Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: love

  • I’m Just Bailz

    I’m Just Bailz

    One of my goals right now is to be very intentional with the content I’m consuming—whether it’s related to my healing journey or just comfort content I’m using to find balance. If I’m going to sit down and give my attention to something, I want to give it some thought first. I’m letting go of living passively… or at least, I’m trying to.

    A few nights ago, my husband had a work dinner, so I had the evening to myself. I considered reading The Art of Happiness or watching a Mel Robbins podcast on YouTube. But eventually, I realized I was “shoulding” on myself. Deep down, I was craving comfort content. I wanted to curl up on the couch and watch a movie. So I asked myself: what if I chose comfort content I could also explore through the lens of this healing project? Best of both worlds. I put on Barbie.

    I knew I made the right call the second I saw that pink Warner Brothers logo.

    When Barbie first came out, I fell in love with it instantly—like so many others. And something surprising happened… I suddenly loved the color pink. Which was a pretty big deal for me.

    See, for most of my adult life, I was staunchly anti-pink. I never really examined why. I just told myself I didn’t like pink. I repeated it constantly—if I had a choice of colors, I’d skip over pink every time. I didn’t consider myself a “girlie girl,” and pink was for girlie girls. Those were the rules. So it wasn’t for me. Flawless logic, right? Oh, younger Bailz. So rigid in her thinking.

    But after watching Barbie, I had to pause and reconsider. Why had I stopped liking pink?

    I remembered liking it as a kid. I’ve always been a purple girlie, but pink was never the enemy. Somewhere along the way, though, it became something I avoided. And as I sat with it, I realized what had happened: society taught me that being “girlie” was weak. Pink was girlie. Therefore, pink was weak. And I did not want to be seen as weak. I was such a Sasha at the beginning of the movie, you guys. So very much.

    But I didn’t realize I was even thinking that way until Barbie helped me see it.

    Gloria’s “It is literally impossible to be a woman” monologue cracked something open in me. It felt like being gently shaken awake from a life I didn’t realize I had been sleeping through. The timing couldn’t have been more aligned.

    Just a few months earlier, in May of 2023, I had been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and started chemo. It was the hardest season of my life—and the most transformative. I had lived in fear for so long: fear of rejection, of not being enough, of being too much. Fear of life itself, honestly. But cancer forced me to face things head-on. I knew I wanted to approach this new chapter differently. And the messages in Barbie were exactly what I needed to hear as I began rewriting everything.

    The line that gutted me most wasn’t what I would have guessed. And it wasn’t from a Barbie. It came from a Ken—after the Barbies had reclaimed Barbie Land. He says, “We were fighting because we didn’t know who we were.”

    And just like that, something clicked in my brain.

    I didn’t really know who I was either. And not knowing who you are creates friction with the world—friction that shows up everywhere, from how you show up at work to how you talk to yourself when no one’s around. But like my relationship with pink, I hadn’t seen the pattern until I paused long enough to ask why.

    This movie became a landmark on my personal growth map. It genuinely changed the way I see myself and the world. So of course, it made sense to return to it now, as comfort content I could experience through the lens of intentional healing.

    One of the coolest things about re-watching something (or re-reading, or re-listening) is that the content stays the same, but I’ve changed. I’m not the same person who watched it the first time. So I notice different things. Different characters and messages resonate. I bring new insights and lived experiences to the table.

    When I first saw Barbie, I related deeply to Ken. I felt invisible. I felt like I only mattered if I had approval from others. I was struggling in every area of my life. But when I rewatched it this week, I saw myself more in Stereotypical Barbie. I feel like I’ve metaphorically chosen the Birkenstock. I’m on this journey to find myself, to heal, to celebrate who I am.

    There will be hard days. I will absolutely feel like Depression Barbie sometimes. I expect that. But I’m not afraid of it anymore. I’m learning to be okay with the mess of it. I’m reconnecting with my inner child. I know this work is worth doing.

    Being intentional with my content is helping me stay present and mindful. It’s reminding me that I can be gentle with myself—rest, comfort myself with familiar favorites, and still be awake to new insights. I can take care of my heart and mind at the same time.

