Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: self-care

  • 🎨 My Week Two Artist Date: A Conversation with Beauty

    🎨 My Week Two Artist Date: A Conversation with Beauty

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday, everyone! 👋

    As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been working through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. In addition to daily morning pages, she also recommends a weekly Artist Date — and I just got back home from mine for this week, so I wanted to share a little bit about it.

    🌿 What Is an Artist Date?

    Great question! Cameron describes it as:

    “A block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness — your inner artist.”

    She also notes that:

    “You do not take anyone on this artist date but you and your inner artist, a.k.a. your creative child.”

    So essentially, it’s a weekly solo adventure meant to refill your creative well — no productivity required, no audience to impress.

    💅 Week One: Playing It Safe

    For my first Artist Date, I played it pretty safe and took myself to get my nails done. I incorporated the “artist” part by intuitively choosing a different color than usual — red this time instead of my signature black. Small shift, big statement.

    🖼️ Week Two: The Kimbell Art Museum

    For week two, I wanted to stretch myself a bit and really lean into the artist concept.

    After my chiropractor appointment this morning, I decided that today would be my Artist Date day. I took myself to the Kimbell Art Museum here in Fort Worth. I’ve been before, but never by myself — so this experience was new and exciting, but also a little intimidating.

    I’m not really a “go-do-stuff-by-myself” kind of gal, but I’m working on that. And today was a great exercise in doing something just for me.

    ✨ Letting Art Be Enough

    I wandered for about an hour and a half, just soaking in the beauty of the paintings and sculptures on display.

    Within the first few minutes, I knew I was going to want to write about my experience here on the blog. I was so tempted to shape my visit around that — taking photos, making notes, writing the post in my head as I went. But I stopped myself.

    The whole point was to take my inner artist out — just me and her, looking at some art together. Not to turn the experience into a performance.

    So, I decided to simply be there. To let beauty do what beauty does best — speak without words.

    I only took one photo: Caravaggio’s Judith Beheading Holofernes (on loan from Rome). It was… pretty rad.

    🧘‍♀️ Coming Home to Myself

    Now that I’m back home, I plan to do some yoga and get my steps in on the walk pad. As much as I’m feeling the pull toward a nap, I’m trying to hold off and stay consistent with the rhythm I’m building.

    Last night, I started a new bedtime routine to help me reset my sleep cycle. (Shoutout to ChatGPT for helping me design it — it’s a whole two-hour wind-down process that gets me in bed, lights out, by 10 p.m.)

    Even though it still took me a little while to drift off, I didn’t reach for my phone or my book after ten. I kept my eye mask on and focused on my breathing.

    Any time my thoughts wandered, instead of beating myself up, I gently thought:

    “That’s nice. I’m going to focus back on my breathing now.”

    It felt strange at first — but so good to be nice to myself.

    💭 Learning to Be Kind Inside My Own Head

    Now that I’m really paying attention to how I talk to myself, I’m realizing how incredibly negative I’ve been for so long — maybe my whole life. I used to justify it as self-improvement, but honestly, it only made things harder.

    So, I’m trying something new: gentle self-compassion. And it seems to be working.

    My night sweats are still lingering, but they’re so much better than before. I didn’t have to get up or change clothes last night — which feels like a win! I’m hoping that as I keep focusing on healing my body and my mind (through chiropractic care, yoga, walking, better nutrition, and real rest), the physical symptoms will fade, and I can turn my full energy toward the deeper work — inner child healing, and learning to move through the world with less fear and more faith.

    Because honestly? Everything feels more manageable when I’m sleeping well.

    🌙 Closing Thoughts

    So, fingers crossed that things will only improve from here — but even if progress is slow, I’m learning to celebrate the small shifts.

    Today reminded me that healing doesn’t have to be loud. Sometimes it’s just you, quietly standing in front of a painting, remembering that beauty exists — and that you belong to it.

    Here’s to more Artist Dates, more gentle self-talk, and more days that feel like a deep breath. 🌸

    Thank you for being here with me on this journey! I am so grateful for you all!

