Hey, hi, hello! Happy Thursday!
Tomorrow marks six months of sobriety for me. WOW! That feels pretty huge, and honestly, I can’t believe it’s already been half a year.
I am feeling incredibly grateful and incredibly proud of the work I’ve done to get here. There have been days when sobriety has felt easy, and there have been days when I’ve come very close to reaching for a drink. Every single one of those days mattered. They all added up to six full months of sobriety.
Hell fucking yes.
🌱 Why I Quit
In November 2025, I reached a breaking point and decided enough was enough.
I had spent the previous few months getting serious about my health and self-care, and the more attention I paid, the more I realized how much alcohol and THC were getting in the way of my healing journey.
Now, I want to make one thing very clear: I do not think alcohol or THC are inherently bad. I know plenty of people who use both in healthy and manageable ways.
But my relationships with alcohol and THC were absolutely negative and detrimental.
I was using them to numb, avoid, and bottle up my feelings. And that’s just no good.
😴 The First Thing That Changed: Sleep
One of the biggest improvements I’ve noticed is my sleep.
Sleep is still something I work on, both in terms of quality and consistency, but it has become significantly easier to get restful sleep since getting sober. And when you add in the complete absence of hangovers? That’s a pretty substantial win.
Before sobriety, I drank almost every night. I told myself it helped me sleep, and technically it often did. The problem was that the sleep I was getting was terrible.
I wasn’t getting deep, restorative sleep. I wasn’t waking up refreshed. Most mornings I woke up anxious, exhausted, and already looking forward to my next drink so I could take the edge off again.
Looking back now, the pattern feels obvious.
At the time, I genuinely didn’t see it.
🐅 Running From Tigers
I was so burned out and so deeply stuck in fight, flight, or freeze that everything felt like a tiger was chasing me.
And I really do mean everything.
Good things. Bad things. Neutral things.
Everything made me panic.
Except when I had a drink or a joint in my hand. Then the tigers left me alone for a little while.
So I leaned pretty heavily on both of them.
When I began my healing journey, I started learning how to feel my emotions instead of running from them. I started experimenting with healthier coping tools. The more I practiced them and saw their benefits, the less I found myself reaching for alcohol and THC.
Eventually, I was ready to let them go altogether.
💭 My Sobriety Dreams
One unexpected thing that came with sobriety is that I started dreaming again and remembering my dreams much more clearly.
What’s really interesting is that I dream about sobriety fairly often.
For months, I had recurring dreams where I would drink, smoke, or take a gummy. In the dream, I’d suddenly realize what I’d done and immediately panic.
“Wait! I don’t do this anymore! Why did I do this? Now I have to start over. I’m back at day one!”
Then I’d wake up confused, upset, and stressed… only to realize it was just a dream.
The relief was immediate every single time.
More recently, though, the dreams have changed.
Now, when I’m offered a drink, smoke, or gummy in a dream, I accept it… and then stop myself right before consuming it.
I hear myself say:
“No thank you. I don’t do this anymore.”
Hell yes, Dream Bailz. Hell yes!
That shift feels significant, and I’m incredibly proud of it.
🍹 The Unexpected Joy of Mocktails
Another wonderful thing that’s come out of sobriety has been discovering mocktails.
Okay, technically I already knew they existed.
I just never paid much attention to them before because if I was ordering something besides water, it was definitely going to contain alcohol.
Since getting sober, I’ve tried every mocktail that catches my eye, and let me tell you: there are some absolutely delicious options out there.
When Heath and I were in Florida, I ordered mocktails with almost every meal. Each one felt like a delightful little treat.
It felt good to treat myself to something that wasn’t going to make me feel worse afterward.
Sure, there might be the occasional sugar crash.
But that’s a whole lot better than a hangover.
🥗 Rebuilding My Relationship With Food
One of the most surprising benefits of sobriety has been a dramatic improvement in my appetite.
For years, I relied on THC to help me eat.
I was so deep in burnout that my appetite was nearly nonexistent. I’d go as long as possible without eating, then suddenly become ravenous and reach for whatever was quickest and easiest.
To combat that, I started smoking to stimulate my appetite.
And honestly? It worked.
But it also became a crutch.
I had unintentionally trained my brain to associate hunger with smoking. Eventually, if I didn’t smoke, I couldn’t get hungry.
When I realized that, I knew something needed to change.
I started limiting my use before quitting altogether. I only allowed myself to smoke after I had prepared a real meal.
Eventually, because my use had become so structured, it stopped being enjoyable.
Quitting felt like the natural next step.
Retraining my brain and appetite took some time, but honestly, not nearly as much time as I expected.
As my sleep improved and my nervous system calmed down, my eating habits began to improve too.
🍳 Learning New Ways to Cope
I also started using cooking as a coping tool.
Whenever I felt the urge to drink or smoke, I’d make myself a meal instead.
By the time I finished preparing it, I wasn’t thinking about alcohol or THC anymore.
I was thinking about how delicious the food smelled.
And how proud I was of myself.
🧠 Facing the Tiger
When your brain thinks a tiger is chasing you, it isn’t concerned about sleeping well or eating nutritious meals.
It’s focused on keeping you alive.
That’s its job.
And when you’ve been running from that tiger for years, you stop realizing you’re running.
At least, that’s what happened to me.
I spent so long trapped in fight, flight, or freeze that I assumed I was inherently lazy. Unmotivated. Broken. Chronically ill.
I thought that was simply who I was.
But once I started turning around and facing the tiger instead of running from it, things slowly started changing.
Not overnight.
Not through some magical transformation.
Just through hundreds of tiny choices that slowly added up.
💜 Six Months Later
I am incredibly proud of how far I’ve come in the last six months.
And I’m incredibly proud that I’ve made it six months.
When I quit, I knew it was something I truly wanted. I also knew it was going to be difficult, and I knew there was a chance I might slip up.
So far, I’ve stayed true to myself and to the goals I set.
And honestly?
That feels really freaking good.
Love always,
Bailz 💜
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