

    👾 Stranger Things

    Tonight is the final episode of Stranger Things and looking forward to it has been bringing me a lot of joy. We have been watching a lot of fan videos on YouTube explaining easter eggs we might have missed in the previous episodes and detailing possible theories for how it will all end.

    It’s been really fun to get really nerdy about it together with Heath and to be counting down to the airtime with each release. I love a good pop culture reference, and Stranger Things is packed full with them.

    With the staggered release dates — 4 episodes Thanksgiving Day, 3 episodes Christmas Day, and the finale on New Years Eve — it has been reminiscent of how TV used to be and that has brought me joy as well. While I will be sad that it’s over, I am very much looking forward to seeing how it all comes together in the final two hours. 🍿✨

    🎶 Music

    I have started listening to music first thing when I get up in the morning while I brush my teeth and get ready for the day. I’ve been jamming to “The Beatles & Similar Artists” radio station on Apple Music and it is pure vibes. One bop after another, and it’s been a great way to start my day. Joy, joy, so much joy.

    Last night I did not sleep well at all. I woke up to my alarm absolutely exhausted and wanting to go right back to sleep, but once I got my music going, I was immediately feeling better. I still ended up needing a nap this afternoon, but I was able to get up and moving and to my chiropractor appointment without too much struggle — and music had everything to do with that. 🎧💛

    🥂 Tonight’s New Year’s Eve Plans

    Tonight we are staying in and I wouldn’t have it any other way. No big New Years plans other than making a nice dinner (salmon and purple sweet potatoes), watching the finale of Stranger Things, and just being together. We might work on tidying up the house a bit, but that’s about it.

    I hope everyone has a safe and joyful New Year’s Eve! May 2026 be less chaotic for us all! ✨

    💬 A Question for You

    If you were to “winter” your way into 2026, what would you want to let go of — and what would you want to make more space for? 💛

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my wintering era, my little joys, and whatever 2026 brings, I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thank you for being here. It truly means the world to me. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🎶💄 Music, Makeup, and the Magic of Slowing Down

    🎶💄 Music, Makeup, and the Magic of Slowing Down

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Sunday!

    Wintering is going pretty well. The more I am focusing on slowing down, the better I am feeling. The less pressure I am putting on myself, the easier I am moving through my days. The less I am focusing on how things might look and instead prioritizing how they feel, the more I am coming back to myself. Little by little, I feel myself coming back to life, and it’s pretty awesome. 💜

    🎄 A Quiet Christmas, Exactly What We Needed

    Heath and I had a very quiet Christmas, and I think it was exactly what we both needed. We made some nice meals, we stayed in our pajamas, we watched Stranger Things, we napped, we snacked, we drove around Fort Worth and looked at Christmas lights on Christmas Eve. We just took it all very moment by moment, no big plans, no expectations, just being together and enjoying it. It was pretty wonderful. ✨

    🎥 The End of an Era & The Feelings I Didn’t Expect

    During this past week, we finished watching Taylor Swift’s The End of An Era documentary series and thoroughly enjoyed every single moment of it, even though some of it triggered some emotional responses I wasn’t expecting.

    It bought up a lot of energy and emotions that I didn’t realize I had been burying for a long time, highlighting things that for a long, long time I didn’t even realize weren’t anything but normal because I didn’t know any other options existed.

    Rather than continuing to bury it all deep down, I gave myself the permission and the space to feel it all as I watched and honestly it was exactly what I needed.

    💔 Grief, Tears, and Seeing What I Didn’t Have

    Mostly, seeing Taylor’s relationship with her family just gutted me. Specifically, watching her interact with her mom. There was zero stress, zero codependency, only genuine unconditional love and support. No backhanded comments, no stirring the pot for attention, no judgmental faces, no attempts to belittle or strong arm…

    I just, I can’t even imagine what that must have been like growing up. To have your parents be 100% supportive of who you are and what you think and feel. To be so accepted at face value without any attempts to change or shape you into the version of you they created in their heads — the version they wanted you to be instead of who actually you are… I just can’t even imagine. And it triggered a lot of tears. 🥺

    It brought up a lot of grief for the younger versions of me who learned over and over again to make herself small to be accepted, who learned to push down her desires and dreams because they would be judged and discouraged.

    But I let myself feel those feelings in full force as I watched. After we finished watching, I sat down and journaled about it, I talked to Heath about it for a while, and ultimately I excavated a lot of the memories I had buried and acknowledged them instead of hiding them.

    It didn’t change what happened, but it helped change my relationship with it. 🤍

    🌊 Letting the Feelings Move Through Me

    As I sit here writing this post, I am still feeling the sting of all of it. It still hurts. But instead of hiding from it, I am letting myself feel it. I am acknowledging it all for what it is.

    Emotions are just energy in motion, so the more I let myself feel them and let them move through me instead of holding on to them or shoving them down deep and pretending like they aren’t there, the less painful they will be.

    I am making slow but steady progress, and I know that the slower and steadier I keep my pace, the more sustainable my growth and healing will be. So I am just taking things one moment at a time and resisting the urge to force or rush. 🌿

    🎶 Music Is a Nonnegotiable

    Recently, I have learned that music is truly a nonnegotiable part of my life. Over the past few months, I have been spending a majority of my time listening to podcasts or audiobooks, and music has taken a bit of a backseat.

