Yesterday marked two months of Bailz Has a Blog and I honestly cannot believe how far I’ve come in such a short time. When I launched this space, I was still in rough shape—physically, mentally, emotionally—and deep in denial about it. I wasn’t sleeping enough, eating enough, or caring for myself in even the most basic ways.
But then I started documenting everything. I started looking inward. I started noticing what wasn’t working… and then fixing it. I started celebrating victories. And damn… I am so freaking proud of myself.
💋 Today Was My Boudoir Photoshoot (!!)
All week long, I had been really, really nervous about it—honestly, almost to the point of dreading it. Somehow, this thing I once wanted became something I felt like I had to do. I didn’t even notice the shift until this morning while writing my morning pages.
Last night, I prepped in all the ways—Pilates, exfoliating, shaving, moisturizing, curating my playlist—but I was going through the motions. No excitement. Just nerves.
And then this morning, while journaling, it hit me: This was all for ME. I wanted this. I chose this. It was never an obligation—it was a gift to myself. That realization flipped a switch. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get to the studio.
🎶 Once the Music Started… Game On
When I arrived, we jumped straight into hair and makeup. I turned on my playlist. And from the first pose, when the photographer showed me the preview on her camera… it was OVER for any remaining self-doubt. The second I saw myself, I fully stepped into it.
By the end, I was walking around the studio completely naked like it was nothing. I felt comfortable. Beautiful. Confident in a way I have never felt before in my life.
I genuinely could’ve kept shooting for another hour. I didn’t want it to end. I felt like a goddess. I felt like me.
📸 Sneak Peeks + Floating on Cloud Nine
Once I got home, I got a text from the photographer—she posted the sneak peeks early.
HOLY. CRAP.
You guys… they are even better than I imagined. I can’t wait to see the full gallery!
Also, I’m keeping my makeup on until bedtime because I’m obsessed—and Heath is taking me out tonight because he said I look “too good not to show off.” 🥰
🌹 If You’ve Ever Wanted To Do a Boudoir Shoot… DO IT.
Find a photographer whose vibe feels right. Send the inquiry. Book the shoot. Do it for you.
In the iconic words of Moira Rose:
Take a thousand, naked pictures of yourself now. You may currently think, “Oh, I’m too spooky.” Or, “Nobody wants to see these tiny boobies.” But, believe me, one day you will look at those photos with much kinder eyes and say, “Dear God, I was a beautiful thing!”
This is maybe the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I can’t believe I almost talked myself out of it—right up until this morning.
💬 Your Turn
I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
Have you ever done a boudoir photoshoot? Would you ever want to?
What’s something you’ve always wanted to do just for YOU?
What helps you reconnect with your confidence when you lose it?
What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done for yourself?
Are you more nervous-excited or excited-nervous when trying something new?
💜 Enjoying the journey?
If you’re loving these posts and want to follow along with every win, wobble, lesson, and breakthrough — subscribe below so you never miss a moment. I’d love to have you on this ride with me. ✨
Yesterday I had my first appointment with my new therapist, and I am very optimistic about the work we’re going to do together.
When I got to her office and sat down on the couch, the first thing she asked me was, “How does it feel to be sitting in here?” and I immediately got choked up and shed a few tears. Not because I was sad or feeling anything negative, but because I was just so proud of myself for doing all of the work to get myself there. So that’s what I told her.
🌱 Being Seen & Recognizing the Work
We talked about a lot during the hour, and the whole time I just had this overwhelming feeling that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
I told her about all of the work I have already started doing on my own, specifically focusing on my nutrition, exercise routines, and my sleep hygiene. She made a point to tell me how big of a deal all of that was, and while I do know that I have been doing the work and it’s hard and I’ve made some progress, I have kind of been in denial about all the positive changes and truly just how hard the work I have been doing has been.
Because of the environment I was raised in and my childhood experiences, my instinct is to poke holes in the good things before anyone else can. I tend to lean very hard on self-deprecating humor, and I have a hard time accepting compliments or any sort of positive remarks. It’s definitely a pattern.
But she really made a point to acknowledge the work I have already done on my own and make sure that I realize how big of a deal it all is. And I really had to stop and think about it. I got choked up and teary all over again.
I know that I have been making some big changes and I know that they’ve been hard, but I have given myself very little opportunity to really stop and appreciate that. To appreciate that it would be so much easier to just keep things how they were, to stick with what I know, and that I am choosing to do the hard work because I deeply want a better and happier and healthier life. And that I am not waiting for anyone to swoop in and save me anymore — I am doing the work myself. And she’s right, that is huge.
I’ve been so focused on learning more, doing more, and getting better that I have not let myself stop and appreciate where I am now. And I think that is how I got into the mess I got into this weekend, which is still lingering a bit as I write this today. I haven’t been appreciating my victories; I’ve just been raising the bar higher and higher.
My intentions are good — I want to get better. But part of getting better is being present. And that is something I really struggle with if I’m not paying close attention to my attention.
🧘♀️ Listening to My Body
So when I got home from my appointment yesterday, I took some time to rest and just be gentle with myself with a lot of intention. I made myself a healthy meal, I got on the walk pad after I ate, and then I snuggled up on the couch and watched an episode of the Mel Robbins podcast.
I listened to my body and ate when I was hungry, even though it was not a “regular” meal time. I got my body moving when I felt some built-up energy looking for somewhere to go, and then I sought comfort mixed with some learning when I was ready to let my body rest.
I slowed down and I really listened to my body — and my body rewarded me with allowing me to sleep through the night again. HUZZAH! 🌙
I still woke up tired and a little groggy; it definitely took a bit for me to really feel awake and alert. But I was so excited that I had really slept that I didn’t even mind being so tired. I got up and did my morning pages and affirmations, I made myself my usual breakfast shake, I stretched out a bit, and then I got dressed and ready for the day.
