Today has been another slow day, but I can feel myself starting to come back to myself. I’ve still got a ways to go, but the fog is lifting bit by bit. And for now, that’s enough.
It still takes effort—more than I’d like—to truly let go and relax. That voice in the back of my mind is still whispering: “Don’t waste this time! You should be doing more. You’ve rested plenty. Let’s go!”
But I’m getting better at replying: “Yeah, yeah, I hear you. But I’m going to snuggle up on the couch and enjoy this episode of Gilmore Girls anyway.”
💗 A Little Help From My Favorite Human
Heath worked from home today, and honestly, his presence made a huge difference. This afternoon, he surprised me with a little at-home spa setup—he arranged a cozy chair with a back massager, brought out the foot bath, made sure I had snacks, and told me to just relax.
So I sat. I soaked. I snacked. I let the knots in my back melt a little. I watched TV. I laughed. I cried. I breathed. I was present.
It wasn’t glamorous, but it was meaningful.
🛁✨ The Power of Ritual
Since getting home from Guthrie, I’ve returned to one of my favorite self-care rituals: nightly baths. Every evening, I draw a warm bath and take time to reconnect with myself.
Lately, I’ve been treating myself to some beautiful bath soaks from Flewd—my current favorite is called “Sads Smashing” (fitting, right?). They’re clean, fragrant, and formulated with emotional and physical well-being in mind.
I turn on my galaxy light, set a timer for 30 minutes, and listen to something soothing—sometimes Mel Robbins, sometimes an audiobook, sometimes sound frequencies focused on relaxation, chakra healing, or self-love. I hydrate well before, during, and after.
This little ritual is helping me reestablish trust with myself. It’s saying: “You matter. You’re worth taking care of.” Not just on the good days—but on the hard ones and the quiet, in-between ones too.
🤍 A Gentle Reminder
This phase of my life isn’t flashy or exciting. But it is sacred in its own way. I’m learning how to rest. How to let go. How to be soft with myself. And how to believe that small acts of care are more than enough.
As always, thank you for walking through this journey with me.
💜 Bailz
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One of the many goals I’ve set for myself on this journey is to keep my space consistently clean and calm. A tidy space helps me feel grounded, clear-headed, and proud of my environment—which is something I’m actively learning to prioritize.
While I’ve been doing a pretty good job overall, I’ll admit: the weekend got a little cluttered. So today, I decided it was time for a home reset.
🧳 Getting Ready to Travel
We’re heading out of town in a few days, and that added some extra motivation. I wanted to leave the house feeling fresh and welcoming for our return. So I spent the day cycling through the classic checklist:
🧺 Laundry
🛏️ Changed the sheets
🍽️ Did the dishes
🪴 Watered the plants
🧹 Dusted and decluttered
🧳 Packed what I could
🧼 Vacuumed and mopped the floors
It felt so good to go from room to room and really care for the space I call home. Not perfectly—just intentionally.
🎧 A Little Hygge, A Little Mel
I’ve also been multitasking a bit. While I cleaned, I listened to two episodes of the Mel Robbins podcast and started the audiobook The Little Book of Hygge. Both were excellent companions for my day and helped me feel like I was nourishing my environment and my mindset. Win-win.
🗣️ The Inner Critic Tried to Interrupt
As much as I tried to be present, my inner critic made sure I knew she was still in the room. Mid-dusting, she started whispering:
“Hey… you haven’t written your blog post yet. When are you going to do that? You HAVE to do it.”
Oof.
I gently reminded her—many times—that I can only do one thing at a time. Right now, I’m cleaning. I’ll write when I’m done. I’ll worry about writing when I’m done.
Was it easy? No. I had to shush her constantly. But I kept pulling my attention back to the present moment, and slowly, it got easier. That’s what this is: practice. One intentional breath, one focused task at a time.
🪞 Gentle Progress, Not Perfection
This isn’t going to be an overnight transformation. Silencing my inner critic—learning to trust myself—will take time. But I believe it’s worth the effort. Every time I interrupt that anxious voice with compassion and presence, I’m making progress.