    But as I have committed to this wintering era and let go of the push of productivity, I have rediscovered how integral music is to my soul. Whether I am listening to it, watching documentaries about it, or learning to play it on the piano, it just makes me feel so authentically me and I am so grateful for it.

    I have been listening to The Tortured Poets Department on repeat for the past few days, I am learning how to play The 1 from folklore on piano, and I have been singing and humming a lot in the spaces in between. 🎹✨

    🧠 Neuroplasticity & Giving Myself Permission to Learn

    For a long time, I told myself that because I didn’t start playing music when I was a kid, because I haven’t been formally trained as a singer, because I have no real training in any of it at all, that its too late. I missed my chance to become a musician in any capacity. I just thought I could be a fan and that was it.

    But one of the benefits of all my podcast learning and mental health research recently is that I have learned about the concept of neuroplasticity.

    For a long time we were all taught that once you hit a certain age, you just are the way you are and you can’t change — “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” But recent scientific research has proved that to be completely false, and in actuality, the brain can change and grow and develop new skills throughout your entire life.

    Whether you are 8 or 80, you can develop new abilities. Your brain is a muscle, you just need to work it. 💪🧠

    So that is what I am doing. I am working my music muscle as much as I can. I just want to surround myself with music as much as possible — whether I am creating it or consuming it, I just need it around all the time.

    🎹 Piano Without Pressure

    When I first started teaching myself piano, I was getting frustrated that I wasn’t able to learn a song in one sitting. That I couldn’t watch a YouTube tutorial and master it completely in one go. I was still very much in the mindset of rushing and rigidity.

    I was only focused on getting to the finished product instead of enjoying the process, and that was a big, BIG mistake. I ended up taking about a week away from the keyboard and to be quite honest I had mixed feelings about it.

    Part of me was proud of myself for not forcing myself, for giving myself the grace to take the time away. But the other part of me was sad because I still wanted to play, I still wanted to get better.

    So I made a deal with myself. I was going to pick it back up again but without the pressure. The goal is to enjoy playing, not to be perfect. If at any point I find myself falling into the perfectionist trap, I take a step away to recalibrate and then I come back. And that change in mindset has really changed my whole experience. ✨

    💄 Makeup, Self-Care, and Doing It for Me

    Other than getting my makeup done for my boudoir shoot last month, I cannot remember the last time I put on makeup and was genuinely excited about it. A few times here and there I have put on some lipstick to go out for a nice dinner or something, but I have almost always felt a very overwhelming sense of imposter syndrome the entire time I had it on.

    In line with my rigid way of thinking, I told myself that because I hadn’t worn makeup in a long time, I just couldn’t wear it at all.

    I also have realized now that deep down, I was still so physically and emotionally drained that it’s just felt like a lot of work to put on makeup that I would just be taking off later. That thought process trickled into every aspect of my thoughts about my physical appearance.

    I rarely ever styled my hair (curls are kind of an in depth, time consuming process), I went about a month without shaving my legs, I really just didn’t care what I looked like. Or at least that is what I told myself.

    I realize now that I actually did care, and because I wasn’t making the time for any of it, I was ultimately neglecting myself — my inner child — the part of me who needed me to show up even for the “superficial” stuff.

    I told myself that because I rarely ever leave the house, no one would really see me, so I told myself none of it was worth it. Once again, I was still so focused on how something looked to outsiders rather than how it felt to me.

    Bottom line, I didn’t think I was worth any of the effort. Rookie mistake. One I have since started working to rectify. 🤍

    💋 The Taylor Lip Combo & A Tiny Spark of Joy

    In The End of an Era series, Taylor showed the lip combo that she wore for the tour and it sparked something inside me. I wanted it. Like really, really wanted it.

    But initially I talked myself out of it. I stuck with my rigid thinking and went on with life. Then we watched the Eras Tour Final Show concert film and I had that feeling again — I just wanted that lip combo SO badly.

    I knew with complete certainty that I wanted to take the “Taylor Swift lip look” and make it my own. Instead of pairing it with a full face of makeup like she does for the show, I wanted to just have a mostly bare face, maybe some eyeliner, and let the red lip really be the focus.

    So I got online and ordered the lip combo almost immediately. I wanted to do it just for me, so I did. And it felt sincerely amazing. 💄✨

    Of course, every other Swiftie on the planet had the same idea, so inevitably both products are on back order and it will be a few weeks before they arrive. But that’s okay — it gives me something to look forward to. I’ll take it.

    The important thing is that I have shifted my perspective to doing things for me because I want to, not because of how it will look or how other people will receive it.

    Physical self care has become a priority again. I have been doing some DIY all natural face masks to help balance out my skin again, and I ordered myself some new eyeliner to start small and start putting in effort to my appearance for the simple reason that I want to.

    This morning I put on some of that new eyeliner and some red lipstick I already had and I have to say… I am feeling myself today. 😌💋

    🌙 Showing Up for My Inner Child

    I am doing my best to listen to my inner child and show up for her when she asks for things. I am trying to be present in the moment and to let go of the performative pressure I used to put on myself without even realizing it.

