Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: mental-health

  • The Next Layer of Healing: From Liver to Lungs to Letting Go

    The Next Layer of Healing: From Liver to Lungs to Letting Go

    Hey hi hello! Happy Saturday, everyone! 💜

    Unfortunately, I am still not sleeping through the night. Although, the experience has shifted. I am no longer waking up drenched in night sweats (HOORAY! 🙌) — but now, instead of 3 AM, my body stirs at 4:45 AM.

    At first, I chalked it up to the time change and my system still adjusting to my new sleep rhythm. But when it continued, I got curious — and looked into what that time means through the lens of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM).

    🌬️ The 4:45 AM Connection — Lung Time

    According to the TCM body clock, 4:45 AM falls within the Lung time, which governs breath, grief, letting go, and renewal.

    So what does that mean for me? It’s actually a good sign.
    It means my liver is no longer stagnant — the focus has now shifted to my lungs for deeper processing and emotional release. The energy is moving, evolving, and finding balance.

    It feels like progress — slow, steady, sacred progress. ✨

    🍃 What I’m Doing to Support My Lungs

    I asked ChatGPT to help me map out a gentle plan to support lung qi, and here’s what I’m incorporating this week:

    🌿 Herbal Support

    • Continue nightly tea (peppermint + milk thistle + dandelion root) for liver support
    • Add morning peppermint tea to open and nourish the lung channel

    🌸 Breathwork

    • Gentle breathing exercises when I wake up at night
    • Deep, slow inhalations through the nose; soft, extended exhales through the mouth

    ☕ Nourishment

    • More bone broth, oats, and warm lemon water for moisture and warmth
    • Soothing, comforting foods to nurture lung energy

    💫 Movement + Ritual

    • Upper-body stretching morning and night to open the chest
    • Rubbing castor oil + peppermint essential oil on my chest before bed (using an old shirt or castor oil pack because castor oil stains!)

    While I’d love a full, uninterrupted night of sleep, I’m also proud of how attuned I’m becoming to my body — learning its signals, honoring its wisdom, and celebrating each new layer of healing. 🌙

    🕊️ Healing, One Step at a Time

    This journey has transformed every part of me — physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Each small shift feels like a new chapter opening.

    On Thursday, I reached out to a therapist whose profile deeply resonated with me — and within hours, I was on a consultation call with her. We talked about trauma, healing goals, and approaches to therapy, and the connection felt instantaneous.

    By the end of our call, I cried — not out of fear, but out of relief. Because for the first time in a long while, I felt truly seen and understood.
    It just felt right.

    Now I’m scheduled for my first appointment on Tuesday, and I couldn’t be more excited to continue this healing process with her guidance.

    I know that I’m doing a pretty great job with everything I’ve been doing on my own, but I also know I can only go so far solo. I need support, coaching, and encouragement for the moments when things get heavy again. So I used the positive momentum I’m riding now to take care of the future version of me who might not have the energy to ask for help when she really needs it. 💫

    💖 Following My Intuition

    Over the past few months, I’ve made so many intuitive decisions that have reshaped my life:

    • Chiropractic Care: I reached out expecting a wait — instead, I got in the very next day. Now I go three times a week, and my body feels significantly better. My chest feels more open; I literally feel like I can breathe easier. 🌟
    • Boudoir Photoshoot: A long-time dream I finally said yes to. I found the perfect photographer, booked the shoot, and every step of the process has felt like my gut saying, “Yes. This is for you.” 💃
    • Therapy: I decided to find support now, while I’m doing better, so I’m prepared for the harder moments ahead. I did my research, found someone who checked all the boxes, reached out, and she was able to speak to me that very day. 🧠💜

    Every time I show up for myself, the universe meets me halfway.

    🌞 My Daily Reminder

    Each morning, after my Morning Pages, I write this affirmation:

    “If I keep showing up, life will reward me.” 💫

    And it’s proving true, over and over again.

    I’m learning that showing up for yourself — even when it’s hard, even when it’s quiet — is the most powerful spell you can cast.

    Life really does reward those who keep choosing to heal. 🌿

    🌷 If these words brought you comfort, consider sharing them with a friend who might need them too. Subscribe below to stay connected — we’re healing, growing, and showing up together. 💫

    Love always, Bailz 💜

  • 🎨 Artist Date Week 4 — A Literal Walk in the Park

    🎨 Artist Date Week 4 — A Literal Walk in the Park

    Hey, hi, hello! 👋 Happy Thursday!

    Yesterday I had my Week 4 Artist Date, and it was truly lovely. For this week, I decided to take my inner artist on a little date to Trinity Park here in Fort Worth — and take a walk. I didn’t listen to anything while I walked; I just moved and soaked in the natural beauty of the park. Just me and my thoughts. 🦆🌳

    🌿 A Visit with the Ducks

    When I arrived, I parked by the duck pond, so before I got started, I spent some time by the water just watching the ducks and geese. That felt pretty special in itself.

    When I was little, one of my favorite activities with my great-grandmother was feeding the ducks and geese at the pond near her house. We’d stop at the store for day-old bread and then spend the afternoon by the water. (Side note: now I know better — bread isn’t great for them 😅 — but I didn’t back then.)

    It was such a sweet reminder of childhood to sit by the pond and hear the quacks and splashes and see families making those same memories. I actually got a little teary 🥲 — I felt my great-grandmother with me, proud of the woman I’m becoming, cheering me on.

