Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: Healing journey

  • 🎉 Six Months Sober: How I Feel and What I’ve Learned 🎉

    🎉 Six Months Sober: How I Feel and What I’ve Learned 🎉

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Thursday!

    Tomorrow marks six months of sobriety for me. WOW! That feels pretty huge, and honestly, I can’t believe it’s already been half a year.

    I am feeling incredibly grateful and incredibly proud of the work I’ve done to get here. There have been days when sobriety has felt easy, and there have been days when I’ve come very close to reaching for a drink. Every single one of those days mattered. They all added up to six full months of sobriety.

    Hell fucking yes.

    🌱 Why I Quit

    In November 2025, I reached a breaking point and decided enough was enough.

    I had spent the previous few months getting serious about my health and self-care, and the more attention I paid, the more I realized how much alcohol and THC were getting in the way of my healing journey.

    Now, I want to make one thing very clear: I do not think alcohol or THC are inherently bad. I know plenty of people who use both in healthy and manageable ways.

    But my relationships with alcohol and THC were absolutely negative and detrimental.

    I was using them to numb, avoid, and bottle up my feelings. And that’s just no good.

    😴 The First Thing That Changed: Sleep

    One of the biggest improvements I’ve noticed is my sleep.

    Sleep is still something I work on, both in terms of quality and consistency, but it has become significantly easier to get restful sleep since getting sober. And when you add in the complete absence of hangovers? That’s a pretty substantial win.

    Before sobriety, I drank almost every night. I told myself it helped me sleep, and technically it often did. The problem was that the sleep I was getting was terrible.

    I wasn’t getting deep, restorative sleep. I wasn’t waking up refreshed. Most mornings I woke up anxious, exhausted, and already looking forward to my next drink so I could take the edge off again.

    Looking back now, the pattern feels obvious.

    At the time, I genuinely didn’t see it.

    🐅 Running From Tigers

    I was so burned out and so deeply stuck in fight, flight, or freeze that everything felt like a tiger was chasing me.

    And I really do mean everything.

    Good things. Bad things. Neutral things.

    Everything made me panic.

    Except when I had a drink or a joint in my hand. Then the tigers left me alone for a little while.

    So I leaned pretty heavily on both of them.

    When I began my healing journey, I started learning how to feel my emotions instead of running from them. I started experimenting with healthier coping tools. The more I practiced them and saw their benefits, the less I found myself reaching for alcohol and THC.

    Eventually, I was ready to let them go altogether.

    💭 My Sobriety Dreams

    One unexpected thing that came with sobriety is that I started dreaming again and remembering my dreams much more clearly.

    What’s really interesting is that I dream about sobriety fairly often.

    For months, I had recurring dreams where I would drink, smoke, or take a gummy. In the dream, I’d suddenly realize what I’d done and immediately panic.

    “Wait! I don’t do this anymore! Why did I do this? Now I have to start over. I’m back at day one!”

    Then I’d wake up confused, upset, and stressed… only to realize it was just a dream.

    The relief was immediate every single time.

    More recently, though, the dreams have changed.

    Now, when I’m offered a drink, smoke, or gummy in a dream, I accept it… and then stop myself right before consuming it.

    I hear myself say:

    “No thank you. I don’t do this anymore.”

    Hell yes, Dream Bailz. Hell yes!

    That shift feels significant, and I’m incredibly proud of it.

    🍹 The Unexpected Joy of Mocktails

    Another wonderful thing that’s come out of sobriety has been discovering mocktails.

    Okay, technically I already knew they existed.

    I just never paid much attention to them before because if I was ordering something besides water, it was definitely going to contain alcohol.

    Since getting sober, I’ve tried every mocktail that catches my eye, and let me tell you: there are some absolutely delicious options out there.

    When Heath and I were in Florida, I ordered mocktails with almost every meal. Each one felt like a delightful little treat.

    It felt good to treat myself to something that wasn’t going to make me feel worse afterward.

    Sure, there might be the occasional sugar crash.

    But that’s a whole lot better than a hangover.

    🥗 Rebuilding My Relationship With Food

    One of the most surprising benefits of sobriety has been a dramatic improvement in my appetite.

    For years, I relied on THC to help me eat.

    I was so deep in burnout that my appetite was nearly nonexistent. I’d go as long as possible without eating, then suddenly become ravenous and reach for whatever was quickest and easiest.

    To combat that, I started smoking to stimulate my appetite.

    And honestly? It worked.

    But it also became a crutch.

    I had unintentionally trained my brain to associate hunger with smoking. Eventually, if I didn’t smoke, I couldn’t get hungry.

    When I realized that, I knew something needed to change.

    I started limiting my use before quitting altogether. I only allowed myself to smoke after I had prepared a real meal.

    Eventually, because my use had become so structured, it stopped being enjoyable.

    Quitting felt like the natural next step.

    Retraining my brain and appetite took some time, but honestly, not nearly as much time as I expected.

    As my sleep improved and my nervous system calmed down, my eating habits began to improve too.

    🍳 Learning New Ways to Cope

    I also started using cooking as a coping tool.

    Whenever I felt the urge to drink or smoke, I’d make myself a meal instead.

    By the time I finished preparing it, I wasn’t thinking about alcohol or THC anymore.

    I was thinking about how delicious the food smelled.

    And how proud I was of myself.

    🧠 Facing the Tiger

    When your brain thinks a tiger is chasing you, it isn’t concerned about sleeping well or eating nutritious meals.

    It’s focused on keeping you alive.

    That’s its job.

    And when you’ve been running from that tiger for years, you stop realizing you’re running.

    At least, that’s what happened to me.

    I spent so long trapped in fight, flight, or freeze that I assumed I was inherently lazy. Unmotivated. Broken. Chronically ill.

    I thought that was simply who I was.

    But once I started turning around and facing the tiger instead of running from it, things slowly started changing.

    Not overnight.

    Not through some magical transformation.

    Just through hundreds of tiny choices that slowly added up.

    💜 Six Months Later

    I am incredibly proud of how far I’ve come in the last six months.

    And I’m incredibly proud that I’ve made it six months.

    When I quit, I knew it was something I truly wanted. I also knew it was going to be difficult, and I knew there was a chance I might slip up.

    So far, I’ve stayed true to myself and to the goals I set.

    And honestly?

    That feels really freaking good.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ✨ Reiki: The Newest Tool in My Toolkit ✨

    ✨ Reiki: The Newest Tool in My Toolkit ✨

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday!

    This past month has been busy in the best way. I’ve traveled, I’ve socialized, I’ve completed another journey around the sun, and I’ve learned a new practice that has been incredibly helpful in my healing journey.

    🎂 Another Trip Around the Sun

    Last Saturday, I turned 36. Huzzah! This has been the first birthday where I can confidently say I do indeed feel older and wiser.

    I’ve spent the last year actively diving deep into self-healing, figuring out who I am and, just as importantly, who I am not.

    I’ve been expanding my awareness, focusing on living with intention, and learning how to truly care for myself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Looking back at where I was a year ago and everything that has happened over the last twelve months, I am just so incredibly proud of myself.

    🌊 Amelia Island & Nervous System Reset

    To celebrate my birthday, Heath and I went to Amelia Island on the east coast of Florida last weekend, and honestly? It was exactly what my mind, body, and spirit needed.

    The slower pace. The abundant sunshine. Eating great food. Enjoying tasty mocktails. Swimming in the ocean. Walking as much as we could. Every part of the trip felt like a little love letter to myself.

    My nervous system feels like it has had a full reset, and I am so deeply grateful for that.

    I find myself able to be much more present lately, much more consistently. And I owe a lot of that recent progress to my newest practice: Reiki.

    ✨ Becoming Reiki Certified

    Last month, I signed up for an online course to become certified as a Level 1 Reiki Practitioner with a focus on self-healing. Yesterday, I completed and submitted my coursework and received my certificate.