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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  • ✨ One Month In: Expanding or Distracting?

    Today marks one month since I officially launched this blog. One month of showing up, writing, sharing, and growing — and of learning a lot about myself along the way. 💜

    When I started, my goal was simple: document the journey honestly. Not just the shiny parts, but the messy, uncertain, vulnerable middle too. And that’s what I’ve tried to do.

    🌙 The Drift I Noticed

    Over the past week, I felt myself quietly shifting away from the heart of this project. I was focusing more on talking about the work than doing the work. I caught myself refreshing notifications instead of reflecting, chasing validation instead of connection. 📱

    At the same time, I’d fallen off my movement routine — fewer walks, less yoga — and my clarity went with it. The fog, the fatigue, the self-doubt crept back in. I know that pattern.

    🌿 The Reset

    So I stepped away for a few days. Fewer screens. More breath. More sunlight. More fetch with the dogs. More gentle movement. I let myself recalibrate. And it helped — I feel clearer, lighter, more like myself again. ☀️🐾

    ✨ What One Month Taught Me

    • Self-discovery isn’t only about expanding; sometimes it’s about contracting and coming home to stillness.
    • Healing doesn’t happen on a screen — the screen can be a doorway, but the work is done in my body, breath, choices, and days. 🫁
    • Movement is medicine. When I move, my mind softens and my spirit returns.
    • Rest isn’t quitting; it’s part of the process. 🌙

    💜 Month Two: My Intention

    I’m going to keep showing up — not for algorithms or approval, but for myself. I’ll stay anchored in my why, let rest count as progress, and do the work even when no one sees it.

    Here’s to one month down, and many more months of showing up — imperfectly, intentionally, and with an open heart. Thank you for being here. You matter more than you know. 🌸

    Love always, Bailz 💜

  • ✨ Learning to Take Up Space

    ✨ Learning to Take Up Space

    I feel like I’m still very much struggling with the concept of taking up space. My inner critic keeps piping up from the back —

    “Who do you think you are? Who cares how you’re feeling right now? Who cares what you’re doing right now? How vain of you to think that people would care about anything you do or say!”

    But I’m doing my best to keep pushing through it — to keep showing up, sharing, and putting myself out there anyway. 💜

    🌿 The Reality of Burnout Recovery

    The burnout recovery process, in the day-to-day scheme of things, isn’t fun or exciting. It’s not glamorous, and it doesn’t always make for riveting updates. But to portray it as anything else would be dishonest — and authenticity is what I’m striving for.

    Sometimes my updates will simply be: “I’m tired, so I’m going to rest.” That’s not laziness. That’s the work. Listening to my body and honoring what it needs instead of forcing productivity because of what my brain says I “should” be doing — that is healing.

    💗 Giving Myself Grace

    This last week has been beautiful, but it’s been a lot. I’ve done big, brave things and I’m proud of myself for each one. But I also know that big steps require recovery time — and I’m learning that I can’t keep doing “big things” without recharging in between. Otherwise, I’ll push myself until my battery runs out, and then I’ll crash into burnout again — tired, resentful, and self-critical. I don’t want to live there anymore.

    So I’m practicing gentleness instead. I’m building in space to breathe. To rest. To just be.

    🛋️ Rest as the Work

    I could have forced myself to write yesterday, but instead, I made rest the priority. I spent the afternoon on the couch watching The Office, snuggling with my dogs, snacking, and just straight chilling — no guilt, no pressure. And you know what? It was exactly what I needed. 🐾

    💅 A Little Act of Rebellion

    Today, I still felt tired, but I had enough energy to do something kind for myself. I went to get my nails done and splurged on the fancy pedicure — the one with all the extras — because I’m learning that I’m worth it, especially when it comes to self-care.

