I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to talk about today, but I knew I wanted to show up. I’ve been wanting to get back into the rhythm of posting every other day—if not daily—and the only way to do that is to simply begin. So here we are, letting the words reveal themselves as they come.
🌙 A Night Out & a Small but Honest Lesson
This weekend, Heath and I got dressed up and went out to a lovely dinner at Wicked Butcher in downtown Fort Worth. The whole experience felt luxurious—perfectly crafted dishes, top-tier service, and even cucumber-infused water that tasted like spa-day elegance in a glass.
When we arrived, I slipped off to the restroom to freshen up. By the time I returned, there were two glasses of complimentary champagne at our table—courtesy of the reservation note saying we were celebrating our (belated) wedding. It was a beautiful gesture.
I hesitated. And then I made a decision: life is for living, and I wanted to celebrate us. So I toasted with Heath and enjoyed the small glass of champagne.
After that, I stuck to mocktails (a fresh blackberry lemonade that was chef’s kiss) and water.
Later that night, though, I woke up with spiraling anxiety over absolutely nothing. My muscles were clenched, my breath shallow, my mind sprinting like it was running in circles in the dark.
That tiny bit of alcohol—that tiny bit—still affected me.
Here’s what I realized afterward:
I don’t regret the moment. It was lovely.
But even a small amount is too much for my system.
Going forward, I’m done with alcohol entirely.
Not from shame. Not from punishment. But from self-respect. Alcohol simply isn’t worth the cost to my nervous system or my peace.
🧘♀️ Moving My Body, Loving My Body
The past few days have gently brought me back into my movement routines. I’m walking daily on the walk pad and doing yoga every day—and it feels GOOD. Not dramatic, not performative. Just good.
Some days I move fast. Some days I move slow. Some days it’s a long yoga flow. Some days it’s 10 minutes.
But movement is movement. Showing up is showing up. And I’m proud of every version of myself that steps onto the mat or walk pad.
😴 Sleep Schedule Chaos (And a Loving Reset)
Sleep has been a little chaotic. Staying up later has made my whole routine slide later—breakfast, lunch, dinner, and my nighttime wind-down. Everything shifts together like dominoes, and I feel the effects.
Last night, I stayed up way past my bedtime finishing Shout! I was so entranced that I didn’t even realize the time until I closed the book and saw it was past midnight.
So this morning, I let myself sleep in to compensate. Tonight, the goal is to get back on my 9–9:15 bedtime and lights out by 10.
Structure can be loving. Flexibility can be loving, too. I’m learning to hold both.
💜 Therapy & Solo Costco Adventures
I have therapy this afternoon and I’m excited. Last time, I walked in feeling drained, so we spent the hour getting me grounded again. Today, we’re diving into new tools and practices to help me step deeper into authenticity—my biggest long-term goal.
After therapy, I’m doing my first solo Costco run in years, and honestly? I’m thrilled. I plan to walk each aisle slowly and treat the whole thing like a mindfulness exercise instead of a chaotic errand.
🌤️ The Quiet Kind of Good
Today, I feel good—not energized, not buzzing, not high on productivity. Just quietly calm. The kind of good I think I’ve been searching for my whole life. The kind that measures worth not by output but by inner softness.
I could do a few chores around the house today, and I might. But I don’t have to. I am certainly not going to force them.
Whatever version of today unfolds, I will choose it intentionally and without pressure.
💬 Your Turn!
What’s one small, gentle thing you’ve done for yourself recently that brought you a sense of calm or peace?
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The more I move through this healing journey and actually pay attention to my inner world, the more I’m realizing just how mean I am to myself on a truly consistent basis. Being harsh, cruel, and hypercritical toward myself has been my default setting for so long that I didn’t even recognize it as cruelty — I just thought it was “being honest” or “holding myself accountable.”
Now that I’m waking up to it, I’m finding myself in a strange kind of grief. Grief for all the past versions of myself who were trying so hard and never got any credit. Grief for the younger me who constantly made herself small because it felt safer than taking up space. Grief for all the times I chose beating myself up over giving myself even the tiniest bit of compassion.
📸 Boudoir Photos & a Brutal Inner Critic
On Friday, my boudoir photographer posted my sneak peeks in her VIP Facebook group, and I could not stop looking at them. At first, it was pure joy. I felt proud, powerful, and honestly kind of in awe of myself. Four out of the five photos were absolute bombshelly goddess energy — like, “who is that woman and can I be her all the time?”