I’m learning that I can be gentle with myself and consistent with my goals. I don’t have to be perfect to be proud. I just have to keep showing up—one step at a time, one day at a time.
Thank you for being here. I’m so glad we’re doing this together 💜
Today turned out to be a fabulous day—and I almost talked myself out of it. If I hadn’t been intentionally practicing presence and mindfulness, I would’ve stayed home. And I’m so glad I didn’t.
My husband and I were invited to a baby shower for a friend from work—well, from my old job and his current one. And I came very close to skipping it and letting Heath go solo. Not because I didn’t want to celebrate our friend, but because I felt vulnerable. I was so nervous. I changed my outfit twice. Even as we were walking out the door, I still didn’t feel settled.
I hadn’t seen any of these people since I quit. And I felt hesitant about telling anyone what I’m doing these days. I’m still unlearning the belief that if I’m not “working” in the traditional sense, then I’m not doing anything worth talking about. That old story still creeps in.
Even as we were leaving the house, I was waffling. But I reminded myself: the odds are, I’ll be glad I went. Even if part of me wants to stay home now, the future version of me probably won’t regret going. I’ve been listening to a LOT of Mel Robbins lately, and I could practically hear her voice in my head saying, Go. Show up for your life. So I did.
🎧 A Small Yes That Shifted Everything
It was about an hour drive to the party, and I kept thinking about The Let Them Theory audiobook. Since I recently wrote about it, it’s been on my mind a lot. I read the hard copy the first time around, but I had a hunch the audiobook would hit differently.
Still, every time I thought about suggesting it, I silenced myself. Until I caught what I was doing—shrinking again. I asked myself: What’s the worst that could happen? He might say he’s not in the mood. That’s not so scary.
So I trusted the nudge.
“Hey, since we have a bit of a drive there and back, want to listen to an audiobook?” “Sure!” “I have The Let Them Theory. Want to try that?” (Pause) “Yeah, that sounds good!”
And just like that, boom. A tiny moment of bravery. I spoke up. Not a massive thing on the surface, but it changed the tone of my entire day. It made me feel confident, seen, and self-trusting. My voice mattered.
☕ And Then… Starbucks Magic
About ten minutes into the drive, another nudge hit me: Starbucks. I wanted coffee. Really badly.
Cue my inner narrator writing a dramatic script in my head about how inconvenient it would be, how Heath might say no, how we didn’t have time. But again, I caught myself. We were already listening to my audiobook because I spoke up—why stop there?
“Hey, can I ask a favor?” “Of course, what’s up?” “Can we stop at Starbucks if we see one?” “Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem!”
I kid you not—the very next exit had a sign. One option listed. Starbucks.
I’ve had a lot of pumpkin spice lattes in my life, but that one? That one tasted like a win. Not because of the drink itself, but because I earned it by honoring my own voice—twice.
🎉 The Shower That Nearly Wasn’t
By the time we got to the baby shower, I was buzzing. Still a little nervous, but it felt more like excitement than dread. That kind of energy used to send me into a spiral. I would’ve mistaken it for fear and let it swallow me whole. But not today. I breathed through it, reminded myself that I was safe, and walked in with an open heart.
And y’all—it was a fantastic afternoon.
I laughed. I caught up with old coworkers. I had fun. But the cherry on top? Several people told me they’ve been reading my blog—and they like it.
WHAT?!?
Compliments have never been easy for me. They feel like wearing jeans straight out of the dryer—tight and awkward. But I did my best to receive them graciously. It meant so much to hear that people not only read my words but resonated with them.
And to think—I almost missed all of that.
🌱 From Good to Great
If I had stayed home, I’m sure the day would’ve still been good. I might’ve journaled, drafted a post, tidied the house. But instead, I took a chance. I showed up. I spoke up. I gave myself the opportunity to move from good to great.
Every day, I see more evidence that the work I’m doing is working. Today, the proof came in the form of little wins: saying what I wanted, asking for what I needed, and showing up even when it felt easier not to.
And I’m so glad I did.
Thank you for being here. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz. 💜
This morning I kept my promise to myself that I would get myself up and moving on the walk pad within 30 minutes of waking. I had only a few minutes to spare before I hit the 30-minute mark, but I did it. After I brushed my teeth, high-fived myself in the mirror, put on my walking shoes, and pulled out the walk pad, I put on another episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast on YouTube and I got to stepping.
