Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: burnout recovery

  • 🎉 Six Months Sober: How I Feel and What I’ve Learned 🎉

    🎉 Six Months Sober: How I Feel and What I’ve Learned 🎉

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Thursday!

    Tomorrow marks six months of sobriety for me. WOW! That feels pretty huge, and honestly, I can’t believe it’s already been half a year.

    I am feeling incredibly grateful and incredibly proud of the work I’ve done to get here. There have been days when sobriety has felt easy, and there have been days when I’ve come very close to reaching for a drink. Every single one of those days mattered. They all added up to six full months of sobriety.

    Hell fucking yes.

    🌱 Why I Quit

    In November 2025, I reached a breaking point and decided enough was enough.

    I had spent the previous few months getting serious about my health and self-care, and the more attention I paid, the more I realized how much alcohol and THC were getting in the way of my healing journey.

    Now, I want to make one thing very clear: I do not think alcohol or THC are inherently bad. I know plenty of people who use both in healthy and manageable ways.

    But my relationships with alcohol and THC were absolutely negative and detrimental.

    I was using them to numb, avoid, and bottle up my feelings. And that’s just no good.

    😴 The First Thing That Changed: Sleep

    One of the biggest improvements I’ve noticed is my sleep.

    Sleep is still something I work on, both in terms of quality and consistency, but it has become significantly easier to get restful sleep since getting sober. And when you add in the complete absence of hangovers? That’s a pretty substantial win.

    Before sobriety, I drank almost every night. I told myself it helped me sleep, and technically it often did. The problem was that the sleep I was getting was terrible.

    I wasn’t getting deep, restorative sleep. I wasn’t waking up refreshed. Most mornings I woke up anxious, exhausted, and already looking forward to my next drink so I could take the edge off again.

    Looking back now, the pattern feels obvious.

    At the time, I genuinely didn’t see it.

    🐅 Running From Tigers

    I was so burned out and so deeply stuck in fight, flight, or freeze that everything felt like a tiger was chasing me.

    And I really do mean everything.

    Good things. Bad things. Neutral things.

    Everything made me panic.

    Except when I had a drink or a joint in my hand. Then the tigers left me alone for a little while.

    So I leaned pretty heavily on both of them.

    When I began my healing journey, I started learning how to feel my emotions instead of running from them. I started experimenting with healthier coping tools. The more I practiced them and saw their benefits, the less I found myself reaching for alcohol and THC.

    Eventually, I was ready to let them go altogether.

    💭 My Sobriety Dreams

    One unexpected thing that came with sobriety is that I started dreaming again and remembering my dreams much more clearly.

    What’s really interesting is that I dream about sobriety fairly often.

    For months, I had recurring dreams where I would drink, smoke, or take a gummy. In the dream, I’d suddenly realize what I’d done and immediately panic.

    “Wait! I don’t do this anymore! Why did I do this? Now I have to start over. I’m back at day one!”

    Then I’d wake up confused, upset, and stressed… only to realize it was just a dream.

    The relief was immediate every single time.

    More recently, though, the dreams have changed.

    Now, when I’m offered a drink, smoke, or gummy in a dream, I accept it… and then stop myself right before consuming it.

    I hear myself say:

    “No thank you. I don’t do this anymore.”

    Hell yes, Dream Bailz. Hell yes!

    That shift feels significant, and I’m incredibly proud of it.

    🍹 The Unexpected Joy of Mocktails

    Another wonderful thing that’s come out of sobriety has been discovering mocktails.

    Okay, technically I already knew they existed.

    I just never paid much attention to them before because if I was ordering something besides water, it was definitely going to contain alcohol.

    Since getting sober, I’ve tried every mocktail that catches my eye, and let me tell you: there are some absolutely delicious options out there.

    When Heath and I were in Florida, I ordered mocktails with almost every meal. Each one felt like a delightful little treat.

    It felt good to treat myself to something that wasn’t going to make me feel worse afterward.

    Sure, there might be the occasional sugar crash.

    But that’s a whole lot better than a hangover.

    🥗 Rebuilding My Relationship With Food

    One of the most surprising benefits of sobriety has been a dramatic improvement in my appetite.

    For years, I relied on THC to help me eat.

    I was so deep in burnout that my appetite was nearly nonexistent. I’d go as long as possible without eating, then suddenly become ravenous and reach for whatever was quickest and easiest.

    To combat that, I started smoking to stimulate my appetite.

    And honestly? It worked.

    But it also became a crutch.

    I had unintentionally trained my brain to associate hunger with smoking. Eventually, if I didn’t smoke, I couldn’t get hungry.

    When I realized that, I knew something needed to change.

    I started limiting my use before quitting altogether. I only allowed myself to smoke after I had prepared a real meal.

    Eventually, because my use had become so structured, it stopped being enjoyable.

    Quitting felt like the natural next step.

    Retraining my brain and appetite took some time, but honestly, not nearly as much time as I expected.

    As my sleep improved and my nervous system calmed down, my eating habits began to improve too.

    🍳 Learning New Ways to Cope

    I also started using cooking as a coping tool.

    Whenever I felt the urge to drink or smoke, I’d make myself a meal instead.

    By the time I finished preparing it, I wasn’t thinking about alcohol or THC anymore.

    I was thinking about how delicious the food smelled.

    And how proud I was of myself.

    🧠 Facing the Tiger

    When your brain thinks a tiger is chasing you, it isn’t concerned about sleeping well or eating nutritious meals.

    It’s focused on keeping you alive.

    That’s its job.

    And when you’ve been running from that tiger for years, you stop realizing you’re running.

    At least, that’s what happened to me.

    I spent so long trapped in fight, flight, or freeze that I assumed I was inherently lazy. Unmotivated. Broken. Chronically ill.

    I thought that was simply who I was.

    But once I started turning around and facing the tiger instead of running from it, things slowly started changing.

    Not overnight.

    Not through some magical transformation.

    Just through hundreds of tiny choices that slowly added up.

    💜 Six Months Later

    I am incredibly proud of how far I’ve come in the last six months.

    And I’m incredibly proud that I’ve made it six months.

    When I quit, I knew it was something I truly wanted. I also knew it was going to be difficult, and I knew there was a chance I might slip up.

    So far, I’ve stayed true to myself and to the goals I set.

    And honestly?

    That feels really freaking good.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌿 Expansion & Contraction

    🌿 Expansion & Contraction

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday!

    It’s been a while since my last post. The past month or so brought a wave of depression that knocked me off my footing for a bit. I lost my rhythm for a while, but I am starting to come back to myself and I finally feel ready to return to this space and share again.

    🌊 The Rhythm of Healing

    At the start of the year, I was in a season of expansion.

    I was making meaningful progress in therapy, showing up to yoga twice a week, and really stepping into my independence and personal power.

    And then, like clockwork, contraction arrived.

    Even though I know contraction is natural, necessary, and part of the deal when it comes to healing, it was still hard to accept while I was in it. I knew it would pass. I knew it was temporary. But that didn’t make it any less difficult.