And then, slowly, my brain did what it always does. It zeroed in on the one photo I didn’t instantly love. The one that felt slightly “off.”
Instead of soaking in the four images that made me feel incredible, I laser-focused on the one that didn’t. I picked it apart with the precision of someone who has decades of practice criticizing herself:
“My boobs look kinda squished.”
“My face looks weird. Why am I making that face?”
“My leg looks weird.”
And finally: “I look weird. I am weird.”
Before I knew it, that was the only photo I was looking at. The only one I was giving power to. I even brought it to Heath and asked, “Am I being too picky? Do you even like this one?”
He looked at me with so much sadness and love in his eyes and said, “You are so mean to yourself. Why are you so mean to yourself?”
And it hit me like a freight train.
I hadn’t even realized I was being cruel. To me, that voice is just… normal. It’s always been there. It’s the part of me that tries to “poke holes first” so no one else can. If I hurt my own feelings before anyone else gets the chance, at least I’m prepared, right?
Except… no. That’s just self-harm in a socially acceptable outfit.
I burst into tears because I knew he was right. I am so mean to myself. And all the excuses I’d used over the years — “I’m just pushing myself” or “I just want to be better” — suddenly felt really flimsy. If being this hard on myself actually worked, I’d be the best, happiest, healthiest version of myself by now. Clearly, it doesn’t work. So it’s time to try something different.
Once I caught my breath, I did the only thing I could think to do: I deleted the picture from my phone. If it wasn’t there, I couldn’t keep going back to it like a self-esteem punching bag. As soon as it was gone, I felt a tiny bit lighter. Just a tiny bit — but it was something.
We changed our plans for the evening, too. Instead of going out to dinner to “take advantage” of my hair and makeup, we stayed in. I put on my favorite comfy pajama set, we made cocktails, turned on Gilmore Girls, and just existed together on the couch. No performance. No expectations. Just nervous system recovery and cozy, quiet connection.
The weekend was busy and social, and somewhere in all the noise, I slipped right back into those old patterns of meanness without even realizing it. That’s the thing about defaults — they’re sneaky. Cruel self-talk has been my baseline for so long that it doesn’t even register as “mean.” It just feels like the truth.
I stayed distracted on Monday because Heath was home sick, and I poured all my attention into taking care of him and being present with the dogs. I didn’t give myself much space to notice how I was feeling internally.
Then Tuesday came. Heath went back to the office, I had quiet time alone, and everything I’d been pushing down started to surface. I had a really hard time writing my post that day. Everything I put on the page felt flat or pointless. I felt heavy and tired and depleted and — surprise — I was being incredibly hard on myself the whole time.
And yet, even in that fog, I still showed up.
I got on the walk pad.
I made myself lunch.
I did yoga.
I showered and got dressed.
I went to therapy, even though a big part of me wanted to bail and avoid, avoid, avoid.
I wrote and published a blog post.
From the outside, that looks like a pretty solid day. But internally, I was criticizing myself the entire time. Telling myself I was being dramatic. Telling myself I should be fine because “nothing bad happened.” Telling myself I was whining, that I was wasting time, that I wasn’t doing enough, that I should be doing more. I am always telling myself I should be doing more. It’s exhausting.
🛋️ Therapy, Awareness & the 1% Rule
When I sat down on the couch in my therapist’s office and she asked how I was, I decided to be honest: “I’m not great. I’m feeling pretty off.”
I told her everything — what I’d done that day, how I felt like it “wasn’t enough,” and how it frustrated me that even after doing all the hard things (yoga, walking, feeding myself, showering, brushing my teeth), I still didn’t feel better.
She stopped me and said, “Hey, that is HUGE.”
She reminded me that doing the hard things especially on the hard days is a big deal. Rationally, I know this… but emotionally, I had completely lost that thread. I had started worrying that because I still didn’t feel good, I must not be doing enough. Cue more tears.
I told her how I’d struggled to write my post earlier and how I felt like I hadn’t really said anything, but I hit publish anyway. She gently reminded me that my goal is authenticity — and sometimes authenticity looks like saying, “I don’t know what to say, I’m not feeling it today, but I’m showing up anyway.” Which, funnily enough, is exactly the kind of post I find comforting when it comes from other people.