    Also, like Ruth, I too always think best at kitchen tables. That’s where I’m sitting now, writing this post. It’s where I’ve written most of them, actually.

    Thank you for being here. Thank you for witnessing this season of rediscovery. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz. 💜

  • Real Time results

    Real Time results

    This morning I kept my promise to myself that I would get myself up and moving on the walk pad within 30 minutes of waking. I had only a few minutes to spare before I hit the 30-minute mark, but I did it. After I brushed my teeth, high-fived myself in the mirror, put on my walking shoes, and pulled out the walk pad, I put on another episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast on YouTube and I got to stepping.

    I can’t say that I genuinely wanted to be walking right then, but I was so excited that I was doing it—because I had promised myself that I would. I DID IT! I kept a promise to myself, and not an easy one. I could have come up with a million excuses. I could have told myself I’d fit it in later. I could have done anything else. But I didn’t. I got my ass up and walking with intention, and it felt good.

    I walked my full 45 minutes, I learned about 7 little things I can do to improve my life from Mel, and I worked up a good sweat (gross, but yay!). When I was done, I took a few minutes to drink some water and just enjoy how my body felt. Then I switched from Mel to Yoga with Adriene and did a 20-minute practice targeting a healthy body.

    By the time I was done, I was DONE—at least physically. I felt good but also very tired. My body needed some TLC, so I decided it was time for a shower. I took my time and enjoyed the hot water. While I was amongst the suds and steam, I felt an internal jolt. I was struck with a very strong impulse to share my blog on my personal Instagram and Facebook accounts. I know it’s not polished. I know I need to work on the presentation. I know it’s a little all over the place right now. But I wanted to share it.

    My inner critic still tried her hardest to talk me out of it: “Just wait until you’re really ready! It’s not perfect yet! You still have so much work to do. It doesn’t look professional!” First of all… of course it doesn’t look professional… IT ISN’T. Second of all… the whole point of this is the process. This is part of the process.

    Once I got dressed, I went into the kitchen to get started on sharing and working on my next post. I saw a package addressed to me on the counter. When I looked at who it was from, my heart sank.

    Two weeks ago, our beloved dog, Chelsea, crossed the rainbow bridge after 9 years with us at the age of 15. The grief has been heavy, but this project has been helping me navigate it. The package on the counter was a prescription refill for Chelsea. It was a new prescription, I forgot it was on autoship. I hadn’t read the reminder emails clearly—I just assumed it was time to re-order and chose not to. And now, here it was… an opportunity for me to slip into old habits, showing up in full force.

    Let me tell you how Old Bailz would have reacted:

    • Burst into tears because she was already overwhelmed and this would’ve pushed her over the edge.
    • Beat herself up for not reading the emails carefully and letting this slip through the cracks.
    • Procrastinated doing anything about it and pretended it didn’t happen.
    • Not told her husband out of embarrassment and fear of “getting in trouble” over an expensive medication.

    (FYI: This has nothing to do with how my husband would actually react, and everything to do with my inner critic beating me to shit.)

    But today was different. Because I’ve been doing the work—and because I had already shown up for myself with momentum—I didn’t do any of those things.

    Here’s what I did instead: I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened the package, checked the shipping invoice, logged into the vet pharmacy website, and canceled the autoship. Then I looked into returning the unopened medication. I didn’t stop to overthink—I just kept doing.

    Heath was working from home. When he came into the kitchen for water, I told him immediately what was going on. No hesitation. And he wasn’t upset. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t anything but calm. Old Bailz would have worked herself into a total panic over nothing.

    I reached out to customer service and explained that our sweet girl had passed away. I didn’t even know if they accepted returns for medication, but I tried. I sent the message, and then I realized what had just happened: I was moving through life with more ease. I wasn’t stuck in my head. I was present. I tackled the task instead of avoiding it. That’s growth.

    And then I took that momentum, opened Instagram, and started crafting my announcement post about my blog. Was the inner critic still there? Absolutely. But she was quieter this time. Just a little.

    I followed through anyway. I shared my blog even though it’s a work in progress. Because like I said yesterday—it’s not about what it looks like. It’s about what it means. I promised to be open and vulnerable, so I invited people in before it was perfect. Because it will never be perfect. If not now, when?

