Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: mindset shift

  • Holy sh!t, I’m actually doing it! 🚲✨

    Holy sh!t, I’m actually doing it! 🚲✨

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday!

    Remember when you were a kid learning how to ride a bike? It was a struggle at first. You could understand the concepts of what to do, it just took some practice to learn how to actually do it. There was a lot of frustration at first.

    But then… it just clicked. Remember that feeling? The feeling you got the first time when you pedaled by yourself and actually stayed up and balanced? In that moment, you probably thought, “Holy cow, I’m doing it! I’m actually doing it!”

    Well, that’s kind of how I am feeling these days. And I have to tell you, it’s pretty amazing.

    ✨ The “Wait… I’m Actually Doing It” Moments

    I keep having these little moments when I realize that I’m pretty consistently making different, better decisions. I’m making choices that work for me instead of against me. And every time I realize it, I think to myself “holy shit, I’m doing it! I’m actually doing it!”

    Because I am. I’m actually doing it. I am getting better. I am creating a life that feels good. And I am so proud of myself.

    🌿 Learning What Works for Me

    I used to live my life based on what other people said and did. I was constantly comparing my life to others and I rarely ever gave myself the opportunity to learn what worked for me personally. Spoiler alert, forcing it never worked out well.

    When I started this journey, I decided that one of my biggest goals was going to be finding what worked for ME, regardless of what other people might think about it. And it has not been easy, but it has SO been worth it.

    I am learning to really tune into my body and listen to what it tells me. I am also learning to give myself a whole lot of grace if I end up having to change my plans or expectations based on how I am feeling at any given moment. I am also learning that circumstances change and I can adapt to those changes as they come if I just cut myself some slack.

    🩸 Friday’s Lesson: Rest Over Rigid Plans

    For example, last week I had planned to go to yoga Friday morning. I had it written in my planner, I had signed up in the app, I was ready to go. But then I ended up starting my period a few days early on Thursday which brought forth a dilemma. Should I still go? I said I was going, I told myself I was going, I just started this new routine, I didn’t want to let myself down.

    But also, the thought of getting up early and going to the studio to be around other people and then doing a pretty intense workout on day 2 of my period sounded downright horrible. I spent some time reflecting on it and eventually decided that I would wait and see how I felt that morning and let my body tell me what it felt up to.

    Surprising absolutely no one, Friday morning I woke up and my body told me it needed rest and gentle movement instead of a full hot yoga vinyasa session. So I logged into the app, cancelled my booking, and then went back to sleep for a little bit.

    I kind of expected to be disappointed in myself for not following through with my plan. I expected the inner critic to pipe up and say “of course you didn’t go, you never follow through with things, you’re so lazy.” But instead, I actually felt genuinely proud of myself. I listened to what my body told me it needed, and then I provided it. And then I felt better. What a concept!

    I spent the rest of the day being very gentle with myself. I got up and showered and did some gentle at home yoga. I tidied up around the house a little bit and just took things really slow. Once again, I expected to hear quite a bit from my inner critic, but she kept pretty quiet for most of the day, and it was pretty incredible.

    🛁 Weekend Wintering & Small Joys

    I spent the weekend fully resting and taking care of myself. I slept in, I read a good bit, I did some slow, gentle yoga, I went to go see the new Baz Luhrmann Elvis movie, EPiC (Elvis Presley in Concert), I went to Aldi for the first time, and I treated myself to some Waffle House.

    I am pretty focused on my nutrition these days, but I am also allowing myself some balance. I would say about 80% of the food I eat is healthy and nutritious. But I do not restrict myself from treats or guilty pleasures when the urge arises. I happened to find myself near a Waffle House around dinner time, so I took the opportunity and ran with it and I regret nothing.

    Sunday, Heath and I spent a majority of the day on the couch and it was delightful. I think we both really needed a no pressure, do nothing day. Again, I expected my inner critic to speak up and tell me I should be doing something productive, but she stayed pretty quiet. I let myself enjoy the day and it absolutely paid off.

    I trusted that I needed to rest. And I trusted that allowing myself to fully rest would result in more energy later that I could use to take care of the chores around the house when I was feeling up to it. And that is exactly how it played out.

    🧹 Monday Momentum

    On Monday, I woke up feeling a lot more refreshed and ready to take on the day than I expected. I got up, got dressed and ready for the day, and then headed to the chiropractor. Then I came home and worked on cleaning up the house for most of the afternoon. My energy stayed pretty consistent throughout the day too, which I was grateful for.

