Today has been a better day. I still feel a little off balance, but I can feel myself gently moving in the right direction. Little by little. I even high-fived the mirror twice this morning. 🙌
I’m taking better care of myself, though I’ll be honest—my mind is still racing a bit.
🩺 Scanxiety & Staying Grounded
Yesterday afternoon, I had a CT scan with contrast dye. It’s been almost two years since my last chemotherapy treatment, and recently, a few of my old symptoms have started creeping back in. A few weeks ago, I had bloodwork done and my oncologist said everything looked good—but because of the symptoms, he ordered this scan to be safe.
I go in for results tomorrow morning. I’m hopeful that everything is fine. But… it’s hard not to think about it. The waiting, the what-ifs, the heavy swirl of uncertainty—it’s a lot.
So in the meantime, I’m doing my best to stay grounded, stay gentle, and keep my mind occupied with things that bring me joy.
🛁 Cozy Comforts & Simple Wins
Right now, self-care looks like this:
Wearing my comfiest clothes 🧦
Snuggling with the dogs 🐶
Watching The Office Superfan episodes 📺
Resting when I feel like it 💤
Taking a long bath while listening to The Little Book of Hygge 🕯️
Hydrating, eating, and staying on top of my supplements 🥤🍽️💊
I’ve tidied the house a little—just enough to feel clear-minded—but I’m not pushing myself. I ran the robot vacuum/mop, did the dishes, and straightened up the kitchen and living room. And honestly? That’s enough for today.
If I do more, great. If I don’t, that’s okay too.
💜 Grace Over Guilt
There are no expectations today. No lists, no pressure, no “shoulds.” Just soft care. Just showing up for myself in small, meaningful ways.
My body and spirit are asking for rest, so I’m doing my best to listen. I’ll keep watching my comfort show. I’ll roll out my yoga mat for a few slow stretches. I’ll breathe deeply. I’ll try—really try—to give myself grace.
Slow and steady. Gentle and kind. That’s the only path forward right now.
Thanks for being here with me.
Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz 💜
Hello and Happy Monday! I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. I know I sure did—it was busy, it was social, and it was absolutely beautiful.
Lately, a lot of my focus has been centered on reframing—shifting my perspective and trying to see things in a more positive, grounded light. It’s a practice I’m still learning, but I’m already seeing how powerful it can be.
And this weekend reminded me of a phrase that has meant a lot to me over the years:
“Have to? GET to.”
Let me take you back to the origin story.
When I was 15, Green Day was touring for their American Idiot album, and my wonderful dad somehow scored tickets for our family of four. My sister and I were obsessed with Green Day at the time—this was a very big deal.
When we got to the venue and started making our way to our seats, my mom looked down at the arena floor—the standing room only section—and said something like, “Oh, those poor people, they have to be standing down there the whole time?” Without even thinking, I responded: “Have to? GET to!”
And it just… stuck.
🔄 Reframing the Everyday
I didn’t realize how powerful that mindset shift was until much later—when I found myself burned out, detached, and drowning in “have to” energy.
Somewhere along the way, I had stopped choosing my life. I was moving through my days like everything was an obligation—even the things I wanted to do. Depression had dulled everything, and I couldn’t see it clearly until I paused. I rested. I got honest with myself. And I started listening to that quiet inner voice again.
Perspective matters. How you look at things matters.
✨ This Weekend, I Got To…
If I had approached this weekend with my old mindset, it would have wrecked me. I would’ve seen my calendar and thought: “Ugh, I have to go to all these things…”
I would have spiraled into anxiety or shame. Maybe even canceled. Maybe convinced myself I wasn’t up for it.
But I didn’t do that. Instead, I asked myself: “What if I looked at all of this as something I get to do?”
Suddenly, I was overwhelmed—not with stress, but with gratitude.
How lucky am I to have people who want to spend time with me? How lucky that I genuinely adore those people back?
Yes, I’m tired. I slept 12 hours last night. But my heart is full.
Yesterday, I got to catch up with a friend I haven’t seen in years. I got to meet her beautiful children. Later, another dear friend came over and I got to hang out with him and my husband all afternoon. What a gift.
💜 Let “Get To” Lead the Way
I know I’ll still fall into “have to” thinking sometimes. I’m human. It’s a habit I’ve spent years reinforcing.
But I’m working on changing the story. And keeping “get to” at the center helps.
So today, I invite you to try this with me.