    🖤 Feeling It All

    Something I’ve noticed since starting this healing journey is that my awareness has expanded significantly. And with that expanded awareness came deeper, more intense emotional experiences.

    I am no longer numbing out or turning away from the hard feelings. I am actually feeling them. And this time around, it hit harder because of that.

    It knocked me on my ass for a bit, if I’m being honest.

    The upside is that I now have more tools than ever before. I was able to move through it faster than I ever have in the past, and that feels like real progress.

    🧠 When the Past Comes Knocking

    Here’s what I think really happened.

    As I worked on healing my present self, I created space. And that space invited past versions of me to come forward and finally be heard.

    And they were not subtle about it.

    At the time those experiences originally happened, I didn’t have the capacity to fully process them. So I avoided, suppressed, numbed, and buried them. Drugs, alcohol, distraction, all of it.

    But those emotions do not just disappear. They wait. And when it is finally safe enough, they rise.

    So as I stepped out of burnout and into healing, everything I had buried came back up to the surface.

    Honestly, it felt like an emotional zombie apocalypse.

    My bestie, Ryann, sent me this video a few weeks ago, and it helped me understand what was happening in a way that really clicked. I shared it with Heath too, and he found it helpful.

    Here it is in case it resonates with you as well:

    🧘‍♀️ Showing Up Anyway

    Even though this past month was heavy, I still showed up for myself in the ways that mattered most.

    Even on the days I wasn’t feeling it, I made it to yoga. I kept my back to back classes, one hour of hot vinyasa followed by one hour of restorative.

    I kept every therapy appointment.

    I kept every chiropractic appointment.

    And most importantly, I stayed sober, even when things felt the heaviest. It has been 147 days since my last drink, 158 days since I last smoked, and I am incredibly proud of myself for that.

    That matters more than anything.

    Of course, not everything stayed perfectly on track. My sleep schedule has been all over the place again, staying up late and sleeping in. And naturally, my eating schedule has followed suit.

    As I come out of this fog, getting my sleep and nutrition back into alignment feels like my biggest priority.

    🌸 Gentle Rebuilding

    I am also being very intentional about how I approach this next phase.

    I know by now that being hard on myself does not work. Being critical does not create sustainable change. It just creates more resistance.

    So I am choosing softness.

    I am choosing patience.

    I am choosing to trust the process.

    I will get back to my ideal routines. Maybe not overnight, maybe not even this week. But little by little, I will get there.

    🔔 Moments That Shifted Something

    Last weekend, Heath and I went to a sound bath at my yoga studio, and it was incredible.

    Neither of us had ever done one before, and we both left feeling lighter, both physically and energetically.

    Heath has been dealing with a shoulder injury for over a year, and afterward he had more range of motion and less pain than he has had in a long time. He went in skeptical and came out a believer.

    For me, it felt like the clouds started to part. I went in feeling heavy and disconnected, and I walked out feeling more present, more grounded, and more like myself.

    Then Wednesday came.

    I had my yearly oncology check up, and I am so happy to say that all of my bloodwork came back healthy and I am still cancer free. 🤍

    I will go back in December for another scan, but for now, I am in the clear.

    Heath took the day off to come with me, and we ended up spending the whole day together. We had brunch, went to the chiropractor, drove around listening to music, and he even came with me to restorative yoga that evening.

    Something about that day felt like a turning point. The sound bath cleared the fog, and Wednesday felt like the beginning of rebuilding.

    ✨ Stepping Into Something New

    This week, I also started a six week online Reiki course, and I am so excited about it.

    For anyone unfamiliar, Reiki is a Japanese energy healing practice that supports the body’s natural healing processes, reduces stress, and promotes relaxation and overall wellbeing.

    It is something I have been curious about for a long time, and I finally felt ready to say yes to it.

    I am really proud of myself for investing in my healing in this way.

    🌱 Moving Forward

    Right now, I feel more like myself again. I feel hopeful. I feel grounded. I feel ready to expand again.

    And I also know that contraction will come back at some point. That is just part of the rhythm.

    But I trust myself more now. I trust that I can move through it with more awareness, more compassion, and more resilience each time.

    This cycle was hard, but I handled it better than I ever have before.

    I did not run from it.

    I did not numb it.

    I sat with it. I felt it. I honored it.

    And now, I am ready for what comes next.

    💜 A Little Reminder

    Healing is not linear. It never has been.

    There will be highs and lows, expansions and contractions, clarity and confusion. That is all part of the journey.

    Be gentle with yourself. Trust yourself. You will make it through.

    I love you all. Thank you for being here with me, and thank you for your patience while I took a step back.

    I am really excited to be writing again.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌿 Curiosity Over Criticism, Again and Again

    🌿 Curiosity Over Criticism, Again and Again

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday! 🤍

    The beginning of 2026 has been slow, beautiful, intentional, and mindful so far — and I intend to keep it that way as much as I possibly can. I’m slowly but surely getting better at letting go of the pressure to perform and instead just exist in the moment.

    I’m giving myself permission to just be, and I’ve gotta tell you… it’s pretty amazing.

    📵 Life Without Social Media (So Far)

    Ditching social media is going very well so far. I’d be lying if I said there haven’t been moments where I’ve instinctively wanted to reach for it — because there absolutely have been — but overall, I’ve felt a pretty significant sense of relief in its absence.

    One thing I didn’t fully realize before is how obligated I felt to always be available to others simply because social media is always available. It wasn’t a conscious thought, but it was there in the background, quietly telling me I was letting people down if I wasn’t reachable.

    And wow… that was deeply exhausting.

    Honestly, I expected this transition to be much harder — going from frequent social media use to none at all — but it’s been easier than anticipated. And that alone tells me it’s the right choice. My nervous system is benefiting in noticeable ways: I’m sleeping better, feeling less daily anxiety, and staying far more present.

    I’m also realizing how much I was being triggered by constant external input without even noticing it. Now, my triggers are mostly tied to my own lived experiences, which makes them far more manageable to address. Eliminating social media also eliminated the constant comparison spiral — and that has been a total game changer.

    📓 A New Relationship with Planning

    In preparation for 2026, I bought myself a cute new planner — but instead of forcing myself to use it the way I think I’m “supposed to,” I’m trying something new.

    In years past, I’d buy a planner convinced this would be the year I magically became a hyper-organized, color-coded, Type A human. I’d try to plan every detail in advance, then beat myself up for everything I didn’t complete. And every year, I’d end up feeling like I had failed yet again — not because planners don’t work, but because I was trying to use them in a way that never worked for me.

    This year, I’ve changed my approach.

    Instead of only planning ahead, I’m primarily using my planner as a tracker — writing things down after they happen. I note when I practice piano, journal, do yoga, nap, or read. Even if it’s just a few minutes, it counts. Writing it down gives me a genuine sense of accomplishment, and I love being able to see my patterns without having to keep track of them all in my head.