🌤 Sunshine, Lunch & Saying No to the Drink
First I went to the chiropractor for my adjustment, and it felt incredible as always. After that, I headed to downtown Fort Worth to have lunch with my friend that I had rescheduled with on Monday.
Texas still hasn’t gotten the memo that it’s November, so the weather was sunny, warm, and downright beautiful. We sat outside and had a lovely meal and just chatted about all the things — memories from over a decade ago, updates from the years that have passed in between, and things that we’re dealing with now. Solid girls’ lunch all around.
While all of that was delightful, my anxiety was pretty high through the whole thing because we were in the heart of downtown. Parking was kind of a nightmare, it was super busy all around, construction everywhere. It was just a lot. Normally when I go downtown for anything, I am not the one driving (thank you, Heath!), so navigating it all put my nerves on edge to begin with. Then parking and walking through the city by myself set me on edge even more.
I was also nervous that my friend was upset with me for having to reschedule (she was not) and I was so worried that she was going to give me shit for it (she would never) that I got myself worked up into a tizzy.
By the time I got to the restaurant, I was pretty frazzled, but overall happy to be with my friend. She arrived a few minutes before me and had ordered a mimosa flight. I was VERY tempted to order a drink for myself as well. I came very, very close.
I am a sucker for a Bloody Mary and I very much wanted something to calm my nerves in the moment. But I knew if I had one, I would almost certainly end up having two as we sat and talked, and then my anxiety would inevitably skyrocket later in the day. I also knew that I would be disappointed with myself. I set a goal that I would no longer be drinking during the week, and I didn’t want to break that promise to myself. I saw how the alcohol this weekend affected my mental health, specifically my anxiety, so I stuck with water for lunch — and I am very, very proud of myself for that.
That is a win. That is a little change with a big impact. A little choice with a whole lot of significance. 💧
⚖️ Holding the Vulnerability
Even though I didn’t drink, I still felt on edge for a lot of the time. It had nothing to do with her or the food or the conversation or anything like that. I think I am just still finding my balance from this weekend.
Plus, therapy yesterday — while wonderful — also brought up a lot of old wounds that don’t just go away because I left the therapist’s office. I am still feeling vulnerable and a little drained from it. That is normal, and I need to acknowledge that.
I didn’t want to reschedule again, even though I was tired going into lunch to begin with. I wanted to see my friend, and I didn’t want to disappoint her. She is only in town for a short time and I didn’t want to waste my opportunity to see her. So I powered through, and I am glad I did. But I am definitely feeling the effects.
🧘♀️ Yoga, Baths & Letting My Nervous System Catch Up
After we said our goodbyes and I started heading home, I felt myself get really, really tired. I knew that all of that had taken a lot of energy, and so instead of pushing myself and trying to force some chores around the house or get started on this post, I put on my PJs, curled up on the couch, and started watching My Neighbor Totoro.
When I started to feel myself dozing off a bit, I turned it off because I didn’t want to miss anything. I decided to move into the bed and just commit to a nap there.
But when I laid down and really tried to sleep, I felt a lot of nervous energy still bouncing around in my chest, and I couldn’t get my thoughts to slow down enough to really rest. So I ended up getting back up and doing some Yoga With Adriene. I started with a practice focused on regulating the nervous system. When I was done with that one, I still felt a little off, so then I did another one specifically for overthinking.
After that, I drew myself a bath and let myself soak for 30 minutes and listen to some music and just breathe.
I am feeling a little better now — definitely not as anxious, but still tired and definitely excited for bed tonight.
📊 Looking Ahead: Progress & Gentleness
Tomorrow I have my first progress appointment with the chiropractor to redo all of my scans and see how far I’ve come since I started getting adjusted three times a week. I am VERY excited.
I’m sure there will still be some problem areas that stand out — I’m only one-third of the way through my 90-day care plan, there’s still work to be done. But I can feel a significant shift in how my body feels day to day, and I am excited to see visual representations of how far I have come.
Tonight I am going to continue being gentle with myself. I’m going to make myself a nice healthy meal, and I’m going to crawl into bed early and read until I fall asleep.
I hope that I have another night of uninterrupted sleep ahead of me. But I also know that if I don’t, it doesn’t negate all the progress I’ve made. I will be gentle with myself and focus on breathing deeply and meditating until I fall back asleep.
💬 Let’s Reflect Together
💜 If this resonated, leave a comment — I’d love to hear how you’re navigating your own healing journey.
Have you ever surprised yourself by how much progress you’ve made without realizing it?
What’s one habit you’ve worked hard to build that you’re proud of?
📬 Stay Connected
If you’ve been enjoying following along on my healing journey — the messy parts, the breakthroughs, the small victories, and the tiny-but-mighty shifts — I’d love for you to stick around. Subscribe below so you never miss a new post. We’re learning, growing, and figuring this out together. 💜
This weekend, I lost my balance again — and as I sit here writing this post on Monday evening, I’m still working on getting it back. This healing and discovery journey I’m on has illuminated so much: where I struggle, what needs extra attention, and what’s non-negotiable for me to feel good in my body.
I’m learning that while I absolutely need social interaction, I also need to balance that with rest, routine, and self-care. This weekend was full of connection with wonderful people — and while my heart felt full, my body ended up depleted.
🍹 Friday: Fun, Laughter, and a Little Too Much Mambo
Heath and I met up with one of my college friends and her husband for dinner at Mi Cocina (yes, I treated myself to two Mambo Taxis — when in Rome). I drank water throughout the evening, but I barely touched my food. I got caught up in the conversation, and before I knew it, dinner was over and the restaurant had emptied out around us.
It was a wonderful night, but it also threw off the sleep routine I’ve been sticking to so carefully. I definitely felt it the next morning. Thankfully, I had some electrolytes before bed, so I wasn’t terribly hungover — just deeply tired and a little off-center. Still, I woke up on time, made my breakfast shake, wrote my morning pages, and did my affirmations. I’m proud of myself for that. (Then, yes, I went back to bed for an hour or two. Totally worth it.)