    In the beginning, I criticized my piano skills and tried to force things because I felt like I needed to record them and share them. That that would somehow justify the time I was spending on it. I felt like if I couldn’t show off my progress, post evidence of it, I was wasting my time. Once again, so very focused on everyone else instead of myself. But now we are shifting that perspective. Maybe one day in the future, I will record myself playing piano and post it here, but that is not the reason why I am practicing. That is not the ultimate goal. I am practicing because I enjoy the activity of playing piano. I am doing it for me. And that is enough.

    I am taking care of myself for me. I am trying to consistently show myself that I am worth the effort, on the good days and the harder days.

    I am trying to be gentle with myself and learn what brings me joy and what brings me stress. I am really trying to understand the “why” behind my actions and feelings, getting curious rather than critical or judgmental.

    As long as my motivation for something is joy, I am going for it. I am letting go of worrying how it might look to others and really trying to only focus on how it feels for me. It’s a complete shift in perspective but I know its necessary. ✨

    🤍 Proud of This Version of Me

    I feel proud of myself today. I feel proud of the wintering I am going through and the discoveries it is bringing me.

    I look forward to the journey ahead and experiencing future versions of myself — seeing where I will be in 6 months, a year from now — but I am also honoring this exact version of myself right now because, lets be real, she is pretty awesome too. 💜✌🏻

    💬 A Question for You

    I’d love to hear from you:

    What has been bringing you joy lately — especially the kind that doesn’t look productive, impressive, or “useful,” but feels nourishing all the same?

    If you feel comfortable sharing, drop a comment below. Your answer might be exactly what someone else needs to read today. 💜

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you’ve been enjoying these reflections and want to continue following along as I navigate wintering, healing, joy, and slowing down, I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live — no spam, no pressure, just honest writing, gentle insights, and a little bit of magic. ✨

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Returning to Myself, One Pause at a Time

    Returning to Myself, One Pause at a Time

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday!

    It’s been a few days since my last post, and I’ve really been trying to slow down and focus on being gentle with myself. Although, admittedly, I’ve been struggling with it. I’m feeling better today, but the in-between was rougher than I anticipated.

    After my post on Friday, I felt a huge amount of vulnerability. On one hand, I was incredibly proud of myself for sharing everything I did. But at the same time, I felt pretty depleted — it took a lot of energy to muster up the courage to say those things out loud.

    🎵 The Concert I Almost Skipped (But Absolutely Needed)

    Friday night we went to a concert, and every bit of me wanted to skip it. I was drained, I was tired, I was not feeling 100% by any means. But we were going to see one of Heath’s favorite bands, NEEDTOBREATHE, and we’d had these tickets for months. I couldn’t bring myself to deprive him of the experience, so I pushed through — and I am so glad I did. I know without a doubt that I was supposed to be there.

    The opener was a woman named Bre Kennedy. I had never heard of her before, but now? I absolutely love her. From the very first song, she grabbed my heart and didn’t let it go. Her voice was stunning, her lyrics beautiful, and I was literally moved to tears. And once they started, they didn’t stop.

    But of course — my inner critic immediately piped up:

    “Oh my god, stop crying! People are going to see you! What are they going to think?!”

    Still, for one of the first times in a long time, I chose not to listen.
    I let the tears flow.
    I stayed in the moment.
    I let myself feel.

    And yes, I ugly cried through most of her set. And I regret nothing.

    📚 The Alchemist, Omens, and the Nudge I Needed

    During her set, Bre talked about her upcoming album, The Alchemist, named after Paulo Coelho’s book. This hit me hard. I had bought that book on my last trip to Guthrie, started reading it, then put it on the shelf when I got home because I became wrapped up in all my Happiness Project reading.

    The moment she mentioned it, I knew I needed to pick it back up again.

    After the show, Heath noticed me eyeing her at the merch table and asked if I wanted to meet her. My instinct was no, because interacting with people I admire makes me panic — but I said yes.

    I told her how much her music moved me, how I cried through the whole thing, and how she inspired me to restart The Alchemist. She was so kind, so gracious, so warm. I almost cried again talking to her. I’m so glad I took the chance.

    The next day, I restarted The Alchemist from the beginning, and instantly felt immersed again — in the story, the Personal Legend, the Soul of the World, the omens. It reinforced everything I’ve been feeling lately:

    I am in the messy middle. I am doing the work. And I am on the right path.

    🌿 Therapy, Inner Critics, and Blooming Slowly

    I had therapy yesterday, and it went really well. Each session makes me more confident that I’ve finally found the right therapist. We talked a lot about childhood trauma and how those experiences still color the way I treat myself now — especially the way my inner critic talks to me.

    You would think that getting sober is a HUGE accomplishment that even my inner critic couldn’t argue with, right?
    Wrong.

    She said:

    “Obviously you should be sober! Why didn’t you do it sooner? You’re so late to the game!”

    She can be… a lot.

    I told my therapist how I’m struggling with wanting everything to happen faster — I want to be further along than I am. And she gave me an analogy that struck me deeply:

    When a flower blooms, it expands… and then it pauses.
    It contracts a little to gather energy.
    Without those pauses, it wouldn’t bloom at all — its petals would fall off.

    WOW. I loved that.

    It was exactly what I needed. I don’t want to lose my petals. I want to bloom slowly and stay intact. That means I have to pause. I have to rest. I have to let myself contract so I can grow again.