    When I saw the certificate arrive in my inbox, I immediately started crying tears of pride and excitement. It felt overwhelming in the best possible way because this was something I chose to do for myself. Something I felt deeply called toward. And I followed through with it.

    Completing it feels like a huge victory.

    🌀 What Reiki Has Been Teaching Me

    Over the past few weeks, I’ve learned about how energy and intention can be used to support healing within the body. I’ve learned about the chakras and how imbalances within them can correspond to both physical and emotional symptoms.

    More importantly, though, I’ve learned to approach healing with curiosity rather than expectation, compassion rather than judgment, and trust rather than doubt.

    One thing that really stood out to me during my studies was learning that curiosity activates the parasympathetic nervous system, our “rest and digest” state, while judgment activates the sympathetic nervous system, our “fight or flight” response.

    That realization alone shifted something in me.

    But more than anything else, Reiki has reminded me that I am far more powerful than I have ever given myself credit for.

    🎧 The Science of Reiki

    My teacher recently released a brand-new podcast all about the science of Reiki, and if you’re curious to learn more, you can check out episode one here:

    🌿 Reiki in Everyday Life

    I’ve started incorporating Reiki into my daily life through both full-length healing sessions that last around fifteen to thirty minutes and quick grounding moments that take two minutes or less.

    I’ve been learning to reach for Reiki during moments when I feel overwhelmed or triggered. Pairing deep breaths with Reiki principles has become an incredibly grounding practice for me, whether I recite them silently in my head or out loud.

    ✨ The Five Reiki Principles

    • Just for today, I will not anger
    • Just for today, I will not worry
    • Just for today, I will be grateful
    • Just for today, I will do my work honestly, no matter what it is
    • Just for today, I will be kind to myself and to others

    My teacher suggested simplifying them even further by changing the beginning of each principle to “Just for this breath…” and honestly? That tiny shift has been a complete game-changer for me.

    I now find myself taking deep breaths and thinking, “Just for this breath, I will not worry,” multiple times a day.

    It has helped keep me calm through everything from navigating airport security and crowded spaces to handling overwhelming social situations and even nearly being run off the road by a negligent driver.

    Every time I reach for Reiki, it creates a moment to pause and check in with myself. A moment to consciously choose how I want to respond instead of reacting instinctively.

    🌙 The Changes I’ve Been Noticing

    Since starting Reiki, I’ve been falling asleep more easily and sleeping better overall. I’ve been able to stay present much more consistently. I’ve been slowing down and actually listening to what my mind and body need in each moment.

    I’ve been speaking up for myself more confidently. Trusting myself more deeply. Feeling more authentic, more peaceful, and more grounded with every passing day and every new practice, whether it lasts thirty minutes or thirty seconds.

    🔮 What Comes Next

    I plan to continue my Reiki studies and complete Reiki Level 2 in the fall, and I feel incredibly proud of myself for listening to my intuition and investing in myself throughout this journey.

    With Reiki Level 1 training, I can focus primarily on healing myself and the space around me. I’ve been channeling Reiki not only into my body, but also into my water, food, plants, skincare, and yes, even my dogs.

    Once I complete Reiki Level 2, I’ll also be able to help support the healing of others, potentially even on a professional level someday, and that possibility feels really exciting to me.

    💜 Closing Thoughts

    So far, 36 is off to a really beautiful start.

    I can’t wait to see what the rest of this year has in store for me. I can’t wait to continue growing, healing, and becoming even more authentic and powerful by the time 37 rolls around.

    And honestly? That feels pretty magical.

    Thank you for being here! I am so grateful for all of you!

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🧰 Items in My Healing Toolkit

    🧰 Items in My Healing Toolkit

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Saturday!

    Lately I’ve been leaning on a few different tools in my toolkit, and I wanted to share a little bit about what’s been helping me.

    None of these are miracle cures, but together they feel like a steady, supportive rhythm that keeps bringing me back to myself.

    🌿 Vibration Plate

    About two months ago, I purchased a vibration plate after my therapist recommended it might be beneficial for me. I’ve been using it pretty regularly since it arrived, and I have to say, it has very quickly become one of my favorite things.

    A lot of people use them for exercise, but that’s not really how I’m using mine.

    I mainly use it to support lymphatic movement and emotional regulation. Over time, I’ve also noticed other benefits like less muscle soreness after yoga, improved posture, and reduced tension in my back, shoulders, and neck. Overall, I just feel better when I’m consistent with it.

    There were a few weeks when I was deep in my depression that I didn’t use it, and I could absolutely feel its absence. When I finally got back on it, I noticed the shift almost immediately. It felt like I was coming back into my body.

    Lately, I’ve been incorporating it into my morning routine alongside oil pulling. I try to stay off my phone during those 10 to 15 minutes and just be present. Sometimes I listen to music, sometimes I stand in silence. It really depends on the day.

    I try to use it in the evenings too, either after yoga or before I start winding down for bed. I haven’t been as consistent with that yet, but it’s something I’m working toward.

    I don’t do anything fancy with it. I pretty much just stand there while it does its thing. Sometimes I shift my weight around to see how it affects the vibrations running through my body, sometimes I will do a squat or two, or some gentle stretches to open up my chest. But for the most part, I just stand there and breathe and take that time to really come back to my body and calm my mind.

    🔮 Tarot

    I’ve had a tarot deck for a few years, but over the past six months it has become a daily practice.

    I don’t use tarot to predict the future. I use it to connect with my intuition.

    Every day, I shuffle my deck three times, hold it to my heart, and ask, “What message do I need to know the most right now?” Then I pull a single card.

    I use The Tarot Companion by Liz Dean as a guide to help interpret the cards. The meanings are broad, which is actually what makes them so useful. They give me a starting point to notice what is coming up in my own mind and heart.

    Most days I stick to one card, but sometimes I pull a few more if I feel like I need deeper insight or clarity.

    Occasionally, I’ll ask more specific questions like what I need to understand about a person or whether a decision feels aligned.

    Again, I’m not treating the cards like some all knowing force. I’m using them as a mirror.

    Sometimes they bring awareness to stress I didn’t even realize I was carrying. Sometimes they help me uncover emotions I’ve been bottling. Sometimes they gently redirect my focus. And sometimes they shine a light on truths I’ve been avoiding.

    No matter what, each reading is an opportunity to get to know myself better. It’s a practice of getting quiet and actually listening to what my inner voice is trying to say.

    🌬️ Wim Hof Breathing Technique

    The more I learn about healing and regulating my nervous system, the more I realize how powerful the breath really is.

    I’ve seen firsthand how a few deep belly breaths can interrupt a panic spiral. I’ve used 4 7 8 breathing to calm my mind at night. I’ve felt how syncing breath with movement can pull me out of my head and back into my body.

    Recently, I added the Wim Hof breathing technique to my routine.

    Wim Hof, also known as “The Iceman,” is known for his work with cold exposure and breathwork, and he credits much of his ability to his breathing method.

    Here’s a video to explain the breathing technique itself and then one to guide you through a beginner session:

    Much like my vibration plate sessions, this breathing practice brings me fully into my body. Afterward, I feel lighter, calmer, and more grounded.

    Lately I’ve been doing it before bed, and it helps me relax and fall asleep more easily. You can really do it anytime, just make sure you’re sitting or lying down somewhere safe and comfortable.

    🧠 Brain Support Supplement

    When I first started focusing on my physical health, I incorporated several supplements to support specific needs. Most of them are from the brand Just Ingredients.

    One of those was their “Brain Support” supplement, which I started taking to help with my ADHD symptoms.

    I took it consistently for about two months, alongside my improved nutrition and other healing practices. When I ran out, I decided not to reorder because I felt like I was doing well and thought I could manage without it.