🏡 Saturday: Pioneer Dreams and Sensory Overload
Heath and I recently decided to start exploring our city more, taking turns choosing weekend adventures. This week, I chose Log Cabin Village — a beautiful living-history museum here in Fort Worth. Even though I was tired, and I knew we had plans for a potluck dinner party that evening, I didn’t want to skip it.
The cabins were charming, the interpreters were amazing, and the weather was perfect — but the crowds were a bit overwhelming. My nervous system was already frayed, and even though I had fun, I left feeling more drained than replenished.
We stopped by Trader Joe’s afterward to pick up ingredients for our potluck dish, which (as anyone who’s been to Trader Joe’s on a Saturday knows) was chaos. By the time we got home, I was exhausted and stressed about time. I cooked, got ready, and powered through — ignoring every sign that my body needed to rest.
🍷 Saturday Night: A Full Heart, an Empty Tank
The dinner party was wonderful — full of laughter, good food, and even better people. But I once again forgot to eat enough, stayed up too late, and had more wine than I should have. (Why is it always red wine? I love it, but it does not love me back.)
When I finally got home, my anxiety hit full force. I replayed the night in my head: Did I say the wrong thing? Was I awkward? Did I talk too much? My rational mind knew I’d been fine — kind, considerate, and engaged — but anxiety doesn’t care about logic. It spiraled until I finally fell asleep.
💤 Sunday: Recovery Mode (and Regret)
I woke up Sunday feeling miserable. Hungover, nauseous, exhausted. But I still showed up for myself — morning pages, affirmations, and all. I wanted to crawl back into bed, but I had an appointment I couldn’t skip: a Brazilian wax. (In preparation for Friday’s boudoir photoshoot!)
Let me tell you… it had been years since my last one, and I was not prepared. I was literally shaking on the table. Never again — but I’m proud of myself for doing it and following through on something I’d planned for future me.
By the time I got home, I was a shell of myself. I spent most of Sunday resting, hydrating, and watching The Office. Heath made me a nourishing dinner — a grass-fed burger patty, sautéed spinach and tomatoes, roasted butternut squash and sweet potatoes, and cauliflower rice. It grounded me again, bit by bit.
🌞 Monday: Back to Center, One Step at a Time
This morning, I felt a little better. I did my morning routine, went to my chiropractor, and got a great adjustment — she even told me I’m making incredible progress! That lifted my spirits instantly.
When I got home, I started filling out my intake paperwork for my first therapy appointment tomorrow. Some of the questions brought up old pain: childhood loneliness, late-diagnosed autism and ADHD, memories of never quite fitting in. My emotions rose quickly, and since I was already depleted, I struggled to keep them regulated.
I originally had plans to see my friend from Friday again, but instead of pushing through like I used to, I listened to my body and rescheduled. I felt guilty, but I knew it was the right call. Then, I got on my walk pad, moved my body, cried a little, and released so much pent-up emotion. When I was done, I felt lighter. More like myself again.
🌿 A Work in Progress
I’m still tired. Still finding my footing. But I’m proud of myself for recognizing my patterns, addressing them quickly, and not letting them spiral into self-punishment. Old Bailz would have wallowed — new Bailz is learning to recover with compassion. That’s real growth, and it’s worth celebrating. 💜
✨ Let’s Reflect Together
Healing isn’t linear, and sometimes losing balance is part of finding it again. Have you ever pushed yourself past your limits in the name of “fun” or “connection”? How do you get back to center? What helps you feel grounded again after an overwhelming weekend?
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Unfortunately, I am still not sleeping through the night. Although, the experience has shifted. I am no longer waking up drenched in night sweats (HOORAY! 🙌) — but now, instead of 3 AM, my body stirs at 4:45 AM.
At first, I chalked it up to the time change and my system still adjusting to my new sleep rhythm. But when it continued, I got curious — and looked into what that time means through the lens of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM).
🌬️ The 4:45 AM Connection — Lung Time
According to the TCM body clock, 4:45 AM falls within the Lung time, which governs breath, grief, letting go, and renewal.
So what does that mean for me? It’s actually a good sign. It means my liver is no longer stagnant — the focus has now shifted to my lungs for deeper processing and emotional release. The energy is moving, evolving, and finding balance.
It feels like progress — slow, steady, sacred progress. ✨
🍃 What I’m Doing to Support My Lungs
I asked ChatGPT to help me map out a gentle plan to support lung qi, and here’s what I’m incorporating this week:
🌿 Herbal Support
Continue nightly tea (peppermint + milk thistle + dandelion root) for liver support
Add morning peppermint tea to open and nourish the lung channel
🌸 Breathwork
Gentle breathing exercises when I wake up at night
Deep, slow inhalations through the nose; soft, extended exhales through the mouth
☕ Nourishment
More bone broth, oats, and warm lemon water for moisture and warmth
Soothing, comforting foods to nurture lung energy
💫 Movement + Ritual
Upper-body stretching morning and night to open the chest
Rubbing castor oil + peppermint essential oil on my chest before bed (using an old shirt or castor oil pack because castor oil stains!)
While I’d love a full, uninterrupted night of sleep, I’m also proud of how attuned I’m becoming to my body — learning its signals, honoring its wisdom, and celebrating each new layer of healing. 🌙
🕊️ Healing, One Step at a Time
This journey has transformed every part of me — physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Each small shift feels like a new chapter opening.
On Thursday, I reached out to a therapist whose profile deeply resonated with me — and within hours, I was on a consultation call with her. We talked about trauma, healing goals, and approaches to therapy, and the connection felt instantaneous.
By the end of our call, I cried — not out of fear, but out of relief. Because for the first time in a long while, I felt truly seen and understood. It just felt right.
