Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: wellness blog

  • Releasing Rigidity, Embracing Flow 💫

    Releasing Rigidity, Embracing Flow 💫

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Saturday!

    Recently, I’ve been feeling a little stagnant. A little off, a little out of sorts, a little distracted. Instead of feeling grateful for this journey I’m on and the incredible opportunity that it is, I found myself feeling obligated — even overwhelmed — by all the “work” I still needed to do. It started to feel like every spare moment had to be dedicated to healing, studying, improving. And slowly but surely, I drained myself of the excitement and joy that originally fueled all of this.

    Realizing I’d Turned Healing Into Homework 📚

    Through some honest self-reflection, I realized I’ve been focusing too much on the fine print — the self-help texts, the podcasts, the expert advice — and not nearly enough time actually exploring what feels good for me.

    Once again, balance has revealed itself as my biggest struggle. Despite my intentions, I became rigid, strict, and overly disciplined in ways that led me right back to the burnout I was trying so hard to heal from.

    When I started this blog, I proudly proclaimed that every new thing I consumed would relate to my happiness project. Only self-improvement books. Only mindset podcasts. Only healing-focused content. For a while, that was motivating… but eventually, it became suffocating.

    Instead of embracing what I’d learned and focusing on integrating it, I convinced myself I needed to keep reading, keep studying, keep digging deeper. I sent myself straight into information overload — to the point where everything blurred together. I couldn’t even tell you which ideas came from which book anymore; it was all just a big, overwhelming soup of “shoulds.”

    And little by little, it all started feeling like I was completing tasks just to check them off a list, not because they were supporting my happiness. I was either “studying” or watching familiar shows while scrolling my phone — old patterns, old distractions, old autopilot. I stopped being fully present, and my body let me know. (Hi, neck tension!)

    Where’s the Fun in All of This? 🎢

    I’ve bought several new books recently — Beatles biographies, historical fiction, romantasy — all things that bring me joy. Yet I told myself I couldn’t read them because they weren’t part of “the project.” I refused myself joy if it wasn’t officially productive.

    I lost sight of what the bigger journey was actually supposed to be: not fixing myself… but finding myself.

    And the question finally hit me:

    If I’m not finding joy in my days, what the hell am I even doing?

    So yesterday, I recalibrated. Hard.

    I finished a novel I’ve been slowly reading for months — A Resistance of Witches, which was SO up my alley. And wow… I realized how much guilt I’d buried around simply enjoying myself. I thought I was being disciplined. Really, I was depriving myself.

    After my walk-pad session, I took a nap — a full, luxurious 2-hour nap — without setting a 45-minute “approved” timer. When I woke up, I finally cracked open SHOUT!, the Beatles biography that has been calling to me from the shelf for weeks. And reading it felt like a deep, contented exhale.

    There is a time and place for rigidity and structure, but it does not need to be constant. So now I’m focusing on balance — real balance — not rules disguised as self-care.

    Letting Myself Rest (For Real) 😴

    This morning, I let myself sleep in because I’ve been fighting off a cold. When I finally got up, I felt more rested than I have in days.

    I stepped outside for my morning sun exposure, made my breakfast shake, took my supplements, and did my morning pages and affirmations. The basics still matter to me — they keep me grounded — but I’m softening the edges around them.

    Dusting Off the Piano Keys 🎹

    After my morning routine, I wandered into the guest room/my office and decided… it’s time to play piano again.

    Back in May, one of my closest friends gifted me her old keyboard because I’d talked about wanting to learn. I practiced daily for a couple weeks, posted some videos, felt proud… and then life happened. I fell out of the habit.

    Every time I saw the keyboard afterward, the shame hit hard. Instead of recognizing that ache as longing, I told myself I “should be working on other things,” so I’d close the door and pretend it didn’t hurt my heart to leave it sitting there.

    But after my realization about joy and rigidity, I decided that playing music gets to be part of my daily routine, just like walking and yoga.

    So today, I dusted off the keys and practiced for about 30 minutes with a beginner YouTube video. I was rusty, but I was smiling. Really smiling.

    This is the kind of thing I want to chase — joy, fun, creativity, magic. The self-improvement literature helped me build a foundation. But now I need to live on that foundation, not bury myself under more textbooks about how to live.

    Getting Honest About Alcohol 🍷🚫

    Another big realization: as much as I may wish it were different, alcohol just cannot be part of my life right now.

    I’ve done great avoiding it during the week, but Friday rolls around and suddenly I’m counting down to 5 p.m. Sometimes I manage to stick to one drink, sometimes I don’t. Either way, I always feel worse afterward — in my sleep, my mood, my body.

    The short-term buzz just isn’t worth the long-term crash. So for now, alcohol is off the table. It’s scary to say that out loud, but it also feels like relief. Like I’m finally choosing myself — not just in theory, but in practice.

    Softening the Edges of My Routines 🌿

    Going forward, I’m keeping the core of my routines — sleep, nutrition, walking, yoga, Pilates — but loosening the rigidity that was making everything feel like homework.

    The time in between? That belongs to joy now.

    • Playing piano.
    • Reading about Beatles lore and faeries getting freaky.
    • Drawing and painting.
    • Snuggling dogs, drinking tea, and letting myself just be.

    I am aiming to be more fluid and less rigid — and I know I’ll stumble, but I’ll adjust and keep learning what serves me and what doesn’t.

    Today, I Choose Joy ✨

    Today, I feel hopeful. Grounded. Light. I’m going to get on the walk pad, make some tea, snuggle up with the dogs, read about The Beatles, do some yoga, make myself something nourishing… and actually enjoy it.

    Not because it’s “part of the protocol.” Not because a book told me to. But because it feels good. And isn’t that the whole point?

    Let’s Chat 💬

    I’d love to hear from you in the comments:

    • Where in your life have you gotten a little too rigid with your “self-improvement” habits?
    • What’s one joyful, “just for fun” thing you’ve been denying yourself that you’d like to bring back?
    • How do you personally find balance between growth and rest?