    The past few days have been my pause-and-contract phase. Today, I feel like I’m blooming again.

    📖 Books, Chiropractic Care, and Little Moments of Self-Care

    My therapist recommended a new book — Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May — and it arrived today. I’m excited to start it tonight.

    This morning I went to the chiropractor, then this afternoon I got a haircut. It felt so nice to pamper myself a little.

    Tomorrow morning I have my second progress scan with the chiropractor. The first scan showed enormous improvement and brought me to tears. I know this next one will too.

    I feel so much more centered, grounded, and connected to my body than I did even a month ago. These adjustments have helped regulate my nervous system in ways I didn’t even realize were possible.

    💜 Gratitude for Where I Am Now

    Instead of focusing on “what ifs,” I’m focusing on gratitude.

    I am grateful that I have the opportunity to do this work.
    Grateful that I can afford therapy and chiropractic care.
    Grateful that I have a husband who encourages me every step of the way.
    Grateful that I quit my job when I did.
    Grateful that I started my blog, found my chiropractor, found my therapist, quit drinking, quit smoking — when I did.

    I’m following the omens.
    I’m working toward my own Personal Legend.
    It’s messy.
    It’s beautiful.
    And I feel so lucky to be here.

    I am doing this for every younger version of me who couldn’t.
    For every future version of me who will benefit.
    And for the current version of me who keeps showing up — on the good days and the harder ones too.

    💬 A Question for You

    Before you go, I’d love to hear from you:

    Where are you in your own blooming process right now — expanding, contracting, or somewhere beautifully in between?

    Share in the comments if you feel comfortable. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today. 🌿

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to follow along on my healing journey, my messy middle, and all the magic I’m discovering along the way, please consider subscribing.

    You’ll get updates whenever a new post goes live — no spam, just heart, honesty, and a little bit of witchy wisdom. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ✨ Finding the Quiet Kind of Good ✨

    ✨ Finding the Quiet Kind of Good ✨

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Tuesday!

    I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to talk about today, but I knew I wanted to show up. I’ve been wanting to get back into the rhythm of posting every other day—if not daily—and the only way to do that is to simply begin. So here we are, letting the words reveal themselves as they come.

    🌙 A Night Out & a Small but Honest Lesson

    This weekend, Heath and I got dressed up and went out to a lovely dinner at Wicked Butcher in downtown Fort Worth. The whole experience felt luxurious—perfectly crafted dishes, top-tier service, and even cucumber-infused water that tasted like spa-day elegance in a glass.

    When we arrived, I slipped off to the restroom to freshen up. By the time I returned, there were two glasses of complimentary champagne at our table—courtesy of the reservation note saying we were celebrating our (belated) wedding. It was a beautiful gesture.

    I hesitated. And then I made a decision: life is for living, and I wanted to celebrate us. So I toasted with Heath and enjoyed the small glass of champagne.

    After that, I stuck to mocktails (a fresh blackberry lemonade that was chef’s kiss) and water.

    Later that night, though, I woke up with spiraling anxiety over absolutely nothing. My muscles were clenched, my breath shallow, my mind sprinting like it was running in circles in the dark.

    That tiny bit of alcohol—that tiny bit—still affected me.

    Here’s what I realized afterward:

    • I don’t regret the moment. It was lovely.
    • But even a small amount is too much for my system.
    • Going forward, I’m done with alcohol entirely.

    Not from shame. Not from punishment. But from self-respect. Alcohol simply isn’t worth the cost to my nervous system or my peace.

    🧘‍♀️ Moving My Body, Loving My Body

    The past few days have gently brought me back into my movement routines. I’m walking daily on the walk pad and doing yoga every day—and it feels GOOD. Not dramatic, not performative. Just good.

    Some days I move fast. Some days I move slow. Some days it’s a long yoga flow. Some days it’s 10 minutes.

    But movement is movement. Showing up is showing up. And I’m proud of every version of myself that steps onto the mat or walk pad.

    😴 Sleep Schedule Chaos (And a Loving Reset)

    Sleep has been a little chaotic. Staying up later has made my whole routine slide later—breakfast, lunch, dinner, and my nighttime wind-down. Everything shifts together like dominoes, and I feel the effects.

    Last night, I stayed up way past my bedtime finishing Shout! I was so entranced that I didn’t even realize the time until I closed the book and saw it was past midnight.

    So this morning, I let myself sleep in to compensate. Tonight, the goal is to get back on my 9–9:15 bedtime and lights out by 10.

    Structure can be loving. Flexibility can be loving, too. I’m learning to hold both.

    💜 Therapy & Solo Costco Adventures

    I have therapy this afternoon and I’m excited. Last time, I walked in feeling drained, so we spent the hour getting me grounded again. Today, we’re diving into new tools and practices to help me step deeper into authenticity—my biggest long-term goal.

    After therapy, I’m doing my first solo Costco run in years, and honestly? I’m thrilled. I plan to walk each aisle slowly and treat the whole thing like a mindfulness exercise instead of a chaotic errand.

    🌤️ The Quiet Kind of Good

    Today, I feel good—not energized, not buzzing, not high on productivity. Just quietly calm. The kind of good I think I’ve been searching for my whole life. The kind that measures worth not by output but by inner softness.