    About two weeks later, I noticed a shift.

    My focus started slipping. I was reaching for my phone constantly, struggling to stay on task, and having a harder time finishing things. Around that same time, I also felt my depression starting to creep back in.

    After reflecting, I realized the biggest change I had made was stopping the supplement. So I reordered it.

    I’ve been back on it for about two weeks now, and I feel a noticeable difference. My focus has improved, my mood feels lighter, and my brain feels a lot less chaotic.

    I know my mental health is influenced by many factors, and this isn’t the only thing at play. But I do believe this supplement is an important piece of my toolkit. It helps support my baseline so I can show up for everything else.

    🌱 A Gentle Reminder

    None of these tools are magic fixes. They’re not instant transformations.

    They’re building blocks.

    Small, consistent supports that help me feel more grounded, more regulated, and more like myself.

    And just to say it clearly, I am not a medical professional and I am not recommending anything here as advice. I’m simply sharing what has been working for me.

    💜 Closing Thoughts

    I am really excited to be writing again and sharing in this space.

    I’m glad I gave myself the time I needed to recalibrate, and I’m just as glad to be back.

    Thank you for being here with me as I continue on this journey. I am so grateful for you.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌿 Expansion & Contraction

    🌿 Expansion & Contraction

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday!

    It’s been a while since my last post. The past month or so brought a wave of depression that knocked me off my footing for a bit. I lost my rhythm for a while, but I am starting to come back to myself and I finally feel ready to return to this space and share again.

    🌊 The Rhythm of Healing

    At the start of the year, I was in a season of expansion.

    I was making meaningful progress in therapy, showing up to yoga twice a week, and really stepping into my independence and personal power.

    And then, like clockwork, contraction arrived.

    Even though I know contraction is natural, necessary, and part of the deal when it comes to healing, it was still hard to accept while I was in it. I knew it would pass. I knew it was temporary. But that didn’t make it any less difficult.

    🖤 Feeling It All

    Something I’ve noticed since starting this healing journey is that my awareness has expanded significantly. And with that expanded awareness came deeper, more intense emotional experiences.

    I am no longer numbing out or turning away from the hard feelings. I am actually feeling them. And this time around, it hit harder because of that.

    It knocked me on my ass for a bit, if I’m being honest.

    The upside is that I now have more tools than ever before. I was able to move through it faster than I ever have in the past, and that feels like real progress.

    🧠 When the Past Comes Knocking

    Here’s what I think really happened.

    As I worked on healing my present self, I created space. And that space invited past versions of me to come forward and finally be heard.

    And they were not subtle about it.

    At the time those experiences originally happened, I didn’t have the capacity to fully process them. So I avoided, suppressed, numbed, and buried them. Drugs, alcohol, distraction, all of it.

    But those emotions do not just disappear. They wait. And when it is finally safe enough, they rise.

    So as I stepped out of burnout and into healing, everything I had buried came back up to the surface.

    Honestly, it felt like an emotional zombie apocalypse.

    My bestie, Ryann, sent me this video a few weeks ago, and it helped me understand what was happening in a way that really clicked. I shared it with Heath too, and he found it helpful.

    Here it is in case it resonates with you as well:

    🧘‍♀️ Showing Up Anyway

    Even though this past month was heavy, I still showed up for myself in the ways that mattered most.

    Even on the days I wasn’t feeling it, I made it to yoga. I kept my back to back classes, one hour of hot vinyasa followed by one hour of restorative.

    I kept every therapy appointment.

    I kept every chiropractic appointment.

    And most importantly, I stayed sober, even when things felt the heaviest. It has been 147 days since my last drink, 158 days since I last smoked, and I am incredibly proud of myself for that.

    That matters more than anything.

    Of course, not everything stayed perfectly on track. My sleep schedule has been all over the place again, staying up late and sleeping in. And naturally, my eating schedule has followed suit.

    As I come out of this fog, getting my sleep and nutrition back into alignment feels like my biggest priority.

    🌸 Gentle Rebuilding

    I am also being very intentional about how I approach this next phase.

    I know by now that being hard on myself does not work. Being critical does not create sustainable change. It just creates more resistance.

    So I am choosing softness.

    I am choosing patience.

    I am choosing to trust the process.

    I will get back to my ideal routines. Maybe not overnight, maybe not even this week. But little by little, I will get there.

    🔔 Moments That Shifted Something

    Last weekend, Heath and I went to a sound bath at my yoga studio, and it was incredible.

    Neither of us had ever done one before, and we both left feeling lighter, both physically and energetically.

    Heath has been dealing with a shoulder injury for over a year, and afterward he had more range of motion and less pain than he has had in a long time. He went in skeptical and came out a believer.

    For me, it felt like the clouds started to part. I went in feeling heavy and disconnected, and I walked out feeling more present, more grounded, and more like myself.

    Then Wednesday came.

    I had my yearly oncology check up, and I am so happy to say that all of my bloodwork came back healthy and I am still cancer free. 🤍

    I will go back in December for another scan, but for now, I am in the clear.

    Heath took the day off to come with me, and we ended up spending the whole day together. We had brunch, went to the chiropractor, drove around listening to music, and he even came with me to restorative yoga that evening.

    Something about that day felt like a turning point. The sound bath cleared the fog, and Wednesday felt like the beginning of rebuilding.

    ✨ Stepping Into Something New

    This week, I also started a six week online Reiki course, and I am so excited about it.

    For anyone unfamiliar, Reiki is a Japanese energy healing practice that supports the body’s natural healing processes, reduces stress, and promotes relaxation and overall wellbeing.

    It is something I have been curious about for a long time, and I finally felt ready to say yes to it.

    I am really proud of myself for investing in my healing in this way.

    🌱 Moving Forward

    Right now, I feel more like myself again. I feel hopeful. I feel grounded. I feel ready to expand again.

    And I also know that contraction will come back at some point. That is just part of the rhythm.

    But I trust myself more now. I trust that I can move through it with more awareness, more compassion, and more resilience each time.

    This cycle was hard, but I handled it better than I ever have before.

    I did not run from it.

    I did not numb it.

    I sat with it. I felt it. I honored it.

    And now, I am ready for what comes next.

    💜 A Little Reminder

    Healing is not linear. It never has been.

    There will be highs and lows, expansions and contractions, clarity and confusion. That is all part of the journey.

    Be gentle with yourself. Trust yourself. You will make it through.

    I love you all. Thank you for being here with me, and thank you for your patience while I took a step back.

    I am really excited to be writing again.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ❄️ Wintering, Healing, and Finding my Center

    ❄️ Wintering, Healing, and Finding my Center

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday! 🤍

    Yesterday marked four months of Bailz has a Blog, which honestly feels a little surreal. Part of me feels like I just started, and part of me feels like I’ve been doing this much longer than four months. Both parts of me are incredibly proud.

    After spending so much of my life living in fear, it feels really amazing to be sharing my life, my journey, my thoughts, my feelings, and my experiences with all of you lovely people. Creating this space has easily been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. I started scared… and I kept showing up. And here we are. 💜

    🐾 Remembering Chelsea

    Yesterday was also Chelsea’s Gotcha Day. We lost her in September, and while we know it was the right decision and we’re grateful she’s no longer in pain, it was still a hard day.

    I miss her smile and her sass. She was truly one of a kind. 🤍

    ❄️ Deep in Wintering

    I’m still very much in my wintering phase, and I’m honestly enjoying it more than I ever expected. I’m hibernating. I’m cocooning. I’m resting, healing, and honoring the process to the best of my ability.

    Each day, I feel a little more calm — and that realization alone has been huge. I’m starting to feel present in my body and in my life in a way I don’t think I ever have consistently before.

