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What am I doing?

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bkukla

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But like, really, what am I doing?

Like I said in my first post, the plan right now is to not have a plan — at least not in the big-picture sense.

I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t know what I want to do for a job. I don’t know what my future looks like. But I do know that I want to figure out all of that and more about myself. I want to find what feels good. I want to find what speaks to my most authentic self. And I want to find a way to love the life I’m living — on the good days and the bad.

So how am I doing that?

In lots of little ways.

Over the course of my journey so far, I’ve been trying new things, holding on to the ones I like, and moving on from the ones that don’t serve me.

Right now, I’m focusing my energy on the following priorities:

  • Sleeping when I’m tired / until I feel ready to get up – I know all the experts recommend alarms and routines, and that’s the goal eventually. But for now, I’m working on my relationship with rest. If my body wants sleep, I’m giving it to myself.
  • Taking a 20+ minute bath each night – I’m experimenting with Dead Sea salts, clays, essential oils — and creating a full sensory ritual to slow down and unwind.
  • Intentional content consumption – All new content must relate to self-improvement, spirituality, or happiness. Everything else must be comfort content: rereads, rewatches, and cozy favorites only.
  • High-fiving myself in the mirror – Every morning, and every time I pass one during the day.
  • Getting sunlight every day
  • Daily yoga – Whether it’s Yoga with Adriene or just moving intuitively, I’m building a habit of coming back to my body.
  • Writing every day – Whether it’s a blog post, journal entry, personal essay, or a session with ChatGPT — I’m keeping that creative part of my brain active.
  • Reading every day – Ideally one of my project books, but anything that brings joy counts.
  • Daily astrology check-ins – I read my horoscope in the Chani app each day and listen to the weekly forecast.
  • Following my impulses – Eating when I’m hungry, drinking water when I’m thirsty, moving when I feel stiff. I’m trying to really embrace the spirit of “Yes, and!”
  • Keeping my home organized – Light daily resets to keep the energy flowing cleanly around me.
  • Staying present and mindful – As much as I can, I’m learning to be here now.

What I’m Letting Go Of

As a recovering people pleaser, I’ve realized that part of creating a new life means releasing the old one. I can’t make room for these new, beautiful habits and truths while still dragging around emotional baggage from childhood, trauma, and outdated beliefs.

So here’s what I’m actively trying to do less of, or eliminate completely:

  • “Should-ing” on myself – I’m done with the inner voice that tells me I “should” be doing something just because of guilt, pressure, or old programming.
  • Dwelling on past reactions – I’m working on forgiving myself for the ways I used to cope.
  • Agreeing to things I don’t want to do
  • Writing scripts in my head – I’m trying to stop assuming what other people are thinking about me.
  • Ignoring my own impulses – Especially when I have time and space to follow them.
  • Equating rest with laziness – Self-care is productive. Rest is worthy.
  • Shushing my inner voice for the comfort of others

And here’s what I’ve noticed so far:

  • I cleaned out my closet – Six kitchen trash bags full of clothes are gone. I let go of things tied to past identities, bad memories, or unrealistic expectations. It was hard. And healing. And I’m still riding that high.
  • I put my phone on grayscale – I don’t scroll as much. It works. My phone feels like a tool again, not a trap.
  • I canceled Netflix – And instead became a monthly contributor to my favorite public radio station, 91.7 KXT. That decision felt really aligned.
  • I took myself to Guthrie, Oklahoma – Just me and the dogs. I took myself to dinner, went to trivia night, made friends, and stretched my independence. It changed something in me.

So what’s the point of all this?

As I continue to let go of what no longer serves and focus on what makes me feel whole and authentic, I know there will be more changes and milestones ahead.

But I’m not naive. I know I’ll still have hard days. I’ll still get in funks, feel doubt, and question everything. That’s life.

My goal isn’t to avoid those days — it’s to be better prepared to care for myself through them.

That’s what this whole project is about: learning to take better care of myself — body, mind, and spirit — no matter what the circumstances might be.

Thanks for following along. I’m so glad you’re here.

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