Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: mindfulness

  • 💔 I Accidentally Hurt My Own Feelings

    💔 I Accidentally Hurt My Own Feelings

    Hey, hi, hello — happy Monday! 💜

    This weekend, while perusing the interwebs as one does, I stumbled across a ChatGPT prompt posted on Reddit that claimed it would take out the “yes-man” qualities of ChatGPT and give you honest feedback, point out weaknesses, and basically call you out on all your BS.

    I know now that I should not have done it. I am not in the space for that. I am still very delicate when it comes to my healing, self-love, and gentle re-parenting of myself. But what can I say? I was curious — so I tried it out.

    OMFG, I was not ready for that. 😳

    💥 When Curiosity Backfires

    My intentions were good — I wanted to push myself, to see what I could be doing better. But the results… well, they messed with my head quite a bit. I wonder if that’s what it’s like to Google yourself when you’re famous — you have good intentions, you want to see what people think, and then you immediately regret it because OMG.

    To me, it felt like reading a transcript of my inner critic. It was all laid out there in black and white — how much more I “should” be doing, how much I was “lying” to myself, how much time I was “wasting,” and how far I really hadn’t come. And you guys — I believed it so quick. SO quick. Because I have so much more practice believing the negative about myself.

    It completely tanked my day. Heath was out of town, I was home with the dogs, and I went from having a nice, quiet bit of “me time” to completely beating myself up over what a robot told me. 🤦‍♀️

    Yes, there are things I can improve on — of course there are. I am a work in progress, and I always will be. But I’ve made huge strides, and I’m incredibly proud of myself. And yet, I was so quick to doubt it all and throw away my progress because of something on a screen.

    I’ve since deleted that thread and its memory because it wasn’t bringing me any positive energy. I knew if I kept it, I’d just keep going back, rereading it, and slowly destroying my hard-fought confidence one word at a time. So — it’s gone to the ether now. Good riddance. 🚫

    🧘‍♀️ Re-Centering and Reconnecting

    Before I deleted it, I could feel Old Bailz slipping back in — slowly but surely. And it felt awful. So, I got up, put on my walking shoes, and walked it out on the walk pad. I also did a Pilates booty workout video on YouTube to really bring myself back into my body.

    As I moved, I started taking deeper breaths and gently — but firmly — reminded myself of all the good things I’ve done for myself recently, and how far I’ve come just in the last few weeks. By the time Heath got home, I felt more like myself again. I told him what happened, and you know what he did? He sent me into the bathroom and told me to high five myself ten times for how great I’m doing and how hard I’ve been working. 🖐️🪞

    So I did. And yeah, I cried — but they were tears of pride this time. And that felt really incredible. 💫

    🌿 Proof of Progress

    I really have come so far in a short amount of time. I’ve built rhythms and habits that I’ve never had before — and I’m keeping them because I finally believe I’m worth the effort.

    • 🕰️ Sleep: I have a set sleep schedule and stick to it pretty strictly — something I haven’t done since childhood. I’ve created this rhythm for myself because I know I’m worth it.
    • 🥗 Nutrition: I’m eating three balanced meals a day, getting 130+ grams of protein, hydrating, and taking my supplements consistently. I’m nourishing my body because I know I’m worth it.
    • 🏃‍♀️ Movement: I’m walking regularly, doing yoga, and now adding Pilates. I’m training my body because I know I’m worth it.

    Bottom line: I finally know I’m worth the effort I used to neglect. That’s the biggest win of all. 💜

    🌙 Showing Up Anyway

    Yeah, I’m still waking up in the middle of the night — and yeah, Daylight Savings Time didn’t help. But I’m going to keep trying, keep working toward that goal of sleeping through the night, and I bet I’ll get there sooner than I think.