    One goose even came right up to me and started pecking at my bracelets — like it was trying to say hello. I’m pretty sure that was Meme’s spirit dropping by. Even if it wasn’t, I’m choosing to believe it 🕊️.

    🚶‍♀️ The Walk Itself

    After sitting by the pond, I set off down the trail — a little over a mile each way. I wasn’t rushing or trying to turn it into a workout (though I did start my Apple Watch activity 😉). I just walked at whatever pace felt natural in the moment, breathing deeply and letting my thoughts flow.

    Texas still hasn’t gotten the memo that it’s November — it was sunny and 77°F ☀️ — but I wasn’t complaining. The weather was perfect. I went around lunch time, so the park was quiet and peaceful. For a while, I forgot I was in the middle of a big city. It was just me, the trees, the birds, and the path ahead.

    I made it my little mission to smile and say hi to every person I passed — no small talk required, just simple connection. Some avoided eye contact, some smiled back enthusiastically, and one gentleman I passed twice even laughed when I said, “Hello again!” Kindness really is contagious. 💫

    💤 Sleep Setbacks and Self-Compassion

    The last couple of nights have been rougher for sleep — last night I woke up at 4:45 a.m. and was a bit sweaty again. Not terrible, but noticeable. While it’s disappointing that this issue still lingers, I’m choosing not to get discouraged. Healing isn’t linear. My hormones are shifting as I near my period, and I know that’s likely part of it. 🌙

    So instead of spiraling, I’m focusing on being gentle with myself. When I wake up, I remind myself: I am safe. I am loved. I am okay. I’ll keep drinking my teas, journaling before bed, and showing up for myself — because I know I’m worth it. 🫖🕯️

    🌸 Doing the Unglamorous Work

    It’s not glamorous work — but it’s work I’m proud to be doing. For so long I avoided it — the feelings, the root causes, the habits. Now I’m doing the hard stuff even when I’m tired, cranky, or hormonal. I still write my morning pages. I still make my breakfast shake and take my supplements. I still move my body through walks, yoga, and Pilates. I still take myself on Artist Dates — even when I try to talk myself out of them until the last minute. 😉

    And because I’m sticking with it, my life is changing for the better — step by step, page by page, day by day. 💪✨

    🪷 A New Therapy Chapter

    Today I took another big step: I started looking for a new therapist. I searched on Psychology Today for specialists in somatic therapy — the kind that integrates body and mind healing instead of relying solely on talk therapy. After reading several profiles, I found someone who feels like a perfect fit and sent her a message requesting a consultation. 🌿

    I’ve done talk therapy before, and while venting always felt good, it never gave me the deep healing I was craving. I’m realizing that I need a more holistic approach — one that includes my mind, body, and spirit. So today, I stopped procrastinating and got started — and that alone feels like progress I can be proud of. 🩷

    💫 Closing Thoughts

    It’s days like this that remind me how much has shifted. I’m walking through healing — literally and metaphorically — and every step, every tear, every moment of presence matters. Here’s to listening to our bodies, honoring our inner artists, and continuing to show up for ourselves one gentle day at a time. 🌼

    ☀️ Thank you for walking beside me — both literally and metaphorically. 💜
    Subscribe below to keep joining me for more Artist Dates, healing rituals, and quiet moments of self-discovery. 🌿

    Love always,
    💜 Bailz

  • 🌿 A Day for Big Bailz Wins 🤗

    🌿 A Day for Big Bailz Wins 🤗

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Tuesday!

    🌙 The Sleep of Dreams (Literally!)

    Okay. First things first. YOU GUYS — I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! I went to sleep a little before 10 and didn’t wake up until 6am! I GOT A FULL 8 HOURS, YO! I genuinely cannot think of another time in recent history when that has happened, and I am just beyond excited.

    Last week, after realizing that my 3am wake-ups could be associated with issues with the liver, I purchased some peppermint leaves, milk thistle, and dandelion root — all three connected to supporting liver health — and I’ve been experimenting with tea blends each night about 1–2 hours before bed. I think they’ve been helping a lot. 🍵

    At first, I didn’t even realize I had made it through the night because I’ve stopped checking the clock when I wake up. All it does is stress me out. Plus, the light from my watch or phone doesn’t help anything. So now, if I wake up, I keep my eye mask on and focus on falling back asleep. This morning, I only realized what had happened when I heard the dogs getting up — and when I finally checked my watch, I was thrilled to see it was 6am. I still am. 😴✨

    💃 A Major Confidence Milestone

    And the wins didn’t stop there. This morning, I had an appointment — not just any appointment, but a wardrobe consultation for a boudoir photo shoot I finally scheduled for myself after years of self-denial. 👏

    This is something I’ve always wanted to do but constantly talked myself out of. I told myself it was silly, that I shouldn’t spend money on something like that, that I’d be judged or made fun of. I told myself a lot of negative things — mostly that I didn’t deserve to do what I wanted to do.

    But now, as I’ve been diving so deeply into this self-healing journey, I realized this is exactly the time to check that dream off my list. So last Thursday, I started researching local boudoir photographers. After some digging, I found one whose work perfectly matched the vibe I envisioned. Without overthinking it, I filled out the contact form and sent it off before I could talk myself out of it. I even told her about my healing journey and that this shoot was something I was doing for me (okay, yes, Heath’s excited too 😜, but ultimately, this is for me!).