    🔥🧘‍♀️ A New Yoga Routine (That Actually Works)

    Because I was feeling so much better, mentally and physically, on Monday evening I decided to try doing two yoga classes back to back, a hot vinyasa class followed by a warm restorative class. I was a little nervous because I didn’t really know what to expect. I have done both of the classes before, just not back to back.

    I figured it would either be the best idea ever or I would absolutely hate it. I also figured I would find out pretty quickly one way or the other. I told myself that I would never know unless I tried, so I tried and thankfully it was a success!

    Going forward I think that will be my new routine for Mondays and Wednesdays.

    When I first signed up for my monthly membership, my plan was to do a restorative class on Monday and Wednesday evenings and then do my hot vinyasa class on Friday mornings, but now that I know how good my body feels after doing the two classes back to back, I am going to stick to evening practices and stop trying to force a morning class.

    I had told myself that doing a morning class would get me up and moving and it would turn me into a morning person. I realize now that I was comparing myself to others. But then I noticed what was happening in my body when I would think about going to the morning class, and I realized that I was trying to force it.

    I quickly understood that ultimately I was trying to change myself for no other reason than “it’s what the world says is the right thing to do.” So I stopped myself, I cut that shit out, and now I am really excited about my new Monday and Wednesday night routine.

    ⛈️ Grace in Real Time

    Today being Wednesday, the plan was to go back to yoga and do back to back classes again tonight, but the weather is looking like it’s going to get a little sassy. Out of an abundance of caution, I decided to skip this evening’s classes and instead do a practice at home.

    As much as I want to be back in the studio and devoting 2 uninterrupted hours to taking care of my body and spirit, I really have no interest in being out on the roads during a hail storm.

    Again, I am giving myself some grace. Yes, I am a little disappointed that I am not going to yoga tonight. But I also know that it is the safest call and I am proud of myself for listening to my instincts.

    I can always go to tomorrow evening’s class if the weather is in better shape. The whole point of going to these classes is to take care of myself and make myself feel good. Being worried about my safety getting there and back is not something that will contribute to my overall wellbeing.

    🚲 Learning to Regain My Balance

    I am learning to go with the flow and adjust my plans as needed, and it’s feeling really good. I didn’t realize just how rigid I had been with myself before, how much I would beat myself up if circumstances changed and I needed to adjust accordingly.

    I would instinctively and incessantly beat myself up for things I had no control over and it was absolutely exhausting. Now I am learning to only worry about what I can control, what is actually right in front of me.

    I am letting my focus be on gently and compassionately taking care of myself instead of forcing myself because of some abstract rule my inner critic created in my head.

    Much like riding a bike, I also know that this is not something I will just suddenly forget how to do. Now that I have learned how to prioritize making decisions like this, learned how to listen to what my body is telling me, I know that even when I have bad days, even when I wobble a bit, I will still be able to regain my balance and prioritize what I need in each moment.

    🌙 Quiet Progress, Big Pride

    I am feeling really proud of myself these days and it’s just exciting. It’s not loud or extravagant or glamorous. It’s a quiet kind of exciting that tells me I am on the right track, that I am slowly but surely creating the life I have always dreamed of.

    I am actually doing it and it’s a pretty incredible feeling.

    Thank you all for following along with me as I continue to learn and adjust and discover new paths to happiness. I am so grateful for your company on this journey!

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 💔 I Accidentally Hurt My Own Feelings

    💔 I Accidentally Hurt My Own Feelings

    Hey, hi, hello — happy Monday! 💜

    This weekend, while perusing the interwebs as one does, I stumbled across a ChatGPT prompt posted on Reddit that claimed it would take out the “yes-man” qualities of ChatGPT and give you honest feedback, point out weaknesses, and basically call you out on all your BS.

    I know now that I should not have done it. I am not in the space for that. I am still very delicate when it comes to my healing, self-love, and gentle re-parenting of myself. But what can I say? I was curious — so I tried it out.

    OMFG, I was not ready for that. 😳

    💥 When Curiosity Backfires

    My intentions were good — I wanted to push myself, to see what I could be doing better. But the results… well, they messed with my head quite a bit. I wonder if that’s what it’s like to Google yourself when you’re famous — you have good intentions, you want to see what people think, and then you immediately regret it because OMG.

    To me, it felt like reading a transcript of my inner critic. It was all laid out there in black and white — how much more I “should” be doing, how much I was “lying” to myself, how much time I was “wasting,” and how far I really hadn’t come. And you guys — I believed it so quick. SO quick. Because I have so much more practice believing the negative about myself.