    Stay Connected 💌

    If you’re walking your own winding healing path and want some company along the way, I’d love for you to stick around.

    Subscribe to the blog to get updates when new posts go live — cozy reflections on healing, nervous-system regulation, self-trust, creativity, and all the messy in-between. No spam, just little love notes and honest check-ins from my corner of the world.

    Thank you for being here. It means more than you know.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

  • Learning How to Be Kind to Myself (One Quiet Day at a Time)

    Learning How to Be Kind to Myself (One Quiet Day at a Time)

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday! 💜

    The more I move through this healing journey and actually pay attention to my inner world, the more I’m realizing just how mean I am to myself on a truly consistent basis. Being harsh, cruel, and hypercritical toward myself has been my default setting for so long that I didn’t even recognize it as cruelty — I just thought it was “being honest” or “holding myself accountable.”

    Now that I’m waking up to it, I’m finding myself in a strange kind of grief. Grief for all the past versions of myself who were trying so hard and never got any credit. Grief for the younger me who constantly made herself small because it felt safer than taking up space. Grief for all the times I chose beating myself up over giving myself even the tiniest bit of compassion.

    📸 Boudoir Photos & a Brutal Inner Critic

    On Friday, my boudoir photographer posted my sneak peeks in her VIP Facebook group, and I could not stop looking at them. At first, it was pure joy. I felt proud, powerful, and honestly kind of in awe of myself. Four out of the five photos were absolute bombshelly goddess energy — like, “who is that woman and can I be her all the time?”

    And then, slowly, my brain did what it always does. It zeroed in on the one photo I didn’t instantly love. The one that felt slightly “off.”

    Instead of soaking in the four images that made me feel incredible, I laser-focused on the one that didn’t. I picked it apart with the precision of someone who has decades of practice criticizing herself:

    • “My boobs look kinda squished.”
    • “My face looks weird. Why am I making that face?”
    • “My leg looks weird.”
    • And finally: “I look weird. I am weird.”

    Before I knew it, that was the only photo I was looking at. The only one I was giving power to. I even brought it to Heath and asked, “Am I being too picky? Do you even like this one?”

    He looked at me with so much sadness and love in his eyes and said, “You are so mean to yourself. Why are you so mean to yourself?”

    And it hit me like a freight train.

    I hadn’t even realized I was being cruel. To me, that voice is just… normal. It’s always been there. It’s the part of me that tries to “poke holes first” so no one else can. If I hurt my own feelings before anyone else gets the chance, at least I’m prepared, right?

    Except… no. That’s just self-harm in a socially acceptable outfit.

    I burst into tears because I knew he was right. I am so mean to myself. And all the excuses I’d used over the years — “I’m just pushing myself” or “I just want to be better” — suddenly felt really flimsy. If being this hard on myself actually worked, I’d be the best, happiest, healthiest version of myself by now. Clearly, it doesn’t work. So it’s time to try something different.

    Once I caught my breath, I did the only thing I could think to do: I deleted the picture from my phone. If it wasn’t there, I couldn’t keep going back to it like a self-esteem punching bag. As soon as it was gone, I felt a tiny bit lighter. Just a tiny bit — but it was something.

    We changed our plans for the evening, too. Instead of going out to dinner to “take advantage” of my hair and makeup, we stayed in. I put on my favorite comfy pajama set, we made cocktails, turned on Gilmore Girls, and just existed together on the couch. No performance. No expectations. Just nervous system recovery and cozy, quiet connection.

    🧠 Default Settings: Meanness, Pressure & Performance

    The weekend was busy and social, and somewhere in all the noise, I slipped right back into those old patterns of meanness without even realizing it. That’s the thing about defaults — they’re sneaky. Cruel self-talk has been my baseline for so long that it doesn’t even register as “mean.” It just feels like the truth.

    I stayed distracted on Monday because Heath was home sick, and I poured all my attention into taking care of him and being present with the dogs. I didn’t give myself much space to notice how I was feeling internally.

    Then Tuesday came. Heath went back to the office, I had quiet time alone, and everything I’d been pushing down started to surface. I had a really hard time writing my post that day. Everything I put on the page felt flat or pointless. I felt heavy and tired and depleted and — surprise — I was being incredibly hard on myself the whole time.

    And yet, even in that fog, I still showed up.

    • I got on the walk pad.
    • I made myself lunch.
    • I did yoga.
    • I showered and got dressed.
    • I went to therapy, even though a big part of me wanted to bail and avoid, avoid, avoid.
    • I wrote and published a blog post.

    From the outside, that looks like a pretty solid day. But internally, I was criticizing myself the entire time. Telling myself I was being dramatic. Telling myself I should be fine because “nothing bad happened.” Telling myself I was whining, that I was wasting time, that I wasn’t doing enough, that I should be doing more. I am always telling myself I should be doing more. It’s exhausting.

    🛋️ Therapy, Awareness & the 1% Rule

    When I sat down on the couch in my therapist’s office and she asked how I was, I decided to be honest: “I’m not great. I’m feeling pretty off.”

    I told her everything — what I’d done that day, how I felt like it “wasn’t enough,” and how it frustrated me that even after doing all the hard things (yoga, walking, feeding myself, showering, brushing my teeth), I still didn’t feel better.

    She stopped me and said, “Hey, that is HUGE.”

    She reminded me that doing the hard things especially on the hard days is a big deal. Rationally, I know this… but emotionally, I had completely lost that thread. I had started worrying that because I still didn’t feel good, I must not be doing enough. Cue more tears.

    I told her how I’d struggled to write my post earlier and how I felt like I hadn’t really said anything, but I hit publish anyway. She gently reminded me that my goal is authenticity — and sometimes authenticity looks like saying, “I don’t know what to say, I’m not feeling it today, but I’m showing up anyway.” Which, funnily enough, is exactly the kind of post I find comforting when it comes from other people.