I also told her about this pressure I feel to always be “on,” even when I’m alone. I’m constantly narrating my life in my head as if I’m prepping the story to be told later — like I have to be interesting enough to justify existing. It’s like I’m trying to prove to some invisible audience that I’m worth the space I take up. And honestly… it’s exhausting.
She asked if I wanted to try an awareness exercise, and I said, “Yes, please.”
She guided me softly — helping me notice my feet on the floor, the support of the couch, the pace of my breathing. Little by little, I felt myself drop out of my spinning mind and back into my body. I felt my chest open up, my heart rate slow down, my abdomen unclench. My breath got deeper. My shoulders finally relaxed.
When I got to a place where I could say, “I feel a little better,” she looked at me and said, “I need you to know that you did that. I guided you, but you brought yourself back.” Cue more tears.
Through sniffles I said, “I can do hard things.” And I meant it.
She encouraged me to keep practicing the awareness exercise on my own, especially at night. She told me to only aim for feeling 1% better — not 100%, not “fixed,” just 1%. If I feel 1% better afterward, that’s a win. Day by day, 1% adds up.
That felt doable. I can aim for 1%. I can reach for tiny shifts instead of total transformation overnight.
☕ A Surprise Coffee & a Different Kind of Self-Care
This morning, when my alarm went off, I did not want to get up yet — so I didn’t. I let myself stay snuggled with the dogs and set a timer so I’d still have time to do my pages and make my shake before I needed to leave for the chiropractor. I just felt heavy. Not sad, not panicked, just… slow.
Today, for the first time since I started my chiropractic journey, I genuinely wanted to skip my appointment. But I knew I needed it, and I knew I would regret it if I didn’t go. My neck was still sore from the day before, so I got myself up, did my morning routine, and headed out the door.
When I was on the table getting adjusted, Dr. Lauren casually asked me what I was planning to do for the rest of the day, and I told her honestly — “I’m not really sure… probably nothing. I’m still recovering from socializing this weekend.” She immediately lit up and asked if I’d ever been to a little coffee shop nearby. I said no, and she absolutely raved about it. She told me the coffee was amazing and the vibes were immaculate. I made a mental note, but I also knew that I probably didn’t have it in me today. I just wanted to go home and go back to bed.
Then, as I was checking out, she called me over to the front desk and said she had something for me. She handed me a $10 bill and said, “Normally I have gift cards for the coffee place, but I’m out. Here — go get yourself a cup of coffee!”
I was absolutely floored. These people are just… unbelievable. I thanked them over and over, and at that point, there was no excuse. I had to go. I owed it to them — and honestly, to myself.
So I plugged it into my GPS and drove straight there.
And she was absolutely right — the place was adorable. Warm lighting, cozy corners, lots of natural elements. I ordered an iced lavender-honey latte called The Bee’s Knees. I paid with the $10 bill and then put all the change in the tip jar because there was no universe in which I was not paying it forward.
Once I had my coffee in hand, my instinct was to leave immediately — get in the car, head home, crawl back into bed. But something in me said, “No. Sit down. Take a minute.”
So I did. I found a little corner seat, pulled out my phone to start scrolling, and then remembered I had a journal in my bag. I swapped the phone for the journal, grabbed a pen, and started writing.
Earlier that morning I had seen a quote on Instagram that said:
“If you consider yourself self-aware but only acknowledge the things you need to change — and not the things you’re doing well — you’re not self-aware; you’re just being mean to yourself.”
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
So while I was sitting there, sipping my lavender latte, I decided to make a list of things I know I’m good at. At first it felt silly and awkward and uncomfortable… and then it didn’t. Then it felt kind. Then it felt necessary. I could feel the tension in my shoulders start to melt with each new bullet point.
When I finally felt ready to leave, I got in the car — and instead of heading straight home, I just started driving. No plan. No destination. Just following whatever direction felt good in the moment. I explored a part of the metroplex I’d never seen before, windows down, coffee in hand, zero agenda.
Eventually, when I felt ready to actually be home, I plugged in my address and hit “avoid highways” so I could take the long, scenic way back.
By the time I pulled into the driveway, I felt more regulated than I had in days.
🏡 Quiet Tasks, Gentle Wins
When I got home, I went into the backyard and played with the dogs for a bit. Nothing big, nothing fancy — just fetch and sniffs and sunshine. Then I came inside and started tidying up the house. Not because I “had to” or because anyone expected it from me, but because I genuinely wanted to.