    It completely tanked my day. Heath was out of town, I was home with the dogs, and I went from having a nice, quiet bit of “me time” to completely beating myself up over what a robot told me. 🤦‍♀️

    Yes, there are things I can improve on — of course there are. I am a work in progress, and I always will be. But I’ve made huge strides, and I’m incredibly proud of myself. And yet, I was so quick to doubt it all and throw away my progress because of something on a screen.

    I’ve since deleted that thread and its memory because it wasn’t bringing me any positive energy. I knew if I kept it, I’d just keep going back, rereading it, and slowly destroying my hard-fought confidence one word at a time. So — it’s gone to the ether now. Good riddance. 🚫

    🧘‍♀️ Re-Centering and Reconnecting

    Before I deleted it, I could feel Old Bailz slipping back in — slowly but surely. And it felt awful. So, I got up, put on my walking shoes, and walked it out on the walk pad. I also did a Pilates booty workout video on YouTube to really bring myself back into my body.

    As I moved, I started taking deeper breaths and gently — but firmly — reminded myself of all the good things I’ve done for myself recently, and how far I’ve come just in the last few weeks. By the time Heath got home, I felt more like myself again. I told him what happened, and you know what he did? He sent me into the bathroom and told me to high five myself ten times for how great I’m doing and how hard I’ve been working. 🖐️🪞

    So I did. And yeah, I cried — but they were tears of pride this time. And that felt really incredible. 💫

    🌿 Proof of Progress

    I really have come so far in a short amount of time. I’ve built rhythms and habits that I’ve never had before — and I’m keeping them because I finally believe I’m worth the effort.

    • 🕰️ Sleep: I have a set sleep schedule and stick to it pretty strictly — something I haven’t done since childhood. I’ve created this rhythm for myself because I know I’m worth it.
    • 🥗 Nutrition: I’m eating three balanced meals a day, getting 130+ grams of protein, hydrating, and taking my supplements consistently. I’m nourishing my body because I know I’m worth it.
    • 🏃‍♀️ Movement: I’m walking regularly, doing yoga, and now adding Pilates. I’m training my body because I know I’m worth it.

    Bottom line: I finally know I’m worth the effort I used to neglect. That’s the biggest win of all. 💜

    🌙 Showing Up Anyway

    Yeah, I’m still waking up in the middle of the night — and yeah, Daylight Savings Time didn’t help. But I’m going to keep trying, keep working toward that goal of sleeping through the night, and I bet I’ll get there sooner than I think.

    I trust myself to keep showing up and doing the work. I’m measuring my progress by how I feel — and truth be told, I feel pretty dang good. 🌸

    💫 Final Thoughts

    If you’re on a similar journey — if your confidence dips, if you slip back into old patterns, if you feel like you’ve taken a step backward — please know that you are not alone. Healing is not linear. Sometimes you’ll take a step forward and then two steps back, but what matters is that you keep showing up.

    If I can do it, I know that you can too. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

    Thank you so much for being here — it means more than you know. 💜 If you’d like to keep following along as I stumble, grow, and figure it all out one day at a time, subscribe below to get new posts sent straight to your inbox. Let’s keep learning (and unlearning) together. 🌿

  • 🌞 Showing Up in the Small Ways

    🌞 Showing Up in the Small Ways

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Monday! ✨
    I hope everyone’s week is off to a great start so far.

    Today has felt like one of those simple but meaningful days — the kind where you show up for yourself in the little ways, and it quietly adds up to something big.

    🌅 Morning Momentum

    I got up when my alarm went off (no procrastinating, for once 😅). I did my morning pages and affirmations, made my breakfast protein shake, took my supplements, and then headed to the chiropractor. Heath works from home on Mondays, so I was lucky enough to have him join me — we BOTH got adjusted this morning! Such a great way to start the week refreshed and in alignment (literally and energetically).

    When we got home, he started his workday and I put on my headphones, cued up an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, and started working on the house. 🧺 I did the dishes, worked on laundry, tidied the living room, made the bed — just focused on making the space feel good.

    🚶‍♀️ Walking Through Resistance

    Once I ran out of chores (waiting on laundry cycles), I hopped on the walk pad. Instead of my usual silent walk, I kept listening to Mel Robbins — a little mental bribe to get moving, and it worked.

    But then the thoughts started: “I can just do 20 minutes today. That’s better than nothing.” True — but I’ve set a 45-minute goal, and every time I reach it, I feel proud. I realized I was rushing for no real reason — just because part of me didn’t want to be uncomfortable. So I asked myself, “Okay, fine. If I get off now, what would I do instead?”