Now I’m scheduled for my first appointment on Tuesday, and I couldn’t be more excited to continue this healing process with her guidance.
I know that I’m doing a pretty great job with everything I’ve been doing on my own, but I also know I can only go so far solo. I need support, coaching, and encouragement for the moments when things get heavy again. So I used the positive momentum I’m riding now to take care of the future version of me who might not have the energy to ask for help when she really needs it. 💫
💖 Following My Intuition
Over the past few months, I’ve made so many intuitive decisions that have reshaped my life:
Chiropractic Care: I reached out expecting a wait — instead, I got in the very next day. Now I go three times a week, and my body feels significantly better. My chest feels more open; I literally feel like I can breathe easier. 🌟
Boudoir Photoshoot: A long-time dream I finally said yes to. I found the perfect photographer, booked the shoot, and every step of the process has felt like my gut saying, “Yes. This is for you.” 💃
Therapy: I decided to find support now, while I’m doing better, so I’m prepared for the harder moments ahead. I did my research, found someone who checked all the boxes, reached out, and she was able to speak to me that very day. 🧠💜
Every time I show up for myself, the universe meets me halfway.
🌞 My Daily Reminder
Each morning, after my Morning Pages, I write this affirmation:
“If I keep showing up, life will reward me.” 💫
And it’s proving true, over and over again.
I’m learning that showing up for yourself — even when it’s hard, even when it’s quiet — is the most powerful spell you can cast.
Life really does reward those who keep choosing to heal. 🌿
🌷 If these words brought you comfort, consider sharing them with a friend who might need them too. Subscribe below to stay connected — we’re healing, growing, and showing up together. 💫
Yesterday I had my Week 4 Artist Date, and it was truly lovely. For this week, I decided to take my inner artist on a little date to Trinity Park here in Fort Worth — and take a walk. I didn’t listen to anything while I walked; I just moved and soaked in the natural beauty of the park. Just me and my thoughts. 🦆🌳
🌿 A Visit with the Ducks
When I arrived, I parked by the duck pond, so before I got started, I spent some time by the water just watching the ducks and geese. That felt pretty special in itself.
When I was little, one of my favorite activities with my great-grandmother was feeding the ducks and geese at the pond near her house. We’d stop at the store for day-old bread and then spend the afternoon by the water. (Side note: now I know better — bread isn’t great for them 😅 — but I didn’t back then.)
It was such a sweet reminder of childhood to sit by the pond and hear the quacks and splashes and see families making those same memories. I actually got a little teary 🥲 — I felt my great-grandmother with me, proud of the woman I’m becoming, cheering me on.
One goose even came right up to me and started pecking at my bracelets — like it was trying to say hello. I’m pretty sure that was Meme’s spirit dropping by. Even if it wasn’t, I’m choosing to believe it 🕊️.
🚶♀️ The Walk Itself
After sitting by the pond, I set off down the trail — a little over a mile each way. I wasn’t rushing or trying to turn it into a workout (though I did start my Apple Watch activity 😉). I just walked at whatever pace felt natural in the moment, breathing deeply and letting my thoughts flow.
Texas still hasn’t gotten the memo that it’s November — it was sunny and 77°F ☀️ — but I wasn’t complaining. The weather was perfect. I went around lunch time, so the park was quiet and peaceful. For a while, I forgot I was in the middle of a big city. It was just me, the trees, the birds, and the path ahead.
I made it my little mission to smile and say hi to every person I passed — no small talk required, just simple connection. Some avoided eye contact, some smiled back enthusiastically, and one gentleman I passed twice even laughed when I said, “Hello again!” Kindness really is contagious. 💫
💤 Sleep Setbacks and Self-Compassion
The last couple of nights have been rougher for sleep — last night I woke up at 4:45 a.m. and was a bit sweaty again. Not terrible, but noticeable. While it’s disappointing that this issue still lingers, I’m choosing not to get discouraged. Healing isn’t linear. My hormones are shifting as I near my period, and I know that’s likely part of it. 🌙
So instead of spiraling, I’m focusing on being gentle with myself. When I wake up, I remind myself: I am safe. I am loved. I am okay. I’ll keep drinking my teas, journaling before bed, and showing up for myself — because I know I’m worth it. 🫖🕯️
🌸 Doing the Unglamorous Work
It’s not glamorous work — but it’s work I’m proud to be doing. For so long I avoided it — the feelings, the root causes, the habits. Now I’m doing the hard stuff even when I’m tired, cranky, or hormonal. I still write my morning pages. I still make my breakfast shake and take my supplements. I still move my body through walks, yoga, and Pilates. I still take myself on Artist Dates — even when I try to talk myself out of them until the last minute. 😉
And because I’m sticking with it, my life is changing for the better — step by step, page by page, day by day. 💪✨
🪷 A New Therapy Chapter
Today I took another big step: I started looking for a new therapist. I searched on Psychology Today for specialists in somatic therapy — the kind that integrates body and mind healing instead of relying solely on talk therapy. After reading several profiles, I found someone who feels like a perfect fit and sent her a message requesting a consultation. 🌿
I’ve done talk therapy before, and while venting always felt good, it never gave me the deep healing I was craving. I’m realizing that I need a more holistic approach — one that includes my mind, body, and spirit. So today, I stopped procrastinating and got started — and that alone feels like progress I can be proud of. 🩷
💫 Closing Thoughts
It’s days like this that remind me how much has shifted. I’m walking through healing — literally and metaphorically — and every step, every tear, every moment of presence matters. Here’s to listening to our bodies, honoring our inner artists, and continuing to show up for ourselves one gentle day at a time. 🌼
☀️ Thank you for walking beside me — both literally and metaphorically. 💜 Subscribe below to keep joining me for more Artist Dates, healing rituals, and quiet moments of self-discovery. 🌿
Okay. First things first. YOU GUYS — I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! I went to sleep a little before 10 and didn’t wake up until 6am! I GOT A FULL 8 HOURS, YO! I genuinely cannot think of another time in recent history when that has happened, and I am just beyond excited.