    The next day, we hopped on a call to discuss details, and by the end of it, I had officially booked and prepaid for the shoot so there would be no backing out. I’m committed, baby! I booked, I paid, and then I cried real tears of pride. 🥹💜

    🪞 Facing the Mirror (and My Inner Critic)

    So today, I went in for my wardrobe consultation to try on outfit options for the shoot. And let me tell you, that mirror moment came with some inner critic commentary. My body looks different than it did a few months ago — I’ve been nourishing myself properly for the first time in a long time, and my shape is changing. It’s healthy, but it’s still an adjustment.

    When I looked in the mirror, I could hear her — that old familiar voice — whispering: “Your tummy isn’t flat anymore.” “Look at your thighs, that cellulite!” “You’re so big now.” For the first couple of minutes, I believed her. It’s hard not to when you’re standing half-naked in a new place, trying on lingerie. But then I made eye contact with myself and paused. I took a breath. I remembered the truth.

    My body is healthy. My body is nourished. My body is strong. 💪

    I used to starve it — sometimes intentionally, sometimes through neglect. But not anymore. Now I eat well, I move, I rest, I nurture myself. And yes, that means I look different. That’s something to celebrate. I’m feeding my body with love, and it’s showing me gratitude in return. ❤️

    So yeah, I’m celebrating this new, healthy body of mine next week with a sexy photo shoot — and I could not be more proud. I can’t wait to see how I feel on the day, or when I get the photos back. The best is yet to come. 🌸

    🗳️ And One More Win…

    After my appointment, I went to the community center by my house and voted! WOO! 🇺🇸

    The lovely women running the polling station were absolute gems — so kind and sweet. They complimented my sweater and boots, which completely made my day. Their warmth was contagious and left me smiling all the way home.

    🥗 Nourished and Happy

    Once home, I made myself a Mediterranean-style chopped salad I’ve been dreaming about for a while: sautéed tomatoes with garlic in avocado oil, mixed with chopped Kalamata olives, feta, cucumber, black beans, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, extra virgin olive oil, sea salt, and pepper.

    It was delicious — even better than I expected. And I can’t wait to make it again soon!

    💜 Grateful for the Good Days

    Today was a very good day — full of big Bailz wins. I’m showing up for myself, doing the work even when I don’t feel like it, and it’s bringing me days like this: days where I feel giddy, proud, and genuinely happy to be alive. For so long, that feeling felt impossible. But it’s here now, and I’m soaking it in.

    Here’s to the big wins, the little wins, and every moment in between. Thank you for being here with me on this journey — it means the world. 🌙

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

    PS – If this post made you smile, or reminded you to be a little kinder to yourself today, subscribe below. 💜

    Let’s keep growing together — one small win, one proud step, one healed piece at a time. 🌿

  • 💔 I Accidentally Hurt My Own Feelings

    💔 I Accidentally Hurt My Own Feelings

    Hey, hi, hello — happy Monday! 💜

    This weekend, while perusing the interwebs as one does, I stumbled across a ChatGPT prompt posted on Reddit that claimed it would take out the “yes-man” qualities of ChatGPT and give you honest feedback, point out weaknesses, and basically call you out on all your BS.

    I know now that I should not have done it. I am not in the space for that. I am still very delicate when it comes to my healing, self-love, and gentle re-parenting of myself. But what can I say? I was curious — so I tried it out.

    OMFG, I was not ready for that. 😳

    💥 When Curiosity Backfires

    My intentions were good — I wanted to push myself, to see what I could be doing better. But the results… well, they messed with my head quite a bit. I wonder if that’s what it’s like to Google yourself when you’re famous — you have good intentions, you want to see what people think, and then you immediately regret it because OMG.

    To me, it felt like reading a transcript of my inner critic. It was all laid out there in black and white — how much more I “should” be doing, how much I was “lying” to myself, how much time I was “wasting,” and how far I really hadn’t come. And you guys — I believed it so quick. SO quick. Because I have so much more practice believing the negative about myself.

    It completely tanked my day. Heath was out of town, I was home with the dogs, and I went from having a nice, quiet bit of “me time” to completely beating myself up over what a robot told me. 🤦‍♀️

    Yes, there are things I can improve on — of course there are. I am a work in progress, and I always will be. But I’ve made huge strides, and I’m incredibly proud of myself. And yet, I was so quick to doubt it all and throw away my progress because of something on a screen.

    I’ve since deleted that thread and its memory because it wasn’t bringing me any positive energy. I knew if I kept it, I’d just keep going back, rereading it, and slowly destroying my hard-fought confidence one word at a time. So — it’s gone to the ether now. Good riddance. 🚫

    🧘‍♀️ Re-Centering and Reconnecting

    Before I deleted it, I could feel Old Bailz slipping back in — slowly but surely. And it felt awful. So, I got up, put on my walking shoes, and walked it out on the walk pad. I also did a Pilates booty workout video on YouTube to really bring myself back into my body.

    As I moved, I started taking deeper breaths and gently — but firmly — reminded myself of all the good things I’ve done for myself recently, and how far I’ve come just in the last few weeks. By the time Heath got home, I felt more like myself again. I told him what happened, and you know what he did? He sent me into the bathroom and told me to high five myself ten times for how great I’m doing and how hard I’ve been working. 🖐️🪞

    So I did. And yeah, I cried — but they were tears of pride this time. And that felt really incredible. 💫

    🌿 Proof of Progress

    I really have come so far in a short amount of time. I’ve built rhythms and habits that I’ve never had before — and I’m keeping them because I finally believe I’m worth the effort.