    I also told her about this pressure I feel to always be “on,” even when I’m alone. I’m constantly narrating my life in my head as if I’m prepping the story to be told later — like I have to be interesting enough to justify existing. It’s like I’m trying to prove to some invisible audience that I’m worth the space I take up. And honestly… it’s exhausting.

    She asked if I wanted to try an awareness exercise, and I said, “Yes, please.”

    She guided me softly — helping me notice my feet on the floor, the support of the couch, the pace of my breathing. Little by little, I felt myself drop out of my spinning mind and back into my body. I felt my chest open up, my heart rate slow down, my abdomen unclench. My breath got deeper. My shoulders finally relaxed.

    When I got to a place where I could say, “I feel a little better,” she looked at me and said, “I need you to know that you did that. I guided you, but you brought yourself back.” Cue more tears.

    Through sniffles I said, “I can do hard things.” And I meant it.

    She encouraged me to keep practicing the awareness exercise on my own, especially at night. She told me to only aim for feeling 1% better — not 100%, not “fixed,” just 1%. If I feel 1% better afterward, that’s a win. Day by day, 1% adds up.

    That felt doable. I can aim for 1%. I can reach for tiny shifts instead of total transformation overnight.

    ☕ A Surprise Coffee & a Different Kind of Self-Care

    This morning, when my alarm went off, I did not want to get up yet — so I didn’t. I let myself stay snuggled with the dogs and set a timer so I’d still have time to do my pages and make my shake before I needed to leave for the chiropractor. I just felt heavy. Not sad, not panicked, just… slow.

    Today, for the first time since I started my chiropractic journey, I genuinely wanted to skip my appointment. But I knew I needed it, and I knew I would regret it if I didn’t go. My neck was still sore from the day before, so I got myself up, did my morning routine, and headed out the door.

    When I was on the table getting adjusted, Dr. Lauren casually asked me what I was planning to do for the rest of the day, and I told her honestly — “I’m not really sure… probably nothing. I’m still recovering from socializing this weekend.” She immediately lit up and asked if I’d ever been to a little coffee shop nearby. I said no, and she absolutely raved about it. She told me the coffee was amazing and the vibes were immaculate. I made a mental note, but I also knew that I probably didn’t have it in me today. I just wanted to go home and go back to bed.

    Then, as I was checking out, she called me over to the front desk and said she had something for me. She handed me a $10 bill and said, “Normally I have gift cards for the coffee place, but I’m out. Here — go get yourself a cup of coffee!”

    I was absolutely floored. These people are just… unbelievable. I thanked them over and over, and at that point, there was no excuse. I had to go. I owed it to them — and honestly, to myself.

    So I plugged it into my GPS and drove straight there.

    And she was absolutely right — the place was adorable. Warm lighting, cozy corners, lots of natural elements. I ordered an iced lavender-honey latte called The Bee’s Knees. I paid with the $10 bill and then put all the change in the tip jar because there was no universe in which I was not paying it forward.

    Once I had my coffee in hand, my instinct was to leave immediately — get in the car, head home, crawl back into bed. But something in me said, “No. Sit down. Take a minute.”

    So I did. I found a little corner seat, pulled out my phone to start scrolling, and then remembered I had a journal in my bag. I swapped the phone for the journal, grabbed a pen, and started writing.

    Earlier that morning I had seen a quote on Instagram that said:

    “If you consider yourself self-aware but only acknowledge the things you need to change — and not the things you’re doing well — you’re not self-aware; you’re just being mean to yourself.”

    I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

    So while I was sitting there, sipping my lavender latte, I decided to make a list of things I know I’m good at. At first it felt silly and awkward and uncomfortable… and then it didn’t. Then it felt kind. Then it felt necessary. I could feel the tension in my shoulders start to melt with each new bullet point.

    When I finally felt ready to leave, I got in the car — and instead of heading straight home, I just started driving. No plan. No destination. Just following whatever direction felt good in the moment. I explored a part of the metroplex I’d never seen before, windows down, coffee in hand, zero agenda.

    Eventually, when I felt ready to actually be home, I plugged in my address and hit “avoid highways” so I could take the long, scenic way back.

    By the time I pulled into the driveway, I felt more regulated than I had in days.

    🏡 Quiet Tasks, Gentle Wins

    When I got home, I went into the backyard and played with the dogs for a bit. Nothing big, nothing fancy — just fetch and sniffs and sunshine. Then I came inside and started tidying up the house. Not because I “had to” or because anyone expected it from me, but because I genuinely wanted to.

    Before he left this morning, Heath had specifically told me not to worry about the house, and to only focus on taking care of myself. So I didn’t go into productivity overdrive, I only did a few things that felt supportive, not punishing:

    • I did the dishes and cleared out the sink.
    • I stripped the bed and started washing the bedding.
    • I ran the robot vacuum through the kitchen and living room.

    And then I sat down to write this post.

    What a difference a day makes.

    Yesterday, I was struggling to find my words and remember my “why.” Today, I slowed down, focused on being present, let go of a lot of “shoulds,” and I feel so much better. Not perfect, not euphoric — just better. And that counts.

    💗 Learning to Celebrate ‘Better Than Before’

    I keep having to remind myself that healing isn’t linear. I know this. I’ve heard it. I’ve written it. But I also forget it all the time. And while it would be easy to beat myself up for forgetting, that would be the exact opposite of what I’m trying to learn.

    So instead, I’m choosing to gently remind myself each time I need to. I will keep showing up and doing the work. I will keep aiming for 1% better. I will keep practicing being kinder to myself — especially on the days when it feels the hardest.

    I’m becoming a version of myself I’ve never been before. Of course I’m going to trip over my own feet. Of course I’m going to lose my balance sometimes. That’s how learning works.