When you catch yourself dreading something or slipping into overwhelm, pause. Ask yourself: “What if I get to do this?”
You might be surprised how much it softens everything.
Thanks for being here. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz 💜
This morning I kept my promise to myself that I would get myself up and moving on the walk pad within 30 minutes of waking. I had only a few minutes to spare before I hit the 30-minute mark, but I did it. After I brushed my teeth, high-fived myself in the mirror, put on my walking shoes, and pulled out the walk pad, I put on another episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast on YouTube and I got to stepping.
I can’t say that I genuinely wanted to be walking right then, but I was so excited that I was doing it—because I had promised myself that I would. I DID IT! I kept a promise to myself, and not an easy one. I could have come up with a million excuses. I could have told myself I’d fit it in later. I could have done anything else. But I didn’t. I got my ass up and walking with intention, and it felt good.
I walked my full 45 minutes, I learned about 7 little things I can do to improve my life from Mel, and I worked up a good sweat (gross, but yay!). When I was done, I took a few minutes to drink some water and just enjoy how my body felt. Then I switched from Mel to Yoga with Adriene and did a 20-minute practice targeting a healthy body.
By the time I was done, I was DONE—at least physically. I felt good but also very tired. My body needed some TLC, so I decided it was time for a shower. I took my time and enjoyed the hot water. While I was amongst the suds and steam, I felt an internal jolt. I was struck with a very strong impulse to share my blog on my personal Instagram and Facebook accounts. I know it’s not polished. I know I need to work on the presentation. I know it’s a little all over the place right now. But I wanted to share it.
My inner critic still tried her hardest to talk me out of it: “Just wait until you’re really ready! It’s not perfect yet! You still have so much work to do. It doesn’t look professional!” First of all… of course it doesn’t look professional… IT ISN’T. Second of all… the whole point of this is the process. This is part of the process.
Once I got dressed, I went into the kitchen to get started on sharing and working on my next post. I saw a package addressed to me on the counter. When I looked at who it was from, my heart sank.
Two weeks ago, our beloved dog, Chelsea, crossed the rainbow bridge after 9 years with us at the age of 15. The grief has been heavy, but this project has been helping me navigate it. The package on the counter was a prescription refill for Chelsea. It was a new prescription, I forgot it was on autoship. I hadn’t read the reminder emails clearly—I just assumed it was time to re-order and chose not to. And now, here it was… an opportunity for me to slip into old habits, showing up in full force.
Let me tell you how Old Bailz would have reacted:
Burst into tears because she was already overwhelmed and this would’ve pushed her over the edge.
Beat herself up for not reading the emails carefully and letting this slip through the cracks.
Procrastinated doing anything about it and pretended it didn’t happen.
Not told her husband out of embarrassment and fear of “getting in trouble” over an expensive medication.
(FYI: This has nothing to do with how my husband would actually react, and everything to do with my inner critic beating me to shit.)
But today was different. Because I’ve been doing the work—and because I had already shown up for myself with momentum—I didn’t do any of those things.
Here’s what I did instead: I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened the package, checked the shipping invoice, logged into the vet pharmacy website, and canceled the autoship. Then I looked into returning the unopened medication. I didn’t stop to overthink—I just kept doing.
Heath was working from home. When he came into the kitchen for water, I told him immediately what was going on. No hesitation. And he wasn’t upset. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t anything but calm. Old Bailz would have worked herself into a total panic over nothing.
I reached out to customer service and explained that our sweet girl had passed away. I didn’t even know if they accepted returns for medication, but I tried. I sent the message, and then I realized what had just happened: I was moving through life with more ease. I wasn’t stuck in my head. I was present. I tackled the task instead of avoiding it. That’s growth.
And then I took that momentum, opened Instagram, and started crafting my announcement post about my blog. Was the inner critic still there? Absolutely. But she was quieter this time. Just a little.
I followed through anyway. I shared my blog even though it’s a work in progress. Because like I said yesterday—it’s not about what it looks like. It’s about what it means. I promised to be open and vulnerable, so I invited people in before it was perfect. Because it will never be perfect. If not now, when?
After posting, I felt a huge rush of energy. Old Bailz would’ve mistaken it for anxiety and gone spiraling—checking for likes, refreshing stats, looking for proof she hadn’t made a mistake. But not today. Today I sat with it and realized… this was excitement. Joy. Self-pride.
I didn’t let fear win. I didn’t procrastinate. I didn’t hide. I moved forward—messy, honest, alive. And that? That’s worth celebrating.