    • 🕰️ Sleep: I have a set sleep schedule and stick to it pretty strictly — something I haven’t done since childhood. I’ve created this rhythm for myself because I know I’m worth it.
    • 🥗 Nutrition: I’m eating three balanced meals a day, getting 130+ grams of protein, hydrating, and taking my supplements consistently. I’m nourishing my body because I know I’m worth it.
    • 🏃‍♀️ Movement: I’m walking regularly, doing yoga, and now adding Pilates. I’m training my body because I know I’m worth it.

    Bottom line: I finally know I’m worth the effort I used to neglect. That’s the biggest win of all. 💜

    🌙 Showing Up Anyway

    Yeah, I’m still waking up in the middle of the night — and yeah, Daylight Savings Time didn’t help. But I’m going to keep trying, keep working toward that goal of sleeping through the night, and I bet I’ll get there sooner than I think.

    I trust myself to keep showing up and doing the work. I’m measuring my progress by how I feel — and truth be told, I feel pretty dang good. 🌸

    💫 Final Thoughts

    If you’re on a similar journey — if your confidence dips, if you slip back into old patterns, if you feel like you’ve taken a step backward — please know that you are not alone. Healing is not linear. Sometimes you’ll take a step forward and then two steps back, but what matters is that you keep showing up.

    If I can do it, I know that you can too. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

    Thank you so much for being here — it means more than you know. 💜 If you’d like to keep following along as I stumble, grow, and figure it all out one day at a time, subscribe below to get new posts sent straight to your inbox. Let’s keep learning (and unlearning) together. 🌿

  • ⏰ The 3AM Wake-Up Call: What My Body Is Trying to Tell Me

    ⏰ The 3AM Wake-Up Call: What My Body Is Trying to Tell Me

    One of my favorite things about this journey that I’m on is how much I am learning. 🌿

    In my last post, I talked about how I am using ChatGPT to track my food and how informative and fun that has been. Well, I have since expanded that a little bit now to also include tracking symptoms, feelings, and bodily experiences I am having as I am making these dietary changes.

    🌙 The 3AM Wake-Up Mystery

    Yesterday, after another less than stellar night of sleep, I decided I was going to have my second serving of creatine earlier in the day instead of before bed with my chai nighttime drink. I noted this in ChatGPT and said that I was having problems waking up at 3am every night, so I was hoping that maybe adjusting my creatine dosage time would help that.

    When it came back with the updated food log, it also specifically addressed the 3am wake-ups and mentioned how, in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), waking up at 3am is associated with the Liver and its energy (qi), which is tied to detox and emotional processing. Ding ding ding! That tracks. 🕒

    I immediately wanted to know more, so I opened a new thread within ChatGPT and asked it to explain Liver Qi in Traditional Chinese Medicine to me, explaining that I’ve been struggling with night sweats recently. Though they’ve improved and I’m now waking up dry, I’m still waking up every night at 3am without fail.

    🜂 What I Learned About Liver Qi

    What it came back with kinda blew my mind a bit. In TCM, each major organ or system in the body has its own time on the clock when it’s most active — cleaning, repairing, and detoxifying. The time for the Liver? 1–3am.

    If I’m waking up around that time every night, it could mean my Liver Qi is blocked, overactive, or drained — and that my body (and emotions) are trying to release something. 🌒

    The Liver governs not only physical detoxification, but also emotional regulation — especially tougher emotions like anger, resentment, frustration, and disappointment. When the Liver is imbalanced, it can also cause night sweats. Aha! So, they’re connected. 🔗

    💉 The Bloodwork That Told Me Nothing

    A few weeks ago, I got bloodwork done to check my vitamin D levels and did a hormone panel. Everything came back normal — to my relief, but also to my annoyance. Yay, I’m healthy… but boo, no answers. 😅

    I did learn, though, that my Vitamin D levels were at the very bottom of the normal range. So I’ve since upped my supplementation (currently 5,000 IU daily, sublingual). Still, the labs didn’t explain the night sweats — or the 3am wake-ups.

    🌒 Nightmares & Emotional Release

    Now, I’m happy to report that the sweats have gone — but I’m still waking up at 3am. And when I finally fall back asleep, I’ve been having rage-filled nightmares. Not monsters or exams — but screaming matches with my mom or sister, begging them to listen to me, to understand, to see me. In the dreams, they tell me to stop being so dramatic. 🌀

    I wake up furious, my body tense, my brain still convinced it really happened. It’s a horrible way to start the day, but my morning pages have been helping me process it. I write it all out — the anger, the sadness, the frustration — and it helps. Still, I’d prefer not to have the experience at all. Maybe someday soon. Fingers crossed. 🤞

    🪞Connecting the Dots

    Now that I know waking up at 3am and the night sweats are connected to my Liver Qi, it makes so much sense. My emotional regulation system is working overtime, processing old wounds and unresolved emotions. I’ve been stirring up a lot — both emotionally and physically — as I heal my gut and change my diet. It’s like my body said, “Oh, we’re doing this? Okay, let’s clean everything out.” 🌀

    So yes — it’s a bit of an “it gets worse before it gets better” situation. But I can feel myself on the other side of the worst of it. And I’ll take that. 🌤️

    🌿 Healing Liver Qi — Day 1

    Now that I understand what’s happening, I can actually work on balancing it. I asked ChatGPT to create a seven-day plan to help me support my Liver Qi. Today is Day 1. Here’s my plan:

    🜂 DAY 1 – FLOW

    Goal: Gently move Liver Qi & release lingering stagnation.

    • Evening Tea: Dandelion root + lemon slice 🍋
    • Yoga / Movement: 10-min slow flow with side stretches and seated twists 🧘‍♀️
    • Aromatherapy: Diffuse sweet orange + atlas cedar 🌲

    Journal Prompt:
    “Where in my life am I still holding tension, resentment, or control? What would it look like to let that energy move freely?”