    After posting, I felt a huge rush of energy. Old Bailz would’ve mistaken it for anxiety and gone spiraling—checking for likes, refreshing stats, looking for proof she hadn’t made a mistake. But not today. Today I sat with it and realized… this was excitement. Joy. Self-pride.

    I didn’t let fear win. I didn’t procrastinate. I didn’t hide. I moved forward—messy, honest, alive. And that? That’s worth celebrating.

    I don’t know where all of this is leading yet. But I do know this:

    • I’m showing up.
    • I’m keeping promises to myself.
    • I’m moving forward, one aligned choice at a time.

    And right now, in this moment, that is more than enough.

    I’m proud. I’m healing. I’m becoming. And I’m documenting it—messy, raw, beautiful, and true.

    Thank you for being here and witnessing more of this journey. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz! 💜

  • 📚 “Take a Look, It’s in a Book”

    📚 “Take a Look, It’s in a Book”

    A large part of my journey right now is reading. I am consuming as much material that feels relevant as possible. To be fair though, I’m also throwing in some comfort reading—because ultimately, we are aiming for balance after all.

    Right now I’m reading The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama, The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck, and I’m rereading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. Oh—and I’m also listening to the audiobook of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (read by the iconic Jim Dale) as I fall asleep each night. Like I said, balance.

    📖 The Book That Changed Everything

    I started my self-improvement reading journey with The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins a few months ago. My aunt and my dad had both recommended it to me, and I had been seeing a lot of Mel’s podcast clips in my Instagram scrolls. So I picked up a copy—and things haven’t been the same since.

    I devoured it in a day and a half. I truly could not put it down. It was exactly what I needed to read in that moment. Honestly, it’s what I had needed to read my whole life.

    🧠 People-Pleasing, Meet Your Match

    I’ve spent the majority of my time on this earth being a people-pleaser. I learned early that it was easier—and safer—to mold myself into who others wanted me to be than to try to be my weird little self. So that’s what I did.

    Eventually, I got so good at it, I didn’t even realize how much I was doing it. By my late 20s, it was in every aspect of my life. I didn’t know who I really was anymore. I could barely keep up with the different versions of me I was performing for other people.

    I forgot how to just be me.

    Although… now that I think about it, I don’t think I forgot—I just never really learned how to be me in the first place.

    💡 Let Them… and Let Me

    Reading The Let Them Theory encouraged me to take a step back and start making that learning process a priority. I highly recommend reading the book (or listening to the audiobook) if you haven’t already. Mel Robbins explains that the theory works in two parts: Let Them and then Let Me.

    And it was that second part that really rocked my world.

    “What I love about Let Me is that it immediately shows you what you can control. And there’s so much you can control: your attitude…your behavior… your values, your needs, your desires, and what YOU want to do in response to what just happened. It’s the opposite of judgement. Let Me is all about self-awareness, compassion, empowerment, and personal responsibility.” – Mel Robbins

    That clicked. And I immediately started analyzing how I was moving through the world.

    I realized I had been telling myself that everything had to be done the way others did it—or how others told me to do it. I had never really been looking inward for answers. I was seeking approval and permission.

    So I vowed to myself to change that.

    ✨ Still Learning, Still Trying

    Now, let me be clear: I’m not about to tell you I’ve been perfectly aligned every day since. Come on, y’all. Be real.

    It is a STRUGGLE to stop people-pleasing. I know I’ll be unlearning it for a long time. But now I feel like I have the tools. I know what’s in my control and what isn’t. And I’m finally learning to release what isn’t—namely, other people and their actions.

    It’s an adjustment. When you’ve spent your whole life people-pleasing and suddenly stop, it really does feel like you’re being aggressive when you simply speak your truth.

    But what I’m learning is this:

    The people who genuinely love you will respect your voice. The only ones who won’t are the ones who benefitted from your silence.