Before he left this morning, Heath had specifically told me not to worry about the house, and to only focus on taking care of myself. So I didn’t go into productivity overdrive, I only did a few things that felt supportive, not punishing:
I did the dishes and cleared out the sink.
I stripped the bed and started washing the bedding.
I ran the robot vacuum through the kitchen and living room.
And then I sat down to write this post.
What a difference a day makes.
Yesterday, I was struggling to find my words and remember my “why.” Today, I slowed down, focused on being present, let go of a lot of “shoulds,” and I feel so much better. Not perfect, not euphoric — just better. And that counts.
💗 Learning to Celebrate ‘Better Than Before’
I keep having to remind myself that healing isn’t linear. I know this. I’ve heard it. I’ve written it. But I also forget it all the time. And while it would be easy to beat myself up for forgetting, that would be the exact opposite of what I’m trying to learn.
So instead, I’m choosing to gently remind myself each time I need to. I will keep showing up and doing the work. I will keep aiming for 1% better. I will keep practicing being kinder to myself — especially on the days when it feels the hardest.
I’m becoming a version of myself I’ve never been before. Of course I’m going to trip over my own feet. Of course I’m going to lose my balance sometimes. That’s how learning works.
Instead of criticizing myself for every stumble, I’m trying to be grateful for the lessons they carry. I am still very early in this healing journey, all things considered. Rather than berating myself for not being “further along,” I’m learning to celebrate that I’m already so much better than I was when I started — especially when I started this blog.
I am doing the work. Some days are messy and loud. Some are quiet and small. All of them are worth sharing.
💬 Let’s Chat
Have you noticed places where your default setting is being mean to yourself? What’s one small, kind thing you could say to yourself instead today?
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Thank you, truly, for being here with me while I figure all of this out. Your presence means more than you know.
Yesterday I had my first appointment with my new therapist, and I am very optimistic about the work we’re going to do together.
When I got to her office and sat down on the couch, the first thing she asked me was, “How does it feel to be sitting in here?” and I immediately got choked up and shed a few tears. Not because I was sad or feeling anything negative, but because I was just so proud of myself for doing all of the work to get myself there. So that’s what I told her.
🌱 Being Seen & Recognizing the Work
We talked about a lot during the hour, and the whole time I just had this overwhelming feeling that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
I told her about all of the work I have already started doing on my own, specifically focusing on my nutrition, exercise routines, and my sleep hygiene. She made a point to tell me how big of a deal all of that was, and while I do know that I have been doing the work and it’s hard and I’ve made some progress, I have kind of been in denial about all the positive changes and truly just how hard the work I have been doing has been.
Because of the environment I was raised in and my childhood experiences, my instinct is to poke holes in the good things before anyone else can. I tend to lean very hard on self-deprecating humor, and I have a hard time accepting compliments or any sort of positive remarks. It’s definitely a pattern.
But she really made a point to acknowledge the work I have already done on my own and make sure that I realize how big of a deal it all is. And I really had to stop and think about it. I got choked up and teary all over again.
I know that I have been making some big changes and I know that they’ve been hard, but I have given myself very little opportunity to really stop and appreciate that. To appreciate that it would be so much easier to just keep things how they were, to stick with what I know, and that I am choosing to do the hard work because I deeply want a better and happier and healthier life. And that I am not waiting for anyone to swoop in and save me anymore — I am doing the work myself. And she’s right, that is huge.
I’ve been so focused on learning more, doing more, and getting better that I have not let myself stop and appreciate where I am now. And I think that is how I got into the mess I got into this weekend, which is still lingering a bit as I write this today. I haven’t been appreciating my victories; I’ve just been raising the bar higher and higher.
My intentions are good — I want to get better. But part of getting better is being present. And that is something I really struggle with if I’m not paying close attention to my attention.
🧘♀️ Listening to My Body
So when I got home from my appointment yesterday, I took some time to rest and just be gentle with myself with a lot of intention. I made myself a healthy meal, I got on the walk pad after I ate, and then I snuggled up on the couch and watched an episode of the Mel Robbins podcast.
I listened to my body and ate when I was hungry, even though it was not a “regular” meal time. I got my body moving when I felt some built-up energy looking for somewhere to go, and then I sought comfort mixed with some learning when I was ready to let my body rest.