    And for the first time in years, I changed up my polish color. I almost always go for black, but today, I felt drawn to something different — a bold, classic cherry red. 🍒

    It’s funny how something as small as nail polish can feel like a declaration. I stood at the color table, quieted my thoughts, and paid attention to how I felt. I was drawn to the reds, so I picked one without overthinking it. At the last second, my anxious brain tried to talk me out of it — “Just get black like always, be safe, stick with the usual.” But I didn’t listen this time. I trusted my gut. And I’m so glad I did.

    🎯 Present, Not Perfect

    I don’t know if cherry red will be my new signature color or if I’ll go back to black next time. But for right now, I love it. It feels authentic to this version of me — and that’s all that matters.

    This was a small but powerful exercise in being intentional and staying present. I’m not worried about what past Bailz would’ve thought or what future Bailz will think. Today, I just wanted to make current Bailz happy — and I nailed it. (Pun absolutely intended.) 💅😉

    Thank you for being here, I’m honored to have you on this adventure with me!

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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  • Worse Than I Thought

    Worse Than I Thought

    Yesterday, I realized that my mental health had been doing much worse this past week than I wanted to admit. I was in supreme denial about how negative my thoughts had become, how loud they were, and how often they showed up. On top of that, I was beating myself up for even having them.

    I tried to just push through — do the things, stay distracted, and hope I’d magically wake up better one day. But on Saturday, I woke up and couldn’t stop crying.

    “What’s the point of any of this? Why am I even trying? I’ll always struggle. I’ll always hate myself a little bit. I’ll always feel like this.”

    That afternoon, I had tickets to the Life of a Showgirl release party movie with a friend. I knew I needed to get up, shower, and get dressed. But I cried through all of it. I didn’t really pull myself together until about 30 minutes before my friend arrived to pick me up. Even then, I wasn’t myself. I was quiet, going through the motions, and just… sad. I’m glad I went and spent time with my friend, but I didn’t appreciate it in the moment as much as I could have.

    🚩 When the Signs Were There

    Looking back, I should have recognized things were bad on Thursday night/early Friday morning, when the brand-new Taylor Swift album came out. Normally, I love Taylor Swift. Her lyrics have been a lifeline for me for years. But this time, I listened to the album out of obligation more than joy. I didn’t feel excited. I didn’t count down the hours until release. I didn’t make a cute outfit for the party or obsessively check Instagram for Easter egg theories. I just… didn’t care.

    At first, I thought maybe I just didn’t like the album. Now I realize: I didn’t like anything that much at the time.

    🖤 Going Dark

    So on Saturday, while crying through getting ready, I put the album on again to prep for the show. Even after listening through twice, the funk lingered. All through the show, all through the afternoon, I felt completely dark.

    Heath had a company picnic that day, so he was gone most of the afternoon. When he got home, I was a shell of myself on the couch watching Gilmore Girls, barely able to look at him. He could see something was wrong. He started asking gentle questions, and then the last one was:

    “Are you going dark?”
    “Yes.”

    “Dark” is our word for when things feel about as bad as they can get. Saying it out loud helped. Heath gave me a hug, snuggled me on the couch, and watched Gilmore Girls with me for the rest of the night — even asking questions about the characters and plot. (I think he might secretly be becoming a fan!)

    Later, I spoke up and said I wanted chips and queso. We ordered Torchy’s delivery. Never underestimate the healing powers of chips and queso. We talked a little bit, and I felt myself come back — just a bit.

    🌤️ Choosing to Come Back

    Today, mentally, I feel better. I’m not “dark” anymore. But emotionally and physically, I’m drained. I slept until noon, and I still feel like I could crawl back into bed. Now that I’ve acknowledged how bad it was, though, it feels like it has less power over me.

    Looking back, I see how quickly I slipped into old patterns: shaming myself, measuring my worth by productivity, “should-ing” all over myself, dwelling on the past, neglecting my self-care habits. I haven’t done a full yoga practice in over a week. I haven’t been on the walk pad. I haven’t been present.

    So today, I’m making myself a promise:

    • 💜 I will get back on track, gently.
    • 🧘‍♀️ I will do yoga.
    • 🚶 I will walk.
    • 🌌 I will check in with the astrology for this week.
    • 📚 I will read something uplifting about happiness.
    • 📵 I will stay off my phone as much as possible.
    • 🌙 I will start curating a nighttime routine that is authentically me — one that helps me wind down and sleep well.

