Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: mental health

  • 🧰 Items in My Healing Toolkit

    🧰 Items in My Healing Toolkit

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Saturday!

    Lately I’ve been leaning on a few different tools in my toolkit, and I wanted to share a little bit about what’s been helping me.

    None of these are miracle cures, but together they feel like a steady, supportive rhythm that keeps bringing me back to myself.

    🌿 Vibration Plate

    About two months ago, I purchased a vibration plate after my therapist recommended it might be beneficial for me. I’ve been using it pretty regularly since it arrived, and I have to say, it has very quickly become one of my favorite things.

    A lot of people use them for exercise, but that’s not really how I’m using mine.

    I mainly use it to support lymphatic movement and emotional regulation. Over time, I’ve also noticed other benefits like less muscle soreness after yoga, improved posture, and reduced tension in my back, shoulders, and neck. Overall, I just feel better when I’m consistent with it.

    There were a few weeks when I was deep in my depression that I didn’t use it, and I could absolutely feel its absence. When I finally got back on it, I noticed the shift almost immediately. It felt like I was coming back into my body.

    Lately, I’ve been incorporating it into my morning routine alongside oil pulling. I try to stay off my phone during those 10 to 15 minutes and just be present. Sometimes I listen to music, sometimes I stand in silence. It really depends on the day.

    I try to use it in the evenings too, either after yoga or before I start winding down for bed. I haven’t been as consistent with that yet, but it’s something I’m working toward.

    I don’t do anything fancy with it. I pretty much just stand there while it does its thing. Sometimes I shift my weight around to see how it affects the vibrations running through my body, sometimes I will do a squat or two, or some gentle stretches to open up my chest. But for the most part, I just stand there and breathe and take that time to really come back to my body and calm my mind.

    🔮 Tarot

    I’ve had a tarot deck for a few years, but over the past six months it has become a daily practice.

    I don’t use tarot to predict the future. I use it to connect with my intuition.

    Every day, I shuffle my deck three times, hold it to my heart, and ask, “What message do I need to know the most right now?” Then I pull a single card.

    I use The Tarot Companion by Liz Dean as a guide to help interpret the cards. The meanings are broad, which is actually what makes them so useful. They give me a starting point to notice what is coming up in my own mind and heart.

    Most days I stick to one card, but sometimes I pull a few more if I feel like I need deeper insight or clarity.

    Occasionally, I’ll ask more specific questions like what I need to understand about a person or whether a decision feels aligned.

    Again, I’m not treating the cards like some all knowing force. I’m using them as a mirror.

    Sometimes they bring awareness to stress I didn’t even realize I was carrying. Sometimes they help me uncover emotions I’ve been bottling. Sometimes they gently redirect my focus. And sometimes they shine a light on truths I’ve been avoiding.

    No matter what, each reading is an opportunity to get to know myself better. It’s a practice of getting quiet and actually listening to what my inner voice is trying to say.

    🌬️ Wim Hof Breathing Technique

    The more I learn about healing and regulating my nervous system, the more I realize how powerful the breath really is.

    I’ve seen firsthand how a few deep belly breaths can interrupt a panic spiral. I’ve used 4 7 8 breathing to calm my mind at night. I’ve felt how syncing breath with movement can pull me out of my head and back into my body.

    Recently, I added the Wim Hof breathing technique to my routine.

    Wim Hof, also known as “The Iceman,” is known for his work with cold exposure and breathwork, and he credits much of his ability to his breathing method.

    Here’s a video to explain the breathing technique itself and then one to guide you through a beginner session:

    Much like my vibration plate sessions, this breathing practice brings me fully into my body. Afterward, I feel lighter, calmer, and more grounded.

    Lately I’ve been doing it before bed, and it helps me relax and fall asleep more easily. You can really do it anytime, just make sure you’re sitting or lying down somewhere safe and comfortable.

    🧠 Brain Support Supplement

    When I first started focusing on my physical health, I incorporated several supplements to support specific needs. Most of them are from the brand Just Ingredients.

    One of those was their “Brain Support” supplement, which I started taking to help with my ADHD symptoms.

    I took it consistently for about two months, alongside my improved nutrition and other healing practices. When I ran out, I decided not to reorder because I felt like I was doing well and thought I could manage without it.

    About two weeks later, I noticed a shift.

    My focus started slipping. I was reaching for my phone constantly, struggling to stay on task, and having a harder time finishing things. Around that same time, I also felt my depression starting to creep back in.

    After reflecting, I realized the biggest change I had made was stopping the supplement. So I reordered it.

    I’ve been back on it for about two weeks now, and I feel a noticeable difference. My focus has improved, my mood feels lighter, and my brain feels a lot less chaotic.

    I know my mental health is influenced by many factors, and this isn’t the only thing at play. But I do believe this supplement is an important piece of my toolkit. It helps support my baseline so I can show up for everything else.

    🌱 A Gentle Reminder

    None of these tools are magic fixes. They’re not instant transformations.

    They’re building blocks.

    Small, consistent supports that help me feel more grounded, more regulated, and more like myself.

    And just to say it clearly, I am not a medical professional and I am not recommending anything here as advice. I’m simply sharing what has been working for me.

    💜 Closing Thoughts

    I am really excited to be writing again and sharing in this space.

    I’m glad I gave myself the time I needed to recalibrate, and I’m just as glad to be back.

    Thank you for being here with me as I continue on this journey. I am so grateful for you.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🌿 Expansion & Contraction

    🌿 Expansion & Contraction

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday!

    It’s been a while since my last post. The past month or so brought a wave of depression that knocked me off my footing for a bit. I lost my rhythm for a while, but I am starting to come back to myself and I finally feel ready to return to this space and share again.

    🌊 The Rhythm of Healing

    At the start of the year, I was in a season of expansion.

    I was making meaningful progress in therapy, showing up to yoga twice a week, and really stepping into my independence and personal power.

    And then, like clockwork, contraction arrived.