Last week, after realizing that my 3am wake-ups could be associated with issues with the liver, I purchased some peppermint leaves, milk thistle, and dandelion root — all three connected to supporting liver health — and I’ve been experimenting with tea blends each night about 1–2 hours before bed. I think they’ve been helping a lot. 🍵
At first, I didn’t even realize I had made it through the night because I’ve stopped checking the clock when I wake up. All it does is stress me out. Plus, the light from my watch or phone doesn’t help anything. So now, if I wake up, I keep my eye mask on and focus on falling back asleep. This morning, I only realized what had happened when I heard the dogs getting up — and when I finally checked my watch, I was thrilled to see it was 6am. I still am. 😴✨
💃 A Major Confidence Milestone
And the wins didn’t stop there. This morning, I had an appointment — not just any appointment, but a wardrobe consultation for a boudoir photo shoot I finally scheduled for myself after years of self-denial. 👏
This is something I’ve always wanted to do but constantly talked myself out of. I told myself it was silly, that I shouldn’t spend money on something like that, that I’d be judged or made fun of. I told myself a lot of negative things — mostly that I didn’t deserve to do what I wanted to do.
But now, as I’ve been diving so deeply into this self-healing journey, I realized this is exactly the time to check that dream off my list. So last Thursday, I started researching local boudoir photographers. After some digging, I found one whose work perfectly matched the vibe I envisioned. Without overthinking it, I filled out the contact form and sent it off before I could talk myself out of it. I even told her about my healing journey and that this shoot was something I was doing for me (okay, yes, Heath’s excited too 😜, but ultimately, this is for me!).
The next day, we hopped on a call to discuss details, and by the end of it, I had officially booked and prepaid for the shoot so there would be no backing out. I’m committed, baby! I booked, I paid, and then I cried real tears of pride. 🥹💜
🪞 Facing the Mirror (and My Inner Critic)
So today, I went in for my wardrobe consultation to try on outfit options for the shoot. And let me tell you, that mirror moment came with some inner critic commentary. My body looks different than it did a few months ago — I’ve been nourishing myself properly for the first time in a long time, and my shape is changing. It’s healthy, but it’s still an adjustment.
When I looked in the mirror, I could hear her — that old familiar voice — whispering: “Your tummy isn’t flat anymore.” “Look at your thighs, that cellulite!” “You’re so big now.” For the first couple of minutes, I believed her. It’s hard not to when you’re standing half-naked in a new place, trying on lingerie. But then I made eye contact with myself and paused. I took a breath. I remembered the truth.
My body is healthy. My body is nourished. My body is strong. 💪
I used to starve it — sometimes intentionally, sometimes through neglect. But not anymore. Now I eat well, I move, I rest, I nurture myself. And yes, that means I look different. That’s something to celebrate. I’m feeding my body with love, and it’s showing me gratitude in return. ❤️
So yeah, I’m celebrating this new, healthy body of mine next week with a sexy photo shoot — and I could not be more proud. I can’t wait to see how I feel on the day, or when I get the photos back. The best is yet to come. 🌸
🗳️ And One More Win…
After my appointment, I went to the community center by my house and voted! WOO! 🇺🇸
The lovely women running the polling station were absolute gems — so kind and sweet. They complimented my sweater and boots, which completely made my day. Their warmth was contagious and left me smiling all the way home.
🥗 Nourished and Happy
Once home, I made myself a Mediterranean-style chopped salad I’ve been dreaming about for a while: sautéed tomatoes with garlic in avocado oil, mixed with chopped Kalamata olives, feta, cucumber, black beans, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, extra virgin olive oil, sea salt, and pepper.
It was delicious — even better than I expected. And I can’t wait to make it again soon!
💜 Grateful for the Good Days
Today was a very good day — full of big Bailz wins. I’m showing up for myself, doing the work even when I don’t feel like it, and it’s bringing me days like this: days where I feel giddy, proud, and genuinely happy to be alive. For so long, that feeling felt impossible. But it’s here now, and I’m soaking it in.
Here’s to the big wins, the little wins, and every moment in between. Thank you for being here with me on this journey — it means the world. 🌙
Love always, Bailz 💜
PS – If this post made you smile, or reminded you to be a little kinder to yourself today, subscribe below. 💜
Let’s keep growing together — one small win, one proud step, one healed piece at a time. 🌿
This weekend, while perusing the interwebs as one does, I stumbled across a ChatGPT prompt posted on Reddit that claimed it would take out the “yes-man” qualities of ChatGPT and give you honest feedback, point out weaknesses, and basically call you out on all your BS.
I know now that I should not have done it. I am not in the space for that. I am still very delicate when it comes to my healing, self-love, and gentle re-parenting of myself. But what can I say? I was curious — so I tried it out.
OMFG, I was not ready for that. 😳
💥 When Curiosity Backfires
My intentions were good — I wanted to push myself, to see what I could be doing better. But the results… well, they messed with my head quite a bit. I wonder if that’s what it’s like to Google yourself when you’re famous — you have good intentions, you want to see what people think, and then you immediately regret it because OMG.
To me, it felt like reading a transcript of my inner critic. It was all laid out there in black and white — how much more I “should” be doing, how much I was “lying” to myself, how much time I was “wasting,” and how far I really hadn’t come. And you guys — I believed it so quick. SO quick. Because I have so much more practice believing the negative about myself.
It completely tanked my day. Heath was out of town, I was home with the dogs, and I went from having a nice, quiet bit of “me time” to completely beating myself up over what a robot told me. 🤦♀️
Yes, there are things I can improve on — of course there are. I am a work in progress, and I always will be. But I’ve made huge strides, and I’m incredibly proud of myself. And yet, I was so quick to doubt it all and throw away my progress because of something on a screen.