    For most of my life, rest came with criticism. Wanting rest came with shame. Enjoyment came with a warning not to get used to it. Quiet moments felt wasted. My mind was always racing, multitasking, performing, trying to impress — and I was never fully in any moment.

    Now I see how deeply that hurt me.

    These days, quiet moments are the goal. 🤍

    📖 Reading Slowly, On Purpose

    I’m still working my way through The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and I’m intentionally taking my time with it. Throughout the book, Tolle includes small pause symbols, encouraging the reader to stop, become still, and really experience what’s just been read before moving on.

    That practice has been exactly what I needed.

    Before starting this book, I had already noticed how much I rushed through everything I read. I knew it was a problem, but I didn’t really know how to fix it. These built-in pauses have been helping me learn how to slow down and absorb instead of sprinting to the next page. I’m also really enjoying the question-and-answer format — it feels approachable and grounding.

    More than anything, the book has helped me realize how much priority I’ve always given to thinking and analyzing — and how much pain, stress, and anxiety that ultimately caused me. The more I take my thoughts as absolute truth, the more power I give away.

    So now, I’m practicing being what Tolle calls “the watcher” of my thoughts and emotions, rather than letting them become my identity. It’s a slow practice, but one that’s already changing so much for me.

    🩺 Signs of Real Progress

    On Monday, I had my third set of progress scans with the chiropractor, and the results were honestly incredible. Comparing my original scans from October to my current ones, I can hardly believe how much progress I’ve made in such a short amount of time.

    Because of that improvement, I’ve been cleared to reduce my visits from three times a week to two times a week. Going forward, I’ll be going on Mondays and Thursdays, and we’ll reassess in a month.

    It’s a bittersweet feeling. I’m incredibly grateful for the healing — releasing tension and trauma from my body has been life-changing. But I’m also a little sad about the routine change. That office has become a home away from home, and even on my hardest days, I’ve looked forward to being there.

    Today is the first Wednesday I haven’t gone, and it feels… weird. Like I’m forgetting something. But I also know this change is a sign of growth — and that matters.

    (And yes, I am very excited to go tomorrow. 😅)

    🧘‍♀️ Listening to My Body

    Overall, my body feels so much better. I’m holding far less tension, my stress levels are lower than they’ve ever been, my neck and shoulders feel better, and I’m sleeping more deeply.

    The one area still holding tightness is my hips, so I’ve been using yoga to focus on hip and lower back opening. I can already feel the difference — physically and emotionally. I feel more fluid and less rigid, and that shift has been really powerful.

    🛁 A Little Extra Care

    Today, I leaned into some extra self-care, and I’m feeling deeply relaxed.

    I started with yoga — some focused on hip opening, some restorative and meditative. Then I made a DIY face mask with plain Greek yogurt and raw honey, soaked in a bath with a Flewd bath soak, scrubbed head to toe with a Dead Sea salt scrub, shaved my legs, and moisturized thoroughly.

    I feel pampered, calm, and really proud of myself for taking care of my body and my nervous system. ✨

    🌱 Simple, Not Easy

    This part of my journey may not look glamorous or exciting — but that doesn’t make it any less important. Slowing down and being present sounds simple, but it’s not easy. It’s taken weeks for it to feel less strange.

    I’m not perfect at it. It’s a practice. But I’m getting better every day — and that feels pretty amazing.

    I hope you can take a few moments to slow down today too. Check in with yourself. Be present where you are. I promise, it’s worth it.

    Thank you for being here. I’m so incredibly grateful for you. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌿 Curiosity Over Criticism, Again and Again

    🌿 Curiosity Over Criticism, Again and Again

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday! 🤍

    The beginning of 2026 has been slow, beautiful, intentional, and mindful so far — and I intend to keep it that way as much as I possibly can. I’m slowly but surely getting better at letting go of the pressure to perform and instead just exist in the moment.

    I’m giving myself permission to just be, and I’ve gotta tell you… it’s pretty amazing.

    📵 Life Without Social Media (So Far)

    Ditching social media is going very well so far. I’d be lying if I said there haven’t been moments where I’ve instinctively wanted to reach for it — because there absolutely have been — but overall, I’ve felt a pretty significant sense of relief in its absence.

    One thing I didn’t fully realize before is how obligated I felt to always be available to others simply because social media is always available. It wasn’t a conscious thought, but it was there in the background, quietly telling me I was letting people down if I wasn’t reachable.

    And wow… that was deeply exhausting.

    Honestly, I expected this transition to be much harder — going from frequent social media use to none at all — but it’s been easier than anticipated. And that alone tells me it’s the right choice. My nervous system is benefiting in noticeable ways: I’m sleeping better, feeling less daily anxiety, and staying far more present.

    I’m also realizing how much I was being triggered by constant external input without even noticing it. Now, my triggers are mostly tied to my own lived experiences, which makes them far more manageable to address. Eliminating social media also eliminated the constant comparison spiral — and that has been a total game changer.

    📓 A New Relationship with Planning

    In preparation for 2026, I bought myself a cute new planner — but instead of forcing myself to use it the way I think I’m “supposed to,” I’m trying something new.

    In years past, I’d buy a planner convinced this would be the year I magically became a hyper-organized, color-coded, Type A human. I’d try to plan every detail in advance, then beat myself up for everything I didn’t complete. And every year, I’d end up feeling like I had failed yet again — not because planners don’t work, but because I was trying to use them in a way that never worked for me.

    This year, I’ve changed my approach.

    Instead of only planning ahead, I’m primarily using my planner as a tracker — writing things down after they happen. I note when I practice piano, journal, do yoga, nap, or read. Even if it’s just a few minutes, it counts. Writing it down gives me a genuine sense of accomplishment, and I love being able to see my patterns without having to keep track of them all in my head.

    I’m also logging various tasks and projects I complete — like decluttering our closet today and turning it back into a functional space. It’s not perfect, but it’s so much better, and writing it down once I was done felt incredibly validating.

    I didn’t realize how much mental energy I was spending just trying to remember everything I was doing. Recording it externally has freed up so much brain space — and I didn’t even know how badly I needed that until now.

    ✍️ Letting Go of Perfection

    In the past, I also put an absurd amount of pressure on my planner needing to be perfect. Perfect handwriting. Perfect colors. Perfect layout. Even though I was the only one who would ever see it.

    If I didn’t have the “right” pen, I wouldn’t write anything.
    If my handwriting looked off, I’d criticize myself.
    If I misspelled something and crossed it out, I’d spiral like I had ruined the entire thing.

    It was exhausting — and it’s no wonder my planners always ended up shoved in a drawer.

    This year, I’m doing things differently. I’m using a simple black ballpoint pen. No perfection required. I’ve told myself I can add color later if I want — but I don’t have to. None of it is necessary. The planner exists to support me, not challenge me.

    And shockingly? I’m actually enjoying it.

    If at any point this tool stops serving me and starts becoming a struggle, I’ll let it go — without calling it a failure. Right now, it’s helping me logistically, mentally, and emotionally, and that’s what matters.

    📚 Reading for Wisdom, Not Just Knowledge

    I’m reading a few books right now, and each one is bringing me joy in a different way. I’m also working on slowing down and truly absorbing what I read instead of rushing through it. My current fiction read is The Authenticity Project by Clare Pooley. My current nonfiction reads are The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and The Path of Greatness: The Game of Life and How to Play It and Other Essential Works by Florence Scovel Shinn.

    This week in therapy, my therapist and I talked about the difference between knowledge and wisdom, and it kind of rocked my world. I realized I’d been devouring information without giving myself time to let it marinate — to see how (or if) I wanted to integrate it into my life.

    No wonder I burned out on self-help.

    Now, I’m reading fiction at night to help wind down, and keeping nonfiction for the daytime. That simple shift has made a huge difference. I’m taking my time, reading a few pages at once, then pausing to reflect. It finally feels like I’m gaining wisdom instead of just collecting information.