    Instead of criticizing myself for every stumble, I’m trying to be grateful for the lessons they carry. I am still very early in this healing journey, all things considered. Rather than berating myself for not being “further along,” I’m learning to celebrate that I’m already so much better than I was when I started — especially when I started this blog.

    I am doing the work. Some days are messy and loud. Some are quiet and small. All of them are worth sharing.

    💬 Let’s Chat

    Have you noticed places where your default setting is being mean to yourself? What’s one small, kind thing you could say to yourself instead today?

    📬 Want to follow along?

    If this resonated with you, I’d love to have you stick around. 💌 Subscribe below to get new posts delivered straight to your inbox — no algorithms, no pressure, just honest updates from my healing journey as they unfold.

    Thank you, truly, for being here with me while I figure all of this out. Your presence means more than you know.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌿 A Day for Big Bailz Wins 🤗

    🌿 A Day for Big Bailz Wins 🤗

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Tuesday!

    🌙 The Sleep of Dreams (Literally!)

    Okay. First things first. YOU GUYS — I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! I went to sleep a little before 10 and didn’t wake up until 6am! I GOT A FULL 8 HOURS, YO! I genuinely cannot think of another time in recent history when that has happened, and I am just beyond excited.

    Last week, after realizing that my 3am wake-ups could be associated with issues with the liver, I purchased some peppermint leaves, milk thistle, and dandelion root — all three connected to supporting liver health — and I’ve been experimenting with tea blends each night about 1–2 hours before bed. I think they’ve been helping a lot. 🍵

    At first, I didn’t even realize I had made it through the night because I’ve stopped checking the clock when I wake up. All it does is stress me out. Plus, the light from my watch or phone doesn’t help anything. So now, if I wake up, I keep my eye mask on and focus on falling back asleep. This morning, I only realized what had happened when I heard the dogs getting up — and when I finally checked my watch, I was thrilled to see it was 6am. I still am. 😴✨

    💃 A Major Confidence Milestone

    And the wins didn’t stop there. This morning, I had an appointment — not just any appointment, but a wardrobe consultation for a boudoir photo shoot I finally scheduled for myself after years of self-denial. 👏

    This is something I’ve always wanted to do but constantly talked myself out of. I told myself it was silly, that I shouldn’t spend money on something like that, that I’d be judged or made fun of. I told myself a lot of negative things — mostly that I didn’t deserve to do what I wanted to do.

    But now, as I’ve been diving so deeply into this self-healing journey, I realized this is exactly the time to check that dream off my list. So last Thursday, I started researching local boudoir photographers. After some digging, I found one whose work perfectly matched the vibe I envisioned. Without overthinking it, I filled out the contact form and sent it off before I could talk myself out of it. I even told her about my healing journey and that this shoot was something I was doing for me (okay, yes, Heath’s excited too 😜, but ultimately, this is for me!).

    The next day, we hopped on a call to discuss details, and by the end of it, I had officially booked and prepaid for the shoot so there would be no backing out. I’m committed, baby! I booked, I paid, and then I cried real tears of pride. 🥹💜

    🪞 Facing the Mirror (and My Inner Critic)

    So today, I went in for my wardrobe consultation to try on outfit options for the shoot. And let me tell you, that mirror moment came with some inner critic commentary. My body looks different than it did a few months ago — I’ve been nourishing myself properly for the first time in a long time, and my shape is changing. It’s healthy, but it’s still an adjustment.

    When I looked in the mirror, I could hear her — that old familiar voice — whispering: “Your tummy isn’t flat anymore.” “Look at your thighs, that cellulite!” “You’re so big now.” For the first couple of minutes, I believed her. It’s hard not to when you’re standing half-naked in a new place, trying on lingerie. But then I made eye contact with myself and paused. I took a breath. I remembered the truth.

    My body is healthy. My body is nourished. My body is strong. 💪

    I used to starve it — sometimes intentionally, sometimes through neglect. But not anymore. Now I eat well, I move, I rest, I nurture myself. And yes, that means I look different. That’s something to celebrate. I’m feeding my body with love, and it’s showing me gratitude in return. ❤️

    So yeah, I’m celebrating this new, healthy body of mine next week with a sexy photo shoot — and I could not be more proud. I can’t wait to see how I feel on the day, or when I get the photos back. The best is yet to come. 🌸

    🗳️ And One More Win…

    After my appointment, I went to the community center by my house and voted! WOO! 🇺🇸

    The lovely women running the polling station were absolute gems — so kind and sweet. They complimented my sweater and boots, which completely made my day. Their warmth was contagious and left me smiling all the way home.

    🥗 Nourished and Happy

    Once home, I made myself a Mediterranean-style chopped salad I’ve been dreaming about for a while: sautéed tomatoes with garlic in avocado oil, mixed with chopped Kalamata olives, feta, cucumber, black beans, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, extra virgin olive oil, sea salt, and pepper.

    It was delicious — even better than I expected. And I can’t wait to make it again soon!

    💜 Grateful for the Good Days

    Today was a very good day — full of big Bailz wins. I’m showing up for myself, doing the work even when I don’t feel like it, and it’s bringing me days like this: days where I feel giddy, proud, and genuinely happy to be alive. For so long, that feeling felt impossible. But it’s here now, and I’m soaking it in.

    Here’s to the big wins, the little wins, and every moment in between. Thank you for being here with me on this journey — it means the world. 🌙

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

    PS – If this post made you smile, or reminded you to be a little kinder to yourself today, subscribe below. 💜

    Let’s keep growing together — one small win, one proud step, one healed piece at a time. 🌿

  • 🥦 Food is Medicine

    🥦 Food is Medicine

    I have really been leaning into my nutrition recently and it’s starting to feel really good. I feel like I am taking control of my diet instead of just going along with what is easiest or what will satisfy a craving in the moment. Not only am I feeling better physically, but that sense of accomplishment is really helping me feel better mentally too.

