Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: Self discovery journey

  • 🌾 24 Hours in Guthrie

    🌾 24 Hours in Guthrie

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Saturday!

    Today marks three months of Bailz Has a Blog!
    The time has really flown by, it’s hard to believe it’s already been 3 months!

    I am so proud of how far I have come since I created this space. So much has changed, I have accomplished so much and acknowledged so much in such a short amount of time. It’s wild and amazing and I am flooded with gratitude. 💜

    I am so grateful for all of you who have been following along with the journey and sending me all of your kind words and encouragement with each step of the way. It sincerely means the world to me, not only that you guys are reading the words I write, but also that they are resonating with so many of you. I am so incredibly grateful, I really cannot express that enough.

    💆‍♀️ Progress Scans, Nervous System Wins & Healing in Real Time

    Thursday morning I had my second set of progress scans with my chiropractor and it went really well. I got a chance to sit down with Dr. Lauren and go over everything in detail and also talk about what still needs attention.

    My rib is doing better than it was when we started, but it still doesn’t feel 100% yet, so we are going to focus on that more going forward. Same with the left side of my neck.

    Because I am actively excavating past traumas to deal with and then ultimately heal from them, I have been experiencing more frequent tension in my neck recently. Dr. Lauren said this is normal as that is the first place that tension/misalignment will occur if there is any sort of disruption. So going forward, that will be a primary focus along with my rib.

    But overall, my spine itself is in MUCH better shape than it was when I started, and my nervous system is much more regulated than it has really ever been in my whole life.

    Yes, I am still experiencing some distress and I am still pretty easily triggered, but I am recovering from it all a lot quicker and easier than I ever have before. And that is simply incredible.

    I honestly thought I would always be overwhelmed and that I would always struggle with everything — the big things, the little things, all of it. Being a fully functioning human always seemed like a foreign concept for me, I just never saw it as something achievable for myself.

    But now I know that it is and I am working towards it, slowly but surely. ✨

    🚗 Heading to My Happy Place: Guthrie, Oklahoma

    After my appointment, I hopped in the car and headed up to Guthrie, Oklahoma for the night. Guthrie really is my happy place and I am so glad I made the effort to make that happen for myself. It was a very quick trip, but it filled my heart so much.

    I got to spend brief but quality time with some of my favorite people. Though they are relatively new friends, my heart feels like I have known them for a lot longer, and it was so lovely to get to hug them and laugh with them and talk about everything we possibly could in the short amount of time we had together.

    Though I was only there for 24 hours, I definitely feel like I was able to make the most of my time. I was fortunate enough to be able to see the local production of A Territorial Christmas Carol, a creative Okie spin on the Dickens classic, at the historic Pollard Theater.

    I got in a round of karaoke. I got a private tour of The State Capital Publishing Museum which was SO incredibly cool. I even got to go upstairs and out onto the balcony from which it was announced that Oklahoma was officially a state in 1907. I won’t lie, I got a little emotional as I stood there. It was truly amazing. 🥹

    🌆 Food, Local Favorites & Walking the Town

    I ate at some of my favorite places. I shopped at my favorite local businesses and I got to walk around the town quite a bit, which is honestly one of my favorite parts about being in Guthrie.

    The houses and downtown buildings are just so beautiful and historic and it just does my heart so good to be out and about in town just taking it all in. 🏡✨

    🌹 The Cemetery, My Ancestors & The Roots That Pull Me Back

    One of the most meaningful parts of the trip was going to the cemetery and spending some time with my ancestors and putting some Christmas themed flowers at their gravesites. Upon arrival, I was very pleased to see that the flowers I left for them this summer are still in great condition!

    My grandfather’s great-grandparents, the Mertens, were part of the Land Run in 1889 and helped settle Guthrie in its earliest days. Later generations stayed through the early 70s. My grandfather was actually born in Guthrie, though he grew up in Atlanta. The Mertens were very involved with the community, through local government, public education, and some of them were even Masons.

    This was one of the reasons why Heath and I chose to get married at the Scottish Rite Masonic Temple in Guthrie. Even though it was just the two of us for the ceremony, it did feel like I had some family there with me, though they might not have been visible. 🤍

    I didn’t know any of them personally, they were all gone long before my arrival on the planet, but I have always felt a very strong pull to Guthrie and my ancestral roots there. Every time I am in town, I make sure to go spend some time with them at the cemetery and it feels so significant each time. I swear I feel their presence and it is so comforting.

    I honestly feel their presence all through town. Through a good amount of ancestral research, I have discovered where they all lived over the years, where they worked, what their lives might have been like back in the day, and it feels so special to be able to walk into the buildings I know they were in a century ago. To be in rooms I know they stood in. To walk by where they lived, some of the houses are even still standing in their original forms.