    I’m also logging various tasks and projects I complete — like decluttering our closet today and turning it back into a functional space. It’s not perfect, but it’s so much better, and writing it down once I was done felt incredibly validating.

    I didn’t realize how much mental energy I was spending just trying to remember everything I was doing. Recording it externally has freed up so much brain space — and I didn’t even know how badly I needed that until now.

    ✍️ Letting Go of Perfection

    In the past, I also put an absurd amount of pressure on my planner needing to be perfect. Perfect handwriting. Perfect colors. Perfect layout. Even though I was the only one who would ever see it.

    If I didn’t have the “right” pen, I wouldn’t write anything.
    If my handwriting looked off, I’d criticize myself.
    If I misspelled something and crossed it out, I’d spiral like I had ruined the entire thing.

    It was exhausting — and it’s no wonder my planners always ended up shoved in a drawer.

    This year, I’m doing things differently. I’m using a simple black ballpoint pen. No perfection required. I’ve told myself I can add color later if I want — but I don’t have to. None of it is necessary. The planner exists to support me, not challenge me.

    And shockingly? I’m actually enjoying it.

    If at any point this tool stops serving me and starts becoming a struggle, I’ll let it go — without calling it a failure. Right now, it’s helping me logistically, mentally, and emotionally, and that’s what matters.

    📚 Reading for Wisdom, Not Just Knowledge

    I’m reading a few books right now, and each one is bringing me joy in a different way. I’m also working on slowing down and truly absorbing what I read instead of rushing through it. My current fiction read is The Authenticity Project by Clare Pooley. My current nonfiction reads are The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and The Path of Greatness: The Game of Life and How to Play It and Other Essential Works by Florence Scovel Shinn.

    This week in therapy, my therapist and I talked about the difference between knowledge and wisdom, and it kind of rocked my world. I realized I’d been devouring information without giving myself time to let it marinate — to see how (or if) I wanted to integrate it into my life.

    No wonder I burned out on self-help.

    Now, I’m reading fiction at night to help wind down, and keeping nonfiction for the daytime. That simple shift has made a huge difference. I’m taking my time, reading a few pages at once, then pausing to reflect. It finally feels like I’m gaining wisdom instead of just collecting information.

    And it feels really, really good.

    ❄️ Settling Deeper into Wintering

    I’m still very much enjoying this season of wintering, and I feel like I’m finally getting into its rhythm. The critical voice telling me to do more, go faster, push through, and ignore my body’s signals is getting quieter.

    She’s still there — but I’m no longer mistaking her for absolute truth.

    I’m learning to notice those thoughts, acknowledge them, and let them pass instead of gripping them tightly. There was a time when I couldn’t separate my thoughts from my identity at all. Now I am slowly but surely getting better and better at it. And that shift has been incredibly freeing.

    🌱 A Gentle Conclusion

    As I sit with all of this, one thing feels very clear: I’m no longer interested in systems, habits, or expectations that make my life harder than it needs to be. I’m actively choosing ease. I’m choosing tools and rhythms that support me instead of shame me. I’m choosing curiosity over criticism — again and again.

    This season isn’t about doing more or becoming someone else. It’s about making space for who I already am, and allowing my life to feel lighter, kinder, and more honest as I move forward.

    And honestly? That feels like the most sustainable kind of growth there is.

    💬 A Question for You

    Have you noticed any habits, systems, or expectations in your own life that feel heavier than they need to be?
    What might it look like to soften them — even just a little?

    Thank you for being here with me on this journey. Stay tuned for more as I continue to grow through what I’m going through.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌿 Feeling Better, Moving Slower, Learning More

    🌿 Feeling Better, Moving Slower, Learning More

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Monday!

    GREAT NEWS! I am finally starting to feel better and holy cow I am so grateful! To be able to breathe out of both nostrils at the same time… what a blessing! 😅

    When I really think back on it with absolute honesty, I have been feeling some version of sick for the past couple of weeks. Whether it be actual cold symptoms like a sore throat or congestion, or just that “pre-sick feeling” of being overly tired and cranky and sluggish. I just haven’t felt like myself in quite some time. Longer than I wanted to admit before. I’m stubborn like that. I fly my “I’m fine, it’s just allergies” flag like it’s my job. 🚩

    But now I can fully acknowledge and admit that I have been fluctuating between the two phases — the “pre-sick feeling” and the actual symptoms — for weeks now.

    🌿 Holistic Remedies + The Moment I Finally Accepted Help

    Up until this past Friday, I really was not giving myself the space and grace to simply rest. I was doing all of my natural, holistic treatments/remedies, but I was not giving my body the rest it needed to be able to heal. I was pushing myself to just get through it. On top of that, I was also completely refusing to take any over-the-counter drugs.

    I am definitely more of an all-natural girlie, especially when it comes to treating illnesses. If there is a natural remedy for something, I am trying that first. And most of the time, it works… but sometimes I need the help of the high-powered stuff and, whether I liked it or not, this was one of those times.

    On Saturday, Heath went to CVS for me and got me some Mucinex D. I’m not gonna lie — I was pretty pissed that it was coming to this. I really hate taking that kind of stuff. Through all my herbalism and holistic research, I just know too much about the chemicals they use in those things and I have a really hard time willingly consuming them.

    But my congestion had gotten so bad that I wasn’t able to sleep very much, and the times when I was finally able to doze off, it was very sporadic and inconsistent. I was waking up feeling the same as I did before I slept. That was no good.

    I knew something had to give, so I begrudgingly agreed to take at least one dose and see how I felt. Within an hour, I was able to breathe through my nose again and I felt everything in my head become unclogged.

    Sweet, sweet relief! 🙌

    I still kept up with all my holistic treatments too — nasal rinses, flu bomb tea (freshly minced garlic, cayenne pepper, freshly minced ginger, lemon juice, honey, sea salt, warm water), hot showers, peppermint and eucalyptus essential oils, castor oil, baths with Dead Sea salts and apple cider vinegar, and finally… resting, resting, resting.

    I took two doses of Mucinex on Saturday and two doses on Sunday, and today I am feeling so much better that I haven’t taken any! It is pretty exciting, not gonna lie. 😄

    🛌 Resting Without Guilt (A Rare and Beautiful Thing)

    Saturday and Sunday I rested without guilt more than I have in any recent memory. I cannot remember a time before then when I was sick or just tired and rested without feeling like I should be doing something else… without telling myself I was weak… without telling myself I was lazy and useless and a waste of space.

    But I was able to do that this weekend. I was able to sleep in and snuggle on the couch and nap — all without thinking about doing anything else. I just fully committed to resting and it absolutely paid off. 💛

    One of my biggest struggles when I start to feel better after being sick is doing too much too fast and then throwing myself right back into it. So today, even though I want to do a lot because I am so excited to be feeling better, I am forcing myself to keep resting.

    I want to start on some house projects and dive back into all of my exercise routines, but I know that if I do all of that today, I will be back to feeling crappy by tomorrow without a doubt.