    And it feels really, really good.

    ❄️ Settling Deeper into Wintering

    I’m still very much enjoying this season of wintering, and I feel like I’m finally getting into its rhythm. The critical voice telling me to do more, go faster, push through, and ignore my body’s signals is getting quieter.

    She’s still there — but I’m no longer mistaking her for absolute truth.

    I’m learning to notice those thoughts, acknowledge them, and let them pass instead of gripping them tightly. There was a time when I couldn’t separate my thoughts from my identity at all. Now I am slowly but surely getting better and better at it. And that shift has been incredibly freeing.

    🌱 A Gentle Conclusion

    As I sit with all of this, one thing feels very clear: I’m no longer interested in systems, habits, or expectations that make my life harder than it needs to be. I’m actively choosing ease. I’m choosing tools and rhythms that support me instead of shame me. I’m choosing curiosity over criticism — again and again.

    This season isn’t about doing more or becoming someone else. It’s about making space for who I already am, and allowing my life to feel lighter, kinder, and more honest as I move forward.

    And honestly? That feels like the most sustainable kind of growth there is.

    💬 A Question for You

    Have you noticed any habits, systems, or expectations in your own life that feel heavier than they need to be?
    What might it look like to soften them — even just a little?

    Thank you for being here with me on this journey. Stay tuned for more as I continue to grow through what I’m going through.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • ✨ Wintering My Way into 2026

    ✨ Wintering My Way into 2026

    👋 Hey, hi, hello! Happy New Year’s Eve!

    Wintering continues to be pretty awesome. The further I get into it, the more I am really starting to see just how much pressure I was putting on myself regularly to perform and be productive and always be further along than I actually was. I was always looking at things through a hyper critical, ever judgmental lens, especially about how I was spending my time.

    Now, instead, I am looking through a lens of curiosity. It’s given me the opportunity to notice trends, acknowledge habits, and learn quite a bit in the process.

    📵 A January Social Media Break

    One main thing I have learned recently is that I spend a lot more time scrolling on social media than I think I ever really realized. More often than not, if I have a free moment, I instinctively reach for my phone, and then scroll. And while I am doing my best to refrain from judging myself for it, I am quickly determining that it is not something I want to continue to support for myself.

    So, in response, I have decided that for the month of January I am going to take a complete break from social media. I will still be posting here on the blog regularly, but I will no longer be logging onto Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok. I will be deleting the apps from my phone and iPad so I will not be tempted to log in out of habit. I am giving myself 31 days without scrolling and I’ll see how I feel after that.

    I know that this is the right thing for me to do, although I know it will absolutely be a struggle. But I am looking forward to the new fun things I come up with to fill my time instead. I am going to be giving myself the freedom to be bored and explore my mind space a little more than I have been giving myself the opportunity to do in recent years. Pretty much since social media took over the world, if we’re being completely honest.

    While I know this will be a struggle, I also know that I am absolutely capable. I can do hard things, I have proven that to myself time and time again. If I can quit drinking and smoking cold turkey, I can quit social media for a month. I know I can.

    When I first started my happiness journey, I knew that I was spending a lot of time on my phone, and it was something I would eventually need to address. To begin slowly, I tried a little hack I learned from Mel Robbins and I set my phone to grayscale mode. Although, full disclosure, I do switch it back to full color mode once a day to play Wordle and Connections in the NYT Games app. But other than that, my phone is always set to black and white.

    At the beginning, it really did help curb my scrolling habits. But recently, I have found myself still scrolling away anyway, so I’ve decided it was time to do something about it. I think that one month away will do me a whole lot of good. I look forward to sharing the experience and my findings with you all. ✨

    🌿 No Big Resolutions — Just Listening

    Other than that, I am refraining from making any big resolutions for the new year. I am going to continue to keep wintering until I feel my spring develop naturally — I am not going to rush myself.

    I am going to continue to keep enjoying my days, one at a time, and enjoying the journey as it develops. I am excited to see what 2026 brings, but I am not going to force any of it. Rather, I am going to listen to my intuition and enjoy the ride. So far, it’s been paying off pretty well. Far better than over controlling and over criticizing myself ever did, that’s for dang sure. 💛

    ✨ Things That Have Brought Me Joy Recently

    The more I slow down and focus on being present in each moment, the more I find myself simply enjoying things — and I wanted to share some of those with you.

    🎬 The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

    I discovered this on Netflix a week or so ago while Heath was at a work dinner and it was absolutely delightful — a beautiful bite sized piece of Wes Anderson goodness. A few days ago, I shared it with Heath and we watched it together. I enjoyed both watching it again and the act of sharing something together. He enjoyed it too and the whole experience brought me a substantial amount of joy.

    🐶 Spending Time With My Dogs

    Winston and Wrigley are my constant companions, and I have really been enjoying my time with them recently. Not that I don’t always, but I feel like I have a new appreciation for it along with everything else now as I am slowing down. Playing with them, talking to them, loving on them, snuggling on the couch with them — I am just embracing all of it a little bit more these days and it’s bringing me a lot of joy.

    🍽️ Crossroads Diner

    Yesterday, Heath and I drove up to Plano to go to one of our favorite restaurants in its new location. It had closed for a few years during COVID but has recently reopened and we hadn’t had a chance to make it up there until now. It’s a bit of a drive for us from Fort Worth, about 50 minutes. We used to go to their previous location quite a bit when we lived in Dallas and it was closer for us.

    They make a quiche that is one of my absolute favorite dishes in the world, and getting to have it again after so long was an absolute delight. Previously, when we used to go, I always ordered a Bloody Mary or two, but since I have chosen sobriety, I had coffee this time and I am proud of myself.

    I also ordered a cup of their tomato basil soup because it just sounded good, and WOW it was the best tomato basil soup I have had in a very long time. We ended up ordering two bowls of it to go before we left and then today I warmed them up, prepared some grilled cheeses for us to go with it and had it for lunch. Yum, yum, yum. ☕🥣

    🍳 Making Meals

    Having Heath home this past week has been great for a lot of reasons, but mostly because we are able to eat all of our meals together and we are cooking a lot at home. I have been making my chopped Mediterranean salad for us, Heath has been making breakfast burritos for us, I’ve made my tomato feta pasta, and it’s all just been very rewarding.

    To prepare a meal and then sit and eat it together is a simple pleasure that we had lost sight of for a while. But slowing down has helped bring it back into focus and cooking has been bringing me a lot of joy recently. 🥗🍝

    📺 Severance

    I am a sucker for a good story. The other night, we were looking for a new show to start and after some options scrolling and discussion, we decided it was finally time to give Severance on Apple TV a shot. Man, oh man. I was not ready.

    You guys, this is the best TV writing I have experienced in a VERY long time. I have been on the edge of my seat for every episode. Last night we finished season 1 and had it not been already past my bedtime, I would have wanted to keep going.

    Other than Stranger Things Chapter 5, it has been a while since I have been so sucked into a storyline. I wasn’t even reaching for my phone during episodes. This show is completely engulfing and I am thoroughly enjoying every bit of it. 😮‍💨

    👾 Stranger Things

    Tonight is the final episode of Stranger Things and looking forward to it has been bringing me a lot of joy. We have been watching a lot of fan videos on YouTube explaining easter eggs we might have missed in the previous episodes and detailing possible theories for how it will all end.

    It’s been really fun to get really nerdy about it together with Heath and to be counting down to the airtime with each release. I love a good pop culture reference, and Stranger Things is packed full with them.

    With the staggered release dates — 4 episodes Thanksgiving Day, 3 episodes Christmas Day, and the finale on New Years Eve — it has been reminiscent of how TV used to be and that has brought me joy as well. While I will be sad that it’s over, I am very much looking forward to seeing how it all comes together in the final two hours. 🍿✨

    🎶 Music

    I have started listening to music first thing when I get up in the morning while I brush my teeth and get ready for the day. I’ve been jamming to “The Beatles & Similar Artists” radio station on Apple Music and it is pure vibes. One bop after another, and it’s been a great way to start my day. Joy, joy, so much joy.