    I’m still letting myself have some of my favorite things — but in very small portions, all in moderation. I’m trying to stick to an 80/20 ratio: 80% of the time, I’m eating very clean and intentionally, and 20% of the time, I’m snacking on Trader Joe’s Chili Lime chips, having some chips and queso, or indulging in a little Ben & Jerry’s. 🍦

    Those little treats serve as comfort food. While I’ll admit that, in a perfect world, I’d eliminate them all for the sake of perfect health, I also find that complete restriction is a recipe for backsliding. So for now, I’m keeping my balance as is. I’m feeling significantly better these days, and I know a lot of it has to do with the food I’m giving my body.

    🍎 Discovering Bobby Parrish & Intentional Eating

    My journey toward a healthier body really started about six months ago. We discovered Bobby Parrish on YouTube after getting a Costco membership and looking for suggestions on what to buy. Let me tell you — Bobby has been a game changer.

    Not only does he highlight the best deals at Costco (and other stores too), he also shows you the healthiest options to buy there. He explains which ingredients to avoid and points you toward the best products for your body and your health. 🛒

    He even does the legwork for you when you’re shopping. He has his own app that lets you scan barcodes of hundreds of thousands of grocery items to see if they’re “Bobby Approved.” Search for the Bobby Approved app in the App Store — if you’re interested in being more intentional with what you eat, I highly recommend using it on your next grocery trip.

    🚫 Natural Flavors, Seed Oils, and Other Sneaky Ingredients

    One of the biggest things we’ve learned from Bobby is about the ingredient “natural flavors.” At first glance, it sounds harmless, right? WRONG. For something to be labeled “natural flavors,” all manufacturers have to do is start with a natural source — and then they can process and manipulate it however they want before it ends up in your food.

    They’re highly processed in labs, and just because they’re derived from natural ingredients doesn’t mean they’re good for you — or even harmless. Bobby calls “natural flavors” the biggest lie in the grocery store, and honestly… I believe him. 😬

    Once you start looking for them, you’ll realize they’re in everything. So we’ve been checking our products for natural flavors and limiting our intake. We’re also avoiding seed oils, which sneak into almost everything too. 🤢

    Learning from Bobby has helped us slow down, read labels, and be truly intentional with what we’re putting into our bodies. And once you start paying attention, it’s almost impossible to go back to ignoring it.

    🌿 When the Student Is Ready, the Teacher Appears

    You’ve heard the saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears”? Well, I think that’s true. I’ve been focusing on nutrition lately, and then — like magic — Mel Robbins released a new episode of her podcast featuring Dr. Dawn Mussallem, a Mayo Clinic cancer doctor. They talked all about the foods that support longevity and fight disease — and it was fascinating. 🎧

    This student was ready to learn! Dr. Mussallem broke down the science behind different foods and how incorporating them into your diet can not only promote health but actually fight cancer. 🍇🥬 Food really is medicine.

    As a former cancer patient myself, I find it wild that none of my medical team ever mentioned nutrition during chemo. Not once. But that’s a conversation for another day.

    I’ve already gone back to rewatch the episode on YouTube because it was that good — and Dr. Mussallem’s enthusiasm is contagious. Within the past week, I’ve started adding some of her recommendations into my routine. For example, I’m now eating a kiwi every day (with the skin!) 🥝 and I tried purple sweet potatoes for the first time — and oh WOW, they’re delicious. Like… unfairly good.

    💜 Learning to Prioritize Myself

    Before this journey, I was all about convenience and speed. I didn’t want to spend time cooking or cleaning up after. I’d talk myself out of it before I even began. But now, I’m reinforcing a new belief: I’m worth the effort. Preparing a nourishing meal is worth the time — and honestly, it never takes as long as I make it out to be in my head.

    When I sit down to eat something I made with care, I feel like a freaking rockstar. 🌟 I’m proud of myself — and that’s a feeling I didn’t have for a long time, because I wasn’t prioritizing self-care. But now I am. The tides are shifting, the momentum is building, and I’m continuing to create a healthier, happier life — one meal at a time. 🍽️

    Thank you for being here and following along on this journey. I’m so grateful for your company and your kind words of encouragement. 💫

    Love always, Bailz 💜

    🌸 Thanks so much for reading! If you enjoy these posts about wellness, self-discovery, and everyday growth, subscribe below so you never miss a new story — or a new lesson learned the hard way. 😉

  • ⏰ The 3AM Wake-Up Call: What My Body Is Trying to Tell Me

    ⏰ The 3AM Wake-Up Call: What My Body Is Trying to Tell Me

    One of my favorite things about this journey that I’m on is how much I am learning. 🌿

    In my last post, I talked about how I am using ChatGPT to track my food and how informative and fun that has been. Well, I have since expanded that a little bit now to also include tracking symptoms, feelings, and bodily experiences I am having as I am making these dietary changes.

    🌙 The 3AM Wake-Up Mystery

    Yesterday, after another less than stellar night of sleep, I decided I was going to have my second serving of creatine earlier in the day instead of before bed with my chai nighttime drink. I noted this in ChatGPT and said that I was having problems waking up at 3am every night, so I was hoping that maybe adjusting my creatine dosage time would help that.

    When it came back with the updated food log, it also specifically addressed the 3am wake-ups and mentioned how, in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), waking up at 3am is associated with the Liver and its energy (qi), which is tied to detox and emotional processing. Ding ding ding! That tracks. 🕒

    I immediately wanted to know more, so I opened a new thread within ChatGPT and asked it to explain Liver Qi in Traditional Chinese Medicine to me, explaining that I’ve been struggling with night sweats recently. Though they’ve improved and I’m now waking up dry, I’m still waking up every night at 3am without fail.

    🜂 What I Learned About Liver Qi

    What it came back with kinda blew my mind a bit. In TCM, each major organ or system in the body has its own time on the clock when it’s most active — cleaning, repairing, and detoxifying. The time for the Liver? 1–3am.