    Even though I know contraction is natural, necessary, and part of the deal when it comes to healing, it was still hard to accept while I was in it. I knew it would pass. I knew it was temporary. But that didn’t make it any less difficult.

    🖤 Feeling It All

    Something I’ve noticed since starting this healing journey is that my awareness has expanded significantly. And with that expanded awareness came deeper, more intense emotional experiences.

    I am no longer numbing out or turning away from the hard feelings. I am actually feeling them. And this time around, it hit harder because of that.

    It knocked me on my ass for a bit, if I’m being honest.

    The upside is that I now have more tools than ever before. I was able to move through it faster than I ever have in the past, and that feels like real progress.

    🧠 When the Past Comes Knocking

    Here’s what I think really happened.

    As I worked on healing my present self, I created space. And that space invited past versions of me to come forward and finally be heard.

    And they were not subtle about it.

    At the time those experiences originally happened, I didn’t have the capacity to fully process them. So I avoided, suppressed, numbed, and buried them. Drugs, alcohol, distraction, all of it.

    But those emotions do not just disappear. They wait. And when it is finally safe enough, they rise.

    So as I stepped out of burnout and into healing, everything I had buried came back up to the surface.

    Honestly, it felt like an emotional zombie apocalypse.

    My bestie, Ryann, sent me this video a few weeks ago, and it helped me understand what was happening in a way that really clicked. I shared it with Heath too, and he found it helpful.

    Here it is in case it resonates with you as well:

    🧘‍♀️ Showing Up Anyway

    Even though this past month was heavy, I still showed up for myself in the ways that mattered most.

    Even on the days I wasn’t feeling it, I made it to yoga. I kept my back to back classes, one hour of hot vinyasa followed by one hour of restorative.

    I kept every therapy appointment.

    I kept every chiropractic appointment.

    And most importantly, I stayed sober, even when things felt the heaviest. It has been 147 days since my last drink, 158 days since I last smoked, and I am incredibly proud of myself for that.

    That matters more than anything.

    Of course, not everything stayed perfectly on track. My sleep schedule has been all over the place again, staying up late and sleeping in. And naturally, my eating schedule has followed suit.

    As I come out of this fog, getting my sleep and nutrition back into alignment feels like my biggest priority.

    🌸 Gentle Rebuilding

    I am also being very intentional about how I approach this next phase.

    I know by now that being hard on myself does not work. Being critical does not create sustainable change. It just creates more resistance.

    So I am choosing softness.

    I am choosing patience.

    I am choosing to trust the process.

    I will get back to my ideal routines. Maybe not overnight, maybe not even this week. But little by little, I will get there.

    🔔 Moments That Shifted Something

    Last weekend, Heath and I went to a sound bath at my yoga studio, and it was incredible.

    Neither of us had ever done one before, and we both left feeling lighter, both physically and energetically.

    Heath has been dealing with a shoulder injury for over a year, and afterward he had more range of motion and less pain than he has had in a long time. He went in skeptical and came out a believer.

    For me, it felt like the clouds started to part. I went in feeling heavy and disconnected, and I walked out feeling more present, more grounded, and more like myself.

    Then Wednesday came.

    I had my yearly oncology check up, and I am so happy to say that all of my bloodwork came back healthy and I am still cancer free. 🤍

    I will go back in December for another scan, but for now, I am in the clear.

    Heath took the day off to come with me, and we ended up spending the whole day together. We had brunch, went to the chiropractor, drove around listening to music, and he even came with me to restorative yoga that evening.

    Something about that day felt like a turning point. The sound bath cleared the fog, and Wednesday felt like the beginning of rebuilding.

    ✨ Stepping Into Something New

    This week, I also started a six week online Reiki course, and I am so excited about it.

    For anyone unfamiliar, Reiki is a Japanese energy healing practice that supports the body’s natural healing processes, reduces stress, and promotes relaxation and overall wellbeing.

    It is something I have been curious about for a long time, and I finally felt ready to say yes to it.

    I am really proud of myself for investing in my healing in this way.

    🌱 Moving Forward

    Right now, I feel more like myself again. I feel hopeful. I feel grounded. I feel ready to expand again.

    And I also know that contraction will come back at some point. That is just part of the rhythm.

    But I trust myself more now. I trust that I can move through it with more awareness, more compassion, and more resilience each time.

    This cycle was hard, but I handled it better than I ever have before.

    I did not run from it.

    I did not numb it.

    I sat with it. I felt it. I honored it.

    And now, I am ready for what comes next.

    💜 A Little Reminder

    Healing is not linear. It never has been.

    There will be highs and lows, expansions and contractions, clarity and confusion. That is all part of the journey.

    Be gentle with yourself. Trust yourself. You will make it through.

    I love you all. Thank you for being here with me, and thank you for your patience while I took a step back.

    I am really excited to be writing again.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • Returning to Myself, One Pause at a Time

    Returning to Myself, One Pause at a Time

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday!

    It’s been a few days since my last post, and I’ve really been trying to slow down and focus on being gentle with myself. Although, admittedly, I’ve been struggling with it. I’m feeling better today, but the in-between was rougher than I anticipated.

    After my post on Friday, I felt a huge amount of vulnerability. On one hand, I was incredibly proud of myself for sharing everything I did. But at the same time, I felt pretty depleted — it took a lot of energy to muster up the courage to say those things out loud.

    🎵 The Concert I Almost Skipped (But Absolutely Needed)

    Friday night we went to a concert, and every bit of me wanted to skip it. I was drained, I was tired, I was not feeling 100% by any means. But we were going to see one of Heath’s favorite bands, NEEDTOBREATHE, and we’d had these tickets for months. I couldn’t bring myself to deprive him of the experience, so I pushed through — and I am so glad I did. I know without a doubt that I was supposed to be there.

    The opener was a woman named Bre Kennedy. I had never heard of her before, but now? I absolutely love her. From the very first song, she grabbed my heart and didn’t let it go. Her voice was stunning, her lyrics beautiful, and I was literally moved to tears. And once they started, they didn’t stop.