    Last night I did not sleep well at all. I woke up to my alarm absolutely exhausted and wanting to go right back to sleep, but once I got my music going, I was immediately feeling better. I still ended up needing a nap this afternoon, but I was able to get up and moving and to my chiropractor appointment without too much struggle — and music had everything to do with that. 🎧💛

    🥂 Tonight’s New Year’s Eve Plans

    Tonight we are staying in and I wouldn’t have it any other way. No big New Years plans other than making a nice dinner (salmon and purple sweet potatoes), watching the finale of Stranger Things, and just being together. We might work on tidying up the house a bit, but that’s about it.

    I hope everyone has a safe and joyful New Year’s Eve! May 2026 be less chaotic for us all! ✨

    💬 A Question for You

    If you were to “winter” your way into 2026, what would you want to let go of — and what would you want to make more space for? 💛

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my wintering era, my little joys, and whatever 2026 brings, I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thank you for being here. It truly means the world to me. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🎶💄 Music, Makeup, and the Magic of Slowing Down

    🎶💄 Music, Makeup, and the Magic of Slowing Down

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Sunday!

    Wintering is going pretty well. The more I am focusing on slowing down, the better I am feeling. The less pressure I am putting on myself, the easier I am moving through my days. The less I am focusing on how things might look and instead prioritizing how they feel, the more I am coming back to myself. Little by little, I feel myself coming back to life, and it’s pretty awesome. 💜

    🎄 A Quiet Christmas, Exactly What We Needed

    Heath and I had a very quiet Christmas, and I think it was exactly what we both needed. We made some nice meals, we stayed in our pajamas, we watched Stranger Things, we napped, we snacked, we drove around Fort Worth and looked at Christmas lights on Christmas Eve. We just took it all very moment by moment, no big plans, no expectations, just being together and enjoying it. It was pretty wonderful. ✨

    🎥 The End of an Era & The Feelings I Didn’t Expect

    During this past week, we finished watching Taylor Swift’s The End of An Era documentary series and thoroughly enjoyed every single moment of it, even though some of it triggered some emotional responses I wasn’t expecting.

    It bought up a lot of energy and emotions that I didn’t realize I had been burying for a long time, highlighting things that for a long, long time I didn’t even realize weren’t anything but normal because I didn’t know any other options existed.

    Rather than continuing to bury it all deep down, I gave myself the permission and the space to feel it all as I watched and honestly it was exactly what I needed.

    💔 Grief, Tears, and Seeing What I Didn’t Have

    Mostly, seeing Taylor’s relationship with her family just gutted me. Specifically, watching her interact with her mom. There was zero stress, zero codependency, only genuine unconditional love and support. No backhanded comments, no stirring the pot for attention, no judgmental faces, no attempts to belittle or strong arm…

    I just, I can’t even imagine what that must have been like growing up. To have your parents be 100% supportive of who you are and what you think and feel. To be so accepted at face value without any attempts to change or shape you into the version of you they created in their heads — the version they wanted you to be instead of who actually you are… I just can’t even imagine. And it triggered a lot of tears. 🥺

    It brought up a lot of grief for the younger versions of me who learned over and over again to make herself small to be accepted, who learned to push down her desires and dreams because they would be judged and discouraged.

    But I let myself feel those feelings in full force as I watched. After we finished watching, I sat down and journaled about it, I talked to Heath about it for a while, and ultimately I excavated a lot of the memories I had buried and acknowledged them instead of hiding them.

    It didn’t change what happened, but it helped change my relationship with it. 🤍

    🌊 Letting the Feelings Move Through Me

    As I sit here writing this post, I am still feeling the sting of all of it. It still hurts. But instead of hiding from it, I am letting myself feel it. I am acknowledging it all for what it is.

    Emotions are just energy in motion, so the more I let myself feel them and let them move through me instead of holding on to them or shoving them down deep and pretending like they aren’t there, the less painful they will be.

    I am making slow but steady progress, and I know that the slower and steadier I keep my pace, the more sustainable my growth and healing will be. So I am just taking things one moment at a time and resisting the urge to force or rush. 🌿

    🎶 Music Is a Nonnegotiable

    Recently, I have learned that music is truly a nonnegotiable part of my life. Over the past few months, I have been spending a majority of my time listening to podcasts or audiobooks, and music has taken a bit of a backseat.

    But as I have committed to this wintering era and let go of the push of productivity, I have rediscovered how integral music is to my soul. Whether I am listening to it, watching documentaries about it, or learning to play it on the piano, it just makes me feel so authentically me and I am so grateful for it.

    I have been listening to The Tortured Poets Department on repeat for the past few days, I am learning how to play The 1 from folklore on piano, and I have been singing and humming a lot in the spaces in between. 🎹✨

    🧠 Neuroplasticity & Giving Myself Permission to Learn

    For a long time, I told myself that because I didn’t start playing music when I was a kid, because I haven’t been formally trained as a singer, because I have no real training in any of it at all, that its too late. I missed my chance to become a musician in any capacity. I just thought I could be a fan and that was it.

    But one of the benefits of all my podcast learning and mental health research recently is that I have learned about the concept of neuroplasticity.

    For a long time we were all taught that once you hit a certain age, you just are the way you are and you can’t change — “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” But recent scientific research has proved that to be completely false, and in actuality, the brain can change and grow and develop new skills throughout your entire life.

    Whether you are 8 or 80, you can develop new abilities. Your brain is a muscle, you just need to work it. 💪🧠

    So that is what I am doing. I am working my music muscle as much as I can. I just want to surround myself with music as much as possible — whether I am creating it or consuming it, I just need it around all the time.

    🎹 Piano Without Pressure

    When I first started teaching myself piano, I was getting frustrated that I wasn’t able to learn a song in one sitting. That I couldn’t watch a YouTube tutorial and master it completely in one go. I was still very much in the mindset of rushing and rigidity.

    I was only focused on getting to the finished product instead of enjoying the process, and that was a big, BIG mistake. I ended up taking about a week away from the keyboard and to be quite honest I had mixed feelings about it.

    Part of me was proud of myself for not forcing myself, for giving myself the grace to take the time away. But the other part of me was sad because I still wanted to play, I still wanted to get better.

    So I made a deal with myself. I was going to pick it back up again but without the pressure. The goal is to enjoy playing, not to be perfect. If at any point I find myself falling into the perfectionist trap, I take a step away to recalibrate and then I come back. And that change in mindset has really changed my whole experience. ✨

    💄 Makeup, Self-Care, and Doing It for Me

    Other than getting my makeup done for my boudoir shoot last month, I cannot remember the last time I put on makeup and was genuinely excited about it. A few times here and there I have put on some lipstick to go out for a nice dinner or something, but I have almost always felt a very overwhelming sense of imposter syndrome the entire time I had it on.

    In line with my rigid way of thinking, I told myself that because I hadn’t worn makeup in a long time, I just couldn’t wear it at all.

    I also have realized now that deep down, I was still so physically and emotionally drained that it’s just felt like a lot of work to put on makeup that I would just be taking off later. That thought process trickled into every aspect of my thoughts about my physical appearance.

    I rarely ever styled my hair (curls are kind of an in depth, time consuming process), I went about a month without shaving my legs, I really just didn’t care what I looked like. Or at least that is what I told myself.

    I realize now that I actually did care, and because I wasn’t making the time for any of it, I was ultimately neglecting myself — my inner child — the part of me who needed me to show up even for the “superficial” stuff.