    I could do a few chores around the house today, and I might. But I don’t have to. I am certainly not going to force them.

    Whatever version of today unfolds, I will choose it intentionally and without pressure.

    💬 Your Turn!

    What’s one small, gentle thing you’ve done for yourself recently that brought you a sense of calm or peace?

    ✨ Want More Posts Like This?

    If you’re enjoying following along on my healing and happiness journey, I’d love to have you subscribe so you never miss a new post. 💜 Pop your email into the box below and grow with me as we learn, rest, heal, and gently transform together.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • From Nervous to Naked: My Boudoir Experience

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday! ✨

    Yesterday marked two months of Bailz Has a Blog and I honestly cannot believe how far I’ve come in such a short time. When I launched this space, I was still in rough shape—physically, mentally, emotionally—and deep in denial about it. I wasn’t sleeping enough, eating enough, or caring for myself in even the most basic ways.

    But then I started documenting everything. I started looking inward. I started noticing what wasn’t working… and then fixing it. I started celebrating victories. And damn… I am so freaking proud of myself.

    💋 Today Was My Boudoir Photoshoot (!!)

    All week long, I had been really, really nervous about it—honestly, almost to the point of dreading it. Somehow, this thing I once wanted became something I felt like I had to do. I didn’t even notice the shift until this morning while writing my morning pages.

    Last night, I prepped in all the ways—Pilates, exfoliating, shaving, moisturizing, curating my playlist—but I was going through the motions. No excitement. Just nerves.

    And then this morning, while journaling, it hit me: This was all for ME. I wanted this. I chose this. It was never an obligation—it was a gift to myself. That realization flipped a switch. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get to the studio.

    🎶 Once the Music Started… Game On

    When I arrived, we jumped straight into hair and makeup. I turned on my playlist. And from the first pose, when the photographer showed me the preview on her camera… it was OVER for any remaining self-doubt. The second I saw myself, I fully stepped into it.

    By the end, I was walking around the studio completely naked like it was nothing. I felt comfortable. Beautiful. Confident in a way I have never felt before in my life.

    I genuinely could’ve kept shooting for another hour. I didn’t want it to end. I felt like a goddess. I felt like me.

    📸 Sneak Peeks + Floating on Cloud Nine

    Once I got home, I got a text from the photographer—she posted the sneak peeks early.

    HOLY. CRAP.

    You guys… they are even better than I imagined. I can’t wait to see the full gallery!

    Also, I’m keeping my makeup on until bedtime because I’m obsessed—and Heath is taking me out tonight because he said I look “too good not to show off.” 🥰

    🌹 If You’ve Ever Wanted To Do a Boudoir Shoot… DO IT.

    Find a photographer whose vibe feels right. Send the inquiry. Book the shoot. Do it for you.

    In the iconic words of Moira Rose:

    Take a thousand, naked pictures of yourself now. You may currently think, “Oh, I’m too spooky.” Or, “Nobody wants to see these tiny boobies.” But, believe me, one day you will look at those photos with much kinder eyes and say, “Dear God, I was a beautiful thing!”

    This is maybe the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I can’t believe I almost talked myself out of it—right up until this morning.

    💬 Your Turn

    I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

    • Have you ever done a boudoir photoshoot? Would you ever want to?
    • What’s something you’ve always wanted to do just for YOU?
    • What helps you reconnect with your confidence when you lose it?
    • What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done for yourself?
    • Are you more nervous-excited or excited-nervous when trying something new?

    💜 Enjoying the journey?

    If you’re loving these posts and want to follow along with every win, wobble, lesson, and breakthrough — subscribe below so you never miss a moment. I’d love to have you on this ride with me. ✨

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Gentle Healing: Therapy, Overthinking & Learning to Rest

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday! 💜

    Yesterday I had my first appointment with my new therapist, and I am very optimistic about the work we’re going to do together.

    When I got to her office and sat down on the couch, the first thing she asked me was, “How does it feel to be sitting in here?” and I immediately got choked up and shed a few tears. Not because I was sad or feeling anything negative, but because I was just so proud of myself for doing all of the work to get myself there. So that’s what I told her.

    🌱 Being Seen & Recognizing the Work

    We talked about a lot during the hour, and the whole time I just had this overwhelming feeling that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

    I told her about all of the work I have already started doing on my own, specifically focusing on my nutrition, exercise routines, and my sleep hygiene. She made a point to tell me how big of a deal all of that was, and while I do know that I have been doing the work and it’s hard and I’ve made some progress, I have kind of been in denial about all the positive changes and truly just how hard the work I have been doing has been.

    Because of the environment I was raised in and my childhood experiences, my instinct is to poke holes in the good things before anyone else can. I tend to lean very hard on self-deprecating humor, and I have a hard time accepting compliments or any sort of positive remarks. It’s definitely a pattern.

    But she really made a point to acknowledge the work I have already done on my own and make sure that I realize how big of a deal it all is. And I really had to stop and think about it. I got choked up and teary all over again.

    I know that I have been making some big changes and I know that they’ve been hard, but I have given myself very little opportunity to really stop and appreciate that. To appreciate that it would be so much easier to just keep things how they were, to stick with what I know, and that I am choosing to do the hard work because I deeply want a better and happier and healthier life. And that I am not waiting for anyone to swoop in and save me anymore — I am doing the work myself. And she’s right, that is huge.