I slowed down and I really listened to my body — and my body rewarded me with allowing me to sleep through the night again. HUZZAH! 🌙
I still woke up tired and a little groggy; it definitely took a bit for me to really feel awake and alert. But I was so excited that I had really slept that I didn’t even mind being so tired. I got up and did my morning pages and affirmations, I made myself my usual breakfast shake, I stretched out a bit, and then I got dressed and ready for the day.
🌤 Sunshine, Lunch & Saying No to the Drink
First I went to the chiropractor for my adjustment, and it felt incredible as always. After that, I headed to downtown Fort Worth to have lunch with my friend that I had rescheduled with on Monday.
Texas still hasn’t gotten the memo that it’s November, so the weather was sunny, warm, and downright beautiful. We sat outside and had a lovely meal and just chatted about all the things — memories from over a decade ago, updates from the years that have passed in between, and things that we’re dealing with now. Solid girls’ lunch all around.
While all of that was delightful, my anxiety was pretty high through the whole thing because we were in the heart of downtown. Parking was kind of a nightmare, it was super busy all around, construction everywhere. It was just a lot. Normally when I go downtown for anything, I am not the one driving (thank you, Heath!), so navigating it all put my nerves on edge to begin with. Then parking and walking through the city by myself set me on edge even more.
I was also nervous that my friend was upset with me for having to reschedule (she was not) and I was so worried that she was going to give me shit for it (she would never) that I got myself worked up into a tizzy.
By the time I got to the restaurant, I was pretty frazzled, but overall happy to be with my friend. She arrived a few minutes before me and had ordered a mimosa flight. I was VERY tempted to order a drink for myself as well. I came very, very close.
I am a sucker for a Bloody Mary and I very much wanted something to calm my nerves in the moment. But I knew if I had one, I would almost certainly end up having two as we sat and talked, and then my anxiety would inevitably skyrocket later in the day. I also knew that I would be disappointed with myself. I set a goal that I would no longer be drinking during the week, and I didn’t want to break that promise to myself. I saw how the alcohol this weekend affected my mental health, specifically my anxiety, so I stuck with water for lunch — and I am very, very proud of myself for that.
That is a win. That is a little change with a big impact. A little choice with a whole lot of significance. 💧
⚖️ Holding the Vulnerability
Even though I didn’t drink, I still felt on edge for a lot of the time. It had nothing to do with her or the food or the conversation or anything like that. I think I am just still finding my balance from this weekend.
Plus, therapy yesterday — while wonderful — also brought up a lot of old wounds that don’t just go away because I left the therapist’s office. I am still feeling vulnerable and a little drained from it. That is normal, and I need to acknowledge that.
I didn’t want to reschedule again, even though I was tired going into lunch to begin with. I wanted to see my friend, and I didn’t want to disappoint her. She is only in town for a short time and I didn’t want to waste my opportunity to see her. So I powered through, and I am glad I did. But I am definitely feeling the effects.
🧘♀️ Yoga, Baths & Letting My Nervous System Catch Up
After we said our goodbyes and I started heading home, I felt myself get really, really tired. I knew that all of that had taken a lot of energy, and so instead of pushing myself and trying to force some chores around the house or get started on this post, I put on my PJs, curled up on the couch, and started watching My Neighbor Totoro.
When I started to feel myself dozing off a bit, I turned it off because I didn’t want to miss anything. I decided to move into the bed and just commit to a nap there.
But when I laid down and really tried to sleep, I felt a lot of nervous energy still bouncing around in my chest, and I couldn’t get my thoughts to slow down enough to really rest. So I ended up getting back up and doing some Yoga With Adriene. I started with a practice focused on regulating the nervous system. When I was done with that one, I still felt a little off, so then I did another one specifically for overthinking.
After that, I drew myself a bath and let myself soak for 30 minutes and listen to some music and just breathe.
I am feeling a little better now — definitely not as anxious, but still tired and definitely excited for bed tonight.
📊 Looking Ahead: Progress & Gentleness
Tomorrow I have my first progress appointment with the chiropractor to redo all of my scans and see how far I’ve come since I started getting adjusted three times a week. I am VERY excited.