I don’t know where all of this is leading yet. But I do know this:
I’m showing up.
I’m keeping promises to myself.
I’m moving forward, one aligned choice at a time.
And right now, in this moment, that is more than enough.
I’m proud. I’m healing. I’m becoming. And I’m documenting it—messy, raw, beautiful, and true.
Thank you for being here and witnessing more of this journey. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz! 💜
A large part of my journey right now is reading. I am consuming as much material that feels relevant as possible. To be fair though, I’m also throwing in some comfort reading—because ultimately, we are aiming for balance after all.
Right now I’m reading The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama, The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck, and I’m rereading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. Oh—and I’m also listening to the audiobook of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (read by the iconic Jim Dale) as I fall asleep each night. Like I said, balance.
📖 The Book That Changed Everything
I started my self-improvement reading journey with The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins a few months ago. My aunt and my dad had both recommended it to me, and I had been seeing a lot of Mel’s podcast clips in my Instagram scrolls. So I picked up a copy—and things haven’t been the same since.
I devoured it in a day and a half. I truly could not put it down. It was exactly what I needed to read in that moment. Honestly, it’s what I had needed to read my whole life.
🧠 People-Pleasing, Meet Your Match
I’ve spent the majority of my time on this earth being a people-pleaser. I learned early that it was easier—and safer—to mold myself into who others wanted me to be than to try to be my weird little self. So that’s what I did.
Eventually, I got so good at it, I didn’t even realize how much I was doing it. By my late 20s, it was in every aspect of my life. I didn’t know who I really was anymore. I could barely keep up with the different versions of me I was performing for other people.
I forgot how to just be me.
Although… now that I think about it, I don’t think I forgot—I just never really learned how to be me in the first place.
💡 Let Them… and Let Me
Reading The Let Them Theory encouraged me to take a step back and start making that learning process a priority. I highly recommend reading the book (or listening to the audiobook) if you haven’t already. Mel Robbins explains that the theory works in two parts: Let Them and then Let Me.
And it was that second part that really rocked my world.
“What I love about Let Me is that it immediately shows you what you can control. And there’s so much you can control: your attitude…your behavior… your values, your needs, your desires, and what YOU want to do in response to what just happened. It’s the opposite of judgement. Let Me is all about self-awareness, compassion, empowerment, and personal responsibility.” – Mel Robbins
That clicked. And I immediately started analyzing how I was moving through the world.
I realized I had been telling myself that everything had to be done the way others did it—or how others told me to do it. I had never really been looking inward for answers. I was seeking approval and permission.
So I vowed to myself to change that.
✨ Still Learning, Still Trying
Now, let me be clear: I’m not about to tell you I’ve been perfectly aligned every day since. Come on, y’all. Be real.
It is a STRUGGLE to stop people-pleasing. I know I’ll be unlearning it for a long time. But now I feel like I have the tools. I know what’s in my control and what isn’t. And I’m finally learning to release what isn’t—namely, other people and their actions.
It’s an adjustment. When you’ve spent your whole life people-pleasing and suddenly stop, it really does feel like you’re being aggressive when you simply speak your truth.
But what I’m learning is this:
The people who genuinely love you will respect your voice. The only ones who won’t are the ones who benefitted from your silence.
📚 Other Books That Have Helped Me
The Let Them Theory was the first of many books I’ve read to help me on this journey. In addition to the ones I’m reading now, here’s what I’ve finished so far:
Yes Please by Amy Poehler
On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King
Stop Saying You’re Fine by Mel Robbins
The Book of Shadow Work by Keila Shaheen
The High Five Habit by Mel Robbins
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
Each one has contributed to my self-awareness, empowerment, and growth. If you’re on your own journey, I’d recommend any (or all) of them.
⚖️ A Note on Balance
One thing I’ve learned? Don’t try to power-read your way into healing. That’s a fast track to burnout.
Early on, I got overwhelmed with all the homework-y self-help energy. So I paused and re-read all of Abby Jimenez’s books just to give my brain a break. Since then, I’ve made it a point to alternate self-improvement with comfort content.
These books aren’t magic wands. But they’ve become mirrors—reflecting back parts of me I hadn’t met before, or had forgotten existed.
💜 The Healing Is the Journey
I’m learning that healing isn’t a destination—it’s the journey itself. And that journey looks a little different every day.