    My goal is to be in bed and asleep by 10 PM every night. I’m a lifelong night owl, and turning my brain off at bedtime is hard. But this is my project now.

    🔁 Healing Isn’t Linear

    Progress, setbacks, and forward movement again — it’s all part of it. I can still bring myself back. But I can’t keep it bottled up. Speaking up matters. Showing up matters.

    Even when it’s hard.
    Even when it’s messy.
    Even when it’s just a post like this.

    Thank you for being here. 💜

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  • The Little Ways I’m Coming Back to Myself

    The Little Ways I’m Coming Back to Myself

    Hello, friends 👋

    Today has been another slow day, but I can feel myself starting to come back to myself. I’ve still got a ways to go, but the fog is lifting bit by bit. And for now, that’s enough.

    It still takes effort—more than I’d like—to truly let go and relax. That voice in the back of my mind is still whispering: “Don’t waste this time! You should be doing more. You’ve rested plenty. Let’s go!”

    But I’m getting better at replying: “Yeah, yeah, I hear you. But I’m going to snuggle up on the couch and enjoy this episode of Gilmore Girls anyway.”

    💗 A Little Help From My Favorite Human

    Heath worked from home today, and honestly, his presence made a huge difference. This afternoon, he surprised me with a little at-home spa setup—he arranged a cozy chair with a back massager, brought out the foot bath, made sure I had snacks, and told me to just relax.

    So I sat. I soaked. I snacked. I let the knots in my back melt a little. I watched TV. I laughed. I cried. I breathed. I was present.

    It wasn’t glamorous, but it was meaningful.

    🛁✨ The Power of Ritual

    Since getting home from Guthrie, I’ve returned to one of my favorite self-care rituals: nightly baths. Every evening, I draw a warm bath and take time to reconnect with myself.

    Lately, I’ve been treating myself to some beautiful bath soaks from Flewd—my current favorite is called “Sads Smashing” (fitting, right?). They’re clean, fragrant, and formulated with emotional and physical well-being in mind.

    I turn on my galaxy light, set a timer for 30 minutes, and listen to something soothing—sometimes Mel Robbins, sometimes an audiobook, sometimes sound frequencies focused on relaxation, chakra healing, or self-love. I hydrate well before, during, and after.

    This little ritual is helping me reestablish trust with myself. It’s saying: “You matter. You’re worth taking care of.” Not just on the good days—but on the hard ones and the quiet, in-between ones too.

    🤍 A Gentle Reminder

    This phase of my life isn’t flashy or exciting. But it is sacred in its own way. I’m learning how to rest. How to let go. How to be soft with myself. And how to believe that small acts of care are more than enough.

    As always, thank you for walking through this journey with me.

    💜 Bailz

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  • ✨ Anxious, But Still Showing Up

    ✨ Anxious, But Still Showing Up

    I’m still struggling with sleeping through the night, so today… I’m not feeling my best.

    There’s been a constant buzz of anxiety in my chest, and my mind hasn’t wanted to settle down. I’ve felt too restless to sit still or focus on anything quiet, so I decided to channel that energy into cleaning the house.

    🧼 Today’s healing activities included:

    • Unpacking the rest of our bags from the trip
    • Running laundry and dishes
    • Changing the sheets
    • Vacuuming and mopping the floors
    • Wiping down counters
    • Playing The Office in the background for comfort

    It’s been a productive day in terms of tidying up, and I’m feeling mildly accomplished—but I’m also still carrying that anxious energy. I’m feeling self-critical. Doubtful. Tender. A little too in my head.

    And still—I showed up.

    I don’t have anything groundbreaking to say today. But maybe that’s the point. I’m not here to prove anything or impress anyone. I’m just here to document the process. The real, messy, honest parts of it.

    🌀 It is okay to be a work in progress.
    And I will keep reminding myself of that as many times as I need to.