    📚 Other Books That Have Helped Me

    The Let Them Theory was the first of many books I’ve read to help me on this journey. In addition to the ones I’m reading now, here’s what I’ve finished so far:

    • Yes Please by Amy Poehler
    • On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King
    • Stop Saying You’re Fine by Mel Robbins
    • The Book of Shadow Work by Keila Shaheen
    • The High Five Habit by Mel Robbins
    • The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

    Each one has contributed to my self-awareness, empowerment, and growth. If you’re on your own journey, I’d recommend any (or all) of them.

    ⚖️ A Note on Balance

    One thing I’ve learned? Don’t try to power-read your way into healing. That’s a fast track to burnout.

    Early on, I got overwhelmed with all the homework-y self-help energy. So I paused and re-read all of Abby Jimenez’s books just to give my brain a break. Since then, I’ve made it a point to alternate self-improvement with comfort content.

    These books aren’t magic wands. But they’ve become mirrors—reflecting back parts of me I hadn’t met before, or had forgotten existed.

    💜 The Healing Is the Journey

    I’m learning that healing isn’t a destination—it’s the journey itself. And that journey looks a little different every day.

    Some days I’m ready to tackle big topics like self-compassion, purpose, and legacy. Other days, I just want to escape to Forks, Washington with some sparkly vampires. And both are perfectly fine.

    The old me would’ve shamed myself for “wasting time” on fiction or fun. But now, I’m working on quieting that inner critic. I’m embracing the rhythm of work and rest. Intention and indulgence. Reflection and release.

    Balance is the goal—not perfection.

    🫶 Thank You for Reading

    I’m so glad you’re here. Whether you’re on your own healing journey, or just popping in for the vibes—thank you for sharing this space with me.

    If you’ve read a book that changed how you see yourself, I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

    Until next time,
    – Bailz

  • What am I doing?

    What am I doing?

    But like, really, what am I doing?

    Like I said in my first post, the plan right now is to not have a plan — at least not in the big-picture sense.

    I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t know what I want to do for a job. I don’t know what my future looks like. But I do know that I want to figure out all of that and more about myself. I want to find what feels good. I want to find what speaks to my most authentic self. And I want to find a way to love the life I’m living — on the good days and the bad.

    So how am I doing that?

    In lots of little ways.

    Over the course of my journey so far, I’ve been trying new things, holding on to the ones I like, and moving on from the ones that don’t serve me.

    Right now, I’m focusing my energy on the following priorities:

    • Sleeping when I’m tired / until I feel ready to get up – I know all the experts recommend alarms and routines, and that’s the goal eventually. But for now, I’m working on my relationship with rest. If my body wants sleep, I’m giving it to myself.
    • Taking a 20+ minute bath each night – I’m experimenting with Dead Sea salts, clays, essential oils — and creating a full sensory ritual to slow down and unwind.
    • Intentional content consumption – All new content must relate to self-improvement, spirituality, or happiness. Everything else must be comfort content: rereads, rewatches, and cozy favorites only.
    • High-fiving myself in the mirror – Every morning, and every time I pass one during the day.
    • Getting sunlight every day
    • Daily yoga – Whether it’s Yoga with Adriene or just moving intuitively, I’m building a habit of coming back to my body.
    • Writing every day – Whether it’s a blog post, journal entry, personal essay, or a session with ChatGPT — I’m keeping that creative part of my brain active.
    • Reading every day – Ideally one of my project books, but anything that brings joy counts.
    • Daily astrology check-ins – I read my horoscope in the Chani app each day and listen to the weekly forecast.
    • Following my impulses – Eating when I’m hungry, drinking water when I’m thirsty, moving when I feel stiff. I’m trying to really embrace the spirit of “Yes, and!”
    • Keeping my home organized – Light daily resets to keep the energy flowing cleanly around me.
    • Staying present and mindful – As much as I can, I’m learning to be here now.

    What I’m Letting Go Of

    As a recovering people pleaser, I’ve realized that part of creating a new life means releasing the old one. I can’t make room for these new, beautiful habits and truths while still dragging around emotional baggage from childhood, trauma, and outdated beliefs.