I’ve since deleted that thread and its memory because it wasn’t bringing me any positive energy. I knew if I kept it, I’d just keep going back, rereading it, and slowly destroying my hard-fought confidence one word at a time. So — it’s gone to the ether now. Good riddance. 🚫
🧘♀️ Re-Centering and Reconnecting
Before I deleted it, I could feel Old Bailz slipping back in — slowly but surely. And it felt awful. So, I got up, put on my walking shoes, and walked it out on the walk pad. I also did a Pilates booty workout video on YouTube to really bring myself back into my body.
As I moved, I started taking deeper breaths and gently — but firmly — reminded myself of all the good things I’ve done for myself recently, and how far I’ve come just in the last few weeks. By the time Heath got home, I felt more like myself again. I told him what happened, and you know what he did? He sent me into the bathroom and told me to high five myself ten times for how great I’m doing and how hard I’ve been working. 🖐️🪞
So I did. And yeah, I cried — but they were tears of pride this time. And that felt really incredible. 💫
🌿 Proof of Progress
I really have come so far in a short amount of time. I’ve built rhythms and habits that I’ve never had before — and I’m keeping them because I finally believe I’m worth the effort.
🕰️ Sleep: I have a set sleep schedule and stick to it pretty strictly — something I haven’t done since childhood. I’ve created this rhythm for myself because I know I’m worth it.
🥗 Nutrition: I’m eating three balanced meals a day, getting 130+ grams of protein, hydrating, and taking my supplements consistently. I’m nourishing my body because I know I’m worth it.
🏃♀️ Movement: I’m walking regularly, doing yoga, and now adding Pilates. I’m training my body because I know I’m worth it.
Bottom line: I finally know I’m worth the effort I used to neglect. That’s the biggest win of all. 💜
🌙 Showing Up Anyway
Yeah, I’m still waking up in the middle of the night — and yeah, Daylight Savings Time didn’t help. But I’m going to keep trying, keep working toward that goal of sleeping through the night, and I bet I’ll get there sooner than I think.
I trust myself to keep showing up and doing the work. I’m measuring my progress by how I feel — and truth be told, I feel pretty dang good. 🌸
💫 Final Thoughts
If you’re on a similar journey — if your confidence dips, if you slip back into old patterns, if you feel like you’ve taken a step backward — please know that you are not alone. Healing is not linear. Sometimes you’ll take a step forward and then two steps back, but what matters is that you keep showing up.
If I can do it, I know that you can too. 💜
Love always, Bailz 💜
Thank you so much for being here — it means more than you know. 💜 If you’d like to keep following along as I stumble, grow, and figure it all out one day at a time, subscribe below to get new posts sent straight to your inbox. Let’s keep learning (and unlearning) together. 🌿
I have really been leaning into my nutrition recently and it’s starting to feel really good. I feel like I am taking control of my diet instead of just going along with what is easiest or what will satisfy a craving in the moment. Not only am I feeling better physically, but that sense of accomplishment is really helping me feel better mentally too.
I’m still letting myself have some of my favorite things — but in very small portions, all in moderation. I’m trying to stick to an 80/20 ratio: 80% of the time, I’m eating very clean and intentionally, and 20% of the time, I’m snacking on Trader Joe’s Chili Lime chips, having some chips and queso, or indulging in a little Ben & Jerry’s. 🍦
Those little treats serve as comfort food. While I’ll admit that, in a perfect world, I’d eliminate them all for the sake of perfect health, I also find that complete restriction is a recipe for backsliding. So for now, I’m keeping my balance as is. I’m feeling significantly better these days, and I know a lot of it has to do with the food I’m giving my body.
🍎 Discovering Bobby Parrish & Intentional Eating
My journey toward a healthier body really started about six months ago. We discovered Bobby Parrish on YouTube after getting a Costco membership and looking for suggestions on what to buy. Let me tell you — Bobby has been a game changer.
Not only does he highlight the best deals at Costco (and other stores too), he also shows you the healthiest options to buy there. He explains which ingredients to avoid and points you toward the best products for your body and your health. 🛒
He even does the legwork for you when you’re shopping. He has his own app that lets you scan barcodes of hundreds of thousands of grocery items to see if they’re “Bobby Approved.” Search for the Bobby Approved app in the App Store — if you’re interested in being more intentional with what you eat, I highly recommend using it on your next grocery trip.
🚫 Natural Flavors, Seed Oils, and Other Sneaky Ingredients
One of the biggest things we’ve learned from Bobby is about the ingredient “natural flavors.” At first glance, it sounds harmless, right? WRONG. For something to be labeled “natural flavors,” all manufacturers have to do is start with a natural source — and then they can process and manipulate it however they want before it ends up in your food.
They’re highly processed in labs, and just because they’re derived from natural ingredients doesn’t mean they’re good for you — or even harmless. Bobby calls “natural flavors” the biggest lie in the grocery store, and honestly… I believe him. 😬
Once you start looking for them, you’ll realize they’re in everything. So we’ve been checking our products for natural flavors and limiting our intake. We’re also avoiding seed oils, which sneak into almost everything too. 🤢
Learning from Bobby has helped us slow down, read labels, and be truly intentional with what we’re putting into our bodies. And once you start paying attention, it’s almost impossible to go back to ignoring it.
🌿 When the Student Is Ready, the Teacher Appears
You’ve heard the saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears”? Well, I think that’s true. I’ve been focusing on nutrition lately, and then — like magic — Mel Robbins released a new episode of her podcast featuring Dr. Dawn Mussallem, a Mayo Clinic cancer doctor. They talked all about the foods that support longevity and fight disease — and it was fascinating. 🎧
This student was ready to learn! Dr. Mussallem broke down the science behind different foods and how incorporating them into your diet can not only promote health but actually fight cancer. 🍇🥬 Food really is medicine.