    So the most I am allowing myself today is to get back on the walk pad and walk SLOWLY. I don’t even want to break a sweat. I just want to move gently. The closet that needs to be organized will still be there tomorrow — and the day after that too. 😌

    I really want this wellness to stick around, so I will be gentle with myself as much as possible.

    📚 Reading for Pleasure Again

    I finished A Winter’s Promise on Saturday and immediately started reading the next book in the series, The Missing of Clairdelune. It is bringing me quite a lot of simple joy right now.

    I kinda forgot what it was like to read simply for pleasure. Even before my happiness project and restricting what I was reading, I had lost sight of the joy of reading for pleasure. I was going for quantity over quality and I didn’t even realize it until just recently.

    For a few years, I was tracking everything I read on Goodreads and trying to log as many books as I could as fast as I could like it was some sort of competition. In 2024, I logged 77 books. WHAT?! That is kind of insane. 😳

    I was rushing through each book so I could get to the next one, and I honestly didn’t even realize it at the time. I was so caught up in the numbers that I lost sight of the pleasure of the activity. I was trying to be impressive — I wanted to tell people how many books I read and have them think, “wow, that Bailz sure is good at reading, I like her!”

    Like pretty much everything else in my life, it became more about what other people thought than it was about how it made me feel — what I thought about it. And yet, I had no idea at the time. I never let myself slow down enough to even think about it. I just kept pushing.

    Now that I am really leaning into my wintering phase and trying to slow down in all areas, reading has been a main priority in that regard. I am focusing on taking my time with each page and making sure I’m actually enjoying the stories I’m absorbing — because that is the whole point, not checking a box and adding to a tally.

    I’m not in any rush… or at least I’m trying really hard not to be. Admittedly, my instinct is still to rush. It has been my default for so long, so I know it will take time to unlearn. But I’m actively trying to quiet that urge — to silence that inner voice that says, “hurry up! go faster! there is so much to do! go! go! go!”

    It’s a work in progress, but I’m proud of myself for acknowledging the problem and addressing it head on. ✨

    🎶 Comfort Shows, Music Stories & Childlike Joy

    Some other things that have been bringing happiness into my days recently are The End of an Era, the Taylor Swift documentary series, and The Beatles Anthology documentary series — both on Disney+.

    Music is truly one of my favorite things in life. Always has been, always will be. Watching behind-the-scenes footage and hearing stories about how some of my favorite musicians do what they do best brings such joy and warmth to my heart.

    I find myself genuinely smiling as I watch and it feels pretty dang great. With each episode, I feel myself coming back to myself a little bit more. I am experiencing the childlike joy that for so long has eluded me.

    I am taking care of my inner child a little bit better with each day and I have to admit… it’s pretty beautiful. 🥹💜

    🌙 Sleeping More, Listening More, Trusting More

    Beyond that, I am really focusing on sleeping A LOT. I am not paying attention to the clock, I am paying attention to my body and so far it seems to be working out pretty well.

    I will get back to my sleep schedule with more discipline soon, but not until I am feeling 100% again. Depriving myself of rest is just not in the cards right now. That is part of wintering. That is part of healing. That is part of my journey right now.

    So I am leaning into it as much as I can.

    ❄️ Slow and Steady

    Slow and steady wins the race. My wintering phase is in full swing right now and it feels really good.

    I am taking my time with everything I can and though it may not be glamorous or exciting, I know it is absolutely necessary if I want to make any sustainable progress going forward.

    So I will keep on keeping on — taking everything one step at a time, and giving myself as much grace as possible. 💛

    💬 A Question for You

    What’s one small way you can slow down today and be gentle with yourself — even if your brain tries to tell you to rush? 🤍

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my wintering era, healing journey, and all the little comfort-filled moments in between, I’d love for you to subscribe below.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live — no spam, just honest reflections, real life, and a little bit of cozy magic. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Comfort, Colds & Wintering Check-Ins

    Comfort, Colds & Wintering Check-Ins

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday!

    I wanted to give a little check-in from my wintering. I am currently fighting a cold/upper respiratory bug, which I fully believe is my body telling me: “Okay, you won’t slow down on your own? I’ll do it for you.” 🤧

    And while I’m kinda frustrated… I’m also grateful for the extra push. The past week has been a lot slower than any of the rest of this process has been, and it feels really weird, but I know it’s needed. 🕯️

    📚 “Wintering” Was the Permission Slip I Didn’t Know I Needed

    I finished reading Wintering by Katherine May the other day and I cannot recommend it enough. It genuinely feels like it was the permission slip to truly slow down I didn’t know I needed.

    It has really helped me shift my perspective around this phase I’m going through and shed some of the shame I’ve been feeling about my non-linear growth. 💛

    🧭 Learning What Brings Me Joy (And What Doesn’t)

    One thing I am really focusing on is learning what brings me joy and what does not.

    Earlier this week, I decided I was going to curl up and watch season 2 of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. I watched Season 1 when it came out and enjoyed it then, but I’ve been so focused on other things that I didn’t even realize there were two new seasons out now.

    With my new focus on rest and slowing down, I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to indulge… but I got an episode and a half in and then I had to turn it off. It was triggering my anxiety in a way I hadn’t felt in a while, so I said: “No, thank you.”

    There is plenty of other content out there I can enjoy without triggering my fight-or-flight response. 🫶

    Instead, I switched over to watching Good Hang with Amy Poehler on YouTube. Since it launched earlier this year, I’ve watched a few episodes here and there, but not with any real consistency.

    Over the last few days, however, I’ve watched a bunch of different episodes and it has felt like a hug to my heart. This show is indeed perfectly named. Each episode feels like a good hang with good friends — and that has been bringing me a lot of joy right now. 🥹💜

    📖 A Cozy Read That’s Just for Me

    I am also reading A Winter’s Promise by Christelle Dabos and I am really enjoying that as well.

    When I first started it a couple of weeks ago, I admittedly had a hard time getting into it and reading consistently. But now I think that had less to do with the story itself and more to do with the internal story I was telling myself.

    I think I was still shaming myself for reading something that wasn’t going to teach me anything about my journey. But now that I am slowing down and giving myself space and time to heal, focusing on finding the joy, and just being present with myself… I am really, really enjoying this book. ✨

    It is the first book in a four-part series and I am looking forward to reading all of it.

    😴 Rest Without Rigid Rules

    I am sleeping a lot more these days — partly because I feel icky fighting off this cold, and partly because my soul just needs more rest in general.

    I am letting go of the rigidity and letting myself sleep when I am tired. I am still trying to go to bed and wake up at the same time, but I am also letting myself be flexible with it as needed.