    If I’m waking up around that time every night, it could mean my Liver Qi is blocked, overactive, or drained — and that my body (and emotions) are trying to release something. 🌒

    The Liver governs not only physical detoxification, but also emotional regulation — especially tougher emotions like anger, resentment, frustration, and disappointment. When the Liver is imbalanced, it can also cause night sweats. Aha! So, they’re connected. 🔗

    💉 The Bloodwork That Told Me Nothing

    A few weeks ago, I got bloodwork done to check my vitamin D levels and did a hormone panel. Everything came back normal — to my relief, but also to my annoyance. Yay, I’m healthy… but boo, no answers. 😅

    I did learn, though, that my Vitamin D levels were at the very bottom of the normal range. So I’ve since upped my supplementation (currently 5,000 IU daily, sublingual). Still, the labs didn’t explain the night sweats — or the 3am wake-ups.

    🌒 Nightmares & Emotional Release

    Now, I’m happy to report that the sweats have gone — but I’m still waking up at 3am. And when I finally fall back asleep, I’ve been having rage-filled nightmares. Not monsters or exams — but screaming matches with my mom or sister, begging them to listen to me, to understand, to see me. In the dreams, they tell me to stop being so dramatic. 🌀

    I wake up furious, my body tense, my brain still convinced it really happened. It’s a horrible way to start the day, but my morning pages have been helping me process it. I write it all out — the anger, the sadness, the frustration — and it helps. Still, I’d prefer not to have the experience at all. Maybe someday soon. Fingers crossed. 🤞

    🪞Connecting the Dots

    Now that I know waking up at 3am and the night sweats are connected to my Liver Qi, it makes so much sense. My emotional regulation system is working overtime, processing old wounds and unresolved emotions. I’ve been stirring up a lot — both emotionally and physically — as I heal my gut and change my diet. It’s like my body said, “Oh, we’re doing this? Okay, let’s clean everything out.” 🌀

    So yes — it’s a bit of an “it gets worse before it gets better” situation. But I can feel myself on the other side of the worst of it. And I’ll take that. 🌤️

    🌿 Healing Liver Qi — Day 1

    Now that I understand what’s happening, I can actually work on balancing it. I asked ChatGPT to create a seven-day plan to help me support my Liver Qi. Today is Day 1. Here’s my plan:

    🜂 DAY 1 – FLOW

    Goal: Gently move Liver Qi & release lingering stagnation.

    • Evening Tea: Dandelion root + lemon slice 🍋
    • Yoga / Movement: 10-min slow flow with side stretches and seated twists 🧘‍♀️
    • Aromatherapy: Diffuse sweet orange + atlas cedar 🌲

    Journal Prompt:
    “Where in my life am I still holding tension, resentment, or control? What would it look like to let that energy move freely?”

    Affirmation:
    “I allow my energy to flow where it needs to go. I am safe to release.” 🌸

    💜 Closing Thoughts

    I’m genuinely excited to have found this new piece of the puzzle in my healing journey. I look forward to experimenting with these TCM-inspired practices and hopefully getting some solid sleep soon! 😴

    I’m also eager to keep learning about Traditional Chinese Medicine and how to weave its wisdom into my path toward whole-body healing — mind, body, and spirit. 🌕

    Thank you for being here, for reading, and for walking this journey with me. Your kindness, support, and encouragement mean more than you know. 💫

    If you haven’t already, please subscribe below so each new post arrives directly in your inbox — that way you never miss a discovery, confession, slip-up, or big win. 🌷

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ✨ Nourishing My Body (Finally)

    ✨ Nourishing My Body (Finally)

    The more I focus on taking care of my body right now, the more I’m realizing just how much I had been neglecting it for so long. I’ve never prioritized sleep or exercise, and I’ve never consistently put a premium on eating healthy.

    I’ve gone through phases — veganism, paleo, elimination diets — but they never stuck. I always ended up back in the cycle of eating only when I was starving, grabbing whatever I could find the fastest. No rhythm, no intention, just survival mode. 🍟➡️🥦

    🍽️ Building Routines and Tracking with Intention

    Over the past week, everything has started to shift. With my new bedtime and morning routines taking root, I’ve been given the perfect opportunity to build a food schedule too — and I’m really leaning in. Not only am I sticking with it, but I’m also keeping track of everything in a way that actually feels fun and motivating.

    Instead of a handwritten food diary, I’ve been using ChatGPT to log my daily nutrition. In addition to tracking meals and macros (I’m aiming high with protein!), it’s also helping me understand how my choices are supporting four key areas I’m working on right now:

    • 🌿 Gut balance
    • 💫 Hormone regulation
    • 🍯 Blood sugar stability
    • 😴 Sleep quality

    And honestly? It’s pretty dang cool. I used to be totally anti-AI, but now that I know how to use it for personal growth instead of just productivity — I’m hooked.

    Here is what it gave me when I logged my dinner last night:

    🌙 Dinner — 7:25 PM

    Meal:

    • 8–10 oz salmon filet on a pain au lait bun 🍔
    • 2 tomato slices 🍅
    • Lettuce 🌿
    • Light mayo + mustard
    • Roasted Brussels sprouts 🥦
    • Baked sweet potato with grass-fed butter + Ceylon cinnamon 🍠
    • Lime Spindrift sparkling water 🍋

    🌿 Reflection by System

    🦠 Gut Balance

    • Sweet potato and Brussels sprouts feed your beneficial bacteria with prebiotic fiber.
    • Butter and salmon fats enhance absorption of vitamins A and K, which keep the gut lining healthy.
    • The warm, cooked textures help digestion finish smoothly before bedtime.