    But of course — my inner critic immediately piped up:

    “Oh my god, stop crying! People are going to see you! What are they going to think?!”

    Still, for one of the first times in a long time, I chose not to listen.
    I let the tears flow.
    I stayed in the moment.
    I let myself feel.

    And yes, I ugly cried through most of her set. And I regret nothing.

    📚 The Alchemist, Omens, and the Nudge I Needed

    During her set, Bre talked about her upcoming album, The Alchemist, named after Paulo Coelho’s book. This hit me hard. I had bought that book on my last trip to Guthrie, started reading it, then put it on the shelf when I got home because I became wrapped up in all my Happiness Project reading.

    The moment she mentioned it, I knew I needed to pick it back up again.

    After the show, Heath noticed me eyeing her at the merch table and asked if I wanted to meet her. My instinct was no, because interacting with people I admire makes me panic — but I said yes.

    I told her how much her music moved me, how I cried through the whole thing, and how she inspired me to restart The Alchemist. She was so kind, so gracious, so warm. I almost cried again talking to her. I’m so glad I took the chance.

    The next day, I restarted The Alchemist from the beginning, and instantly felt immersed again — in the story, the Personal Legend, the Soul of the World, the omens. It reinforced everything I’ve been feeling lately:

    I am in the messy middle. I am doing the work. And I am on the right path.

    🌿 Therapy, Inner Critics, and Blooming Slowly

    I had therapy yesterday, and it went really well. Each session makes me more confident that I’ve finally found the right therapist. We talked a lot about childhood trauma and how those experiences still color the way I treat myself now — especially the way my inner critic talks to me.

    You would think that getting sober is a HUGE accomplishment that even my inner critic couldn’t argue with, right?
    Wrong.

    She said:

    “Obviously you should be sober! Why didn’t you do it sooner? You’re so late to the game!”

    She can be… a lot.

    I told my therapist how I’m struggling with wanting everything to happen faster — I want to be further along than I am. And she gave me an analogy that struck me deeply:

    When a flower blooms, it expands… and then it pauses.
    It contracts a little to gather energy.
    Without those pauses, it wouldn’t bloom at all — its petals would fall off.

    WOW. I loved that.

    It was exactly what I needed. I don’t want to lose my petals. I want to bloom slowly and stay intact. That means I have to pause. I have to rest. I have to let myself contract so I can grow again.

    The past few days have been my pause-and-contract phase. Today, I feel like I’m blooming again.

    📖 Books, Chiropractic Care, and Little Moments of Self-Care

    My therapist recommended a new book — Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May — and it arrived today. I’m excited to start it tonight.

    This morning I went to the chiropractor, then this afternoon I got a haircut. It felt so nice to pamper myself a little.

    Tomorrow morning I have my second progress scan with the chiropractor. The first scan showed enormous improvement and brought me to tears. I know this next one will too.

    I feel so much more centered, grounded, and connected to my body than I did even a month ago. These adjustments have helped regulate my nervous system in ways I didn’t even realize were possible.

    💜 Gratitude for Where I Am Now

    Instead of focusing on “what ifs,” I’m focusing on gratitude.

    I am grateful that I have the opportunity to do this work.
    Grateful that I can afford therapy and chiropractic care.
    Grateful that I have a husband who encourages me every step of the way.
    Grateful that I quit my job when I did.
    Grateful that I started my blog, found my chiropractor, found my therapist, quit drinking, quit smoking — when I did.

    I’m following the omens.
    I’m working toward my own Personal Legend.
    It’s messy.
    It’s beautiful.
    And I feel so lucky to be here.

    I am doing this for every younger version of me who couldn’t.
    For every future version of me who will benefit.
    And for the current version of me who keeps showing up — on the good days and the harder ones too.

    💬 A Question for You

    Before you go, I’d love to hear from you:

    Where are you in your own blooming process right now — expanding, contracting, or somewhere beautifully in between?

    Share in the comments if you feel comfortable. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today. 🌿

    ✨ Want to Follow Along?

    If you enjoyed this post and want to follow along on my healing journey, my messy middle, and all the magic I’m discovering along the way, please consider subscribing.

    You’ll get updates whenever a new post goes live — no spam, just heart, honesty, and a little bit of witchy wisdom. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • From Nervous to Naked: My Boudoir Experience

    ✨ Hey, hi, hello! Happy Friday! ✨

    Yesterday marked two months of Bailz Has a Blog and I honestly cannot believe how far I’ve come in such a short time. When I launched this space, I was still in rough shape—physically, mentally, emotionally—and deep in denial about it. I wasn’t sleeping enough, eating enough, or caring for myself in even the most basic ways.

    But then I started documenting everything. I started looking inward. I started noticing what wasn’t working… and then fixing it. I started celebrating victories. And damn… I am so freaking proud of myself.

    💋 Today Was My Boudoir Photoshoot (!!)

    All week long, I had been really, really nervous about it—honestly, almost to the point of dreading it. Somehow, this thing I once wanted became something I felt like I had to do. I didn’t even notice the shift until this morning while writing my morning pages.

    Last night, I prepped in all the ways—Pilates, exfoliating, shaving, moisturizing, curating my playlist—but I was going through the motions. No excitement. Just nerves.

    And then this morning, while journaling, it hit me: This was all for ME. I wanted this. I chose this. It was never an obligation—it was a gift to myself. That realization flipped a switch. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get to the studio.

    🎶 Once the Music Started… Game On

    When I arrived, we jumped straight into hair and makeup. I turned on my playlist. And from the first pose, when the photographer showed me the preview on her camera… it was OVER for any remaining self-doubt. The second I saw myself, I fully stepped into it.

    By the end, I was walking around the studio completely naked like it was nothing. I felt comfortable. Beautiful. Confident in a way I have never felt before in my life.

    I genuinely could’ve kept shooting for another hour. I didn’t want it to end. I felt like a goddess. I felt like me.