Some days I’m ready to tackle big topics like self-compassion, purpose, and legacy. Other days, I just want to escape to Forks, Washington with some sparkly vampires. And both are perfectly fine.
The old me would’ve shamed myself for “wasting time” on fiction or fun. But now, I’m working on quieting that inner critic. I’m embracing the rhythm of work and rest. Intention and indulgence. Reflection and release.
Balance is the goal—not perfection.
🫶 Thank You for Reading
I’m so glad you’re here. Whether you’re on your own healing journey, or just popping in for the vibes—thank you for sharing this space with me.
If you’ve read a book that changed how you see yourself, I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
Like I said in my first post, the plan right now is to not have a plan — at least not in the big-picture sense.
I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t know what I want to do for a job. I don’t know what my future looks like. But I do know that I want to figure out all of that and more about myself. I want to find what feels good. I want to find what speaks to my most authentic self. And I want to find a way to love the life I’m living — on the good days and the bad.
So how am I doing that?
In lots of little ways.
Over the course of my journey so far, I’ve been trying new things, holding on to the ones I like, and moving on from the ones that don’t serve me.
Right now, I’m focusing my energy on the following priorities:
Sleeping when I’m tired / until I feel ready to get up – I know all the experts recommend alarms and routines, and that’s the goal eventually. But for now, I’m working on my relationship with rest. If my body wants sleep, I’m giving it to myself.
Taking a 20+ minute bath each night – I’m experimenting with Dead Sea salts, clays, essential oils — and creating a full sensory ritual to slow down and unwind.
Intentional content consumption – All new content must relate to self-improvement, spirituality, or happiness. Everything else must be comfort content: rereads, rewatches, and cozy favorites only.
High-fiving myself in the mirror – Every morning, and every time I pass one during the day.
Getting sunlight every day
Daily yoga – Whether it’s Yoga with Adriene or just moving intuitively, I’m building a habit of coming back to my body.
Writing every day – Whether it’s a blog post, journal entry, personal essay, or a session with ChatGPT — I’m keeping that creative part of my brain active.
Reading every day – Ideally one of my project books, but anything that brings joy counts.
Daily astrology check-ins – I read my horoscope in the Chani app each day and listen to the weekly forecast.
Following my impulses – Eating when I’m hungry, drinking water when I’m thirsty, moving when I feel stiff. I’m trying to really embrace the spirit of “Yes, and!”
Keeping my home organized – Light daily resets to keep the energy flowing cleanly around me.
Staying present and mindful – As much as I can, I’m learning to be here now.
What I’m Letting Go Of
As a recovering people pleaser, I’ve realized that part of creating a new life means releasing the old one. I can’t make room for these new, beautiful habits and truths while still dragging around emotional baggage from childhood, trauma, and outdated beliefs.
So here’s what I’m actively trying to do less of, or eliminate completely:
“Should-ing” on myself – I’m done with the inner voice that tells me I “should” be doing something just because of guilt, pressure, or old programming.
Dwelling on past reactions – I’m working on forgiving myself for the ways I used to cope.
Agreeing to things I don’t want to do
Writing scripts in my head – I’m trying to stop assuming what other people are thinking about me.
Ignoring my own impulses – Especially when I have time and space to follow them.
Equating rest with laziness – Self-care is productive. Rest is worthy.
Shushing my inner voice for the comfort of others
And here’s what I’ve noticed so far:
I cleaned out my closet – Six kitchen trash bags full of clothes are gone. I let go of things tied to past identities, bad memories, or unrealistic expectations. It was hard. And healing. And I’m still riding that high.
I put my phone on grayscale – I don’t scroll as much. It works. My phone feels like a tool again, not a trap.
I canceled Netflix – And instead became a monthly contributor to my favorite public radio station, 91.7 KXT. That decision felt really aligned.
I took myself to Guthrie, Oklahoma – Just me and the dogs. I took myself to dinner, went to trivia night, made friends, and stretched my independence. It changed something in me.
So what’s the point of all this?
As I continue to let go of what no longer serves and focus on what makes me feel whole and authentic, I know there will be more changes and milestones ahead.
But I’m not naive. I know I’ll still have hard days. I’ll still get in funks, feel doubt, and question everything. That’s life.
My goal isn’t to avoid those days — it’s to be better prepared to care for myself through them.
That’s what this whole project is about: learning to take better care of myself — body, mind, and spirit — no matter what the circumstances might be.
Thanks for following along. I’m so glad you’re here.
Bailz Has a Blog 