Yesterday, we got home from a long weekend in Guthrie, Oklahoma. We were married there six months ago, and it felt wonderful to be back—to revisit the place where we said “I do,” to celebrate, and to spend quality time with some of the beautiful people we’ve met along the way. Truly, it was a gift.
That being said… even though it was a joyful trip, I lost my balance.
🥄 Travel + Appetite = A Familiar Pattern
One of my biggest ongoing struggles when I travel is food. My appetite tends to disappear almost entirely. It’s like a switch gets flipped. And while it’s happening, I usually don’t acknowledge it as a problem. For the first few days, I feel fine. I nibble here and there—maybe one meal a day—and pretend it’s no big deal. I’m caught up in the change of scenery, in the excitement of where we are and who we’re with. Food just doesn’t feel like a priority.
This trip was no different.
🥃 Too Little Fuel, Too Much Bourbon
Not only was I under-fueling my body, but I was also drinking a fair amount. I told myself it was for special occasions, that it was social, that we were on vacation and “no harm, no foul.” And at first, that story worked. But now, with some space and clarity, I can see that I overdid it—and I’m feeling the effects. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. Deeply.
😵💫 No Sleep, No Stillness
Sleep didn’t come easy either. Each night, I woke up multiple times—my thoughts racing, anxiety buzzing through my body, tossing and turning for hours. I wasn’t able to rest, and I wasn’t giving myself space to recharge. I was operating in “go mode” without pressing pause.
Looking back, I realize I abandoned many of the gentle, grounding practices that have been helping me so much lately. I didn’t write. I didn’t read. I didn’t prioritize rest. I wasn’t even high-fiving myself in the mirror.
I was so focused on making the most of the trip, I ended up neglecting the progress I’ve been so intentionally making. And I started “should-ing” all over myself. I ignored the signs. I pushed through the fatigue. And I didn’t listen to what my body or heart was trying to say.
😔 The Breaking Point
It’s been a very long time since I’ve drunkenly cried in a bar bathroom —but yep, that happened on Saturday night. I was that girl. And honestly? I’m embarrassed.
I lost myself a bit. I made choices I’m not proud of. And they feel heavy. I didn’t give myself enough recovery time between social activities. I didn’t pause. I didn’t refuel. I didn’t check in with my own needs. I just kept going and going until I ran out of steam—and then kept going anyway.
🌫️ Shame & Burnout
As I sit down to write this post, I feel… off. Disappointed. Drained. A little ashamed. And lost.
But I also know this: I’m not broken. I didn’t ruin anything. I just lost my balance. And balance, thankfully, can always be restored.
🌀 Coming Back to Center
Today marks the beginning of my return to equilibrium. I’ve been resting. Hydrating. Taking slow breaths. Reminding myself to be gentle, even when that voice in my head wants to be harsh.
This is the work. It’s not always pretty, and it’s not always linear. But this is the practice: falling out of alignment, noticing it, and lovingly guiding myself back.
If you’ve ever lost your footing after doing something brave, exciting, or exhausting—if you’ve ever felt like you “should have known better”—I want you to know: me too. And it’s okay.
We find our balance again. One breath, one nourishing bite, one kind thought at a time.
Thanks for holding space for my honesty. Here’s to the messy middle, and to the comeback.
As always, thank you for being here! Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz 💜
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