    I trust myself to keep showing up and doing the work. I’m measuring my progress by how I feel — and truth be told, I feel pretty dang good. 🌸

    💫 Final Thoughts

    If you’re on a similar journey — if your confidence dips, if you slip back into old patterns, if you feel like you’ve taken a step backward — please know that you are not alone. Healing is not linear. Sometimes you’ll take a step forward and then two steps back, but what matters is that you keep showing up.

    If I can do it, I know that you can too. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

    Thank you so much for being here — it means more than you know. 💜 If you’d like to keep following along as I stumble, grow, and figure it all out one day at a time, subscribe below to get new posts sent straight to your inbox. Let’s keep learning (and unlearning) together. 🌿

  • 🌞 Showing Up in the Small Ways

    🌞 Showing Up in the Small Ways

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Monday! ✨
    I hope everyone’s week is off to a great start so far.

    Today has felt like one of those simple but meaningful days — the kind where you show up for yourself in the little ways, and it quietly adds up to something big.

    🌅 Morning Momentum

    I got up when my alarm went off (no procrastinating, for once 😅). I did my morning pages and affirmations, made my breakfast protein shake, took my supplements, and then headed to the chiropractor. Heath works from home on Mondays, so I was lucky enough to have him join me — we BOTH got adjusted this morning! Such a great way to start the week refreshed and in alignment (literally and energetically).

    When we got home, he started his workday and I put on my headphones, cued up an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, and started working on the house. 🧺 I did the dishes, worked on laundry, tidied the living room, made the bed — just focused on making the space feel good.

    🚶‍♀️ Walking Through Resistance

    Once I ran out of chores (waiting on laundry cycles), I hopped on the walk pad. Instead of my usual silent walk, I kept listening to Mel Robbins — a little mental bribe to get moving, and it worked.

    But then the thoughts started: “I can just do 20 minutes today. That’s better than nothing.” True — but I’ve set a 45-minute goal, and every time I reach it, I feel proud. I realized I was rushing for no real reason — just because part of me didn’t want to be uncomfortable. So I asked myself, “Okay, fine. If I get off now, what would I do instead?”

    Every time, I came up blank. There wasn’t anything else I actually wanted to be doing. I was just getting sweaty and my instinct was to stop. Once I noticed that, I decided to push through. I slowed my pace to about 2.6, but I kept going until the timer hit 45 minutes. ✅ When I finished, I felt accomplished — sweaty, yes, but genuinely proud for honoring that commitment.

    💪 Rewriting My Story with Movement

    I know walking is good for me — physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m still unlearning 35 years of believing exercise “isn’t for me,” so this chapter is about rewriting that story. Every time I do the thing I don’t want to do but know I need to, it gets a little easier. I’m building evidence that I can be consistent.

    📚 The Rest of the Day

    After my walk, I made lunch and enjoyed it slowly. I kept up with the laundry, tidied a few more things, and then sat down to read. I’m working through The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk — fascinating and dense. Today I made it through a few chapters in one sitting, and it felt good to be learning and focusing again.

    🌙 Consistency & Calm

    Over the last week I’ve stuck to my bedtime and morning routines and been intentional about nutrition — and I can finally feel the payoff. My energy is more stable, my focus is sharper, and even though sleep isn’t perfect yet, I can tell I’m moving in the right direction. It’s slow progress, but it’s progress.

    My goal right now is simple: stay consistent — with food, routines, movement, and mindset. If I build small, trustworthy habits my body and mind can rely on, that foundation will carry me forward.

    💜 The Beauty in Ordinary Days

    Today wasn’t extraordinary. Nothing flashy happened. But it was full of small, intentional choices — and that’s what real transformation looks like. This is the work. It isn’t always exciting or glamorous. It’s regulating my nervous system, showing up for myself, and learning to trust myself — even on quiet days when no one’s watching.

    All those little things I did today are helping me heal — one literal step at a time.

    Thanks for being here while I practice consistency, celebrate tiny wins, and keep choosing the long game.