    Every time, I came up blank. There wasn’t anything else I actually wanted to be doing. I was just getting sweaty and my instinct was to stop. Once I noticed that, I decided to push through. I slowed my pace to about 2.6, but I kept going until the timer hit 45 minutes. ✅ When I finished, I felt accomplished — sweaty, yes, but genuinely proud for honoring that commitment.

    💪 Rewriting My Story with Movement

    I know walking is good for me — physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m still unlearning 35 years of believing exercise “isn’t for me,” so this chapter is about rewriting that story. Every time I do the thing I don’t want to do but know I need to, it gets a little easier. I’m building evidence that I can be consistent.

    📚 The Rest of the Day

    After my walk, I made lunch and enjoyed it slowly. I kept up with the laundry, tidied a few more things, and then sat down to read. I’m working through The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk — fascinating and dense. Today I made it through a few chapters in one sitting, and it felt good to be learning and focusing again.

    🌙 Consistency & Calm

    Over the last week I’ve stuck to my bedtime and morning routines and been intentional about nutrition — and I can finally feel the payoff. My energy is more stable, my focus is sharper, and even though sleep isn’t perfect yet, I can tell I’m moving in the right direction. It’s slow progress, but it’s progress.

    My goal right now is simple: stay consistent — with food, routines, movement, and mindset. If I build small, trustworthy habits my body and mind can rely on, that foundation will carry me forward.

    💜 The Beauty in Ordinary Days

    Today wasn’t extraordinary. Nothing flashy happened. But it was full of small, intentional choices — and that’s what real transformation looks like. This is the work. It isn’t always exciting or glamorous. It’s regulating my nervous system, showing up for myself, and learning to trust myself — even on quiet days when no one’s watching.

    All those little things I did today are helping me heal — one literal step at a time.

    Thanks for being here while I practice consistency, celebrate tiny wins, and keep choosing the long game.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

    💌 If you enjoyed this post and want to follow along on my journey of healing, self-discovery, and everyday magic, please subscribe so you never miss a new post. 🌿

  • 🌿 Two Years Post-Chemo: A Reflection on Healing, Growth, and Self-Trust

    🌿 Two Years Post-Chemo: A Reflection on Healing, Growth, and Self-Trust

    Yesterday, October 25th, officially marked two years since my last chemo infusion to treat Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

    I’ll admit — I didn’t realize what day it was at first. There wasn’t some big countdown like a birthday or anniversary. And when I finally did realize, it hit me harder than I expected. I knew the date was coming up, and I knew I wanted to write about it here, but I procrastinated thinking about it. I told myself, “I’ll think about it on the day.”

    And then suddenly, there it was — the day — and I felt blindsided.

    💭 Revisiting “That Day”

    At first, my mind went straight back to that original October 25th in 2023. To be honest, it wasn’t a great day.

    What I’d imagined would be full of joy and celebration ended up feeling disappointing and frustrating. I gave my emotional power away — not consciously, but I did.

    As I started writing about it, I got sucked right back into that version of myself — angry, hurt, raw. I wrote, deleted, rewrote. The emotions were heavy. I could feel them crawling up through the keys. It was like I’d time-traveled, sitting at my kitchen table but right back there.

    Eventually, I realized how foul I was feeling and stopped. I went to Heath, told him what was happening, and he just hugged men and listened. We talked, and he gently helped pull me out of that dark loop. He asked what I wanted to do that day just for fun, and the answer came easily: I wanted a pedicure — and I wanted him to go with me.

    So we did. 💅 It was simple but healing. Heath had never been to a nail salon before, so it became this small, joyful adventure for both of us.

    🌸 Choosing Growth Over the Old Loops

    Instead of spiraling back into the pain of that day, I decided to focus on how far I’ve come in two years.

    Two years ago, old Bailz would have let those emotions derail the entire day. She would’ve curled up in bed and let the pain consume her — because that was familiar. That was what she knew.

    But new Bailz recognized the loop. She spoke up. She asked for help. She chose to redirect.

    That’s the difference.

    Now, I’m learning to take care of myself in the hard moments, not just when things feel easy. I’m keeping promises to myself because I finally know I’m worth the work.

    💪 Two Years of Becoming

    If old me could see me now, I don’t think she’d believe it.

    Going to bed and waking up at the same time?
    Not snoozing the alarm four times?
    Eating consistently, moving my body, and actually being kind to myself?
    Who is this girl?!