    🌸 Hormone Regulation

    • Salmon’s omega-3s and high-quality protein support estrogen metabolism and reduce inflammatory stress.
    • Sweet potato’s beta-carotene nourishes the adrenals and thyroid.
    • The natural balance of carbs, fat, and protein gives your endocrine system the raw materials it needs to stay steady overnight.

    🍯 Blood Sugar Stability

    • Pairing protein-rich salmon with slow carbs (sweet potato, bun) and healthy fats (butter, mayo) ensures gradual glucose release—no evening crash or late-night cravings.

    😴 Sleep Quality

    • Magnesium from the Brussels sprouts and tryptophan from the salmon encourage serotonin-to-melatonin conversion.
    • Ceylon cinnamon supports stable nighttime blood sugar, further protecting your sleep rhythm.

    Pretty cool, huh?

    🧠 Yesterday’s Nutrition Summary

    I also asked ChatGPT to summarize my entire day yesterday so I could share it here, and this is what it came back with:

    Morning – 9:00 AM
    Breakfast shake: organic whole milk, Just Ingredients chocolate protein powder, Orgain collagen peptides, Orgain creatine
    Supplements: Seed probiotics, Just Ingredients Adrenal Complex, Just Ingredients Perimenopause Support, Multivitamin, Magnesium Glycinate, Vitamin D3, Evening Primrose Oil
    Focus: Calm energy, gut support, hormone balance

    Mid-Morning – 10:50 AM
    Hydration: Just Ingredients strawberry limeade electrolytes + MicroIngredients elderberry powder in water
    Focus: Immune support, mineral replenishment

    Midday Movement – 11:45 AM–12:30 PM
    Activity: 45-minute walk on the walk pad at a moderate pace (2.6 mph)
    Focus: Circulation, blood-sugar regulation, nervous-system grounding

    Lunch – 12:30 PM
    Meal: 5 bites kimchi + reheated roasted-garlic tomato feta wagyu pasta bake
    Focus: Gut microbiome support, sustained energy

    Afternoon – 2:00–2:45 PM
    Hydration: Juice of 1 lemon with water and a pinch of sea salt
    Snack: Siete lime chips with La Banderita mild cheese dip
    Focus: Electrolyte balance, mindful comfort, adrenal support

    Dinner – 7:25 PM
    Meal: 8–10 oz salmon on a pain au lait bun with lettuce, tomato, mayo & mustard
    Sides: Brussels sprouts, baked sweet potato with grass-fed butter & Ceylon cinnamon
    Drink: Lime Spindrift sparkling water
    Focus: Omega-3s for hormone health, magnesium & fiber for digestion, grounding comfort

    Evening – 8:45 PM
    Nighttime drink: Warm milk + Just Ingredients Chai Nighttime Blend + Orgain Creatine
    Supplements: Magnesium Glycinate, Evening Primrose Oil
    Focus: Deep relaxation, hormone harmony, restorative sleep

    Daily Totals & Reflections
    Protein: ~160 g 🥩
    Movement: 45 minutes walking 🚶‍♀️
    Hydration rituals: Electrolytes, lemon-salt water, herbal chai 💧
    Gut support: Kimchi, probiotics, collagen, fiber-rich veggies 🌿
    Theme: Replenishment, consistency, and intuitive nourishment — each meal and ritual sending the same message to my body: You are safe, cared for, and supported. 🌸

    🌱 The Difference Consistency Makes

    It’s wild to compare this version of me with how I used to live. Old Bailz was lucky to eat two meals a day, neither of which had much nutritional value. I was cranky, exhausted, foggy, and constantly running on fumes — mentally and physically.

    Now? Everything feels like it’s working together. My sleep routines support my food routines. My food routines support my activity. Each system feeds the other, creating balance, self-trust, and genuine pride in how I’m showing up for myself.

    My body feels stronger. My energy is steadier. My focus sharper. Sure, there’s still room to grow — but the difference already feels massive.

    💜 Feeling Good — and Making That My Baseline

    For so long, feeling good was an occasional thing. A surprise. A lucky day. Now, I’m learning that it doesn’t have to be rare — it just has to be prioritized. I finally feel like I’m in control of my health and my habits, and that feels really freaking fantastic.

    I’m so excited to keep sharing this journey — the progress, the slip-ups, the lessons — as I continue to heal and rebuild from the inside out.

    Thank you for being here. It means the world to have your company on this path. 💫

    Love always,
    💜 Bailz

    🌿 If you’ve been enjoying following along on my self-healing journey — the messy, beautiful work of learning how to care for myself inside and out — I’d love for you to stick around. 💜

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  • 🌞 Showing Up in the Small Ways

    🌞 Showing Up in the Small Ways

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Monday! ✨
    I hope everyone’s week is off to a great start so far.

    Today has felt like one of those simple but meaningful days — the kind where you show up for yourself in the little ways, and it quietly adds up to something big.

    🌅 Morning Momentum

    I got up when my alarm went off (no procrastinating, for once 😅). I did my morning pages and affirmations, made my breakfast protein shake, took my supplements, and then headed to the chiropractor. Heath works from home on Mondays, so I was lucky enough to have him join me — we BOTH got adjusted this morning! Such a great way to start the week refreshed and in alignment (literally and energetically).

    When we got home, he started his workday and I put on my headphones, cued up an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, and started working on the house. 🧺 I did the dishes, worked on laundry, tidied the living room, made the bed — just focused on making the space feel good.

    🚶‍♀️ Walking Through Resistance

    Once I ran out of chores (waiting on laundry cycles), I hopped on the walk pad. Instead of my usual silent walk, I kept listening to Mel Robbins — a little mental bribe to get moving, and it worked.

    But then the thoughts started: “I can just do 20 minutes today. That’s better than nothing.” True — but I’ve set a 45-minute goal, and every time I reach it, I feel proud. I realized I was rushing for no real reason — just because part of me didn’t want to be uncomfortable. So I asked myself, “Okay, fine. If I get off now, what would I do instead?”