    Thank you for being here.

    With love,
    💜 Bailz

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  • 🌿 A Work-in-Progress Kind of Day

    🌿 A Work-in-Progress Kind of Day

    First things first—my doctor said everything on my CT scan looked normal. That news brought an enormous sense of relief, and I’m incredibly grateful. 🌤️

    That said… I’m also feeling deeply drained. I didn’t fully realize how tense I’d been until we walked out of the doctor’s office. It felt like every muscle in my body had been clenched for days without me even noticing.

    🧬 Relief Isn’t the Same as Resolution

    While I’m beyond thankful that the scan didn’t show anything alarming, I’m still dealing with some uncomfortable symptoms. So the worry hasn’t completely vanished—it’s just shifted.

    I’ve started taking a new set of supplements—high-quality vitamins and herbs—to support my physical, mental, and emotional well-being. I’m hopeful that staying consistent with them will bring some clarity and comfort soon. 🌱

    📺 Switching the Channel

    Today is another day for gentleness and rest. But instead of another episode of The Office, I’ve started a rewatch of Gilmore Girls. It’s been years since I’ve watched it, but our weekend in Guthrie brought it back into my orbit. The local bookstore, A Novel Idea, hosted a Gilmore Girls-themed event that transformed downtown Guthrie into Stars Hollow for a day—and it totally charmed me. 💫

    So today felt like the perfect time to press play and ease into a little cozy nostalgia.

    🛁 Soft Focus

    The rest of the day is dedicated to quiet comforts: a long bath, some gentle yoga, journaling, and (most likely) a nap. I don’t have much to say today—and that’s okay.

    My inner critic, of course, has opinions: “What’s the point? Who’s going to care? You’re not doing anything important.” But I’m doing my best to shush that voice. Because truthfully, this—this slowing down, this reframing, this being—is the whole point of what I’m doing here.

    I’m reworking my relationship with rest. I’m learning to believe that rest has value even when it doesn’t come with a checklist or an epiphany attached.

    💜 Progress Isn’t Always Loud

    I’m reminding myself—over and over—that my worth is not measured by how much I accomplish. I’m showing up and sharing today, even when I don’t feel particularly wise or inspiring.

    This blog is about honesty, vulnerability, and the messy middle. And today? Today is a work-in-progress kind of day. And that’s more than enough.

    Thank you for being here with me, even on the quiet days. 🫶
    More stories from the life of Bailz coming soon. 💜

  • 🐢 Slow and Steady

    🐢 Slow and Steady

    Today has been a better day. I still feel a little off balance, but I can feel myself gently moving in the right direction. Little by little. I even high-fived the mirror twice this morning. 🙌

    I’m taking better care of myself, though I’ll be honest—my mind is still racing a bit.

    🩺 Scanxiety & Staying Grounded

    Yesterday afternoon, I had a CT scan with contrast dye. It’s been almost two years since my last chemotherapy treatment, and recently, a few of my old symptoms have started creeping back in. A few weeks ago, I had bloodwork done and my oncologist said everything looked good—but because of the symptoms, he ordered this scan to be safe.

    I go in for results tomorrow morning. I’m hopeful that everything is fine. But… it’s hard not to think about it. The waiting, the what-ifs, the heavy swirl of uncertainty—it’s a lot.

    So in the meantime, I’m doing my best to stay grounded, stay gentle, and keep my mind occupied with things that bring me joy.

    🛁 Cozy Comforts & Simple Wins

    Right now, self-care looks like this:

    • Wearing my comfiest clothes 🧦
    • Snuggling with the dogs 🐶
    • Watching The Office Superfan episodes 📺
    • Resting when I feel like it 💤
    • Taking a long bath while listening to The Little Book of Hygge 🕯️
    • Hydrating, eating, and staying on top of my supplements 🥤🍽️💊

    I’ve tidied the house a little—just enough to feel clear-minded—but I’m not pushing myself. I ran the robot vacuum/mop, did the dishes, and straightened up the kitchen and living room. And honestly? That’s enough for today.