    Two years ago, I was terrified to speak up about what I needed. I thought advocating for myself was selfish or rude. I thought the things that lit me up were fine for other people — just not for me, because no one had handed me permission.

    I had no idea how small I was making myself just to keep the peace.

    🕊 Turning Pain Into Purpose

    But here’s the thing: that difficult day — the last chemo day I was so angry about — ended up being a catalyst.

    It pushed me to write that letter to my family.
    It pushed me to finally speak up and take up space.

    The fallout was painful. There was grief, depression, and a long stretch of darkness. I held out hope that accountability might come, that relationships could heal. But when that didn’t happen, I started rebuilding without them.

    And now… I look around at this life I’ve built, and I am so proud of myself.

    🌻 What I’ve Learned in Two Years

    If I had to boil it all down to one lesson, it’s this:

    You only get one life — love it.
    And if you don’t love it, change it.

    That’s what I did.

    I started speaking up for myself. I started holding people accountable — and when they refused, I learned to walk away. I’ve grieved. I’ve healed. I’ve grown.

    I’ve gotten tattoos simply because I wanted them. I’ve taken myself on solo vacations. And earlier this year, Heath and I eloped — just the two of us (with our photographers as witnesses). We made that day ours. No guilt. No permission. Just love.

    That, to me, is the definition of healing — living life on your own terms, with self-trust and self-compassion leading the way.

    🌞 Here’s to Two Years of Change

    Two years post-chemo.
    Two years of reclaiming my life.
    Two years of learning to choose peace, joy, and authenticity — over and over again.

    All the work I’ve done can’t change the past. But it has changed how I see it — and how I see myself.

    Here’s to many more years of growth, of healing, of living fully.

    💜
    Love always,
    Bailz

  • 🌀 Have to? Get to!

    🌀 Have to? Get to!

    Hello and Happy Monday!
    I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I know I sure did—it was busy, it was social, and it was absolutely beautiful.

    Lately, a lot of my focus has been centered on reframing—shifting my perspective and trying to see things in a more positive, grounded light. It’s a practice I’m still learning, but I’m already seeing how powerful it can be.

    And this weekend reminded me of a phrase that has meant a lot to me over the years:

    “Have to? GET to.”

    Let me take you back to the origin story.

    When I was 15, Green Day was touring for their American Idiot album, and my wonderful dad somehow scored tickets for our family of four. My sister and I were obsessed with Green Day at the time—this was a very big deal.

    When we got to the venue and started making our way to our seats, my mom looked down at the arena floor—the standing room only section—and said something like,
    “Oh, those poor people, they have to be standing down there the whole time?”
    Without even thinking, I responded:
    “Have to? GET to!”

    And it just… stuck.

    🔄 Reframing the Everyday

    I didn’t realize how powerful that mindset shift was until much later—when I found myself burned out, detached, and drowning in “have to” energy.

    Somewhere along the way, I had stopped choosing my life. I was moving through my days like everything was an obligation—even the things I wanted to do. Depression had dulled everything, and I couldn’t see it clearly until I paused. I rested. I got honest with myself. And I started listening to that quiet inner voice again.

    Perspective matters.
    How you look at things matters.

    ✨ This Weekend, I Got To…

    If I had approached this weekend with my old mindset, it would have wrecked me. I would’ve seen my calendar and thought:
    “Ugh, I have to go to all these things…”

    I would have spiraled into anxiety or shame. Maybe even canceled. Maybe convinced myself I wasn’t up for it.

    But I didn’t do that.
    Instead, I asked myself:
    “What if I looked at all of this as something I get to do?”

    Suddenly, I was overwhelmed—not with stress, but with gratitude.

    How lucky am I to have people who want to spend time with me?
    How lucky that I genuinely adore those people back?

    Yes, I’m tired. I slept 12 hours last night.
    But my heart is full.

    Yesterday, I got to catch up with a friend I haven’t seen in years. I got to meet her beautiful children. Later, another dear friend came over and I got to hang out with him and my husband all afternoon. What a gift.

    💜 Let “Get To” Lead the Way

    I know I’ll still fall into “have to” thinking sometimes. I’m human. It’s a habit I’ve spent years reinforcing.

    But I’m working on changing the story.
    And keeping “get to” at the center helps.

    So today, I invite you to try this with me.

    When you catch yourself dreading something or slipping into overwhelm, pause.
    Ask yourself:
    “What if I get to do this?”

    You might be surprised how much it softens everything.

    Thanks for being here.
    Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz 💜