    I’ve been so focused on learning more, doing more, and getting better that I have not let myself stop and appreciate where I am now. And I think that is how I got into the mess I got into this weekend, which is still lingering a bit as I write this today. I haven’t been appreciating my victories; I’ve just been raising the bar higher and higher.

    My intentions are good — I want to get better. But part of getting better is being present. And that is something I really struggle with if I’m not paying close attention to my attention.

    🧘‍♀️ Listening to My Body

    So when I got home from my appointment yesterday, I took some time to rest and just be gentle with myself with a lot of intention. I made myself a healthy meal, I got on the walk pad after I ate, and then I snuggled up on the couch and watched an episode of the Mel Robbins podcast.

    I listened to my body and ate when I was hungry, even though it was not a “regular” meal time. I got my body moving when I felt some built-up energy looking for somewhere to go, and then I sought comfort mixed with some learning when I was ready to let my body rest.

    I slowed down and I really listened to my body — and my body rewarded me with allowing me to sleep through the night again. HUZZAH! 🌙

    I still woke up tired and a little groggy; it definitely took a bit for me to really feel awake and alert. But I was so excited that I had really slept that I didn’t even mind being so tired. I got up and did my morning pages and affirmations, I made myself my usual breakfast shake, I stretched out a bit, and then I got dressed and ready for the day.

    🌤 Sunshine, Lunch & Saying No to the Drink

    First I went to the chiropractor for my adjustment, and it felt incredible as always. After that, I headed to downtown Fort Worth to have lunch with my friend that I had rescheduled with on Monday.

    Texas still hasn’t gotten the memo that it’s November, so the weather was sunny, warm, and downright beautiful. We sat outside and had a lovely meal and just chatted about all the things — memories from over a decade ago, updates from the years that have passed in between, and things that we’re dealing with now. Solid girls’ lunch all around.

    While all of that was delightful, my anxiety was pretty high through the whole thing because we were in the heart of downtown. Parking was kind of a nightmare, it was super busy all around, construction everywhere. It was just a lot. Normally when I go downtown for anything, I am not the one driving (thank you, Heath!), so navigating it all put my nerves on edge to begin with. Then parking and walking through the city by myself set me on edge even more.

    I was also nervous that my friend was upset with me for having to reschedule (she was not) and I was so worried that she was going to give me shit for it (she would never) that I got myself worked up into a tizzy.

    By the time I got to the restaurant, I was pretty frazzled, but overall happy to be with my friend. She arrived a few minutes before me and had ordered a mimosa flight. I was VERY tempted to order a drink for myself as well. I came very, very close.

    I am a sucker for a Bloody Mary and I very much wanted something to calm my nerves in the moment. But I knew if I had one, I would almost certainly end up having two as we sat and talked, and then my anxiety would inevitably skyrocket later in the day. I also knew that I would be disappointed with myself. I set a goal that I would no longer be drinking during the week, and I didn’t want to break that promise to myself. I saw how the alcohol this weekend affected my mental health, specifically my anxiety, so I stuck with water for lunch — and I am very, very proud of myself for that.

    That is a win. That is a little change with a big impact. A little choice with a whole lot of significance. 💧

    ⚖️ Holding the Vulnerability

    Even though I didn’t drink, I still felt on edge for a lot of the time. It had nothing to do with her or the food or the conversation or anything like that. I think I am just still finding my balance from this weekend.

    Plus, therapy yesterday — while wonderful — also brought up a lot of old wounds that don’t just go away because I left the therapist’s office. I am still feeling vulnerable and a little drained from it. That is normal, and I need to acknowledge that.

    I didn’t want to reschedule again, even though I was tired going into lunch to begin with. I wanted to see my friend, and I didn’t want to disappoint her. She is only in town for a short time and I didn’t want to waste my opportunity to see her. So I powered through, and I am glad I did. But I am definitely feeling the effects.

    🧘‍♀️ Yoga, Baths & Letting My Nervous System Catch Up

    After we said our goodbyes and I started heading home, I felt myself get really, really tired. I knew that all of that had taken a lot of energy, and so instead of pushing myself and trying to force some chores around the house or get started on this post, I put on my PJs, curled up on the couch, and started watching My Neighbor Totoro.

    When I started to feel myself dozing off a bit, I turned it off because I didn’t want to miss anything. I decided to move into the bed and just commit to a nap there.

    But when I laid down and really tried to sleep, I felt a lot of nervous energy still bouncing around in my chest, and I couldn’t get my thoughts to slow down enough to really rest. So I ended up getting back up and doing some Yoga With Adriene. I started with a practice focused on regulating the nervous system. When I was done with that one, I still felt a little off, so then I did another one specifically for overthinking.

    After that, I drew myself a bath and let myself soak for 30 minutes and listen to some music and just breathe.

    I am feeling a little better now — definitely not as anxious, but still tired and definitely excited for bed tonight.

    📊 Looking Ahead: Progress & Gentleness

    Tomorrow I have my first progress appointment with the chiropractor to redo all of my scans and see how far I’ve come since I started getting adjusted three times a week. I am VERY excited.