    📸 Sneak Peeks + Floating on Cloud Nine

    Once I got home, I got a text from the photographer—she posted the sneak peeks early.

    HOLY. CRAP.

    You guys… they are even better than I imagined. I can’t wait to see the full gallery!

    Also, I’m keeping my makeup on until bedtime because I’m obsessed—and Heath is taking me out tonight because he said I look “too good not to show off.” 🥰

    🌹 If You’ve Ever Wanted To Do a Boudoir Shoot… DO IT.

    Find a photographer whose vibe feels right. Send the inquiry. Book the shoot. Do it for you.

    In the iconic words of Moira Rose:

    Take a thousand, naked pictures of yourself now. You may currently think, “Oh, I’m too spooky.” Or, “Nobody wants to see these tiny boobies.” But, believe me, one day you will look at those photos with much kinder eyes and say, “Dear God, I was a beautiful thing!”

    This is maybe the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I can’t believe I almost talked myself out of it—right up until this morning.

    💬 Your Turn

    I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

    • Have you ever done a boudoir photoshoot? Would you ever want to?
    • What’s something you’ve always wanted to do just for YOU?
    • What helps you reconnect with your confidence when you lose it?
    • What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done for yourself?
    • Are you more nervous-excited or excited-nervous when trying something new?

    💜 Enjoying the journey?

    If you’re loving these posts and want to follow along with every win, wobble, lesson, and breakthrough — subscribe below so you never miss a moment. I’d love to have you on this ride with me. ✨

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

  • 🎨 Artist Date Week 4 — A Literal Walk in the Park

    🎨 Artist Date Week 4 — A Literal Walk in the Park

    Hey, hi, hello! 👋 Happy Thursday!

    Yesterday I had my Week 4 Artist Date, and it was truly lovely. For this week, I decided to take my inner artist on a little date to Trinity Park here in Fort Worth — and take a walk. I didn’t listen to anything while I walked; I just moved and soaked in the natural beauty of the park. Just me and my thoughts. 🦆🌳

    🌿 A Visit with the Ducks

    When I arrived, I parked by the duck pond, so before I got started, I spent some time by the water just watching the ducks and geese. That felt pretty special in itself.

    When I was little, one of my favorite activities with my great-grandmother was feeding the ducks and geese at the pond near her house. We’d stop at the store for day-old bread and then spend the afternoon by the water. (Side note: now I know better — bread isn’t great for them 😅 — but I didn’t back then.)

    It was such a sweet reminder of childhood to sit by the pond and hear the quacks and splashes and see families making those same memories. I actually got a little teary 🥲 — I felt my great-grandmother with me, proud of the woman I’m becoming, cheering me on.

    One goose even came right up to me and started pecking at my bracelets — like it was trying to say hello. I’m pretty sure that was Meme’s spirit dropping by. Even if it wasn’t, I’m choosing to believe it 🕊️.

    🚶‍♀️ The Walk Itself

    After sitting by the pond, I set off down the trail — a little over a mile each way. I wasn’t rushing or trying to turn it into a workout (though I did start my Apple Watch activity 😉). I just walked at whatever pace felt natural in the moment, breathing deeply and letting my thoughts flow.

    Texas still hasn’t gotten the memo that it’s November — it was sunny and 77°F ☀️ — but I wasn’t complaining. The weather was perfect. I went around lunch time, so the park was quiet and peaceful. For a while, I forgot I was in the middle of a big city. It was just me, the trees, the birds, and the path ahead.

    I made it my little mission to smile and say hi to every person I passed — no small talk required, just simple connection. Some avoided eye contact, some smiled back enthusiastically, and one gentleman I passed twice even laughed when I said, “Hello again!” Kindness really is contagious. 💫

    💤 Sleep Setbacks and Self-Compassion

    The last couple of nights have been rougher for sleep — last night I woke up at 4:45 a.m. and was a bit sweaty again. Not terrible, but noticeable. While it’s disappointing that this issue still lingers, I’m choosing not to get discouraged. Healing isn’t linear. My hormones are shifting as I near my period, and I know that’s likely part of it. 🌙

    So instead of spiraling, I’m focusing on being gentle with myself. When I wake up, I remind myself: I am safe. I am loved. I am okay. I’ll keep drinking my teas, journaling before bed, and showing up for myself — because I know I’m worth it. 🫖🕯️

    🌸 Doing the Unglamorous Work

    It’s not glamorous work — but it’s work I’m proud to be doing. For so long I avoided it — the feelings, the root causes, the habits. Now I’m doing the hard stuff even when I’m tired, cranky, or hormonal. I still write my morning pages. I still make my breakfast shake and take my supplements. I still move my body through walks, yoga, and Pilates. I still take myself on Artist Dates — even when I try to talk myself out of them until the last minute. 😉

    And because I’m sticking with it, my life is changing for the better — step by step, page by page, day by day. 💪✨

    🪷 A New Therapy Chapter

    Today I took another big step: I started looking for a new therapist. I searched on Psychology Today for specialists in somatic therapy — the kind that integrates body and mind healing instead of relying solely on talk therapy. After reading several profiles, I found someone who feels like a perfect fit and sent her a message requesting a consultation. 🌿

    I’ve done talk therapy before, and while venting always felt good, it never gave me the deep healing I was craving. I’m realizing that I need a more holistic approach — one that includes my mind, body, and spirit. So today, I stopped procrastinating and got started — and that alone feels like progress I can be proud of. 🩷

    💫 Closing Thoughts

    It’s days like this that remind me how much has shifted. I’m walking through healing — literally and metaphorically — and every step, every tear, every moment of presence matters. Here’s to listening to our bodies, honoring our inner artists, and continuing to show up for ourselves one gentle day at a time. 🌼

    ☀️ Thank you for walking beside me — both literally and metaphorically. 💜
    Subscribe below to keep joining me for more Artist Dates, healing rituals, and quiet moments of self-discovery. 🌿

    Love always,
    💜 Bailz

  • 💔 I Accidentally Hurt My Own Feelings

    💔 I Accidentally Hurt My Own Feelings

    Hey, hi, hello — happy Monday! 💜

    This weekend, while perusing the interwebs as one does, I stumbled across a ChatGPT prompt posted on Reddit that claimed it would take out the “yes-man” qualities of ChatGPT and give you honest feedback, point out weaknesses, and basically call you out on all your BS.