I can’t say that I genuinely wanted to be walking right then, but I was so excited that I was doing it—because I had promised myself that I would. I DID IT! I kept a promise to myself, and not an easy one. I could have come up with a million excuses. I could have told myself I’d fit it in later. I could have done anything else. But I didn’t. I got my ass up and walking with intention, and it felt good.
I walked my full 45 minutes, I learned about 7 little things I can do to improve my life from Mel, and I worked up a good sweat (gross, but yay!). When I was done, I took a few minutes to drink some water and just enjoy how my body felt. Then I switched from Mel to Yoga with Adriene and did a 20-minute practice targeting a healthy body.
By the time I was done, I was DONE—at least physically. I felt good but also very tired. My body needed some TLC, so I decided it was time for a shower. I took my time and enjoyed the hot water. While I was amongst the suds and steam, I felt an internal jolt. I was struck with a very strong impulse to share my blog on my personal Instagram and Facebook accounts. I know it’s not polished. I know I need to work on the presentation. I know it’s a little all over the place right now. But I wanted to share it.
My inner critic still tried her hardest to talk me out of it: “Just wait until you’re really ready! It’s not perfect yet! You still have so much work to do. It doesn’t look professional!” First of all… of course it doesn’t look professional… IT ISN’T. Second of all… the whole point of this is the process. This is part of the process.
Once I got dressed, I went into the kitchen to get started on sharing and working on my next post. I saw a package addressed to me on the counter. When I looked at who it was from, my heart sank.
Two weeks ago, our beloved dog, Chelsea, crossed the rainbow bridge after 9 years with us at the age of 15. The grief has been heavy, but this project has been helping me navigate it. The package on the counter was a prescription refill for Chelsea. It was a new prescription, I forgot it was on autoship. I hadn’t read the reminder emails clearly—I just assumed it was time to re-order and chose not to. And now, here it was… an opportunity for me to slip into old habits, showing up in full force.
Let me tell you how Old Bailz would have reacted:
Burst into tears because she was already overwhelmed and this would’ve pushed her over the edge.
Beat herself up for not reading the emails carefully and letting this slip through the cracks.
Procrastinated doing anything about it and pretended it didn’t happen.
Not told her husband out of embarrassment and fear of “getting in trouble” over an expensive medication.
(FYI: This has nothing to do with how my husband would actually react, and everything to do with my inner critic beating me to shit.)
But today was different. Because I’ve been doing the work—and because I had already shown up for myself with momentum—I didn’t do any of those things.
Here’s what I did instead: I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened the package, checked the shipping invoice, logged into the vet pharmacy website, and canceled the autoship. Then I looked into returning the unopened medication. I didn’t stop to overthink—I just kept doing.
Heath was working from home. When he came into the kitchen for water, I told him immediately what was going on. No hesitation. And he wasn’t upset. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t anything but calm. Old Bailz would have worked herself into a total panic over nothing.
I reached out to customer service and explained that our sweet girl had passed away. I didn’t even know if they accepted returns for medication, but I tried. I sent the message, and then I realized what had just happened: I was moving through life with more ease. I wasn’t stuck in my head. I was present. I tackled the task instead of avoiding it. That’s growth.
And then I took that momentum, opened Instagram, and started crafting my announcement post about my blog. Was the inner critic still there? Absolutely. But she was quieter this time. Just a little.
I followed through anyway. I shared my blog even though it’s a work in progress. Because like I said yesterday—it’s not about what it looks like. It’s about what it means. I promised to be open and vulnerable, so I invited people in before it was perfect. Because it will never be perfect. If not now, when?
After posting, I felt a huge rush of energy. Old Bailz would’ve mistaken it for anxiety and gone spiraling—checking for likes, refreshing stats, looking for proof she hadn’t made a mistake. But not today. Today I sat with it and realized… this was excitement. Joy. Self-pride.
I didn’t let fear win. I didn’t procrastinate. I didn’t hide. I moved forward—messy, honest, alive. And that? That’s worth celebrating.