    The set sleep and wake times I have are goals and guidelines, not punishments or restrictions. 🌙

    🛁 Comfort as a Practice

    I am feeling really proud of myself for finally exploring life through a slower, less urgent lens. It’s definitely a process to let go of the strictness and rigidity, but I am working on it and it feels good. 🤍

    I am really leaning into comfort these days:

    • Taking lots of baths, soaking in salts and oils to soothe my body and my soul 🛁
    • Taking extra hot showers to let the steam open up my sinuses 🚿
    • Drinking a lot of water and electrolytes to help flush everything out 💧
    • Exclusively wearing comfy clothes — leggings, big t-shirts, long cardigans, and cozy socks 🧦

    I did some yoga with Heath last night, but we kept it light with a slow, restorative practice — and it felt nice to get back on the mat in a manageable and meaningful way. 🧘‍♀️

    I haven’t been on the walk pad in a few days and while I do miss it, I know my body needs to be resting right now. I’ll get back to it when I’m physically feeling better.

    Maybe I can get back on tomorrow and just keep it really slow, so I am moving with intention but not overexerting myself. But I am going to listen to my body and go with the flow because I know that is what is needed right now. 🌿

    ❄️ That’s My Check-In for Now

    And that’s about it — that’s all I’ve got for ya right now. I really don’t feel like I have a whole lot to say today, but that’s okay.

    I still wanted to show up and check in and update you all where I am right now. I am very much wintering, and it’s not glamorous or exciting… but it is necessary. 🕯️

    💬 A Question for You

    What’s bringing you comfort right now — a show, a book, a ritual, a cozy routine?
    If you feel like sharing, tell me in the comments. I’d love to know what’s helping you soften and breathe this season. 🤍

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my wintering era — the healing, the slowing down, the small joys, and the honest check-ins — I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thank you for being here. It means the world to me. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ❄️ In My “Wintering” Era

    ❄️ In My “Wintering” Era

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Tuesday!

    Last week, my therapist recommended a book to me called Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May, and it has really helped shift my perspective on this entire process I have been going through.

    Before I started reading this book, I had no idea just how much pressure I was putting on myself to always be doing more. I was so strict and rigid with myself, and I expected myself to be so much further along than I was.

    I was neglecting to acknowledge everything I was trying to heal from — I just wanted to be healed.

    🧠 The Pressure I Didn’t Realize I Was Carrying

    Some days, I was accomplishing a lot and sticking to my routines, but some days I was struggling more than I let myself realize and therefore was beating myself up a lot.

    There was more consistency than I have ever had before, but it was not nearly 100%, and deep down, I was ashamed of it. I was ashamed of what I was doing or not doing, of the fact that I was “weak” and needed to take this time to figure my shit out.

    I felt like I needed to be strict and rigid with myself to somehow earn this period of healing. That I needed to make radical changes in short amounts of time and force this growth as if it were my job so that I could justify the space I was taking up on this planet.

    I was not being very kind or patient with myself at all.

    Even though I thought I was trying to be gentle with myself — I told myself I was, I wrote here about how I was — ultimately I was never really succeeding. I liked the idea of being gentle with myself, but to be honest, I had really no idea how to actually execute it in practice, because I never learned how to.

    It was never modeled for me when I was growing up. I never saw it in action. It was never really encouraged. All I have ever known is self criticism, so breaking the cycle has been quite the challenge.

    ⏳ Rest Used to Feel Like “Wasting Time”

    Prior to starting this book, anytime I was resting during a non-designated rest or sleep time, I was thinking to myself that I should be working on something else. I should be reading. I should be writing a blog post. I should be practicing piano. I should be up on the walk pad. I should be cleaning the house.

    And yes — all of those things are valid uses of my time. But I was tired. My body was telling me to rest. Instead of appreciating the message from my body, I was shaming myself. Telling myself that I shouldn’t be tired, that if I rest now, I’m wasting time and throwing off my sleep schedule.

    📚 What “Wintering” Taught Me

    Then I started reading Wintering, and it has helped immensely.

    May explains Wintering as:

    “a time of withdrawing from the world, maximizing scant resources, carrying out acts of brutal efficiency and vanishing from sight; but thats where the transformation occurs. Winter is not the death of the life cycle, but its crucible… Doing those deeply unfashionable things — slowing down, letting your spare time expand, getting enough sleep, resting — is a radical act now, but it is essential.”

    I didn’t realize it at first, but I was absolutely thinking of this season I’m going through as a spring — a rebirth of some sort. I was expecting to just become this whole new version of myself overnight through sheer will.

    I was trying to skip over the wintering completely.

    I felt that by slowing down, I was wasting this time and opportunity when I could be doing so much more. I had given myself a few weeks at the beginning of all this to slow down (or so I thought), and I told myself that was plenty and it was time to push through and move on and get to the doing and growing and healing.

    As I have been working my way through this book, I have realized that the rest and the slowing down is exactly what this time is for. That by not utilizing this time to do that, I am in fact wasting this opportunity.

    🌙 Letting the Season Be What It Is

    So, that is what I am trying to really focus on.

    Prior to starting this book and shifting my perspective, I was feeling a little bit frustrated that I was going through this experience going into the winter months. I wanted to be in the summer with the sun rising earlier and setting later so I could work on my circadian rhythm easier.

    I was feeling frustrated over the evenings arriving earlier and earlier each day. I was fussing over the fact that I needed to wear more and more layers as the temperatures fell. I was just resisting every bit of it because I was trying to race ahead to spring and summer — literally and figuratively.

    But now that I have taken a step back and realized that the process of wintering is absolutely necessary in order to have a successful spring, I am so very grateful that my winter of life is also falling during the physical seasonal winter.

    All those things I was resisting — the shorter days, the lower temperatures, the extra layers — now I see them as benefits, so I am leaning into them.

    Now I am going to focus on hibernating like my life depends on it, because you know what? It kind of does. ❄️

    🛌 Practicing Rest, Presence, and “Awareness Without Judgment”

    The past few days I have spent quite a bit of time in bed, reading and resting and resisting the urge to rush.

    I am trying not to scroll on my phone as much, trying to be present in my relaxation. I am spending time in bed just thinking/meditating and it’s been odd but really nice.

    I am napping when I am tired. I am listening to my body.

    I am still mindful of my nighttime and morning routines, but I am not beating myself up for any deviations from them. If I wake up feeling like I need to go back to sleep for a little bit longer, I am letting myself do it.

    If I am struggling to go to sleep and decide I am going to stay up and read for a little bit longer until I really do start to feel sleepy, I am letting myself do it.

    I am just trying to be in the moment more, listen to my body more, and overall let go of the reins a little bit.

    I really was being so strict with myself and so rigid. I was holding myself to an impossibly high standard for what I am going through, and it was ultimately becoming a detriment.

    I am trying to bring a lot of awareness into my days — awareness without judgment. I am trying to pay attention to where my thoughts are going, how my body is feeling, how my spirit is feeling, and simply notice those things instead of judging or criticizing myself for them.

    I am trying to approach everything through a lens of curiosity instead — curiosity and kindness and compassion. 💜

    I have also started gratitude journaling before bed each night. I spend a few moments writing down everything I am thankful for, and that has been very helpful in keeping me present as well.