    I know now that I should not have done it. I am not in the space for that. I am still very delicate when it comes to my healing, self-love, and gentle re-parenting of myself. But what can I say? I was curious — so I tried it out.

    OMFG, I was not ready for that. 😳

    💥 When Curiosity Backfires

    My intentions were good — I wanted to push myself, to see what I could be doing better. But the results… well, they messed with my head quite a bit. I wonder if that’s what it’s like to Google yourself when you’re famous — you have good intentions, you want to see what people think, and then you immediately regret it because OMG.

    To me, it felt like reading a transcript of my inner critic. It was all laid out there in black and white — how much more I “should” be doing, how much I was “lying” to myself, how much time I was “wasting,” and how far I really hadn’t come. And you guys — I believed it so quick. SO quick. Because I have so much more practice believing the negative about myself.

    It completely tanked my day. Heath was out of town, I was home with the dogs, and I went from having a nice, quiet bit of “me time” to completely beating myself up over what a robot told me. 🤦‍♀️

    Yes, there are things I can improve on — of course there are. I am a work in progress, and I always will be. But I’ve made huge strides, and I’m incredibly proud of myself. And yet, I was so quick to doubt it all and throw away my progress because of something on a screen.

    I’ve since deleted that thread and its memory because it wasn’t bringing me any positive energy. I knew if I kept it, I’d just keep going back, rereading it, and slowly destroying my hard-fought confidence one word at a time. So — it’s gone to the ether now. Good riddance. 🚫

    🧘‍♀️ Re-Centering and Reconnecting

    Before I deleted it, I could feel Old Bailz slipping back in — slowly but surely. And it felt awful. So, I got up, put on my walking shoes, and walked it out on the walk pad. I also did a Pilates booty workout video on YouTube to really bring myself back into my body.

    As I moved, I started taking deeper breaths and gently — but firmly — reminded myself of all the good things I’ve done for myself recently, and how far I’ve come just in the last few weeks. By the time Heath got home, I felt more like myself again. I told him what happened, and you know what he did? He sent me into the bathroom and told me to high five myself ten times for how great I’m doing and how hard I’ve been working. 🖐️🪞

    So I did. And yeah, I cried — but they were tears of pride this time. And that felt really incredible. 💫

    🌿 Proof of Progress

    I really have come so far in a short amount of time. I’ve built rhythms and habits that I’ve never had before — and I’m keeping them because I finally believe I’m worth the effort.

    • 🕰️ Sleep: I have a set sleep schedule and stick to it pretty strictly — something I haven’t done since childhood. I’ve created this rhythm for myself because I know I’m worth it.
    • 🥗 Nutrition: I’m eating three balanced meals a day, getting 130+ grams of protein, hydrating, and taking my supplements consistently. I’m nourishing my body because I know I’m worth it.
    • 🏃‍♀️ Movement: I’m walking regularly, doing yoga, and now adding Pilates. I’m training my body because I know I’m worth it.

    Bottom line: I finally know I’m worth the effort I used to neglect. That’s the biggest win of all. 💜

    🌙 Showing Up Anyway

    Yeah, I’m still waking up in the middle of the night — and yeah, Daylight Savings Time didn’t help. But I’m going to keep trying, keep working toward that goal of sleeping through the night, and I bet I’ll get there sooner than I think.

    I trust myself to keep showing up and doing the work. I’m measuring my progress by how I feel — and truth be told, I feel pretty dang good. 🌸

    💫 Final Thoughts

    If you’re on a similar journey — if your confidence dips, if you slip back into old patterns, if you feel like you’ve taken a step backward — please know that you are not alone. Healing is not linear. Sometimes you’ll take a step forward and then two steps back, but what matters is that you keep showing up.

    If I can do it, I know that you can too. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

    Thank you so much for being here — it means more than you know. 💜 If you’d like to keep following along as I stumble, grow, and figure it all out one day at a time, subscribe below to get new posts sent straight to your inbox. Let’s keep learning (and unlearning) together. 🌿

  • ✨ Nourishing My Body (Finally)

    ✨ Nourishing My Body (Finally)

    The more I focus on taking care of my body right now, the more I’m realizing just how much I had been neglecting it for so long. I’ve never prioritized sleep or exercise, and I’ve never consistently put a premium on eating healthy.

    I’ve gone through phases — veganism, paleo, elimination diets — but they never stuck. I always ended up back in the cycle of eating only when I was starving, grabbing whatever I could find the fastest. No rhythm, no intention, just survival mode. 🍟➡️🥦

    🍽️ Building Routines and Tracking with Intention

    Over the past week, everything has started to shift. With my new bedtime and morning routines taking root, I’ve been given the perfect opportunity to build a food schedule too — and I’m really leaning in. Not only am I sticking with it, but I’m also keeping track of everything in a way that actually feels fun and motivating.

    Instead of a handwritten food diary, I’ve been using ChatGPT to log my daily nutrition. In addition to tracking meals and macros (I’m aiming high with protein!), it’s also helping me understand how my choices are supporting four key areas I’m working on right now:

    • 🌿 Gut balance
    • 💫 Hormone regulation
    • 🍯 Blood sugar stability
    • 😴 Sleep quality

    And honestly? It’s pretty dang cool. I used to be totally anti-AI, but now that I know how to use it for personal growth instead of just productivity — I’m hooked.