    Affirmation:
    “I allow my energy to flow where it needs to go. I am safe to release.” 🌸

    💜 Closing Thoughts

    I’m genuinely excited to have found this new piece of the puzzle in my healing journey. I look forward to experimenting with these TCM-inspired practices and hopefully getting some solid sleep soon! 😴

    I’m also eager to keep learning about Traditional Chinese Medicine and how to weave its wisdom into my path toward whole-body healing — mind, body, and spirit. 🌕

    Thank you for being here, for reading, and for walking this journey with me. Your kindness, support, and encouragement mean more than you know. 💫

    If you haven’t already, please subscribe below so each new post arrives directly in your inbox — that way you never miss a discovery, confession, slip-up, or big win. 🌷

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌞 Showing Up in the Small Ways

    🌞 Showing Up in the Small Ways

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Monday! ✨
    I hope everyone’s week is off to a great start so far.

    Today has felt like one of those simple but meaningful days — the kind where you show up for yourself in the little ways, and it quietly adds up to something big.

    🌅 Morning Momentum

    I got up when my alarm went off (no procrastinating, for once 😅). I did my morning pages and affirmations, made my breakfast protein shake, took my supplements, and then headed to the chiropractor. Heath works from home on Mondays, so I was lucky enough to have him join me — we BOTH got adjusted this morning! Such a great way to start the week refreshed and in alignment (literally and energetically).

    When we got home, he started his workday and I put on my headphones, cued up an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, and started working on the house. 🧺 I did the dishes, worked on laundry, tidied the living room, made the bed — just focused on making the space feel good.

    🚶‍♀️ Walking Through Resistance

    Once I ran out of chores (waiting on laundry cycles), I hopped on the walk pad. Instead of my usual silent walk, I kept listening to Mel Robbins — a little mental bribe to get moving, and it worked.

    But then the thoughts started: “I can just do 20 minutes today. That’s better than nothing.” True — but I’ve set a 45-minute goal, and every time I reach it, I feel proud. I realized I was rushing for no real reason — just because part of me didn’t want to be uncomfortable. So I asked myself, “Okay, fine. If I get off now, what would I do instead?”

    Every time, I came up blank. There wasn’t anything else I actually wanted to be doing. I was just getting sweaty and my instinct was to stop. Once I noticed that, I decided to push through. I slowed my pace to about 2.6, but I kept going until the timer hit 45 minutes. ✅ When I finished, I felt accomplished — sweaty, yes, but genuinely proud for honoring that commitment.

    💪 Rewriting My Story with Movement

    I know walking is good for me — physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m still unlearning 35 years of believing exercise “isn’t for me,” so this chapter is about rewriting that story. Every time I do the thing I don’t want to do but know I need to, it gets a little easier. I’m building evidence that I can be consistent.

    📚 The Rest of the Day

    After my walk, I made lunch and enjoyed it slowly. I kept up with the laundry, tidied a few more things, and then sat down to read. I’m working through The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk — fascinating and dense. Today I made it through a few chapters in one sitting, and it felt good to be learning and focusing again.

    🌙 Consistency & Calm

    Over the last week I’ve stuck to my bedtime and morning routines and been intentional about nutrition — and I can finally feel the payoff. My energy is more stable, my focus is sharper, and even though sleep isn’t perfect yet, I can tell I’m moving in the right direction. It’s slow progress, but it’s progress.

    My goal right now is simple: stay consistent — with food, routines, movement, and mindset. If I build small, trustworthy habits my body and mind can rely on, that foundation will carry me forward.

    💜 The Beauty in Ordinary Days

    Today wasn’t extraordinary. Nothing flashy happened. But it was full of small, intentional choices — and that’s what real transformation looks like. This is the work. It isn’t always exciting or glamorous. It’s regulating my nervous system, showing up for myself, and learning to trust myself — even on quiet days when no one’s watching.

    All those little things I did today are helping me heal — one literal step at a time.

    Thanks for being here while I practice consistency, celebrate tiny wins, and keep choosing the long game.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

    💌 If you enjoyed this post and want to follow along on my journey of healing, self-discovery, and everyday magic, please subscribe so you never miss a new post. 🌿

  • 🌿 Two Years Post-Chemo: A Reflection on Healing, Growth, and Self-Trust

    🌿 Two Years Post-Chemo: A Reflection on Healing, Growth, and Self-Trust

    Yesterday, October 25th, officially marked two years since my last chemo infusion to treat Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

    I’ll admit — I didn’t realize what day it was at first. There wasn’t some big countdown like a birthday or anniversary. And when I finally did realize, it hit me harder than I expected. I knew the date was coming up, and I knew I wanted to write about it here, but I procrastinated thinking about it. I told myself, “I’ll think about it on the day.”

    And then suddenly, there it was — the day — and I felt blindsided.

    💭 Revisiting “That Day”

    At first, my mind went straight back to that original October 25th in 2023. To be honest, it wasn’t a great day.

    What I’d imagined would be full of joy and celebration ended up feeling disappointing and frustrating. I gave my emotional power away — not consciously, but I did.

    As I started writing about it, I got sucked right back into that version of myself — angry, hurt, raw. I wrote, deleted, rewrote. The emotions were heavy. I could feel them crawling up through the keys. It was like I’d time-traveled, sitting at my kitchen table but right back there.