As a former cancer patient myself, I find it wild that none of my medical team ever mentioned nutrition during chemo. Not once. But that’s a conversation for another day.
I’ve already gone back to rewatch the episode on YouTube because it was that good — and Dr. Mussallem’s enthusiasm is contagious. Within the past week, I’ve started adding some of her recommendations into my routine. For example, I’m now eating a kiwi every day (with the skin!) 🥝 and I tried purple sweet potatoes for the first time — and oh WOW, they’re delicious. Like… unfairly good.
💜 Learning to Prioritize Myself
Before this journey, I was all about convenience and speed. I didn’t want to spend time cooking or cleaning up after. I’d talk myself out of it before I even began. But now, I’m reinforcing a new belief: I’m worth the effort. Preparing a nourishing meal is worth the time — and honestly, it never takes as long as I make it out to be in my head.
When I sit down to eat something I made with care, I feel like a freaking rockstar. 🌟 I’m proud of myself — and that’s a feeling I didn’t have for a long time, because I wasn’t prioritizing self-care. But now I am. The tides are shifting, the momentum is building, and I’m continuing to create a healthier, happier life — one meal at a time. 🍽️
Thank you for being here and following along on this journey. I’m so grateful for your company and your kind words of encouragement. 💫
Love always, Bailz 💜
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One of my favorite things about this journey that I’m on is how much I am learning. 🌿
In my last post, I talked about how I am using ChatGPT to track my food and how informative and fun that has been. Well, I have since expanded that a little bit now to also include tracking symptoms, feelings, and bodily experiences I am having as I am making these dietary changes.
🌙 The 3AM Wake-Up Mystery
Yesterday, after another less than stellar night of sleep, I decided I was going to have my second serving of creatine earlier in the day instead of before bed with my chai nighttime drink. I noted this in ChatGPT and said that I was having problems waking up at 3am every night, so I was hoping that maybe adjusting my creatine dosage time would help that.
When it came back with the updated food log, it also specifically addressed the 3am wake-ups and mentioned how, in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), waking up at 3am is associated with the Liver and its energy (qi), which is tied to detox and emotional processing. Ding ding ding! That tracks. 🕒
I immediately wanted to know more, so I opened a new thread within ChatGPT and asked it to explain Liver Qi in Traditional Chinese Medicine to me, explaining that I’ve been struggling with night sweats recently. Though they’ve improved and I’m now waking up dry, I’m still waking up every night at 3am without fail.
🜂 What I Learned About Liver Qi
What it came back with kinda blew my mind a bit. In TCM, each major organ or system in the body has its own time on the clock when it’s most active — cleaning, repairing, and detoxifying. The time for the Liver? 1–3am.
If I’m waking up around that time every night, it could mean my Liver Qi is blocked, overactive, or drained — and that my body (and emotions) are trying to release something. 🌒
The Liver governs not only physical detoxification, but also emotional regulation — especially tougher emotions like anger, resentment, frustration, and disappointment. When the Liver is imbalanced, it can also cause night sweats. Aha! So, they’re connected. 🔗
💉 The Bloodwork That Told Me Nothing
A few weeks ago, I got bloodwork done to check my vitamin D levels and did a hormone panel. Everything came back normal — to my relief, but also to my annoyance. Yay, I’m healthy… but boo, no answers. 😅
I did learn, though, that my Vitamin D levels were at the very bottom of the normal range. So I’ve since upped my supplementation (currently 5,000 IU daily, sublingual). Still, the labs didn’t explain the night sweats — or the 3am wake-ups.
🌒 Nightmares & Emotional Release
Now, I’m happy to report that the sweats have gone — but I’m still waking up at 3am. And when I finally fall back asleep, I’ve been having rage-filled nightmares. Not monsters or exams — but screaming matches with my mom or sister, begging them to listen to me, to understand, to see me. In the dreams, they tell me to stop being so dramatic. 🌀
I wake up furious, my body tense, my brain still convinced it really happened. It’s a horrible way to start the day, but my morning pages have been helping me process it. I write it all out — the anger, the sadness, the frustration — and it helps. Still, I’d prefer not to have the experience at all. Maybe someday soon. Fingers crossed. 🤞
🪞Connecting the Dots
Now that I know waking up at 3am and the night sweats are connected to my Liver Qi, it makes so much sense. My emotional regulation system is working overtime, processing old wounds and unresolved emotions. I’ve been stirring up a lot — both emotionally and physically — as I heal my gut and change my diet. It’s like my body said, “Oh, we’re doing this? Okay, let’s clean everything out.” 🌀
So yes — it’s a bit of an “it gets worse before it gets better” situation. But I can feel myself on the other side of the worst of it. And I’ll take that. 🌤️
🌿 Healing Liver Qi — Day 1
Now that I understand what’s happening, I can actually work on balancing it. I asked ChatGPT to create a seven-day plan to help me support my Liver Qi. Today is Day 1. Here’s my plan:
Yoga / Movement: 10-min slow flow with side stretches and seated twists 🧘♀️
Aromatherapy: Diffuse sweet orange + atlas cedar 🌲
Journal Prompt: “Where in my life am I still holding tension, resentment, or control? What would it look like to let that energy move freely?”
Affirmation: “I allow my energy to flow where it needs to go. I am safe to release.” 🌸
💜 Closing Thoughts
I’m genuinely excited to have found this new piece of the puzzle in my healing journey. I look forward to experimenting with these TCM-inspired practices and hopefully getting some solid sleep soon! 😴
I’m also eager to keep learning about Traditional Chinese Medicine and how to weave its wisdom into my path toward whole-body healing — mind, body, and spirit. 🌕
Thank you for being here, for reading, and for walking this journey with me. Your kindness, support, and encouragement mean more than you know. 💫
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The more I focus on taking care of my body right now, the more I’m realizing just how much I had been neglecting it for so long. I’ve never prioritized sleep or exercise, and I’ve never consistently put a premium on eating healthy.