    Here is what it gave me when I logged my dinner last night:

    🌙 Dinner — 7:25 PM

    Meal:

    • 8–10 oz salmon filet on a pain au lait bun 🍔
    • 2 tomato slices 🍅
    • Lettuce 🌿
    • Light mayo + mustard
    • Roasted Brussels sprouts 🥦
    • Baked sweet potato with grass-fed butter + Ceylon cinnamon 🍠
    • Lime Spindrift sparkling water 🍋

    🌿 Reflection by System

    🦠 Gut Balance

    • Sweet potato and Brussels sprouts feed your beneficial bacteria with prebiotic fiber.
    • Butter and salmon fats enhance absorption of vitamins A and K, which keep the gut lining healthy.
    • The warm, cooked textures help digestion finish smoothly before bedtime.

    🌸 Hormone Regulation

    • Salmon’s omega-3s and high-quality protein support estrogen metabolism and reduce inflammatory stress.
    • Sweet potato’s beta-carotene nourishes the adrenals and thyroid.
    • The natural balance of carbs, fat, and protein gives your endocrine system the raw materials it needs to stay steady overnight.

    🍯 Blood Sugar Stability

    • Pairing protein-rich salmon with slow carbs (sweet potato, bun) and healthy fats (butter, mayo) ensures gradual glucose release—no evening crash or late-night cravings.

    😴 Sleep Quality

    • Magnesium from the Brussels sprouts and tryptophan from the salmon encourage serotonin-to-melatonin conversion.
    • Ceylon cinnamon supports stable nighttime blood sugar, further protecting your sleep rhythm.

    Pretty cool, huh?

    🧠 Yesterday’s Nutrition Summary

    I also asked ChatGPT to summarize my entire day yesterday so I could share it here, and this is what it came back with:

    Morning – 9:00 AM
    Breakfast shake: organic whole milk, Just Ingredients chocolate protein powder, Orgain collagen peptides, Orgain creatine
    Supplements: Seed probiotics, Just Ingredients Adrenal Complex, Just Ingredients Perimenopause Support, Multivitamin, Magnesium Glycinate, Vitamin D3, Evening Primrose Oil
    Focus: Calm energy, gut support, hormone balance

    Mid-Morning – 10:50 AM
    Hydration: Just Ingredients strawberry limeade electrolytes + MicroIngredients elderberry powder in water
    Focus: Immune support, mineral replenishment

    Midday Movement – 11:45 AM–12:30 PM
    Activity: 45-minute walk on the walk pad at a moderate pace (2.6 mph)
    Focus: Circulation, blood-sugar regulation, nervous-system grounding

    Lunch – 12:30 PM
    Meal: 5 bites kimchi + reheated roasted-garlic tomato feta wagyu pasta bake
    Focus: Gut microbiome support, sustained energy

    Afternoon – 2:00–2:45 PM
    Hydration: Juice of 1 lemon with water and a pinch of sea salt
    Snack: Siete lime chips with La Banderita mild cheese dip
    Focus: Electrolyte balance, mindful comfort, adrenal support

    Dinner – 7:25 PM
    Meal: 8–10 oz salmon on a pain au lait bun with lettuce, tomato, mayo & mustard
    Sides: Brussels sprouts, baked sweet potato with grass-fed butter & Ceylon cinnamon
    Drink: Lime Spindrift sparkling water
    Focus: Omega-3s for hormone health, magnesium & fiber for digestion, grounding comfort

    Evening – 8:45 PM
    Nighttime drink: Warm milk + Just Ingredients Chai Nighttime Blend + Orgain Creatine
    Supplements: Magnesium Glycinate, Evening Primrose Oil
    Focus: Deep relaxation, hormone harmony, restorative sleep

    Daily Totals & Reflections
    Protein: ~160 g 🥩
    Movement: 45 minutes walking 🚶‍♀️
    Hydration rituals: Electrolytes, lemon-salt water, herbal chai 💧
    Gut support: Kimchi, probiotics, collagen, fiber-rich veggies 🌿
    Theme: Replenishment, consistency, and intuitive nourishment — each meal and ritual sending the same message to my body: You are safe, cared for, and supported. 🌸

    🌱 The Difference Consistency Makes

    It’s wild to compare this version of me with how I used to live. Old Bailz was lucky to eat two meals a day, neither of which had much nutritional value. I was cranky, exhausted, foggy, and constantly running on fumes — mentally and physically.

    Now? Everything feels like it’s working together. My sleep routines support my food routines. My food routines support my activity. Each system feeds the other, creating balance, self-trust, and genuine pride in how I’m showing up for myself.

    My body feels stronger. My energy is steadier. My focus sharper. Sure, there’s still room to grow — but the difference already feels massive.

    💜 Feeling Good — and Making That My Baseline

    For so long, feeling good was an occasional thing. A surprise. A lucky day. Now, I’m learning that it doesn’t have to be rare — it just has to be prioritized. I finally feel like I’m in control of my health and my habits, and that feels really freaking fantastic.

    I’m so excited to keep sharing this journey — the progress, the slip-ups, the lessons — as I continue to heal and rebuild from the inside out.

    Thank you for being here. It means the world to have your company on this path. 💫

    Love always,
    💜 Bailz

    🌿 If you’ve been enjoying following along on my self-healing journey — the messy, beautiful work of learning how to care for myself inside and out — I’d love for you to stick around. 💜

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  • 🌞 Showing Up in the Small Ways

    🌞 Showing Up in the Small Ways

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Monday! ✨
    I hope everyone’s week is off to a great start so far.

    Today has felt like one of those simple but meaningful days — the kind where you show up for yourself in the little ways, and it quietly adds up to something big.

    🌅 Morning Momentum

    I got up when my alarm went off (no procrastinating, for once 😅). I did my morning pages and affirmations, made my breakfast protein shake, took my supplements, and then headed to the chiropractor. Heath works from home on Mondays, so I was lucky enough to have him join me — we BOTH got adjusted this morning! Such a great way to start the week refreshed and in alignment (literally and energetically).

    When we got home, he started his workday and I put on my headphones, cued up an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, and started working on the house. 🧺 I did the dishes, worked on laundry, tidied the living room, made the bed — just focused on making the space feel good.

