Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: reparenting yourself

  • ✨ Not Perfect—Just Practicing: A Tuesday of Realignment ✨

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Tuesday!

    I’ve been struggling a bit to figure out what I want to say today. Once again, I’m trying to find my balance after a busy, social weekend — and trying my best to do it with grace.

    I’ve fallen into a pattern lately: I thrive during the week because I’m sticking to my routines, and then the weekend comes… and everything goes out the window. I did a better job giving myself rest between events this time, but I still struggled to maintain my movement routines. And over the last few weeks, I’ve learned something important:

    My daily walks and yoga are not optional. They are non-negotiable if I want to stay centered.

    I can be doing everything else — my morning pages, my nutrition, my hydration — but if I let my intentional movement slip, I find myself struggling sooner rather than later.

    🌞 Getting Back on Track

    Today I’m focusing on getting myself back on track, and honestly? It feels pretty good. I’m definitely still tired and dragging a bit, but the work is invaluable, so I’m pushing through.

    I started by getting out of bed within minutes of my alarm going off, even though every cell in my body was begging me to stay asleep. But consistency means waking up on time even when nothing on my schedule forces me to — so I did it.

    Next, I stepped outside for five quiet, distraction-free minutes of direct sunlight to reset my circadian rhythm. Just me, the dogs, deep breaths, gentle stretching, and early morning light.

    Then I sat down and did my morning pages and affirmations. After that, I made my breakfast shake and tried to start this blog post.

    🧘‍♀️ When the Words Won’t Come

    Writing felt weird this morning — like I was saying too much and not enough at the same time. Nothing felt aligned. My voice felt muddy. And then, out of nowhere, I got intense tension on the left side of my neck.

    It was like my body grabbed my attention and said, “Hey… the words aren’t blocked — you are.”

    So I listened.

    I closed my laptop, finished my shake, changed clothes, and rolled out my yoga mat. I did two Yoga With Adriene videos for the neck and upper body, and with each stretch I could feel myself dropping back into my body. My breath deepened. My shoulders softened. My mind quieted.

    When I tried to write again… nope. Still blocked.

    So I closed my laptop again, put on my sneakers, turned on the newest episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, and hopped on the walk pad for my usual 45 minutes. With every step, I could feel myself coming home to myself again.

    Afterward, I showered and got dressed for the day.

    🌀 Therapy Round Two

    Today I also have my second appointment with my new therapist, and I’m really looking forward to it. Last week was mostly introductions — the real work starts today.

    Last week she asked what my 3-month goals were, what “success” would look like. I wasn’t sure at the time, so I gave myself space to think about it. Here’s what I came up with:

    • ✨ Find purpose — motivation for each day
    • ✨ Build more independence
    • ✨ Worry less about what others think
    • ✨ Fall asleep easier and faster
    • ✨ Feel more confident overall

    💜 Gentle, Not Lenient

    Today doesn’t feel glamorous — but it does feel important.

    I’m honoring my routines. I’m honoring my progress. I’m honoring the promises I’ve made to myself.

    I’m also learning what “being gentle with myself” actually means.

    In the moment, it’s easy to say, “I’m tired, skipping my walk is self-care.” It feels gentle. It sounds gentle. But it often pulls me further away from balance.

    Real gentleness means care, attention, and affection — even when I’m tired, even when I’ve lost my footing, even when I’ve made a mistake.

    I’m reparenting myself — and it’s messy, but meaningful. I’m showing up on the good days, the bad days, and the blah days because I know I’m worth the effort.

    This isn’t about perfection. I’m not trying to wake up someday and never stumble again. The goal is to love and nurture myself through the stumbles, not in spite of them.

    The more I keep going, the easier it becomes to find my center after a misstep. And with every stumble, I learn something valuable.

    I’m not failing — I’m learning. And that is the most important part.

    💬 Your Turn

    What helps you find your balance again after you’ve lost it? I’d truly love to hear.

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    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 💔 I Accidentally Hurt My Own Feelings

    💔 I Accidentally Hurt My Own Feelings

    Hey, hi, hello — happy Monday! 💜

    This weekend, while perusing the interwebs as one does, I stumbled across a ChatGPT prompt posted on Reddit that claimed it would take out the “yes-man” qualities of ChatGPT and give you honest feedback, point out weaknesses, and basically call you out on all your BS.