    If I do more, great. If I don’t, that’s okay too.

    💜 Grace Over Guilt

    There are no expectations today. No lists, no pressure, no “shoulds.” Just soft care. Just showing up for myself in small, meaningful ways.

    My body and spirit are asking for rest, so I’m doing my best to listen. I’ll keep watching my comfort show. I’ll roll out my yoga mat for a few slow stretches. I’ll breathe deeply. I’ll try—really try—to give myself grace.

    Slow and steady. Gentle and kind. That’s the only path forward right now.

    Thanks for being here with me.

    Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz 💜

  • What It Says Matters More Than What It Looks Like

    What It Says Matters More Than What It Looks Like

    Today I spent most of my afternoon fiddling with the layout of my blog. I kept telling myself I’d take a break, go do something else, step away from the screen—but I kept coming back to mess with it. I was so focused on how other people might navigate the site, how they’d perceive it, how it might need to look if it suddenly got popular overnight (as if!).

    I kept thinking: This should be simple. Why am I struggling with this so much? Why can’t I find the perfect preset theme already made and waiting for me?

    But then—

    I caught myself. I realized I was holding my breath. So I stopped what I was doing, sat back in my chair, and took a few slow, deep breaths.

    And in that stillness, I heard it: I was worrying about other people again. Their opinions. Their expectations. Their judgment. I was more concerned with how they would feel about my site than how I felt about it.

    Reminder to Self: This Blog Is for Me First

    If you’re here and reading this, I’m genuinely so stoked. I really am. I hope you stick around and keep coming back.

    But that’s not why I’m writing this blog. That’s not the why I clung to when I finally decided to get started.

    I’m writing this blog to reconnect with myself. To tell the truth. To document my journey back to my own voice and values. I hope it reaches the right people. I hope I find my little corner of community. But for now, this is about me showing up for myself.

    Today reminded me of that.

    Learning as I Go (and Failing Gracefully)

    I am not a web designer. I’ve never studied it. I’ve never even dabbled in it, really. It’s no wonder I don’t know what I’m doing. But I’ve been acting like I should just know—like the knowledge should magically exist in my head just because I want it to.

    But no one is born knowing how to build websites. No one is born knowing how to do anything, really.

    So here’s the new goal I’m setting for myself: Learn how to use WordPress efficiently—just a little bit every day.

    And in the meantime, thank you for bearing with me as this site goes through some visual changes and growing pains. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m going to figure it out.

    Walking Update & A Podcast Shift

    Today I also got in my 45 minutes on the walkpad. My original plan was to watch an episode of New Girl, but I felt a pull toward something different—so I put on an episode of the Mel Robbins podcast instead. I started with one about decluttering, but something in me said, “Nope, not this one. Not today.”

    So I switched to an episode about changing the way you see the world and shifting your self-talk. And from the very first few minutes, I knew this was the message I was meant to hear today.

    Tripping, But Still Moving Forward

    Physically speaking? I was way off balance today. I tripped no fewer than three times during my walk. Like—real, hard, near face-plant trips. It’s a miracle I didn’t end up with a busted lip or bruised ego.

    After each trip, I paused. I stepped off the walkpad. I caught my breath. I told myself I was safe. I sipped some water. And every time, I had the same thought: “Maybe I should stop. That was scary. What if I get hurt?”

    But each time, I said: “Nope. I haven’t hit 45 minutes yet. Get back up there.”

    And I did. I kept going. I finished all 45 minutes. I genuinely feel proud of myself for that.

    Side note: I count my walking time based on the actual movement timer on the walkpad. Breaks aren’t included. It’s 45 full minutes of moving feet.

    I kept a promise to myself today. And that matters.

    Showing Up Honestly

    I also promised myself I’d be honest here. Transparent. That I’d show the mess and the magic.

    And with this post, I’ve done that. This is me showing up. This is a real moment. A real day. A real entry in the journey.

    Documented. Done. Huzzah.

    Thanks for being here. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz. 💜