    🚶‍♀️ Walking Through Resistance

    Once I ran out of chores (waiting on laundry cycles), I hopped on the walk pad. Instead of my usual silent walk, I kept listening to Mel Robbins — a little mental bribe to get moving, and it worked.

    But then the thoughts started: “I can just do 20 minutes today. That’s better than nothing.” True — but I’ve set a 45-minute goal, and every time I reach it, I feel proud. I realized I was rushing for no real reason — just because part of me didn’t want to be uncomfortable. So I asked myself, “Okay, fine. If I get off now, what would I do instead?”

    Every time, I came up blank. There wasn’t anything else I actually wanted to be doing. I was just getting sweaty and my instinct was to stop. Once I noticed that, I decided to push through. I slowed my pace to about 2.6, but I kept going until the timer hit 45 minutes. ✅ When I finished, I felt accomplished — sweaty, yes, but genuinely proud for honoring that commitment.

    💪 Rewriting My Story with Movement

    I know walking is good for me — physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m still unlearning 35 years of believing exercise “isn’t for me,” so this chapter is about rewriting that story. Every time I do the thing I don’t want to do but know I need to, it gets a little easier. I’m building evidence that I can be consistent.

    📚 The Rest of the Day

    After my walk, I made lunch and enjoyed it slowly. I kept up with the laundry, tidied a few more things, and then sat down to read. I’m working through The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk — fascinating and dense. Today I made it through a few chapters in one sitting, and it felt good to be learning and focusing again.

    🌙 Consistency & Calm

    Over the last week I’ve stuck to my bedtime and morning routines and been intentional about nutrition — and I can finally feel the payoff. My energy is more stable, my focus is sharper, and even though sleep isn’t perfect yet, I can tell I’m moving in the right direction. It’s slow progress, but it’s progress.

    My goal right now is simple: stay consistent — with food, routines, movement, and mindset. If I build small, trustworthy habits my body and mind can rely on, that foundation will carry me forward.

    💜 The Beauty in Ordinary Days

    Today wasn’t extraordinary. Nothing flashy happened. But it was full of small, intentional choices — and that’s what real transformation looks like. This is the work. It isn’t always exciting or glamorous. It’s regulating my nervous system, showing up for myself, and learning to trust myself — even on quiet days when no one’s watching.

    All those little things I did today are helping me heal — one literal step at a time.

    Thanks for being here while I practice consistency, celebrate tiny wins, and keep choosing the long game.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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  • 🌞 I Woke Up Not Sweaty This Morning!

    🌞 I Woke Up Not Sweaty This Morning!

    YOU GUYS — I WOKE UP NOT SWEATY THIS MORNING!!!

    Wow. Just… wow. I am so excited. Truly.

    I still woke up tired and wishing I could go right back to sleep, but the excitement of head-to-toe bodily dryness (!!!) got me up and out of bed within minutes of my alarm going off. HELL FREAKING YES. That is a win! 🙌

    A lot of work has gone into this big change, and I’m excited to share what I’ve been doing.

    🍸 Let’s Start with Alcohol

    First things first: I haven’t been drinking — not even one cocktail a night. I might try again this weekend, but for now, my new rule is no alcohol during the week. My last drink was on Monday night.

    🍳 Refueling My Body

    I’ve also started really focusing on eating enough. Honestly, this has been a lifelong challenge. My appetite fluctuates, and I’ve never been consistent about nourishing myself throughout the day.

    But now that I’m focusing on healing my body one step at a time, a new day has dawned — and food is a priority. My main focus right now is making sure I get enough protein every day, while keeping balance and intention.

    That means:

    • minimal processed foods,
    • no ingredients I can’t pronounce,
    • no dyes, artificial sweeteners, or “natural flavors.”

    Just real food, 80% of the time. The other 20%? Whatever makes life sweet — like Ben & Jerry’s. Because a life without ice cream? Not interested. 🍦

    💊 Supplements That Are Working

    I’ve been super consistent with my supplements lately.

    Recently, we discovered Just Ingredients and love how clean their products are — no fillers, and they list exactly where their vitamins and minerals come from. For example, their multivitamin’s Vitamin A comes from fermented wild carrot fruit extract. How cool is that?

    Here’s what my current regimen looks like:

    🥛 Breakfast:

    • 8 oz organic grass-fed milk
    • 1 scoop Just Ingredients Chocolate protein powder
    • 1 scoop Orgain Collagen Peptides

    💊 Morning Supplements:

    • Seed Probiotics (2)
    • Just Ingredients Adrenal Complex (2)
    • Just Ingredients Perimenopause (2)
    • Just Ingredients Multivitamin (2)
    • Now Vitamin D-3 2000 IU (2)

    🌙 Evening Supplements:

    • Now Magnesium Glycinate (2)
    • Solgar Evening Primrose Oil 1300 mg (1)

    🌙 Building a Bedtime Routine

    I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a solid bedtime and morning routine that stuck. Maybe elementary school?

    By fifth grade, I was already lying awake worrying about everything under the sun. As I got older, homework and perfectionism kept me up later and later. Sleep was always secondary. No wonder burnout has followed me my whole life.

    Now, I’m changing that story.

    Starting at 8 PM, I begin signaling to my body that it’s time to wind down:

    • Overhead lights off.
    • Phone on Do Not Disturb.
    • Soft, relaxing music on. 🎶

    Then I make my nighttime drink — Just Ingredients Chai — with milk for a little protein boost, plus a scoop of Orgain Creatine. It’s so good. This is also when I take my nighttime supplements.

    After that:

    • Wash face, brush teeth.
    • Run a hot bath, and do a short Yoga with Adriene bedtime session while the water fills up.
    • Soak for 30 minutes.
    • Rinse off with cold water to cool down.
    • Get into bed and read until 10 PM lights out.

    🛏️ Small Wins Add Up

    Last night, the routine was slightly off — Heath stopped at Costco on the way home, so dinner was late. But even with the delay, I still started my routine as soon as I could and was chasing sleep by 10:15. That’s a win.