I’m sure there will still be some problem areas that stand out — I’m only one-third of the way through my 90-day care plan, there’s still work to be done. But I can feel a significant shift in how my body feels day to day, and I am excited to see visual representations of how far I have come.
Tonight I am going to continue being gentle with myself. I’m going to make myself a nice healthy meal, and I’m going to crawl into bed early and read until I fall asleep.
I hope that I have another night of uninterrupted sleep ahead of me. But I also know that if I don’t, it doesn’t negate all the progress I’ve made. I will be gentle with myself and focus on breathing deeply and meditating until I fall back asleep.
💬 Let’s Reflect Together
💜 If this resonated, leave a comment — I’d love to hear how you’re navigating your own healing journey.
Have you ever surprised yourself by how much progress you’ve made without realizing it?
What’s one habit you’ve worked hard to build that you’re proud of?
📬 Stay Connected
If you’ve been enjoying following along on my healing journey — the messy parts, the breakthroughs, the small victories, and the tiny-but-mighty shifts — I’d love for you to stick around. Subscribe below so you never miss a new post. We’re learning, growing, and figuring this out together. 💜
Yesterday I had my Week 4 Artist Date, and it was truly lovely. For this week, I decided to take my inner artist on a little date to Trinity Park here in Fort Worth — and take a walk. I didn’t listen to anything while I walked; I just moved and soaked in the natural beauty of the park. Just me and my thoughts. 🦆🌳
🌿 A Visit with the Ducks
When I arrived, I parked by the duck pond, so before I got started, I spent some time by the water just watching the ducks and geese. That felt pretty special in itself.
When I was little, one of my favorite activities with my great-grandmother was feeding the ducks and geese at the pond near her house. We’d stop at the store for day-old bread and then spend the afternoon by the water. (Side note: now I know better — bread isn’t great for them 😅 — but I didn’t back then.)
It was such a sweet reminder of childhood to sit by the pond and hear the quacks and splashes and see families making those same memories. I actually got a little teary 🥲 — I felt my great-grandmother with me, proud of the woman I’m becoming, cheering me on.
One goose even came right up to me and started pecking at my bracelets — like it was trying to say hello. I’m pretty sure that was Meme’s spirit dropping by. Even if it wasn’t, I’m choosing to believe it 🕊️.
🚶♀️ The Walk Itself
After sitting by the pond, I set off down the trail — a little over a mile each way. I wasn’t rushing or trying to turn it into a workout (though I did start my Apple Watch activity 😉). I just walked at whatever pace felt natural in the moment, breathing deeply and letting my thoughts flow.
Texas still hasn’t gotten the memo that it’s November — it was sunny and 77°F ☀️ — but I wasn’t complaining. The weather was perfect. I went around lunch time, so the park was quiet and peaceful. For a while, I forgot I was in the middle of a big city. It was just me, the trees, the birds, and the path ahead.
I made it my little mission to smile and say hi to every person I passed — no small talk required, just simple connection. Some avoided eye contact, some smiled back enthusiastically, and one gentleman I passed twice even laughed when I said, “Hello again!” Kindness really is contagious. 💫
💤 Sleep Setbacks and Self-Compassion
The last couple of nights have been rougher for sleep — last night I woke up at 4:45 a.m. and was a bit sweaty again. Not terrible, but noticeable. While it’s disappointing that this issue still lingers, I’m choosing not to get discouraged. Healing isn’t linear. My hormones are shifting as I near my period, and I know that’s likely part of it. 🌙
So instead of spiraling, I’m focusing on being gentle with myself. When I wake up, I remind myself: I am safe. I am loved. I am okay. I’ll keep drinking my teas, journaling before bed, and showing up for myself — because I know I’m worth it. 🫖🕯️
🌸 Doing the Unglamorous Work
It’s not glamorous work — but it’s work I’m proud to be doing. For so long I avoided it — the feelings, the root causes, the habits. Now I’m doing the hard stuff even when I’m tired, cranky, or hormonal. I still write my morning pages. I still make my breakfast shake and take my supplements. I still move my body through walks, yoga, and Pilates. I still take myself on Artist Dates — even when I try to talk myself out of them until the last minute. 😉
And because I’m sticking with it, my life is changing for the better — step by step, page by page, day by day. 💪✨
🪷 A New Therapy Chapter
Today I took another big step: I started looking for a new therapist. I searched on Psychology Today for specialists in somatic therapy — the kind that integrates body and mind healing instead of relying solely on talk therapy. After reading several profiles, I found someone who feels like a perfect fit and sent her a message requesting a consultation. 🌿
I’ve done talk therapy before, and while venting always felt good, it never gave me the deep healing I was craving. I’m realizing that I need a more holistic approach — one that includes my mind, body, and spirit. So today, I stopped procrastinating and got started — and that alone feels like progress I can be proud of. 🩷
💫 Closing Thoughts
It’s days like this that remind me how much has shifted. I’m walking through healing — literally and metaphorically — and every step, every tear, every moment of presence matters. Here’s to listening to our bodies, honoring our inner artists, and continuing to show up for ourselves one gentle day at a time. 🌼
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I started reading How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera, and within the first few pages, I knew — this is exactly what I need right now. I’m only about a third of the way through, but it’s already resonating deeply. 💜
Dr. LePera opens the book by describing what she calls the “dark night of the soul” — that rock-bottom moment when everything in your life feels misaligned and something inside you quietly says, “this can’t be it.” As I read her words, it was like reading my own story. I could feel myself in her descriptions of burnout, dread, brain fog, and emotional exhaustion. I found myself nodding and whispering, “me too.”