    I’m sure there will still be some problem areas that stand out — I’m only one-third of the way through my 90-day care plan, there’s still work to be done. But I can feel a significant shift in how my body feels day to day, and I am excited to see visual representations of how far I have come.

    Tonight I am going to continue being gentle with myself. I’m going to make myself a nice healthy meal, and I’m going to crawl into bed early and read until I fall asleep.

    I hope that I have another night of uninterrupted sleep ahead of me. But I also know that if I don’t, it doesn’t negate all the progress I’ve made. I will be gentle with myself and focus on breathing deeply and meditating until I fall back asleep.

    💬 Let’s Reflect Together

    💜 If this resonated, leave a comment — I’d love to hear how you’re navigating your own healing journey.

    • Have you ever surprised yourself by how much progress you’ve made without realizing it?
    • What’s one habit you’ve worked hard to build that you’re proud of?

    📬 Stay Connected

    If you’ve been enjoying following along on my healing journey — the messy parts, the breakthroughs, the small victories, and the tiny-but-mighty shifts — I’d love for you to stick around. Subscribe below so you never miss a new post. We’re learning, growing, and figuring this out together. 💜

    Love always, Bailz 💜

  • 🎨 Artist Date Week 4 — A Literal Walk in the Park

    🎨 Artist Date Week 4 — A Literal Walk in the Park

    Hey, hi, hello! 👋 Happy Thursday!

    Yesterday I had my Week 4 Artist Date, and it was truly lovely. For this week, I decided to take my inner artist on a little date to Trinity Park here in Fort Worth — and take a walk. I didn’t listen to anything while I walked; I just moved and soaked in the natural beauty of the park. Just me and my thoughts. 🦆🌳

    🌿 A Visit with the Ducks

    When I arrived, I parked by the duck pond, so before I got started, I spent some time by the water just watching the ducks and geese. That felt pretty special in itself.

    When I was little, one of my favorite activities with my great-grandmother was feeding the ducks and geese at the pond near her house. We’d stop at the store for day-old bread and then spend the afternoon by the water. (Side note: now I know better — bread isn’t great for them 😅 — but I didn’t back then.)

    It was such a sweet reminder of childhood to sit by the pond and hear the quacks and splashes and see families making those same memories. I actually got a little teary 🥲 — I felt my great-grandmother with me, proud of the woman I’m becoming, cheering me on.

    One goose even came right up to me and started pecking at my bracelets — like it was trying to say hello. I’m pretty sure that was Meme’s spirit dropping by. Even if it wasn’t, I’m choosing to believe it 🕊️.

    🚶‍♀️ The Walk Itself

    After sitting by the pond, I set off down the trail — a little over a mile each way. I wasn’t rushing or trying to turn it into a workout (though I did start my Apple Watch activity 😉). I just walked at whatever pace felt natural in the moment, breathing deeply and letting my thoughts flow.

    Texas still hasn’t gotten the memo that it’s November — it was sunny and 77°F ☀️ — but I wasn’t complaining. The weather was perfect. I went around lunch time, so the park was quiet and peaceful. For a while, I forgot I was in the middle of a big city. It was just me, the trees, the birds, and the path ahead.

    I made it my little mission to smile and say hi to every person I passed — no small talk required, just simple connection. Some avoided eye contact, some smiled back enthusiastically, and one gentleman I passed twice even laughed when I said, “Hello again!” Kindness really is contagious. 💫

    💤 Sleep Setbacks and Self-Compassion

    The last couple of nights have been rougher for sleep — last night I woke up at 4:45 a.m. and was a bit sweaty again. Not terrible, but noticeable. While it’s disappointing that this issue still lingers, I’m choosing not to get discouraged. Healing isn’t linear. My hormones are shifting as I near my period, and I know that’s likely part of it. 🌙

    So instead of spiraling, I’m focusing on being gentle with myself. When I wake up, I remind myself: I am safe. I am loved. I am okay. I’ll keep drinking my teas, journaling before bed, and showing up for myself — because I know I’m worth it. 🫖🕯️

    🌸 Doing the Unglamorous Work

    It’s not glamorous work — but it’s work I’m proud to be doing. For so long I avoided it — the feelings, the root causes, the habits. Now I’m doing the hard stuff even when I’m tired, cranky, or hormonal. I still write my morning pages. I still make my breakfast shake and take my supplements. I still move my body through walks, yoga, and Pilates. I still take myself on Artist Dates — even when I try to talk myself out of them until the last minute. 😉

    And because I’m sticking with it, my life is changing for the better — step by step, page by page, day by day. 💪✨

    🪷 A New Therapy Chapter

    Today I took another big step: I started looking for a new therapist. I searched on Psychology Today for specialists in somatic therapy — the kind that integrates body and mind healing instead of relying solely on talk therapy. After reading several profiles, I found someone who feels like a perfect fit and sent her a message requesting a consultation. 🌿

    I’ve done talk therapy before, and while venting always felt good, it never gave me the deep healing I was craving. I’m realizing that I need a more holistic approach — one that includes my mind, body, and spirit. So today, I stopped procrastinating and got started — and that alone feels like progress I can be proud of. 🩷

    💫 Closing Thoughts

    It’s days like this that remind me how much has shifted. I’m walking through healing — literally and metaphorically — and every step, every tear, every moment of presence matters. Here’s to listening to our bodies, honoring our inner artists, and continuing to show up for ourselves one gentle day at a time. 🌼

    ☀️ Thank you for walking beside me — both literally and metaphorically. 💜
    Subscribe below to keep joining me for more Artist Dates, healing rituals, and quiet moments of self-discovery. 🌿

    Love always,
    💜 Bailz

  • 🌿 A Day for Big Bailz Wins 🤗

    🌿 A Day for Big Bailz Wins 🤗

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Tuesday!