    Love always, Bailz 💜

    💌 If you enjoyed this post and want to follow along on my journey of healing, self-discovery, and everyday magic, please subscribe so you never miss a new post. 🌿

  • 🎨 My Week Two Artist Date: A Conversation with Beauty

    🎨 My Week Two Artist Date: A Conversation with Beauty

    Hey, hi, hello! Happy Wednesday, everyone! 👋

    As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been working through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. In addition to daily morning pages, she also recommends a weekly Artist Date — and I just got back home from mine for this week, so I wanted to share a little bit about it.

    🌿 What Is an Artist Date?

    Great question! Cameron describes it as:

    “A block of time, perhaps two hours weekly, especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative consciousness — your inner artist.”

    She also notes that:

    “You do not take anyone on this artist date but you and your inner artist, a.k.a. your creative child.”

    So essentially, it’s a weekly solo adventure meant to refill your creative well — no productivity required, no audience to impress.

    💅 Week One: Playing It Safe

    For my first Artist Date, I played it pretty safe and took myself to get my nails done. I incorporated the “artist” part by intuitively choosing a different color than usual — red this time instead of my signature black. Small shift, big statement.

    🖼️ Week Two: The Kimbell Art Museum

    For week two, I wanted to stretch myself a bit and really lean into the artist concept.

    After my chiropractor appointment this morning, I decided that today would be my Artist Date day. I took myself to the Kimbell Art Museum here in Fort Worth. I’ve been before, but never by myself — so this experience was new and exciting, but also a little intimidating.

    I’m not really a “go-do-stuff-by-myself” kind of gal, but I’m working on that. And today was a great exercise in doing something just for me.

    ✨ Letting Art Be Enough

    I wandered for about an hour and a half, just soaking in the beauty of the paintings and sculptures on display.

    Within the first few minutes, I knew I was going to want to write about my experience here on the blog. I was so tempted to shape my visit around that — taking photos, making notes, writing the post in my head as I went. But I stopped myself.

    The whole point was to take my inner artist out — just me and her, looking at some art together. Not to turn the experience into a performance.

    So, I decided to simply be there. To let beauty do what beauty does best — speak without words.

    I only took one photo: Caravaggio’s Judith Beheading Holofernes (on loan from Rome). It was… pretty rad.

    🧘‍♀️ Coming Home to Myself

    Now that I’m back home, I plan to do some yoga and get my steps in on the walk pad. As much as I’m feeling the pull toward a nap, I’m trying to hold off and stay consistent with the rhythm I’m building.

    Last night, I started a new bedtime routine to help me reset my sleep cycle. (Shoutout to ChatGPT for helping me design it — it’s a whole two-hour wind-down process that gets me in bed, lights out, by 10 p.m.)

    Even though it still took me a little while to drift off, I didn’t reach for my phone or my book after ten. I kept my eye mask on and focused on my breathing.

    Any time my thoughts wandered, instead of beating myself up, I gently thought:

    “That’s nice. I’m going to focus back on my breathing now.”

    It felt strange at first — but so good to be nice to myself.

    💭 Learning to Be Kind Inside My Own Head

    Now that I’m really paying attention to how I talk to myself, I’m realizing how incredibly negative I’ve been for so long — maybe my whole life. I used to justify it as self-improvement, but honestly, it only made things harder.

    So, I’m trying something new: gentle self-compassion. And it seems to be working.

    My night sweats are still lingering, but they’re so much better than before. I didn’t have to get up or change clothes last night — which feels like a win! I’m hoping that as I keep focusing on healing my body and my mind (through chiropractic care, yoga, walking, better nutrition, and real rest), the physical symptoms will fade, and I can turn my full energy toward the deeper work — inner child healing, and learning to move through the world with less fear and more faith.

    Because honestly? Everything feels more manageable when I’m sleeping well.

    🌙 Closing Thoughts

    So, fingers crossed that things will only improve from here — but even if progress is slow, I’m learning to celebrate the small shifts.