    Eventually, I realized how foul I was feeling and stopped. I went to Heath, told him what was happening, and he just hugged men and listened. We talked, and he gently helped pull me out of that dark loop. He asked what I wanted to do that day just for fun, and the answer came easily: I wanted a pedicure — and I wanted him to go with me.

    So we did. 💅 It was simple but healing. Heath had never been to a nail salon before, so it became this small, joyful adventure for both of us.

    🌸 Choosing Growth Over the Old Loops

    Instead of spiraling back into the pain of that day, I decided to focus on how far I’ve come in two years.

    Two years ago, old Bailz would have let those emotions derail the entire day. She would’ve curled up in bed and let the pain consume her — because that was familiar. That was what she knew.

    But new Bailz recognized the loop. She spoke up. She asked for help. She chose to redirect.

    That’s the difference.

    Now, I’m learning to take care of myself in the hard moments, not just when things feel easy. I’m keeping promises to myself because I finally know I’m worth the work.

    💪 Two Years of Becoming

    If old me could see me now, I don’t think she’d believe it.

    Going to bed and waking up at the same time?
    Not snoozing the alarm four times?
    Eating consistently, moving my body, and actually being kind to myself?
    Who is this girl?!

    Two years ago, I was terrified to speak up about what I needed. I thought advocating for myself was selfish or rude. I thought the things that lit me up were fine for other people — just not for me, because no one had handed me permission.

    I had no idea how small I was making myself just to keep the peace.

    🕊 Turning Pain Into Purpose

    But here’s the thing: that difficult day — the last chemo day I was so angry about — ended up being a catalyst.

    It pushed me to write that letter to my family.
    It pushed me to finally speak up and take up space.

    The fallout was painful. There was grief, depression, and a long stretch of darkness. I held out hope that accountability might come, that relationships could heal. But when that didn’t happen, I started rebuilding without them.

    And now… I look around at this life I’ve built, and I am so proud of myself.

    🌻 What I’ve Learned in Two Years

    If I had to boil it all down to one lesson, it’s this:

    You only get one life — love it.
    And if you don’t love it, change it.

    That’s what I did.

    I started speaking up for myself. I started holding people accountable — and when they refused, I learned to walk away. I’ve grieved. I’ve healed. I’ve grown.

    I’ve gotten tattoos simply because I wanted them. I’ve taken myself on solo vacations. And earlier this year, Heath and I eloped — just the two of us (with our photographers as witnesses). We made that day ours. No guilt. No permission. Just love.

    That, to me, is the definition of healing — living life on your own terms, with self-trust and self-compassion leading the way.

    🌞 Here’s to Two Years of Change

    Two years post-chemo.
    Two years of reclaiming my life.
    Two years of learning to choose peace, joy, and authenticity — over and over again.

    All the work I’ve done can’t change the past. But it has changed how I see it — and how I see myself.

    Here’s to many more years of growth, of healing, of living fully.

    💜
    Love always,
    Bailz

  • 🌞 I Woke Up Not Sweaty This Morning!

    🌞 I Woke Up Not Sweaty This Morning!

    YOU GUYS — I WOKE UP NOT SWEATY THIS MORNING!!!

    Wow. Just… wow. I am so excited. Truly.

    I still woke up tired and wishing I could go right back to sleep, but the excitement of head-to-toe bodily dryness (!!!) got me up and out of bed within minutes of my alarm going off. HELL FREAKING YES. That is a win! 🙌

    A lot of work has gone into this big change, and I’m excited to share what I’ve been doing.

    🍸 Let’s Start with Alcohol

    First things first: I haven’t been drinking — not even one cocktail a night. I might try again this weekend, but for now, my new rule is no alcohol during the week. My last drink was on Monday night.

    🍳 Refueling My Body

    I’ve also started really focusing on eating enough. Honestly, this has been a lifelong challenge. My appetite fluctuates, and I’ve never been consistent about nourishing myself throughout the day.

    But now that I’m focusing on healing my body one step at a time, a new day has dawned — and food is a priority. My main focus right now is making sure I get enough protein every day, while keeping balance and intention.

    That means:

    • minimal processed foods,
    • no ingredients I can’t pronounce,
    • no dyes, artificial sweeteners, or “natural flavors.”

    Just real food, 80% of the time. The other 20%? Whatever makes life sweet — like Ben & Jerry’s. Because a life without ice cream? Not interested. 🍦

    💊 Supplements That Are Working

    I’ve been super consistent with my supplements lately.

    Recently, we discovered Just Ingredients and love how clean their products are — no fillers, and they list exactly where their vitamins and minerals come from. For example, their multivitamin’s Vitamin A comes from fermented wild carrot fruit extract. How cool is that?

    Here’s what my current regimen looks like:

    🥛 Breakfast:

    • 8 oz organic grass-fed milk
    • 1 scoop Just Ingredients Chocolate protein powder
    • 1 scoop Orgain Collagen Peptides

    💊 Morning Supplements:

    • Seed Probiotics (2)
    • Just Ingredients Adrenal Complex (2)
    • Just Ingredients Perimenopause (2)
    • Just Ingredients Multivitamin (2)
    • Now Vitamin D-3 2000 IU (2)

    🌙 Evening Supplements:

    • Now Magnesium Glycinate (2)
    • Solgar Evening Primrose Oil 1300 mg (1)

    🌙 Building a Bedtime Routine

    I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a solid bedtime and morning routine that stuck. Maybe elementary school?