    🤍 Choosing Honesty (Even When Hustle Culture Says Otherwise)

    This bit of the journey may not be glamorous or exciting. It may not be the most captivating thing to read about — but it’s where I am right now.

    There is a part of me that is scared to talk about all of this, to be broadcasting the fact that I am actively trying to do less in a world where hustling is king.

    But when I created this space, I vowed to be honest and transparent and vulnerable with you all, so I am going to hold myself to that and keep showing up — even when there isn’t a whole lot to say.

    I had been flailing a bit trying to hold onto some direction and growth and progress that just wasn’t sticking, but now I know that this is not the time for that. This is not my spring yet. This is my winter, and I need to respect that.

    I am wintering, and I am going to give it my all. ❄️

    💬 A Question for You

    Have you ever had a season of life where rest was the work?
    If you feel comfortable sharing — what did your “wintering” look like, and what helped you soften into it? 🤍

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my healing journey — the realizations, the quiet seasons, the messy middle, and everything in between — I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thank you for being here and holding space for me. It truly means the world. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌾 24 Hours in Guthrie

    🌾 24 Hours in Guthrie

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Saturday!

    Today marks three months of Bailz Has a Blog!
    The time has really flown by, it’s hard to believe it’s already been 3 months!

    I am so proud of how far I have come since I created this space. So much has changed, I have accomplished so much and acknowledged so much in such a short amount of time. It’s wild and amazing and I am flooded with gratitude. 💜

    I am so grateful for all of you who have been following along with the journey and sending me all of your kind words and encouragement with each step of the way. It sincerely means the world to me, not only that you guys are reading the words I write, but also that they are resonating with so many of you. I am so incredibly grateful, I really cannot express that enough.

    💆‍♀️ Progress Scans, Nervous System Wins & Healing in Real Time

    Thursday morning I had my second set of progress scans with my chiropractor and it went really well. I got a chance to sit down with Dr. Lauren and go over everything in detail and also talk about what still needs attention.

    My rib is doing better than it was when we started, but it still doesn’t feel 100% yet, so we are going to focus on that more going forward. Same with the left side of my neck.

    Because I am actively excavating past traumas to deal with and then ultimately heal from them, I have been experiencing more frequent tension in my neck recently. Dr. Lauren said this is normal as that is the first place that tension/misalignment will occur if there is any sort of disruption. So going forward, that will be a primary focus along with my rib.

    But overall, my spine itself is in MUCH better shape than it was when I started, and my nervous system is much more regulated than it has really ever been in my whole life.

    Yes, I am still experiencing some distress and I am still pretty easily triggered, but I am recovering from it all a lot quicker and easier than I ever have before. And that is simply incredible.

    I honestly thought I would always be overwhelmed and that I would always struggle with everything — the big things, the little things, all of it. Being a fully functioning human always seemed like a foreign concept for me, I just never saw it as something achievable for myself.

    But now I know that it is and I am working towards it, slowly but surely. ✨

    🚗 Heading to My Happy Place: Guthrie, Oklahoma

    After my appointment, I hopped in the car and headed up to Guthrie, Oklahoma for the night. Guthrie really is my happy place and I am so glad I made the effort to make that happen for myself. It was a very quick trip, but it filled my heart so much.

    I got to spend brief but quality time with some of my favorite people. Though they are relatively new friends, my heart feels like I have known them for a lot longer, and it was so lovely to get to hug them and laugh with them and talk about everything we possibly could in the short amount of time we had together.

    Though I was only there for 24 hours, I definitely feel like I was able to make the most of my time. I was fortunate enough to be able to see the local production of A Territorial Christmas Carol, a creative Okie spin on the Dickens classic, at the historic Pollard Theater.

    I got in a round of karaoke. I got a private tour of The State Capital Publishing Museum which was SO incredibly cool. I even got to go upstairs and out onto the balcony from which it was announced that Oklahoma was officially a state in 1907. I won’t lie, I got a little emotional as I stood there. It was truly amazing. 🥹

    🌆 Food, Local Favorites & Walking the Town

    I ate at some of my favorite places. I shopped at my favorite local businesses and I got to walk around the town quite a bit, which is honestly one of my favorite parts about being in Guthrie.

    The houses and downtown buildings are just so beautiful and historic and it just does my heart so good to be out and about in town just taking it all in. 🏡✨

    🌹 The Cemetery, My Ancestors & The Roots That Pull Me Back

    One of the most meaningful parts of the trip was going to the cemetery and spending some time with my ancestors and putting some Christmas themed flowers at their gravesites. Upon arrival, I was very pleased to see that the flowers I left for them this summer are still in great condition!

    My grandfather’s great-grandparents, the Mertens, were part of the Land Run in 1889 and helped settle Guthrie in its earliest days. Later generations stayed through the early 70s. My grandfather was actually born in Guthrie, though he grew up in Atlanta. The Mertens were very involved with the community, through local government, public education, and some of them were even Masons.

    This was one of the reasons why Heath and I chose to get married at the Scottish Rite Masonic Temple in Guthrie. Even though it was just the two of us for the ceremony, it did feel like I had some family there with me, though they might not have been visible. 🤍

    I didn’t know any of them personally, they were all gone long before my arrival on the planet, but I have always felt a very strong pull to Guthrie and my ancestral roots there. Every time I am in town, I make sure to go spend some time with them at the cemetery and it feels so significant each time. I swear I feel their presence and it is so comforting.

    I honestly feel their presence all through town. Through a good amount of ancestral research, I have discovered where they all lived over the years, where they worked, what their lives might have been like back in the day, and it feels so special to be able to walk into the buildings I know they were in a century ago. To be in rooms I know they stood in. To walk by where they lived, some of the houses are even still standing in their original forms.

    It just feels incredibly significant and I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to go back as often as I do. Guthrie is just a special place and I love it so much. ✨

    🌅 The Drive Home & A Full Heart

    I left to drive home around midafternoon and it took a little bit longer to get home than normal because of Friday rush hour traffic, but instead of getting annoyed at how long it took, I focused on being present and just enjoyed the time in the car — singing along to my favorite songs and enjoying the sunset views. 🌅🎶

    I am pretty tired now that I am home and have some time to catch my breath. But I am mostly just so grateful for the experience and I am so proud of myself for making the time to go and for doing something fun just for me, just because I wanted to.

    I am also grateful that Heath was so supportive and encouraging of the trip. Though I wish he could have come with me (everything is always more fun when we are together), I am grateful that he could stay home with the dogs and give me the opportunity to get out of the city, even just for a day.

    Big city life has its advantages, but I have found myself feeling a little burnt out by it recently. So a short respite in the country was just what the doctor ordered and though I am tired, I also feel restored. Like I’ve said before, two things can be true at once. And this is one of those times. 💛

    I am hoping that we can get back up to Guthrie together soon — at the very least in March to celebrate our one year anniversary. 🥰

    💬 A Question for You

    Do you have a place that feels like your “happy place” or a place that pulls you back again and again?
    If you do, I’d love to know where it is and what it gives you when you’re there. 🤍

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my journey — the healing, the adventures, the reflections, and all the little moments in between — I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thanks for being here. It truly means the world to me. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Returning to Myself, One Pause at a Time

    Returning to Myself, One Pause at a Time

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday!