I don’t know where all of this is leading yet. But I do know this:
I’m showing up.
I’m keeping promises to myself.
I’m moving forward, one aligned choice at a time.
And right now, in this moment, that is more than enough.
I’m proud. I’m healing. I’m becoming. And I’m documenting it—messy, raw, beautiful, and true.
Thank you for being here and witnessing more of this journey. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz! 💜
Today I spent most of my afternoon fiddling with the layout of my blog. I kept telling myself I’d take a break, go do something else, step away from the screen—but I kept coming back to mess with it. I was so focused on how other people might navigate the site, how they’d perceive it, how it might need to look if it suddenly got popular overnight (as if!).
I kept thinking: This should be simple. Why am I struggling with this so much? Why can’t I find the perfect preset theme already made and waiting for me?
But then—
I caught myself. I realized I was holding my breath. So I stopped what I was doing, sat back in my chair, and took a few slow, deep breaths.
And in that stillness, I heard it: I was worrying about other people again. Their opinions. Their expectations. Their judgment. I was more concerned with how they would feel about my site than how I felt about it.
Reminder to Self: This Blog Is for Me First
If you’re here and reading this, I’m genuinely so stoked. I really am. I hope you stick around and keep coming back.
But that’s not why I’m writing this blog. That’s not the why I clung to when I finally decided to get started.
I’m writing this blog to reconnect with myself. To tell the truth. To document my journey back to my own voice and values. I hope it reaches the right people. I hope I find my little corner of community. But for now, this is about me showing up for myself.
Today reminded me of that.
Learning as I Go (and Failing Gracefully)
I am not a web designer. I’ve never studied it. I’ve never even dabbled in it, really. It’s no wonder I don’t know what I’m doing. But I’ve been acting like I should just know—like the knowledge should magically exist in my head just because I want it to.
But no one is born knowing how to build websites. No one is born knowing how to do anything, really.
So here’s the new goal I’m setting for myself: Learn how to use WordPress efficiently—just a little bit every day.
And in the meantime, thank you for bearing with me as this site goes through some visual changes and growing pains. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m going to figure it out.
Walking Update & A Podcast Shift
Today I also got in my 45 minutes on the walkpad. My original plan was to watch an episode of New Girl, but I felt a pull toward something different—so I put on an episode of the Mel Robbins podcast instead. I started with one about decluttering, but something in me said, “Nope, not this one. Not today.”
So I switched to an episode about changing the way you see the world and shifting your self-talk. And from the very first few minutes, I knew this was the message I was meant to hear today.
Tripping, But Still Moving Forward
Physically speaking? I was way off balance today. I tripped no fewer than three times during my walk. Like—real, hard, near face-plant trips. It’s a miracle I didn’t end up with a busted lip or bruised ego.
After each trip, I paused. I stepped off the walkpad. I caught my breath. I told myself I was safe. I sipped some water. And every time, I had the same thought: “Maybe I should stop. That was scary. What if I get hurt?”
But each time, I said: “Nope. I haven’t hit 45 minutes yet. Get back up there.”
And I did. I kept going. I finished all 45 minutes. I genuinely feel proud of myself for that.
Side note: I count my walking time based on the actual movement timer on the walkpad. Breaks aren’t included. It’s 45 full minutes of moving feet.
I kept a promise to myself today. And that matters.
Showing Up Honestly
I also promised myself I’d be honest here. Transparent. That I’d show the mess and the magic.
And with this post, I’ve done that. This is me showing up. This is a real moment. A real day. A real entry in the journey.
Documented. Done. Huzzah.
Thanks for being here. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz. 💜
A large part of my journey right now is reading. I am consuming as much material that feels relevant as possible. To be fair though, I’m also throwing in some comfort reading—because ultimately, we are aiming for balance after all.
Right now I’m reading The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama, The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck, and I’m rereading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. Oh—and I’m also listening to the audiobook of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (read by the iconic Jim Dale) as I fall asleep each night. Like I said, balance.