    I told myself that because I rarely ever leave the house, no one would really see me, so I told myself none of it was worth it. Once again, I was still so focused on how something looked to outsiders rather than how it felt to me.

    Bottom line, I didn’t think I was worth any of the effort. Rookie mistake. One I have since started working to rectify. 🤍

    💋 The Taylor Lip Combo & A Tiny Spark of Joy

    In The End of an Era series, Taylor showed the lip combo that she wore for the tour and it sparked something inside me. I wanted it. Like really, really wanted it.

    But initially I talked myself out of it. I stuck with my rigid thinking and went on with life. Then we watched the Eras Tour Final Show concert film and I had that feeling again — I just wanted that lip combo SO badly.

    I knew with complete certainty that I wanted to take the “Taylor Swift lip look” and make it my own. Instead of pairing it with a full face of makeup like she does for the show, I wanted to just have a mostly bare face, maybe some eyeliner, and let the red lip really be the focus.

    So I got online and ordered the lip combo almost immediately. I wanted to do it just for me, so I did. And it felt sincerely amazing. 💄✨

    Of course, every other Swiftie on the planet had the same idea, so inevitably both products are on back order and it will be a few weeks before they arrive. But that’s okay — it gives me something to look forward to. I’ll take it.

    The important thing is that I have shifted my perspective to doing things for me because I want to, not because of how it will look or how other people will receive it.

    Physical self care has become a priority again. I have been doing some DIY all natural face masks to help balance out my skin again, and I ordered myself some new eyeliner to start small and start putting in effort to my appearance for the simple reason that I want to.

    This morning I put on some of that new eyeliner and some red lipstick I already had and I have to say… I am feeling myself today. 😌💋

    🌙 Showing Up for My Inner Child

    I am doing my best to listen to my inner child and show up for her when she asks for things. I am trying to be present in the moment and to let go of the performative pressure I used to put on myself without even realizing it.

    In the beginning, I criticized my piano skills and tried to force things because I felt like I needed to record them and share them. That that would somehow justify the time I was spending on it. I felt like if I couldn’t show off my progress, post evidence of it, I was wasting my time. Once again, so very focused on everyone else instead of myself. But now we are shifting that perspective. Maybe one day in the future, I will record myself playing piano and post it here, but that is not the reason why I am practicing. That is not the ultimate goal. I am practicing because I enjoy the activity of playing piano. I am doing it for me. And that is enough.

    I am taking care of myself for me. I am trying to consistently show myself that I am worth the effort, on the good days and the harder days.

    I am trying to be gentle with myself and learn what brings me joy and what brings me stress. I am really trying to understand the “why” behind my actions and feelings, getting curious rather than critical or judgmental.

    As long as my motivation for something is joy, I am going for it. I am letting go of worrying how it might look to others and really trying to only focus on how it feels for me. It’s a complete shift in perspective but I know its necessary. ✨

    🤍 Proud of This Version of Me

    I feel proud of myself today. I feel proud of the wintering I am going through and the discoveries it is bringing me.

    I look forward to the journey ahead and experiencing future versions of myself — seeing where I will be in 6 months, a year from now — but I am also honoring this exact version of myself right now because, lets be real, she is pretty awesome too. 💜✌🏻

    💬 A Question for You

    I’d love to hear from you:

    What has been bringing you joy lately — especially the kind that doesn’t look productive, impressive, or “useful,” but feels nourishing all the same?

    If you feel comfortable sharing, drop a comment below. Your answer might be exactly what someone else needs to read today. 💜

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you’ve been enjoying these reflections and want to continue following along as I navigate wintering, healing, joy, and slowing down, I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live — no spam, no pressure, just honest writing, gentle insights, and a little bit of magic. ✨

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌿 Feeling Better, Moving Slower, Learning More

    🌿 Feeling Better, Moving Slower, Learning More

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Monday!

    GREAT NEWS! I am finally starting to feel better and holy cow I am so grateful! To be able to breathe out of both nostrils at the same time… what a blessing! 😅

    When I really think back on it with absolute honesty, I have been feeling some version of sick for the past couple of weeks. Whether it be actual cold symptoms like a sore throat or congestion, or just that “pre-sick feeling” of being overly tired and cranky and sluggish. I just haven’t felt like myself in quite some time. Longer than I wanted to admit before. I’m stubborn like that. I fly my “I’m fine, it’s just allergies” flag like it’s my job. 🚩

    But now I can fully acknowledge and admit that I have been fluctuating between the two phases — the “pre-sick feeling” and the actual symptoms — for weeks now.

    🌿 Holistic Remedies + The Moment I Finally Accepted Help

    Up until this past Friday, I really was not giving myself the space and grace to simply rest. I was doing all of my natural, holistic treatments/remedies, but I was not giving my body the rest it needed to be able to heal. I was pushing myself to just get through it. On top of that, I was also completely refusing to take any over-the-counter drugs.

    I am definitely more of an all-natural girlie, especially when it comes to treating illnesses. If there is a natural remedy for something, I am trying that first. And most of the time, it works… but sometimes I need the help of the high-powered stuff and, whether I liked it or not, this was one of those times.

    On Saturday, Heath went to CVS for me and got me some Mucinex D. I’m not gonna lie — I was pretty pissed that it was coming to this. I really hate taking that kind of stuff. Through all my herbalism and holistic research, I just know too much about the chemicals they use in those things and I have a really hard time willingly consuming them.

    But my congestion had gotten so bad that I wasn’t able to sleep very much, and the times when I was finally able to doze off, it was very sporadic and inconsistent. I was waking up feeling the same as I did before I slept. That was no good.

    I knew something had to give, so I begrudgingly agreed to take at least one dose and see how I felt. Within an hour, I was able to breathe through my nose again and I felt everything in my head become unclogged.

    Sweet, sweet relief! 🙌

    I still kept up with all my holistic treatments too — nasal rinses, flu bomb tea (freshly minced garlic, cayenne pepper, freshly minced ginger, lemon juice, honey, sea salt, warm water), hot showers, peppermint and eucalyptus essential oils, castor oil, baths with Dead Sea salts and apple cider vinegar, and finally… resting, resting, resting.

    I took two doses of Mucinex on Saturday and two doses on Sunday, and today I am feeling so much better that I haven’t taken any! It is pretty exciting, not gonna lie. 😄

    🛌 Resting Without Guilt (A Rare and Beautiful Thing)

    Saturday and Sunday I rested without guilt more than I have in any recent memory. I cannot remember a time before then when I was sick or just tired and rested without feeling like I should be doing something else… without telling myself I was weak… without telling myself I was lazy and useless and a waste of space.

    But I was able to do that this weekend. I was able to sleep in and snuggle on the couch and nap — all without thinking about doing anything else. I just fully committed to resting and it absolutely paid off. 💛

    One of my biggest struggles when I start to feel better after being sick is doing too much too fast and then throwing myself right back into it. So today, even though I want to do a lot because I am so excited to be feeling better, I am forcing myself to keep resting.

    I want to start on some house projects and dive back into all of my exercise routines, but I know that if I do all of that today, I will be back to feeling crappy by tomorrow without a doubt.

    So the most I am allowing myself today is to get back on the walk pad and walk SLOWLY. I don’t even want to break a sweat. I just want to move gently. The closet that needs to be organized will still be there tomorrow — and the day after that too. 😌

    I really want this wellness to stick around, so I will be gentle with myself as much as possible.

    📚 Reading for Pleasure Again

    I finished A Winter’s Promise on Saturday and immediately started reading the next book in the series, The Missing of Clairdelune. It is bringing me quite a lot of simple joy right now.

    I kinda forgot what it was like to read simply for pleasure. Even before my happiness project and restricting what I was reading, I had lost sight of the joy of reading for pleasure. I was going for quantity over quality and I didn’t even realize it until just recently.