    I know now that I should not have done it. I am not in the space for that. I am still very delicate when it comes to my healing, self-love, and gentle re-parenting of myself. But what can I say? I was curious — so I tried it out.

    OMFG, I was not ready for that. 😳

    💥 When Curiosity Backfires

    My intentions were good — I wanted to push myself, to see what I could be doing better. But the results… well, they messed with my head quite a bit. I wonder if that’s what it’s like to Google yourself when you’re famous — you have good intentions, you want to see what people think, and then you immediately regret it because OMG.

    To me, it felt like reading a transcript of my inner critic. It was all laid out there in black and white — how much more I “should” be doing, how much I was “lying” to myself, how much time I was “wasting,” and how far I really hadn’t come. And you guys — I believed it so quick. SO quick. Because I have so much more practice believing the negative about myself.

    It completely tanked my day. Heath was out of town, I was home with the dogs, and I went from having a nice, quiet bit of “me time” to completely beating myself up over what a robot told me. 🤦‍♀️

    Yes, there are things I can improve on — of course there are. I am a work in progress, and I always will be. But I’ve made huge strides, and I’m incredibly proud of myself. And yet, I was so quick to doubt it all and throw away my progress because of something on a screen.

    I’ve since deleted that thread and its memory because it wasn’t bringing me any positive energy. I knew if I kept it, I’d just keep going back, rereading it, and slowly destroying my hard-fought confidence one word at a time. So — it’s gone to the ether now. Good riddance. 🚫

    🧘‍♀️ Re-Centering and Reconnecting

    Before I deleted it, I could feel Old Bailz slipping back in — slowly but surely. And it felt awful. So, I got up, put on my walking shoes, and walked it out on the walk pad. I also did a Pilates booty workout video on YouTube to really bring myself back into my body.

    As I moved, I started taking deeper breaths and gently — but firmly — reminded myself of all the good things I’ve done for myself recently, and how far I’ve come just in the last few weeks. By the time Heath got home, I felt more like myself again. I told him what happened, and you know what he did? He sent me into the bathroom and told me to high five myself ten times for how great I’m doing and how hard I’ve been working. 🖐️🪞

    So I did. And yeah, I cried — but they were tears of pride this time. And that felt really incredible. 💫

    🌿 Proof of Progress

    I really have come so far in a short amount of time. I’ve built rhythms and habits that I’ve never had before — and I’m keeping them because I finally believe I’m worth the effort.

    • 🕰️ Sleep: I have a set sleep schedule and stick to it pretty strictly — something I haven’t done since childhood. I’ve created this rhythm for myself because I know I’m worth it.
    • 🥗 Nutrition: I’m eating three balanced meals a day, getting 130+ grams of protein, hydrating, and taking my supplements consistently. I’m nourishing my body because I know I’m worth it.
    • 🏃‍♀️ Movement: I’m walking regularly, doing yoga, and now adding Pilates. I’m training my body because I know I’m worth it.

    Bottom line: I finally know I’m worth the effort I used to neglect. That’s the biggest win of all. 💜

    🌙 Showing Up Anyway

    Yeah, I’m still waking up in the middle of the night — and yeah, Daylight Savings Time didn’t help. But I’m going to keep trying, keep working toward that goal of sleeping through the night, and I bet I’ll get there sooner than I think.

    I trust myself to keep showing up and doing the work. I’m measuring my progress by how I feel — and truth be told, I feel pretty dang good. 🌸

    💫 Final Thoughts

    If you’re on a similar journey — if your confidence dips, if you slip back into old patterns, if you feel like you’ve taken a step backward — please know that you are not alone. Healing is not linear. Sometimes you’ll take a step forward and then two steps back, but what matters is that you keep showing up.