    So here’s what I’m actively trying to do less of, or eliminate completely:

    • “Should-ing” on myself – I’m done with the inner voice that tells me I “should” be doing something just because of guilt, pressure, or old programming.
    • Dwelling on past reactions – I’m working on forgiving myself for the ways I used to cope.
    • Agreeing to things I don’t want to do
    • Writing scripts in my head – I’m trying to stop assuming what other people are thinking about me.
    • Ignoring my own impulses – Especially when I have time and space to follow them.
    • Equating rest with laziness – Self-care is productive. Rest is worthy.
    • Shushing my inner voice for the comfort of others

    And here’s what I’ve noticed so far:

    • I cleaned out my closet – Six kitchen trash bags full of clothes are gone. I let go of things tied to past identities, bad memories, or unrealistic expectations. It was hard. And healing. And I’m still riding that high.
    • I put my phone on grayscale – I don’t scroll as much. It works. My phone feels like a tool again, not a trap.
    • I canceled Netflix – And instead became a monthly contributor to my favorite public radio station, 91.7 KXT. That decision felt really aligned.
    • I took myself to Guthrie, Oklahoma – Just me and the dogs. I took myself to dinner, went to trivia night, made friends, and stretched my independence. It changed something in me.

    So what’s the point of all this?

    As I continue to let go of what no longer serves and focus on what makes me feel whole and authentic, I know there will be more changes and milestones ahead.

    But I’m not naive. I know I’ll still have hard days. I’ll still get in funks, feel doubt, and question everything. That’s life.

    My goal isn’t to avoid those days — it’s to be better prepared to care for myself through them.

    That’s what this whole project is about: learning to take better care of myself — body, mind, and spirit — no matter what the circumstances might be.

    Thanks for following along. I’m so glad you’re here.

  • Welcome!

    Welcome!

    Hello and welcome to Bailz Has a Blog!

    I’m Bailz, and this is my new blog. I’m in the middle of a big shift in my life, and I want to document it — so, here we are.

    Let’s back up. I should probably introduce myself.

    I’m a 35-year-old woman currently living in Texas with my husband, Heath, and our two dogs, Winston and Wrigley. I’m a writer, a recovering people pleaser, an artist, an eclectic witch, a Swiftie, a lifelong learner, a purple girlie, a hippie, a music lover, an Oxford comma advocate, a trivia champ, a cheese enthusiast, and a romantic. I’m a homebody, always down to watch The Office. My favorite animals are pandas and goats. And my dream is to leave behind big-city life and try on small-town living for a while.

    The past few years have brought a lot of chaos and change my way.

    • I’ve battled and survived cancer.
    • I’ve acknowledged and cut ties with toxic family members.
    • I quit my 9–5 job — the one that paid the bills but drained my spirit.
    • And I’ve finally started looking inward for happiness, instead of relying so heavily on external validation.

    2025 has been a major catalyst in my journey toward self-knowledge and growth, but things really kicked into gear when I quit my job in July without anything else lined up. There was no plan — except the plan to have no plan. I made myself slow down and smell the roses.

    And you know what? It’s kind of working.

    So, I’ve decided I want to share what I’m discovering — for anyone who might need it, or want it, or simply be curious about what happens when a person says “enough” and starts over.

    Over the last couple of months, I’ve been actively pursuing happiness — and soaking up everything I can find about what it really means. I’ve been listening to podcasts, reading self-improvement books, spiritual guides, memoirs, and anything else that feels relevant. I’ve dipped my toes into shadow work and Buddhist philosophy. I’ve started incorporating yoga into my daily routine. I move my body more intentionally. I’m listening more closely to what my body and spirit are trying to tell me. I’m learning to say yes to my instincts. To trust myself.

    I’ve been documenting most of this in various notebooks, Word docs, and phone notes — but now I’m turning it into an official project, inspired by Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project. That’s what this blog is: a space to reflect, to share, to be honest, and to learn out loud.

    I’ll post stories, reflections, experiments, and lessons I’ve already lived. I’ll also be sharing in real time as I continue forward.

    So, welcome to my journey.

    I can’t promise it’s going to be fun all the time — but I can promise it will be weird and interesting.

    Which, now that I say it, might be my personal slogan:
    Not always fun, but always weird and interesting.

    I’ll be trying new things, reading new things, learning new things, and sharing it all along the way. If that sounds like something you might resonate with — stick around. I’d love the company.