I’ve gone through phases — veganism, paleo, elimination diets — but they never stuck. I always ended up back in the cycle of eating only when I was starving, grabbing whatever I could find the fastest. No rhythm, no intention, just survival mode. 🍟➡️🥦
🍽️ Building Routines and Tracking with Intention
Over the past week, everything has started to shift. With my new bedtime and morning routines taking root, I’ve been given the perfect opportunity to build a food schedule too — and I’m really leaning in. Not only am I sticking with it, but I’m also keeping track of everything in a way that actually feels fun and motivating.
Instead of a handwritten food diary, I’ve been using ChatGPT to log my daily nutrition. In addition to tracking meals and macros (I’m aiming high with protein!), it’s also helping me understand how my choices are supporting four key areas I’m working on right now:
🌿 Gut balance
💫 Hormone regulation
🍯 Blood sugar stability
😴 Sleep quality
And honestly? It’s pretty dang cool. I used to be totally anti-AI, but now that I know how to use it for personal growth instead of just productivity — I’m hooked.
Here is what it gave me when I logged my dinner last night:
🌙 Dinner — 7:25 PM
Meal:
8–10 oz salmon filet on a pain au lait bun 🍔
2 tomato slices 🍅
Lettuce 🌿
Light mayo + mustard
Roasted Brussels sprouts 🥦
Baked sweet potato with grass-fed butter + Ceylon cinnamon 🍠
Lime Spindrift sparkling water 🍋
🌿 Reflection by System
🦠 Gut Balance
Sweet potato and Brussels sprouts feed your beneficial bacteria with prebiotic fiber.
Butter and salmon fats enhance absorption of vitamins A and K, which keep the gut lining healthy.
The warm, cooked textures help digestion finish smoothly before bedtime.
🌸 Hormone Regulation
Salmon’s omega-3s and high-quality protein support estrogen metabolism and reduce inflammatory stress.
Sweet potato’s beta-carotene nourishes the adrenals and thyroid.
The natural balance of carbs, fat, and protein gives your endocrine system the raw materials it needs to stay steady overnight.
🍯 Blood Sugar Stability
Pairing protein-rich salmon with slow carbs (sweet potato, bun) and healthy fats (butter, mayo) ensures gradual glucose release—no evening crash or late-night cravings.
😴 Sleep Quality
Magnesium from the Brussels sprouts and tryptophan from the salmon encourage serotonin-to-melatonin conversion.
Ceylon cinnamon supports stable nighttime blood sugar, further protecting your sleep rhythm.
Pretty cool, huh?
🧠 Yesterday’s Nutrition Summary
I also asked ChatGPT to summarize my entire day yesterday so I could share it here, and this is what it came back with:
Morning – 9:00 AM Breakfast shake: organic whole milk, Just Ingredients chocolate protein powder, Orgain collagen peptides, Orgain creatine Supplements: Seed probiotics, Just Ingredients Adrenal Complex, Just Ingredients Perimenopause Support, Multivitamin, Magnesium Glycinate, Vitamin D3, Evening Primrose Oil Focus: Calm energy, gut support, hormone balance
Mid-Morning – 10:50 AM Hydration: Just Ingredients strawberry limeade electrolytes + MicroIngredients elderberry powder in water Focus: Immune support, mineral replenishment
Midday Movement – 11:45 AM–12:30 PM Activity: 45-minute walk on the walk pad at a moderate pace (2.6 mph) Focus: Circulation, blood-sugar regulation, nervous-system grounding
Lunch – 12:30 PM Meal: 5 bites kimchi + reheated roasted-garlic tomato feta wagyu pasta bake Focus: Gut microbiome support, sustained energy
Afternoon – 2:00–2:45 PM Hydration: Juice of 1 lemon with water and a pinch of sea salt Snack: Siete lime chips with La Banderita mild cheese dip Focus: Electrolyte balance, mindful comfort, adrenal support
Dinner – 7:25 PM Meal: 8–10 oz salmon on a pain au lait bun with lettuce, tomato, mayo & mustard Sides: Brussels sprouts, baked sweet potato with grass-fed butter & Ceylon cinnamon Drink: Lime Spindrift sparkling water Focus: Omega-3s for hormone health, magnesium & fiber for digestion, grounding comfort
Daily Totals & Reflections Protein: ~160 g 🥩 Movement: 45 minutes walking 🚶♀️ Hydration rituals: Electrolytes, lemon-salt water, herbal chai 💧 Gut support: Kimchi, probiotics, collagen, fiber-rich veggies 🌿 Theme: Replenishment, consistency, and intuitive nourishment — each meal and ritual sending the same message to my body: You are safe, cared for, and supported. 🌸
🌱 The Difference Consistency Makes
It’s wild to compare this version of me with how I used to live. Old Bailz was lucky to eat two meals a day, neither of which had much nutritional value. I was cranky, exhausted, foggy, and constantly running on fumes — mentally and physically.
Now? Everything feels like it’s working together. My sleep routines support my food routines. My food routines support my activity. Each system feeds the other, creating balance, self-trust, and genuine pride in how I’m showing up for myself.
My body feels stronger. My energy is steadier. My focus sharper. Sure, there’s still room to grow — but the difference already feels massive.
💜 Feeling Good — and Making That My Baseline
For so long, feeling good was an occasional thing. A surprise. A lucky day. Now, I’m learning that it doesn’t have to be rare — it just has to be prioritized. I finally feel like I’m in control of my health and my habits, and that feels really freaking fantastic.
I’m so excited to keep sharing this journey — the progress, the slip-ups, the lessons — as I continue to heal and rebuild from the inside out.
Thank you for being here. It means the world to have your company on this path. 💫
Love always, 💜 Bailz
🌿 If you’ve been enjoying following along on my self-healing journey — the messy, beautiful work of learning how to care for myself inside and out — I’d love for you to stick around. 💜
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