📖 The Book That Changed Everything
I started my self-improvement reading journey with The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins a few months ago. My aunt and my dad had both recommended it to me, and I had been seeing a lot of Mel’s podcast clips in my Instagram scrolls. So I picked up a copy—and things haven’t been the same since.
I devoured it in a day and a half. I truly could not put it down. It was exactly what I needed to read in that moment. Honestly, it’s what I had needed to read my whole life.
🧠 People-Pleasing, Meet Your Match
I’ve spent the majority of my time on this earth being a people-pleaser. I learned early that it was easier—and safer—to mold myself into who others wanted me to be than to try to be my weird little self. So that’s what I did.
Eventually, I got so good at it, I didn’t even realize how much I was doing it. By my late 20s, it was in every aspect of my life. I didn’t know who I really was anymore. I could barely keep up with the different versions of me I was performing for other people.
I forgot how to just be me.
Although… now that I think about it, I don’t think I forgot—I just never really learned how to be me in the first place.
💡 Let Them… and Let Me
Reading The Let Them Theory encouraged me to take a step back and start making that learning process a priority. I highly recommend reading the book (or listening to the audiobook) if you haven’t already. Mel Robbins explains that the theory works in two parts: Let Them and then Let Me.
And it was that second part that really rocked my world.
“What I love about Let Me is that it immediately shows you what you can control. And there’s so much you can control: your attitude…your behavior… your values, your needs, your desires, and what YOU want to do in response to what just happened. It’s the opposite of judgement. Let Me is all about self-awareness, compassion, empowerment, and personal responsibility.” – Mel Robbins
That clicked. And I immediately started analyzing how I was moving through the world.
I realized I had been telling myself that everything had to be done the way others did it—or how others told me to do it. I had never really been looking inward for answers. I was seeking approval and permission.
So I vowed to myself to change that.
✨ Still Learning, Still Trying
Now, let me be clear: I’m not about to tell you I’ve been perfectly aligned every day since. Come on, y’all. Be real.
It is a STRUGGLE to stop people-pleasing. I know I’ll be unlearning it for a long time. But now I feel like I have the tools. I know what’s in my control and what isn’t. And I’m finally learning to release what isn’t—namely, other people and their actions.
It’s an adjustment. When you’ve spent your whole life people-pleasing and suddenly stop, it really does feel like you’re being aggressive when you simply speak your truth.
But what I’m learning is this:
The people who genuinely love you will respect your voice. The only ones who won’t are the ones who benefitted from your silence.
📚 Other Books That Have Helped Me
The Let Them Theory was the first of many books I’ve read to help me on this journey. In addition to the ones I’m reading now, here’s what I’ve finished so far:
Yes Please by Amy Poehler
On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King
Stop Saying You’re Fine by Mel Robbins
The Book of Shadow Work by Keila Shaheen
The High Five Habit by Mel Robbins
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
Each one has contributed to my self-awareness, empowerment, and growth. If you’re on your own journey, I’d recommend any (or all) of them.
⚖️ A Note on Balance
One thing I’ve learned? Don’t try to power-read your way into healing. That’s a fast track to burnout.
Early on, I got overwhelmed with all the homework-y self-help energy. So I paused and re-read all of Abby Jimenez’s books just to give my brain a break. Since then, I’ve made it a point to alternate self-improvement with comfort content.
These books aren’t magic wands. But they’ve become mirrors—reflecting back parts of me I hadn’t met before, or had forgotten existed.
💜 The Healing Is the Journey
I’m learning that healing isn’t a destination—it’s the journey itself. And that journey looks a little different every day.
Some days I’m ready to tackle big topics like self-compassion, purpose, and legacy. Other days, I just want to escape to Forks, Washington with some sparkly vampires. And both are perfectly fine.
The old me would’ve shamed myself for “wasting time” on fiction or fun. But now, I’m working on quieting that inner critic. I’m embracing the rhythm of work and rest. Intention and indulgence. Reflection and release.
Balance is the goal—not perfection.
🫶 Thank You for Reading
I’m so glad you’re here. Whether you’re on your own healing journey, or just popping in for the vibes—thank you for sharing this space with me.
If you’ve read a book that changed how you see yourself, I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
Bailz Has a Blog 