🧘♀️ Starting with the Body
When she said the first step in her healing was focusing on her body — movement and nutrition — I decided to follow her lead. And I’ve really been leaning into it.
To start, I did a 45-minute Deep Stretch Yoga with Adriene session. It’s one I’ve done before, but it had been a while, and I was pleasantly surprised to notice how much progress I’ve made. I held every pose, stretched deeper than I could before, and finished feeling both grounded and proud. ✨
After yoga, I hopped on the walk pad for another 45 minutes. I usually keep my pace at 3.0, but today I pushed myself a little — up to 3.4 — and wow, I felt it! It was that perfect mix of loving and hating it at the same time. More sweat, yes (ew), but also more endorphins. Totally worth it.
🌬️ Walking in Silence
As of yesterday, I have changed up my walking routine. No TV, no music, no podcasts. Just silence. Just me, my breath, and the rhythm of my steps. And, today, when I took away the distractions, my mind got loud. Without a hilarious Jim-and-Dwight prank to fill the space, old feelings started bubbling up. Anger. Frustration. Resentment from years ago.
My first instinct was to run — to stop walking, grab a snack, turn on the TV, scroll my phone — anything to numb it out. But instead, I kept walking. I let the anger rise. I let myself feel it fully. I reminded myself that anger is a natural response to crossed boundaries. It’s not something to shame or suppress. So I breathed through it, felt it, and then… it passed. As easily as it came up, it dissolved. I honestly can’t even remember what triggered it now. It’s just gone. 🕊️
🐾 Energy Flows Both Ways
After my walk, I hydrated, had a protein shake, and took my vitamins. Then I decided to give both dogs a much-needed bath. Neither was thrilled, but they handled it better than usual — especially Winston. Normally, he’s nervous and strong enough to make bath time a full-body workout for me, but today, he was calmer. Maybe the calmest he has ever been for a bath. I can’t help but think he was mirroring my energy. Because I was calmer, he could be too. 🐶
💫 Exploring Somatic Work
I’ve been coming across the term somatic therapy a lot lately, so today I looked into it more. I found a short 7-minute beginner somatic routine on YouTube and followed along, then added Day 1 of a 30-day series for overwhelm. After that, I did a Yoga with Adriene session designed to regulate the nervous system. It was the perfect sequence — movement, breath, calm.
Afterward, I took a hot shower, shaved my legs after a few weeks of neglecting them, and moisturized head-to-toe with my favorite body oil from Salt Soothers in Guthrie. Their products are magic. ✨ Then I put on my coziest oversized T-shirt, thick socks, and sat down to write this post — feeling clean, calm, and present.
🌸 Real Progress
I’ve definitely been on the struggle bus lately — and in denial about it — but today felt like a turning point. I’m starting to bring myself back to center. It feels good to nurture my body again, and I can feel my mind and spirit following along.
I’m still struggling with sleep, and last night was rough, but I have a feeling that the more I reconnect with my body, the more that will start to heal too. I’m learning that progress doesn’t always look like productivity — sometimes, it looks like gentle consistency.
Thank you for being here. I’m so grateful for your presence on this journey. 💜
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