    I did wake around 1:30 AM (thank you, Winston & Wrigley 🙄), but I fell back asleep quickly and slept through the rest of the night.

    When my alarm went off, I was tempted to hit snooze, but I didn’t. I got up — still very tired, but still moving forward. And it worked. I even had enough energy to put on a cute fall outfit for my chiropractor appointment. Normally it’s leggings and a big tee, but today? Shorts, tights, boots, cozy sweater — and I felt like me again.

    💆‍♀️ Chiropractic Progress

    I’ve now had four adjustments, and the difference is noticeable. Yesterday we discovered a dislocated rib (which explains that weird “spilling out” feeling), and now we’re working on getting it back in place. My muscles are adjusting, my body is realigning — it’s wild and fascinating all at once.

    💜 Learning to Be Proud

    I know I still have a ways to go. I’ll slip up sometimes — I’m human. But today? I’m proud of myself.

    I’m showing up, even when I don’t want to. I’m doing the work. And I’m starting to see the benefits, both physically and mentally.

    For me to even say that out loud — and mean it — is huge. I used to tear myself down before anyone else could. If I did something well, I’d downplay it. If I felt happy, I’d call it a fluke.

    But not today.

    Today, I’m letting myself celebrate.
    I’m letting myself be proud.
    And it feels really, really good. 🌸

    🌸 Wrapping It All Up

    This season of life feels like one long lesson in patience, self-trust, and grace. Every little win — every dry morning, every deep breath, every night I keep my promise to myself — reminds me that change is possible when it’s rooted in love instead of pressure.

    I know I still have work to do, but I’m finally learning to enjoy the process instead of rushing toward the finish line. Healing isn’t linear; it’s a dance of progress and pause, effort and ease. And right now, I’m just grateful to be dancing at all.

    Thank you for being here with me through it — for reading, cheering, and walking alongside me while I figure this all out, one mindful step at a time.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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  • 🎨 My Week Two Artist Date: A Conversation with Beauty

    🎨 My Week Two Artist Date: A Conversation with Beauty

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday, everyone! 👋

    As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been working through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. In addition to daily morning pages, she also recommends a weekly Artist Date — and I just got back home from mine for this week, so I wanted to share a little bit about it.

    🌿 What Is an Artist Date?

    Great question! Cameron describes it as:

    “A block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness — your inner artist.”

    She also notes that:

    “You do not take anyone on this artist date but you and your inner artist, a.k.a. your creative child.”

    So essentially, it’s a weekly solo adventure meant to refill your creative well — no productivity required, no audience to impress.

    💅 Week One: Playing It Safe

    For my first Artist Date, I played it pretty safe and took myself to get my nails done. I incorporated the “artist” part by intuitively choosing a different color than usual — red this time instead of my signature black. Small shift, big statement.

    🖼️ Week Two: The Kimbell Art Museum

    For week two, I wanted to stretch myself a bit and really lean into the artist concept.

    After my chiropractor appointment this morning, I decided that today would be my Artist Date day. I took myself to the Kimbell Art Museum here in Fort Worth. I’ve been before, but never by myself — so this experience was new and exciting, but also a little intimidating.

    I’m not really a “go-do-stuff-by-myself” kind of gal, but I’m working on that. And today was a great exercise in doing something just for me.

    ✨ Letting Art Be Enough

    I wandered for about an hour and a half, just soaking in the beauty of the paintings and sculptures on display.

    Within the first few minutes, I knew I was going to want to write about my experience here on the blog. I was so tempted to shape my visit around that — taking photos, making notes, writing the post in my head as I went. But I stopped myself.

    The whole point was to take my inner artist out — just me and her, looking at some art together. Not to turn the experience into a performance.

    So, I decided to simply be there. To let beauty do what beauty does best — speak without words.

    I only took one photo: Caravaggio’s Judith Beheading Holofernes (on loan from Rome). It was… pretty rad.

    🧘‍♀️ Coming Home to Myself

    Now that I’m back home, I plan to do some yoga and get my steps in on the walk pad. As much as I’m feeling the pull toward a nap, I’m trying to hold off and stay consistent with the rhythm I’m building.

    Last night, I started a new bedtime routine to help me reset my sleep cycle. (Shoutout to ChatGPT for helping me design it — it’s a whole two-hour wind-down process that gets me in bed, lights out, by 10 p.m.)

    Even though it still took me a little while to drift off, I didn’t reach for my phone or my book after ten. I kept my eye mask on and focused on my breathing.

    Any time my thoughts wandered, instead of beating myself up, I gently thought:

    “That’s nice. I’m going to focus back on my breathing now.”

    It felt strange at first — but so good to be nice to myself.

    💭 Learning to Be Kind Inside My Own Head

    Now that I’m really paying attention to how I talk to myself, I’m realizing how incredibly negative I’ve been for so long — maybe my whole life. I used to justify it as self-improvement, but honestly, it only made things harder.

    So, I’m trying something new: gentle self-compassion. And it seems to be working.

    My night sweats are still lingering, but they’re so much better than before. I didn’t have to get up or change clothes last night — which feels like a win! I’m hoping that as I keep focusing on healing my body and my mind (through chiropractic care, yoga, walking, better nutrition, and real rest), the physical symptoms will fade, and I can turn my full energy toward the deeper work — inner child healing, and learning to move through the world with less fear and more faith.

    Because honestly? Everything feels more manageable when I’m sleeping well.

    🌙 Closing Thoughts

    So, fingers crossed that things will only improve from here — but even if progress is slow, I’m learning to celebrate the small shifts.

    Today reminded me that healing doesn’t have to be loud. Sometimes it’s just you, quietly standing in front of a painting, remembering that beauty exists — and that you belong to it.

    Here’s to more Artist Dates, more gentle self-talk, and more days that feel like a deep breath. 🌸

    Thank you for being here with me on this journey! I am so grateful for you all!

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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