    🌙 The Sleep of Dreams (Literally!)

    Okay. First things first. YOU GUYS — I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! I went to sleep a little before 10 and didn’t wake up until 6am! I GOT A FULL 8 HOURS, YO! I genuinely cannot think of another time in recent history when that has happened, and I am just beyond excited.

    Last week, after realizing that my 3am wake-ups could be associated with issues with the liver, I purchased some peppermint leaves, milk thistle, and dandelion root — all three connected to supporting liver health — and I’ve been experimenting with tea blends each night about 1–2 hours before bed. I think they’ve been helping a lot. 🍵

    At first, I didn’t even realize I had made it through the night because I’ve stopped checking the clock when I wake up. All it does is stress me out. Plus, the light from my watch or phone doesn’t help anything. So now, if I wake up, I keep my eye mask on and focus on falling back asleep. This morning, I only realized what had happened when I heard the dogs getting up — and when I finally checked my watch, I was thrilled to see it was 6am. I still am. 😴✨

    💃 A Major Confidence Milestone

    And the wins didn’t stop there. This morning, I had an appointment — not just any appointment, but a wardrobe consultation for a boudoir photo shoot I finally scheduled for myself after years of self-denial. 👏

    This is something I’ve always wanted to do but constantly talked myself out of. I told myself it was silly, that I shouldn’t spend money on something like that, that I’d be judged or made fun of. I told myself a lot of negative things — mostly that I didn’t deserve to do what I wanted to do.

    But now, as I’ve been diving so deeply into this self-healing journey, I realized this is exactly the time to check that dream off my list. So last Thursday, I started researching local boudoir photographers. After some digging, I found one whose work perfectly matched the vibe I envisioned. Without overthinking it, I filled out the contact form and sent it off before I could talk myself out of it. I even told her about my healing journey and that this shoot was something I was doing for me (okay, yes, Heath’s excited too 😜, but ultimately, this is for me!).

    The next day, we hopped on a call to discuss details, and by the end of it, I had officially booked and prepaid for the shoot so there would be no backing out. I’m committed, baby! I booked, I paid, and then I cried real tears of pride. 🥹💜

    🪞 Facing the Mirror (and My Inner Critic)

    So today, I went in for my wardrobe consultation to try on outfit options for the shoot. And let me tell you, that mirror moment came with some inner critic commentary. My body looks different than it did a few months ago — I’ve been nourishing myself properly for the first time in a long time, and my shape is changing. It’s healthy, but it’s still an adjustment.

    When I looked in the mirror, I could hear her — that old familiar voice — whispering: “Your tummy isn’t flat anymore.” “Look at your thighs, that cellulite!” “You’re so big now.” For the first couple of minutes, I believed her. It’s hard not to when you’re standing half-naked in a new place, trying on lingerie. But then I made eye contact with myself and paused. I took a breath. I remembered the truth.

    My body is healthy. My body is nourished. My body is strong. 💪

    I used to starve it — sometimes intentionally, sometimes through neglect. But not anymore. Now I eat well, I move, I rest, I nurture myself. And yes, that means I look different. That’s something to celebrate. I’m feeding my body with love, and it’s showing me gratitude in return. ❤️

    So yeah, I’m celebrating this new, healthy body of mine next week with a sexy photo shoot — and I could not be more proud. I can’t wait to see how I feel on the day, or when I get the photos back. The best is yet to come. 🌸

    🗳️ And One More Win…

    After my appointment, I went to the community center by my house and voted! WOO! 🇺🇸

    The lovely women running the polling station were absolute gems — so kind and sweet. They complimented my sweater and boots, which completely made my day. Their warmth was contagious and left me smiling all the way home.

    🥗 Nourished and Happy

    Once home, I made myself a Mediterranean-style chopped salad I’ve been dreaming about for a while: sautéed tomatoes with garlic in avocado oil, mixed with chopped Kalamata olives, feta, cucumber, black beans, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, extra virgin olive oil, sea salt, and pepper.

    It was delicious — even better than I expected. And I can’t wait to make it again soon!

    💜 Grateful for the Good Days

    Today was a very good day — full of big Bailz wins. I’m showing up for myself, doing the work even when I don’t feel like it, and it’s bringing me days like this: days where I feel giddy, proud, and genuinely happy to be alive. For so long, that feeling felt impossible. But it’s here now, and I’m soaking it in.

    Here’s to the big wins, the little wins, and every moment in between. Thank you for being here with me on this journey — it means the world. 🌙

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

    PS – If this post made you smile, or reminded you to be a little kinder to yourself today, subscribe below. 💜

    Let’s keep growing together — one small win, one proud step, one healed piece at a time. 🌿