    Every time, I came up blank. There wasn’t anything else I actually wanted to be doing. I was just getting sweaty and my instinct was to stop. Once I noticed that, I decided to push through. I slowed my pace to about 2.6, but I kept going until the timer hit 45 minutes. ✅ When I finished, I felt accomplished — sweaty, yes, but genuinely proud for honoring that commitment.

    💪 Rewriting My Story with Movement

    I know walking is good for me — physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m still unlearning 35 years of believing exercise “isn’t for me,” so this chapter is about rewriting that story. Every time I do the thing I don’t want to do but know I need to, it gets a little easier. I’m building evidence that I can be consistent.

    📚 The Rest of the Day

    After my walk, I made lunch and enjoyed it slowly. I kept up with the laundry, tidied a few more things, and then sat down to read. I’m working through The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk — fascinating and dense. Today I made it through a few chapters in one sitting, and it felt good to be learning and focusing again.

    🌙 Consistency & Calm

    Over the last week I’ve stuck to my bedtime and morning routines and been intentional about nutrition — and I can finally feel the payoff. My energy is more stable, my focus is sharper, and even though sleep isn’t perfect yet, I can tell I’m moving in the right direction. It’s slow progress, but it’s progress.

    My goal right now is simple: stay consistent — with food, routines, movement, and mindset. If I build small, trustworthy habits my body and mind can rely on, that foundation will carry me forward.

    💜 The Beauty in Ordinary Days

    Today wasn’t extraordinary. Nothing flashy happened. But it was full of small, intentional choices — and that’s what real transformation looks like. This is the work. It isn’t always exciting or glamorous. It’s regulating my nervous system, showing up for myself, and learning to trust myself — even on quiet days when no one’s watching.

    All those little things I did today are helping me heal — one literal step at a time.

    Thanks for being here while I practice consistency, celebrate tiny wins, and keep choosing the long game.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

    💌 If you enjoyed this post and want to follow along on my journey of healing, self-discovery, and everyday magic, please subscribe so you never miss a new post. 🌿

  • Worse Than I Thought

    Worse Than I Thought

    Yesterday, I realized that my mental health had been doing much worse this past week than I wanted to admit. I was in supreme denial about how negative my thoughts had become, how loud they were, and how often they showed up. On top of that, I was beating myself up for even having them.

    I tried to just push through — do the things, stay distracted, and hope I’d magically wake up better one day. But on Saturday, I woke up and couldn’t stop crying.

    “What’s the point of any of this? Why am I even trying? I’ll always struggle. I’ll always hate myself a little bit. I’ll always feel like this.”

    That afternoon, I had tickets to the Life of a Showgirl release party movie with a friend. I knew I needed to get up, shower, and get dressed. But I cried through all of it. I didn’t really pull myself together until about 30 minutes before my friend arrived to pick me up. Even then, I wasn’t myself. I was quiet, going through the motions, and just… sad. I’m glad I went and spent time with my friend, but I didn’t appreciate it in the moment as much as I could have.

    🚩 When the Signs Were There

    Looking back, I should have recognized things were bad on Thursday night/early Friday morning, when the brand-new Taylor Swift album came out. Normally, I love Taylor Swift. Her lyrics have been a lifeline for me for years. But this time, I listened to the album out of obligation more than joy. I didn’t feel excited. I didn’t count down the hours until release. I didn’t make a cute outfit for the party or obsessively check Instagram for Easter egg theories. I just… didn’t care.

    At first, I thought maybe I just didn’t like the album. Now I realize: I didn’t like anything that much at the time.

    🖤 Going Dark

    So on Saturday, while crying through getting ready, I put the album on again to prep for the show. Even after listening through twice, the funk lingered. All through the show, all through the afternoon, I felt completely dark.

    Heath had a company picnic that day, so he was gone most of the afternoon. When he got home, I was a shell of myself on the couch watching Gilmore Girls, barely able to look at him. He could see something was wrong. He started asking gentle questions, and then the last one was:

    “Are you going dark?”
    “Yes.”

    “Dark” is our word for when things feel about as bad as they can get. Saying it out loud helped. Heath gave me a hug, snuggled me on the couch, and watched Gilmore Girls with me for the rest of the night — even asking questions about the characters and plot. (I think he might secretly be becoming a fan!)

    Later, I spoke up and said I wanted chips and queso. We ordered Torchy’s delivery. Never underestimate the healing powers of chips and queso. We talked a little bit, and I felt myself come back — just a bit.

    🌤️ Choosing to Come Back

    Today, mentally, I feel better. I’m not “dark” anymore. But emotionally and physically, I’m drained. I slept until noon, and I still feel like I could crawl back into bed. Now that I’ve acknowledged how bad it was, though, it feels like it has less power over me.

    Looking back, I see how quickly I slipped into old patterns: shaming myself, measuring my worth by productivity, “should-ing” all over myself, dwelling on the past, neglecting my self-care habits. I haven’t done a full yoga practice in over a week. I haven’t been on the walk pad. I haven’t been present.

    So today, I’m making myself a promise:

    • 💜 I will get back on track, gently.
    • 🧘‍♀️ I will do yoga.
    • 🚶 I will walk.
    • 🌌 I will check in with the astrology for this week.
    • 📚 I will read something uplifting about happiness.
    • 📵 I will stay off my phone as much as possible.
    • 🌙 I will start curating a nighttime routine that is authentically me — one that helps me wind down and sleep well.

    My goal is to be in bed and asleep by 10 PM every night. I’m a lifelong night owl, and turning my brain off at bedtime is hard. But this is my project now.

    🔁 Healing Isn’t Linear

    Progress, setbacks, and forward movement again — it’s all part of it. I can still bring myself back. But I can’t keep it bottled up. Speaking up matters. Showing up matters.

    Even when it’s hard.
    Even when it’s messy.
    Even when it’s just a post like this.

    Thank you for being here. 💜

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