    By fifth grade, I was already lying awake worrying about everything under the sun. As I got older, homework and perfectionism kept me up later and later. Sleep was always secondary. No wonder burnout has followed me my whole life.

    Now, I’m changing that story.

    Starting at 8 PM, I begin signaling to my body that it’s time to wind down:

    • Overhead lights off.
    • Phone on Do Not Disturb.
    • Soft, relaxing music on. 🎶

    Then I make my nighttime drink — Just Ingredients Chai — with milk for a little protein boost, plus a scoop of Orgain Creatine. It’s so good. This is also when I take my nighttime supplements.

    After that:

    • Wash face, brush teeth.
    • Run a hot bath, and do a short Yoga with Adriene bedtime session while the water fills up.
    • Soak for 30 minutes.
    • Rinse off with cold water to cool down.
    • Get into bed and read until 10 PM lights out.

    🛏️ Small Wins Add Up

    Last night, the routine was slightly off — Heath stopped at Costco on the way home, so dinner was late. But even with the delay, I still started my routine as soon as I could and was chasing sleep by 10:15. That’s a win.

    I did wake around 1:30 AM (thank you, Winston & Wrigley 🙄), but I fell back asleep quickly and slept through the rest of the night.

    When my alarm went off, I was tempted to hit snooze, but I didn’t. I got up — still very tired, but still moving forward. And it worked. I even had enough energy to put on a cute fall outfit for my chiropractor appointment. Normally it’s leggings and a big tee, but today? Shorts, tights, boots, cozy sweater — and I felt like me again.

    💆‍♀️ Chiropractic Progress

    I’ve now had four adjustments, and the difference is noticeable. Yesterday we discovered a dislocated rib (which explains that weird “spilling out” feeling), and now we’re working on getting it back in place. My muscles are adjusting, my body is realigning — it’s wild and fascinating all at once.

    💜 Learning to Be Proud

    I know I still have a ways to go. I’ll slip up sometimes — I’m human. But today? I’m proud of myself.

    I’m showing up, even when I don’t want to. I’m doing the work. And I’m starting to see the benefits, both physically and mentally.

    For me to even say that out loud — and mean it — is huge. I used to tear myself down before anyone else could. If I did something well, I’d downplay it. If I felt happy, I’d call it a fluke.

    But not today.

    Today, I’m letting myself celebrate.
    I’m letting myself be proud.
    And it feels really, really good. 🌸

    🌸 Wrapping It All Up

    This season of life feels like one long lesson in patience, self-trust, and grace. Every little win — every dry morning, every deep breath, every night I keep my promise to myself — reminds me that change is possible when it’s rooted in love instead of pressure.

    I know I still have work to do, but I’m finally learning to enjoy the process instead of rushing toward the finish line. Healing isn’t linear; it’s a dance of progress and pause, effort and ease. And right now, I’m just grateful to be dancing at all.

    Thank you for being here with me through it — for reading, cheering, and walking alongside me while I figure this all out, one mindful step at a time.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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  • 🎨 My Week Two Artist Date: A Conversation with Beauty

    🎨 My Week Two Artist Date: A Conversation with Beauty

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday, everyone! 👋

    As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been working through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. In addition to daily morning pages, she also recommends a weekly Artist Date — and I just got back home from mine for this week, so I wanted to share a little bit about it.

    🌿 What Is an Artist Date?

    Great question! Cameron describes it as:

    “A block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness — your inner artist.”

    She also notes that:

    “You do not take anyone on this artist date but you and your inner artist, a.k.a. your creative child.”

    So essentially, it’s a weekly solo adventure meant to refill your creative well — no productivity required, no audience to impress.

    💅 Week One: Playing It Safe

    For my first Artist Date, I played it pretty safe and took myself to get my nails done. I incorporated the “artist” part by intuitively choosing a different color than usual — red this time instead of my signature black. Small shift, big statement.

    🖼️ Week Two: The Kimbell Art Museum

    For week two, I wanted to stretch myself a bit and really lean into the artist concept.

    After my chiropractor appointment this morning, I decided that today would be my Artist Date day. I took myself to the Kimbell Art Museum here in Fort Worth. I’ve been before, but never by myself — so this experience was new and exciting, but also a little intimidating.

    I’m not really a “go-do-stuff-by-myself” kind of gal, but I’m working on that. And today was a great exercise in doing something just for me.

    ✨ Letting Art Be Enough

    I wandered for about an hour and a half, just soaking in the beauty of the paintings and sculptures on display.

    Within the first few minutes, I knew I was going to want to write about my experience here on the blog. I was so tempted to shape my visit around that — taking photos, making notes, writing the post in my head as I went. But I stopped myself.

    The whole point was to take my inner artist out — just me and her, looking at some art together. Not to turn the experience into a performance.

    So, I decided to simply be there. To let beauty do what beauty does best — speak without words.

    I only took one photo: Caravaggio’s Judith Beheading Holofernes (on loan from Rome). It was… pretty rad.

    🧘‍♀️ Coming Home to Myself

    Now that I’m back home, I plan to do some yoga and get my steps in on the walk pad. As much as I’m feeling the pull toward a nap, I’m trying to hold off and stay consistent with the rhythm I’m building.

    Last night, I started a new bedtime routine to help me reset my sleep cycle. (Shoutout to ChatGPT for helping me design it — it’s a whole two-hour wind-down process that gets me in bed, lights out, by 10 p.m.)

    Even though it still took me a little while to drift off, I didn’t reach for my phone or my book after ten. I kept my eye mask on and focused on my breathing.