    It’s been a few days since my last post, and I’ve really been trying to slow down and focus on being gentle with myself. Although, admittedly, I’ve been struggling with it. I’m feeling better today, but the in-between was rougher than I anticipated.

    After my post on Friday, I felt a huge amount of vulnerability. On one hand, I was incredibly proud of myself for sharing everything I did. But at the same time, I felt pretty depleted — it took a lot of energy to muster up the courage to say those things out loud.

    🎵 The Concert I Almost Skipped (But Absolutely Needed)

    Friday night we went to a concert, and every bit of me wanted to skip it. I was drained, I was tired, I was not feeling 100% by any means. But we were going to see one of Heath’s favorite bands, NEEDTOBREATHE, and we’d had these tickets for months. I couldn’t bring myself to deprive him of the experience, so I pushed through — and I am so glad I did. I know without a doubt that I was supposed to be there.

    The opener was a woman named Bre Kennedy. I had never heard of her before, but now? I absolutely love her. From the very first song, she grabbed my heart and didn’t let it go. Her voice was stunning, her lyrics beautiful, and I was literally moved to tears. And once they started, they didn’t stop.

    But of course — my inner critic immediately piped up:

    “Oh my god, stop crying! People are going to see you! What are they going to think?!”

    Still, for one of the first times in a long time, I chose not to listen.
    I let the tears flow.
    I stayed in the moment.
    I let myself feel.

    And yes, I ugly cried through most of her set. And I regret nothing.

    📚 The Alchemist, Omens, and the Nudge I Needed

    During her set, Bre talked about her upcoming album, The Alchemist, named after Paulo Coelho’s book. This hit me hard. I had bought that book on my last trip to Guthrie, started reading it, then put it on the shelf when I got home because I became wrapped up in all my Happiness Project reading.

    The moment she mentioned it, I knew I needed to pick it back up again.

    After the show, Heath noticed me eyeing her at the merch table and asked if I wanted to meet her. My instinct was no, because interacting with people I admire makes me panic — but I said yes.

    I told her how much her music moved me, how I cried through the whole thing, and how she inspired me to restart The Alchemist. She was so kind, so gracious, so warm. I almost cried again talking to her. I’m so glad I took the chance.

    The next day, I restarted The Alchemist from the beginning, and instantly felt immersed again — in the story, the Personal Legend, the Soul of the World, the omens. It reinforced everything I’ve been feeling lately:

    I am in the messy middle. I am doing the work. And I am on the right path.

    🌿 Therapy, Inner Critics, and Blooming Slowly

    I had therapy yesterday, and it went really well. Each session makes me more confident that I’ve finally found the right therapist. We talked a lot about childhood trauma and how those experiences still color the way I treat myself now — especially the way my inner critic talks to me.

    You would think that getting sober is a HUGE accomplishment that even my inner critic couldn’t argue with, right?
    Wrong.

    She said:

    “Obviously you should be sober! Why didn’t you do it sooner? You’re so late to the game!”

    She can be… a lot.

    I told my therapist how I’m struggling with wanting everything to happen faster — I want to be further along than I am. And she gave me an analogy that struck me deeply:

    When a flower blooms, it expands… and then it pauses.
    It contracts a little to gather energy.
    Without those pauses, it wouldn’t bloom at all — its petals would fall off.

    WOW. I loved that.

    It was exactly what I needed. I don’t want to lose my petals. I want to bloom slowly and stay intact. That means I have to pause. I have to rest. I have to let myself contract so I can grow again.

    The past few days have been my pause-and-contract phase. Today, I feel like I’m blooming again.

    📖 Books, Chiropractic Care, and Little Moments of Self-Care

    My therapist recommended a new book — Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May — and it arrived today. I’m excited to start it tonight.

    This morning I went to the chiropractor, then this afternoon I got a haircut. It felt so nice to pamper myself a little.

    Tomorrow morning I have my second progress scan with the chiropractor. The first scan showed enormous improvement and brought me to tears. I know this next one will too.

    I feel so much more centered, grounded, and connected to my body than I did even a month ago. These adjustments have helped regulate my nervous system in ways I didn’t even realize were possible.

    💜 Gratitude for Where I Am Now

    Instead of focusing on “what ifs,” I’m focusing on gratitude.

    I am grateful that I have the opportunity to do this work.
    Grateful that I can afford therapy and chiropractic care.
    Grateful that I have a husband who encourages me every step of the way.
    Grateful that I quit my job when I did.
    Grateful that I started my blog, found my chiropractor, found my therapist, quit drinking, quit smoking — when I did.

    I’m following the omens.
    I’m working toward my own Personal Legend.
    It’s messy.
    It’s beautiful.
    And I feel so lucky to be here.

    I am doing this for every younger version of me who couldn’t.
    For every future version of me who will benefit.
    And for the current version of me who keeps showing up — on the good days and the harder ones too.

    💬 A Question for You

    Before you go, I’d love to hear from you:

    Where are you in your own blooming process right now — expanding, contracting, or somewhere beautifully in between?

    Share in the comments if you feel comfortable. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today. 🌿

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to follow along on my healing journey, my messy middle, and all the magic I’m discovering along the way, please consider subscribing.

    You’ll get updates whenever a new post goes live — no spam, just heart, honesty, and a little bit of witchy wisdom. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ✨ Finding the Quiet Kind of Good ✨

    ✨ Finding the Quiet Kind of Good ✨

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Tuesday!

    I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to talk about today, but I knew I wanted to show up. I’ve been wanting to get back into the rhythm of posting every other day—if not daily—and the only way to do that is to simply begin. So here we are, letting the words reveal themselves as they come.

    🌙 A Night Out & a Small but Honest Lesson

    This weekend, Heath and I got dressed up and went out to a lovely dinner at Wicked Butcher in downtown Fort Worth. The whole experience felt luxurious—perfectly crafted dishes, top-tier service, and even cucumber-infused water that tasted like spa-day elegance in a glass.

    When we arrived, I slipped off to the restroom to freshen up. By the time I returned, there were two glasses of complimentary champagne at our table—courtesy of the reservation note saying we were celebrating our (belated) wedding. It was a beautiful gesture.

    I hesitated. And then I made a decision: life is for living, and I wanted to celebrate us. So I toasted with Heath and enjoyed the small glass of champagne.

    After that, I stuck to mocktails (a fresh blackberry lemonade that was chef’s kiss) and water.

    Later that night, though, I woke up with spiraling anxiety over absolutely nothing. My muscles were clenched, my breath shallow, my mind sprinting like it was running in circles in the dark.

    That tiny bit of alcohol—that tiny bit—still affected me.