    If I can do it, I know that you can too. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

    Thank you so much for being here — it means more than you know. 💜 If you’d like to keep following along as I stumble, grow, and figure it all out one day at a time, subscribe below to get new posts sent straight to your inbox. Let’s keep learning (and unlearning) together. 🌿

  • 🌙 Showing Up Scared (Again)

    🌙 Showing Up Scared (Again)

    I find myself in a weird space today. On one hand, I’m feeling better than I have all week—more like myself, less like someone who needs to make herself small for the comfort of others. On the other hand, I’m feeling emotionally conflicted.

    💬 Speaking My Truth

    Before I go any further, I have a confession: I’ve been keeping some of my emotional pain to myself. My inner critic has been whispering that sharing any of it would be “airing dirty laundry” or “slinging mud.” But I’m realizing that talking about what I’ve lived through isn’t gossip—it’s honesty. And this blog was never meant to be a highlight reel. It’s about authenticity. So, here we go.

    🌧 Two Years of Distance

    About two years ago, I made the incredibly difficult decision to create distance between myself and my mom and sister. The years leading up to that point were full of me begging to be seen, heard, and understood—and coming up empty. I was repeatedly told I was “too sensitive,” that I needed to toughen up, that my feelings were exaggerated. Eventually, I couldn’t keep doing it. I wrote a long message explaining how I felt, and then I stepped back.

    Since then, there have been opportunities for conversation, for accountability, for healing—but none have gone the way I’d hoped. The response has always been some version of, “You’re too sensitive,” or, “You owe us the apology.” That used to devastate me. Now, I see it for what it is: a reflection of where they are in their own process, not a measure of my worth.

    Creating that distance broke my heart. But it also saved me. It gave me room to start figuring out who I am outside of the family roles I used to play. I stopped living in constant self-doubt and started learning how to protect my peace instead of sacrificing it for harmony that wasn’t real.

    🔥 Choosing Growth Over Smallness

    The easy thing would have been to slide back into my old patterns—the people-pleasing, the self-silencing, the shrinking. And I won’t lie, it’s crossed my mind more times than I can count. But this time, I’m choosing differently. I’m choosing to do the hard thing: to build a life that’s mine. To uphold my boundaries. To protect my peace. To discover who I am, not who I needed to be to keep everyone else comfortable.

    The past two years have been heavy—grief mixed with anxiety, depression, and a lot of questioning myself. There are still moments where I think, “Maybe I am too sensitive.” But then I look back at what actually happened, and I remember: sensitivity isn’t a flaw. It’s my radar. It’s how I survived—and how I’m learning to thrive.

    🍽 Dinner and Discomfort

    When my dad reached out about having dinner last night, I said yes—hesitantly, but yes. All day yesterday I was a bundle of anxiety and anger. I nearly cancelled. I didn’t want to be triggered or spiral backwards. But I also wanted to see my dad. So I decided to prepare myself the best way I know how: through intentional self-care.

    I walked on the walk pad. I did yoga. I soaked in a Flewd anxiety-easing bath (this one, if you’re curious). I took a shower and put on an outfit that made me feel confident and grounded. I was still anxious, but underneath it, there was something new—trust in myself. Trust that no matter how dinner went, I could handle it differently this time.

    And you know what? It went… okay. It was even, dare I say, fun. But that’s where the emotional conflict comes in. I’m relieved we had a nice time, but that doesn’t mean everything is fixed. Most of the conversation was light, surface-level. And while it felt good to laugh, there’s still a part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop. One good evening doesn’t rebuild trust. It’s a start, not a solution.

    🕯 Where I Am Now

    So that’s where I am today: in between emotions. Hopeful but cautious. Tired but proud. Grateful but guarded. And that’s okay. I don’t have to have it all figured out. My only job right now is to keep listening to my intuition, being gentle with myself, and making choices that feel aligned with who I am in this exact moment—not past Bailz, not future Bailz, just right-now Bailz.

    Today, that looks like walking again. Eating a protein-heavy meal. Sitting down to write this even though it scares the absolute shit out of me. Because I know I’d regret staying silent more than I’ll ever regret being honest.

    I’m showing up scared—again—because I know in my gut that it’s the right thing to do.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

    PS – 🌿 If you’re walking through something similar — learning to set boundaries, navigating family pain, or just figuring out how to take up space again — I hope my story reminds you that you’re not alone. Healing isn’t linear, but it is possible. One honest moment at a time. 💜

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