    Any time my thoughts wandered, instead of beating myself up, I gently thought:

    “That’s nice. I’m going to focus back on my breathing now.”

    It felt strange at first — but so good to be nice to myself.

    💭 Learning to Be Kind Inside My Own Head

    Now that I’m really paying attention to how I talk to myself, I’m realizing how incredibly negative I’ve been for so long — maybe my whole life. I used to justify it as self-improvement, but honestly, it only made things harder.

    So, I’m trying something new: gentle self-compassion. And it seems to be working.

    My night sweats are still lingering, but they’re so much better than before. I didn’t have to get up or change clothes last night — which feels like a win! I’m hoping that as I keep focusing on healing my body and my mind (through chiropractic care, yoga, walking, better nutrition, and real rest), the physical symptoms will fade, and I can turn my full energy toward the deeper work — inner child healing, and learning to move through the world with less fear and more faith.

    Because honestly? Everything feels more manageable when I’m sleeping well.

    🌙 Closing Thoughts

    So, fingers crossed that things will only improve from here — but even if progress is slow, I’m learning to celebrate the small shifts.

    Today reminded me that healing doesn’t have to be loud. Sometimes it’s just you, quietly standing in front of a painting, remembering that beauty exists — and that you belong to it.

    Here’s to more Artist Dates, more gentle self-talk, and more days that feel like a deep breath. 🌸

    Thank you for being here with me on this journey! I am so grateful for you all!

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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  • 🌙 Showing Up Scared (Again)

    🌙 Showing Up Scared (Again)

    I find myself in a weird space today. On one hand, I’m feeling better than I have all week—more like myself, less like someone who needs to make herself small for the comfort of others. On the other hand, I’m feeling emotionally conflicted.

    💬 Speaking My Truth

    Before I go any further, I have a confession: I’ve been keeping some of my emotional pain to myself. My inner critic has been whispering that sharing any of it would be “airing dirty laundry” or “slinging mud.” But I’m realizing that talking about what I’ve lived through isn’t gossip—it’s honesty. And this blog was never meant to be a highlight reel. It’s about authenticity. So, here we go.

    🌧 Two Years of Distance

    About two years ago, I made the incredibly difficult decision to create distance between myself and my mom and sister. The years leading up to that point were full of me begging to be seen, heard, and understood—and coming up empty. I was repeatedly told I was “too sensitive,” that I needed to toughen up, that my feelings were exaggerated. Eventually, I couldn’t keep doing it. I wrote a long message explaining how I felt, and then I stepped back.

    Since then, there have been opportunities for conversation, for accountability, for healing—but none have gone the way I’d hoped. The response has always been some version of, “You’re too sensitive,” or, “You owe us the apology.” That used to devastate me. Now, I see it for what it is: a reflection of where they are in their own process, not a measure of my worth.

    Creating that distance broke my heart. But it also saved me. It gave me room to start figuring out who I am outside of the family roles I used to play. I stopped living in constant self-doubt and started learning how to protect my peace instead of sacrificing it for harmony that wasn’t real.

    🔥 Choosing Growth Over Smallness

    The easy thing would have been to slide back into my old patterns—the people-pleasing, the self-silencing, the shrinking. And I won’t lie, it’s crossed my mind more times than I can count. But this time, I’m choosing differently. I’m choosing to do the hard thing: to build a life that’s mine. To uphold my boundaries. To protect my peace. To discover who I am, not who I needed to be to keep everyone else comfortable.

    The past two years have been heavy—grief mixed with anxiety, depression, and a lot of questioning myself. There are still moments where I think, “Maybe I am too sensitive.” But then I look back at what actually happened, and I remember: sensitivity isn’t a flaw. It’s my radar. It’s how I survived—and how I’m learning to thrive.

    🍽 Dinner and Discomfort

    When my dad reached out about having dinner last night, I said yes—hesitantly, but yes. All day yesterday I was a bundle of anxiety and anger. I nearly cancelled. I didn’t want to be triggered or spiral backwards. But I also wanted to see my dad. So I decided to prepare myself the best way I know how: through intentional self-care.

    I walked on the walk pad. I did yoga. I soaked in a Flewd anxiety-easing bath (this one, if you’re curious). I took a shower and put on an outfit that made me feel confident and grounded. I was still anxious, but underneath it, there was something new—trust in myself. Trust that no matter how dinner went, I could handle it differently this time.

    And you know what? It went… okay. It was even, dare I say, fun. But that’s where the emotional conflict comes in. I’m relieved we had a nice time, but that doesn’t mean everything is fixed. Most of the conversation was light, surface-level. And while it felt good to laugh, there’s still a part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop. One good evening doesn’t rebuild trust. It’s a start, not a solution.

    🕯 Where I Am Now

    So that’s where I am today: in between emotions. Hopeful but cautious. Tired but proud. Grateful but guarded. And that’s okay. I don’t have to have it all figured out. My only job right now is to keep listening to my intuition, being gentle with myself, and making choices that feel aligned with who I am in this exact moment—not past Bailz, not future Bailz, just right-now Bailz.

    Today, that looks like walking again. Eating a protein-heavy meal. Sitting down to write this even though it scares the absolute shit out of me. Because I know I’d regret staying silent more than I’ll ever regret being honest.

    I’m showing up scared—again—because I know in my gut that it’s the right thing to do.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

    PS – 🌿 If you’re walking through something similar — learning to set boundaries, navigating family pain, or just figuring out how to take up space again — I hope my story reminds you that you’re not alone. Healing isn’t linear, but it is possible. One honest moment at a time. 💜

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