    Here’s what I realized afterward:

    • I don’t regret the moment. It was lovely.
    • But even a small amount is too much for my system.
    • Going forward, I’m done with alcohol entirely.

    Not from shame. Not from punishment. But from self-respect. Alcohol simply isn’t worth the cost to my nervous system or my peace.

    🧘‍♀️ Moving My Body, Loving My Body

    The past few days have gently brought me back into my movement routines. I’m walking daily on the walk pad and doing yoga every day—and it feels GOOD. Not dramatic, not performative. Just good.

    Some days I move fast. Some days I move slow. Some days it’s a long yoga flow. Some days it’s 10 minutes.

    But movement is movement. Showing up is showing up. And I’m proud of every version of myself that steps onto the mat or walk pad.

    😴 Sleep Schedule Chaos (And a Loving Reset)

    Sleep has been a little chaotic. Staying up later has made my whole routine slide later—breakfast, lunch, dinner, and my nighttime wind-down. Everything shifts together like dominoes, and I feel the effects.

    Last night, I stayed up way past my bedtime finishing Shout! I was so entranced that I didn’t even realize the time until I closed the book and saw it was past midnight.

    So this morning, I let myself sleep in to compensate. Tonight, the goal is to get back on my 9–9:15 bedtime and lights out by 10.

    Structure can be loving. Flexibility can be loving, too. I’m learning to hold both.

    💜 Therapy & Solo Costco Adventures

    I have therapy this afternoon and I’m excited. Last time, I walked in feeling drained, so we spent the hour getting me grounded again. Today, we’re diving into new tools and practices to help me step deeper into authenticity—my biggest long-term goal.

    After therapy, I’m doing my first solo Costco run in years, and honestly? I’m thrilled. I plan to walk each aisle slowly and treat the whole thing like a mindfulness exercise instead of a chaotic errand.

    🌤️ The Quiet Kind of Good

    Today, I feel good—not energized, not buzzing, not high on productivity. Just quietly calm. The kind of good I think I’ve been searching for my whole life. The kind that measures worth not by output but by inner softness.

    I could do a few chores around the house today, and I might. But I don’t have to. I am certainly not going to force them.

    Whatever version of today unfolds, I will choose it intentionally and without pressure.

    💬 Your Turn!

    What’s one small, gentle thing you’ve done for yourself recently that brought you a sense of calm or peace?

    ✨ Want More Posts Like This?

    If you’re enjoying following along on my healing and happiness journey, I’d love to have you subscribe so you never miss a new post. 💜 Pop your email into the box below and grow with me as we learn, rest, heal, and gently transform together.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Style Shifts, Piano Notes, and Healing in the In-Between

    Style Shifts, Piano Notes, and Healing in the In-Between

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Saturday! 💜

    It’s been a minute since I last posted. Heath was off from work all week, and I wanted to savor as much time with him as possible. We didn’t have a big itinerary or a giant to-do list — we just existed together. And honestly? It was lovely.

    We went on little local adventures, spent quiet time reading side-by-side, binged the entire new season of Stranger Things in one sitting, went thrifting, browsed bookstores, cooked delicious meals, and enjoyed each other’s company in that effortless, easy way that happens when you have nowhere else to be.

    We even tackled a few home projects (cleaning out the pantry… yikes… but rewarding 🙃).

    🧵 Struggling With Style, Self-Image, and Clothes That Don’t Fit Like They Used To

    One thing I’ve been wrestling with lately is that a lot of my clothes don’t fit the same way anymore — and some don’t fit at all. I know my body is healthier now. I know she’s nourished, supported, and taken care of. But even with that awareness, it’s been such a mental hurdle.

    I’d walk into my closet and instantly shut down. I felt like I had nothing to wear… even though half of it still technically fits. It just didn’t feel right anymore. I felt like I had shed my old style but hadn’t yet grown into my new one — and that limbo was shredding my confidence.

    So I turned to my trusty sidekick, ChatGPT, and explained everything I was feeling. And SHE SHOWED UP.

    ChatGPT gave me a whole style quiz to help me zero in on what I actually like and what I want to avoid. Then she created a full vibe board and told me my style aesthetic is:

    ✨ Soft Grunge Moon Witch ✨

    And honestly? She nailed it.

    She also gave me a list of 10 starter pieces for a fresh, curated little capsule wardrobe — and as fate would have it, I already owned half of them. I found a few of the others while thrifting the next day. Blessings upon blessings.

    So right now I’m leaning into comfort and curation:

    • oversized band tees
    • long cozy cardigans
    • Doc Martens
    • leggings or straight-leg jeans
    • oversized flannels
    • my beloved $5 real leather jacket (thrift gods were generous that day 🙌)

    I wore the leather jacket yesterday (now that Texas finally got the memo it’s late November), and it was the first time I felt fully like myself in a while.

    🧘‍♀️ Getting Back Into My Routines (Because They Matter)

    Even with all the fun we had this week, I definitely fell out of my routines — especially my intentional movement. And wow… I felt it. Hard.

    Yesterday I finally got myself back on the walk pad and did some yoga. It’s wild how quickly I started feeling more like myself once I began moving my body on purpose instead of just floating through the day. One intentional step makes such a difference.

    🎹 Learning “Let It Be” (And Healing Little Me)

    I’ve also been practicing the piano again — specifically Let It Be by The Beatles.

    My very first tattoo was “let it be” in cursive on my left wrist, so it feels beautifully full-circle that its the first song I am learning, start to finish.

    I’m still very much a beginner — no dueling pianos or live performances anytime soon — but it’s FUN. And every time I play it with fewer mistakes, I feel a little bit giddy. It’s such a joyful kind of progress.

    I’ve also been reading more of Shout!, the Beatles biography, and between the book and learning the song, I feel like I’m reaching back and holding 11-year-old me’s hand.

    🍽️ Date Night & Mocktails, Please

    Tonight Heath and I are going to use a gift card we received for our wedding and enjoy a really nice dinner out. I’m excited to dress up (rare event!!!) and eat something delicious. I’m still not drinking alcohol, so I’m hoping they have some good mocktail options… but regardless, I’m going to devour some steak and enjoy every bite.

    🌙 Finding Gentleness, Grace, and Actual Rest

    This post feels a little all over the place, but honestly… that’s where I’m at today. A lot has happened, and I wanted to share pieces of it all.

    This week taught me (again) that I can’t bully or shame myself into being a better version of me. The only real path forward is gentleness, curiosity, compassion — and actual rest.

    Not collapsing into doom-scrolling.
    Not numbing out.
    Not rotting away on the couch.

    But closing my eyes when I’m tired. Letting myself sleep in when I need it. Pausing when my body whispers “please slow down.”

    There’s such a huge difference between checking out and truly resting. I’m trying to practice the latter. And it’s working — today I genuinely feel more like myself.

    💬 Let’s Connect

    What’s something small you’ve done lately that made you feel more like yourself again?

    Have you gone through a style transition before? How did you figure out what felt like “you” again?

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    Love always, Bailz 💜