    It just feels incredibly significant and I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to go back as often as I do. Guthrie is just a special place and I love it so much. ✨

    🌅 The Drive Home & A Full Heart

    I left to drive home around midafternoon and it took a little bit longer to get home than normal because of Friday rush hour traffic, but instead of getting annoyed at how long it took, I focused on being present and just enjoyed the time in the car — singing along to my favorite songs and enjoying the sunset views. 🌅🎶

    I am pretty tired now that I am home and have some time to catch my breath. But I am mostly just so grateful for the experience and I am so proud of myself for making the time to go and for doing something fun just for me, just because I wanted to.

    I am also grateful that Heath was so supportive and encouraging of the trip. Though I wish he could have come with me (everything is always more fun when we are together), I am grateful that he could stay home with the dogs and give me the opportunity to get out of the city, even just for a day.

    Big city life has its advantages, but I have found myself feeling a little burnt out by it recently. So a short respite in the country was just what the doctor ordered and though I am tired, I also feel restored. Like I’ve said before, two things can be true at once. And this is one of those times. 💛

    I am hoping that we can get back up to Guthrie together soon — at the very least in March to celebrate our one year anniversary. 🥰

    💬 A Question for You

    Do you have a place that feels like your “happy place” or a place that pulls you back again and again?
    If you do, I’d love to know where it is and what it gives you when you’re there. 🤍

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my journey — the healing, the adventures, the reflections, and all the little moments in between — I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thanks for being here. It truly means the world to me. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 📚 “Take a Look, It’s in a Book”

    📚 “Take a Look, It’s in a Book”

    A large part of my journey right now is reading. I am consuming as much material that feels relevant as possible. To be fair though, I’m also throwing in some comfort reading—because ultimately, we are aiming for balance after all.

    Right now I’m reading The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama, The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck, and I’m rereading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. Oh—and I’m also listening to the audiobook of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (read by the iconic Jim Dale) as I fall asleep each night. Like I said, balance.

    📖 The Book That Changed Everything

    I started my self-improvement reading journey with The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins a few months ago. My aunt and my dad had both recommended it to me, and I had been seeing a lot of Mel’s podcast clips in my Instagram scrolls. So I picked up a copy—and things haven’t been the same since.

    I devoured it in a day and a half. I truly could not put it down. It was exactly what I needed to read in that moment. Honestly, it’s what I had needed to read my whole life.

    🧠 People-Pleasing, Meet Your Match

    I’ve spent the majority of my time on this earth being a people-pleaser. I learned early that it was easier—and safer—to mold myself into who others wanted me to be than to try to be my weird little self. So that’s what I did.

    Eventually, I got so good at it, I didn’t even realize how much I was doing it. By my late 20s, it was in every aspect of my life. I didn’t know who I really was anymore. I could barely keep up with the different versions of me I was performing for other people.

    I forgot how to just be me.

    Although… now that I think about it, I don’t think I forgot—I just never really learned how to be me in the first place.

    💡 Let Them… and Let Me

    Reading The Let Them Theory encouraged me to take a step back and start making that learning process a priority. I highly recommend reading the book (or listening to the audiobook) if you haven’t already. Mel Robbins explains that the theory works in two parts: Let Them and then Let Me.

    And it was that second part that really rocked my world.

    “What I love about Let Me is that it immediately shows you what you can control. And there’s so much you can control: your attitude…your behavior… your values, your needs, your desires, and what YOU want to do in response to what just happened. It’s the opposite of judgement. Let Me is all about self-awareness, compassion, empowerment, and personal responsibility.” – Mel Robbins

    That clicked. And I immediately started analyzing how I was moving through the world.

    I realized I had been telling myself that everything had to be done the way others did it—or how others told me to do it. I had never really been looking inward for answers. I was seeking approval and permission.

    So I vowed to myself to change that.

    ✨ Still Learning, Still Trying

    Now, let me be clear: I’m not about to tell you I’ve been perfectly aligned every day since. Come on, y’all. Be real.

    It is a STRUGGLE to stop people-pleasing. I know I’ll be unlearning it for a long time. But now I feel like I have the tools. I know what’s in my control and what isn’t. And I’m finally learning to release what isn’t—namely, other people and their actions.

    It’s an adjustment. When you’ve spent your whole life people-pleasing and suddenly stop, it really does feel like you’re being aggressive when you simply speak your truth.

    But what I’m learning is this:

    The people who genuinely love you will respect your voice. The only ones who won’t are the ones who benefitted from your silence.

    📚 Other Books That Have Helped Me

    The Let Them Theory was the first of many books I’ve read to help me on this journey. In addition to the ones I’m reading now, here’s what I’ve finished so far:

    • Yes Please by Amy Poehler
    • On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King
    • Stop Saying You’re Fine by Mel Robbins
    • The Book of Shadow Work by Keila Shaheen
    • The High Five Habit by Mel Robbins
    • The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

    Each one has contributed to my self-awareness, empowerment, and growth. If you’re on your own journey, I’d recommend any (or all) of them.

    ⚖️ A Note on Balance

    One thing I’ve learned? Don’t try to power-read your way into healing. That’s a fast track to burnout.

    Early on, I got overwhelmed with all the homework-y self-help energy. So I paused and re-read all of Abby Jimenez’s books just to give my brain a break. Since then, I’ve made it a point to alternate self-improvement with comfort content.