    For a few years, I was tracking everything I read on Goodreads and trying to log as many books as I could as fast as I could like it was some sort of competition. In 2024, I logged 77 books. WHAT?! That is kind of insane. 😳

    I was rushing through each book so I could get to the next one, and I honestly didn’t even realize it at the time. I was so caught up in the numbers that I lost sight of the pleasure of the activity. I was trying to be impressive — I wanted to tell people how many books I read and have them think, “wow, that Bailz sure is good at reading, I like her!”

    Like pretty much everything else in my life, it became more about what other people thought than it was about how it made me feel — what I thought about it. And yet, I had no idea at the time. I never let myself slow down enough to even think about it. I just kept pushing.

    Now that I am really leaning into my wintering phase and trying to slow down in all areas, reading has been a main priority in that regard. I am focusing on taking my time with each page and making sure I’m actually enjoying the stories I’m absorbing — because that is the whole point, not checking a box and adding to a tally.

    I’m not in any rush… or at least I’m trying really hard not to be. Admittedly, my instinct is still to rush. It has been my default for so long, so I know it will take time to unlearn. But I’m actively trying to quiet that urge — to silence that inner voice that says, “hurry up! go faster! there is so much to do! go! go! go!”

    It’s a work in progress, but I’m proud of myself for acknowledging the problem and addressing it head on. ✨

    🎶 Comfort Shows, Music Stories & Childlike Joy

    Some other things that have been bringing happiness into my days recently are The End of an Era, the Taylor Swift documentary series, and The Beatles Anthology documentary series — both on Disney+.

    Music is truly one of my favorite things in life. Always has been, always will be. Watching behind-the-scenes footage and hearing stories about how some of my favorite musicians do what they do best brings such joy and warmth to my heart.

    I find myself genuinely smiling as I watch and it feels pretty dang great. With each episode, I feel myself coming back to myself a little bit more. I am experiencing the childlike joy that for so long has eluded me.

    I am taking care of my inner child a little bit better with each day and I have to admit… it’s pretty beautiful. 🥹💜

    🌙 Sleeping More, Listening More, Trusting More

    Beyond that, I am really focusing on sleeping A LOT. I am not paying attention to the clock, I am paying attention to my body and so far it seems to be working out pretty well.

    I will get back to my sleep schedule with more discipline soon, but not until I am feeling 100% again. Depriving myself of rest is just not in the cards right now. That is part of wintering. That is part of healing. That is part of my journey right now.

    So I am leaning into it as much as I can.

    ❄️ Slow and Steady

    Slow and steady wins the race. My wintering phase is in full swing right now and it feels really good.

    I am taking my time with everything I can and though it may not be glamorous or exciting, I know it is absolutely necessary if I want to make any sustainable progress going forward.

    So I will keep on keeping on — taking everything one step at a time, and giving myself as much grace as possible. 💛

    💬 A Question for You

    What’s one small way you can slow down today and be gentle with yourself — even if your brain tries to tell you to rush? 🤍

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my wintering era, healing journey, and all the little comfort-filled moments in between, I’d love for you to subscribe below.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live — no spam, just honest reflections, real life, and a little bit of cozy magic. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Comfort, Colds & Wintering Check-Ins

    Comfort, Colds & Wintering Check-Ins

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday!

    I wanted to give a little check-in from my wintering. I am currently fighting a cold/upper respiratory bug, which I fully believe is my body telling me: “Okay, you won’t slow down on your own? I’ll do it for you.” 🤧

    And while I’m kinda frustrated… I’m also grateful for the extra push. The past week has been a lot slower than any of the rest of this process has been, and it feels really weird, but I know it’s needed. 🕯️

    📚 “Wintering” Was the Permission Slip I Didn’t Know I Needed

    I finished reading Wintering by Katherine May the other day and I cannot recommend it enough. It genuinely feels like it was the permission slip to truly slow down I didn’t know I needed.

    It has really helped me shift my perspective around this phase I’m going through and shed some of the shame I’ve been feeling about my non-linear growth. 💛

    🧭 Learning What Brings Me Joy (And What Doesn’t)

    One thing I am really focusing on is learning what brings me joy and what does not.

    Earlier this week, I decided I was going to curl up and watch season 2 of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. I watched Season 1 when it came out and enjoyed it then, but I’ve been so focused on other things that I didn’t even realize there were two new seasons out now.

    With my new focus on rest and slowing down, I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to indulge… but I got an episode and a half in and then I had to turn it off. It was triggering my anxiety in a way I hadn’t felt in a while, so I said: “No, thank you.”

    There is plenty of other content out there I can enjoy without triggering my fight-or-flight response. 🫶

    Instead, I switched over to watching Good Hang with Amy Poehler on YouTube. Since it launched earlier this year, I’ve watched a few episodes here and there, but not with any real consistency.

    Over the last few days, however, I’ve watched a bunch of different episodes and it has felt like a hug to my heart. This show is indeed perfectly named. Each episode feels like a good hang with good friends — and that has been bringing me a lot of joy right now. 🥹💜

    📖 A Cozy Read That’s Just for Me

    I am also reading A Winter’s Promise by Christelle Dabos and I am really enjoying that as well.

    When I first started it a couple of weeks ago, I admittedly had a hard time getting into it and reading consistently. But now I think that had less to do with the story itself and more to do with the internal story I was telling myself.

    I think I was still shaming myself for reading something that wasn’t going to teach me anything about my journey. But now that I am slowing down and giving myself space and time to heal, focusing on finding the joy, and just being present with myself… I am really, really enjoying this book. ✨

    It is the first book in a four-part series and I am looking forward to reading all of it.

    😴 Rest Without Rigid Rules

    I am sleeping a lot more these days — partly because I feel icky fighting off this cold, and partly because my soul just needs more rest in general.

    I am letting go of the rigidity and letting myself sleep when I am tired. I am still trying to go to bed and wake up at the same time, but I am also letting myself be flexible with it as needed.

    The set sleep and wake times I have are goals and guidelines, not punishments or restrictions. 🌙

    🛁 Comfort as a Practice

    I am feeling really proud of myself for finally exploring life through a slower, less urgent lens. It’s definitely a process to let go of the strictness and rigidity, but I am working on it and it feels good. 🤍

    I am really leaning into comfort these days:

    • Taking lots of baths, soaking in salts and oils to soothe my body and my soul 🛁
    • Taking extra hot showers to let the steam open up my sinuses 🚿
    • Drinking a lot of water and electrolytes to help flush everything out 💧
    • Exclusively wearing comfy clothes — leggings, big t-shirts, long cardigans, and cozy socks 🧦

    I did some yoga with Heath last night, but we kept it light with a slow, restorative practice — and it felt nice to get back on the mat in a manageable and meaningful way. 🧘‍♀️

    I haven’t been on the walk pad in a few days and while I do miss it, I know my body needs to be resting right now. I’ll get back to it when I’m physically feeling better.

    Maybe I can get back on tomorrow and just keep it really slow, so I am moving with intention but not overexerting myself. But I am going to listen to my body and go with the flow because I know that is what is needed right now. 🌿

    ❄️ That’s My Check-In for Now

    And that’s about it — that’s all I’ve got for ya right now. I really don’t feel like I have a whole lot to say today, but that’s okay.

    I still wanted to show up and check in and update you all where I am right now. I am very much wintering, and it’s not glamorous or exciting… but it is necessary. 🕯️

    💬 A Question for You

    What’s bringing you comfort right now — a show, a book, a ritual, a cozy routine?
    If you feel like sharing, tell me in the comments. I’d love to know what’s helping you soften and breathe this season. 🤍

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to keep following along with my wintering era — the healing, the slowing down, the small joys, and the honest check-ins — I’d love for you to subscribe.

    You’ll get an email whenever a new post goes live (no spam, just the good stuff). Thank you for being here. It means the world to me. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