    These books aren’t magic wands. But they’ve become mirrors—reflecting back parts of me I hadn’t met before, or had forgotten existed.

    💜 The Healing Is the Journey

    I’m learning that healing isn’t a destination—it’s the journey itself. And that journey looks a little different every day.

    Some days I’m ready to tackle big topics like self-compassion, purpose, and legacy. Other days, I just want to escape to Forks, Washington with some sparkly vampires. And both are perfectly fine.

    The old me would’ve shamed myself for “wasting time” on fiction or fun. But now, I’m working on quieting that inner critic. I’m embracing the rhythm of work and rest. Intention and indulgence. Reflection and release.

    Balance is the goal—not perfection.

    🫶 Thank You for Reading

    I’m so glad you’re here. Whether you’re on your own healing journey, or just popping in for the vibes—thank you for sharing this space with me.

    If you’ve read a book that changed how you see yourself, I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

    Until next time,
    – Bailz

  • What am I doing?

    What am I doing?

    But like, really, what am I doing?

    Like I said in my first post, the plan right now is to not have a plan — at least not in the big-picture sense.

    I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t know what I want to do for a job. I don’t know what my future looks like. But I do know that I want to figure out all of that and more about myself. I want to find what feels good. I want to find what speaks to my most authentic self. And I want to find a way to love the life I’m living — on the good days and the bad.

    So how am I doing that?

    In lots of little ways.

    Over the course of my journey so far, I’ve been trying new things, holding on to the ones I like, and moving on from the ones that don’t serve me.

    Right now, I’m focusing my energy on the following priorities:

    • Sleeping when I’m tired / until I feel ready to get up – I know all the experts recommend alarms and routines, and that’s the goal eventually. But for now, I’m working on my relationship with rest. If my body wants sleep, I’m giving it to myself.
    • Taking a 20+ minute bath each night – I’m experimenting with Dead Sea salts, clays, essential oils — and creating a full sensory ritual to slow down and unwind.
    • Intentional content consumption – All new content must relate to self-improvement, spirituality, or happiness. Everything else must be comfort content: rereads, rewatches, and cozy favorites only.
    • High-fiving myself in the mirror – Every morning, and every time I pass one during the day.
    • Getting sunlight every day
    • Daily yoga – Whether it’s Yoga with Adriene or just moving intuitively, I’m building a habit of coming back to my body.
    • Writing every day – Whether it’s a blog post, journal entry, personal essay, or a session with ChatGPT — I’m keeping that creative part of my brain active.
    • Reading every day – Ideally one of my project books, but anything that brings joy counts.
    • Daily astrology check-ins – I read my horoscope in the Chani app each day and listen to the weekly forecast.
    • Following my impulses – Eating when I’m hungry, drinking water when I’m thirsty, moving when I feel stiff. I’m trying to really embrace the spirit of “Yes, and!”
    • Keeping my home organized – Light daily resets to keep the energy flowing cleanly around me.
    • Staying present and mindful – As much as I can, I’m learning to be here now.

    What I’m Letting Go Of

    As a recovering people pleaser, I’ve realized that part of creating a new life means releasing the old one. I can’t make room for these new, beautiful habits and truths while still dragging around emotional baggage from childhood, trauma, and outdated beliefs.

    So here’s what I’m actively trying to do less of, or eliminate completely:

    • “Should-ing” on myself – I’m done with the inner voice that tells me I “should” be doing something just because of guilt, pressure, or old programming.
    • Dwelling on past reactions – I’m working on forgiving myself for the ways I used to cope.
    • Agreeing to things I don’t want to do
    • Writing scripts in my head – I’m trying to stop assuming what other people are thinking about me.
    • Ignoring my own impulses – Especially when I have time and space to follow them.
    • Equating rest with laziness – Self-care is productive. Rest is worthy.
    • Shushing my inner voice for the comfort of others

    And here’s what I’ve noticed so far:

    • I cleaned out my closet – Six kitchen trash bags full of clothes are gone. I let go of things tied to past identities, bad memories, or unrealistic expectations. It was hard. And healing. And I’m still riding that high.
    • I put my phone on grayscale – I don’t scroll as much. It works. My phone feels like a tool again, not a trap.
    • I canceled Netflix – And instead became a monthly contributor to my favorite public radio station, 91.7 KXT. That decision felt really aligned.
    • I took myself to Guthrie, Oklahoma – Just me and the dogs. I took myself to dinner, went to trivia night, made friends, and stretched my independence. It changed something in me.

    So what’s the point of all this?

    As I continue to let go of what no longer serves and focus on what makes me feel whole and authentic, I know there will be more changes and milestones ahead.

    But I’m not naive. I know I’ll still have hard days. I’ll still get in funks, feel doubt, and question everything. That’s life.

    My goal isn’t to avoid those days — it’s to be better prepared to care for myself through them.

    That’s what this whole project is about: learning to take better care of myself — body, mind, and spirit — no matter what the circumstances might be.

    Thanks for following along. I’m so glad you’re here.