    Today reminded me that healing doesn’t have to be loud. Sometimes it’s just you, quietly standing in front of a painting, remembering that beauty exists — and that you belong to it.

    Here’s to more Artist Dates, more gentle self-talk, and more days that feel like a deep breath. 🌸

    Thank you for being here with me on this journey! I am so grateful for you all!

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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  • 🌙 Showing Up Scared (Again)

    🌙 Showing Up Scared (Again)

    I find myself in a weird space today. On one hand, I’m feeling better than I have all week—more like myself, less like someone who needs to make herself small for the comfort of others. On the other hand, I’m feeling emotionally conflicted.

    💬 Speaking My Truth

    Before I go any further, I have a confession: I’ve been keeping some of my emotional pain to myself. My inner critic has been whispering that sharing any of it would be “airing dirty laundry” or “slinging mud.” But I’m realizing that talking about what I’ve lived through isn’t gossip—it’s honesty. And this blog was never meant to be a highlight reel. It’s about authenticity. So, here we go.

    🌧 Two Years of Distance

    About two years ago, I made the incredibly difficult decision to create distance between myself and my mom and sister. The years leading up to that point were full of me begging to be seen, heard, and understood—and coming up empty. I was repeatedly told I was “too sensitive,” that I needed to toughen up, that my feelings were exaggerated. Eventually, I couldn’t keep doing it. I wrote a long message explaining how I felt, and then I stepped back.

    Since then, there have been opportunities for conversation, for accountability, for healing—but none have gone the way I’d hoped. The response has always been some version of, “You’re too sensitive,” or, “You owe us the apology.” That used to devastate me. Now, I see it for what it is: a reflection of where they are in their own process, not a measure of my worth.

    Creating that distance broke my heart. But it also saved me. It gave me room to start figuring out who I am outside of the family roles I used to play. I stopped living in constant self-doubt and started learning how to protect my peace instead of sacrificing it for harmony that wasn’t real.

    🔥 Choosing Growth Over Smallness

    The easy thing would have been to slide back into my old patterns—the people-pleasing, the self-silencing, the shrinking. And I won’t lie, it’s crossed my mind more times than I can count. But this time, I’m choosing differently. I’m choosing to do the hard thing: to build a life that’s mine. To uphold my boundaries. To protect my peace. To discover who I am, not who I needed to be to keep everyone else comfortable.

    The past two years have been heavy—grief mixed with anxiety, depression, and a lot of questioning myself. There are still moments where I think, “Maybe I am too sensitive.” But then I look back at what actually happened, and I remember: sensitivity isn’t a flaw. It’s my radar. It’s how I survived—and how I’m learning to thrive.

    🍽 Dinner and Discomfort

    When my dad reached out about having dinner last night, I said yes—hesitantly, but yes. All day yesterday I was a bundle of anxiety and anger. I nearly cancelled. I didn’t want to be triggered or spiral backwards. But I also wanted to see my dad. So I decided to prepare myself the best way I know how: through intentional self-care.

    I walked on the walk pad. I did yoga. I soaked in a Flewd anxiety-easing bath (this one, if you’re curious). I took a shower and put on an outfit that made me feel confident and grounded. I was still anxious, but underneath it, there was something new—trust in myself. Trust that no matter how dinner went, I could handle it differently this time.

    And you know what? It went… okay. It was even, dare I say, fun. But that’s where the emotional conflict comes in. I’m relieved we had a nice time, but that doesn’t mean everything is fixed. Most of the conversation was light, surface-level. And while it felt good to laugh, there’s still a part of me waiting for the other shoe to drop. One good evening doesn’t rebuild trust. It’s a start, not a solution.

    🕯 Where I Am Now

    So that’s where I am today: in between emotions. Hopeful but cautious. Tired but proud. Grateful but guarded. And that’s okay. I don’t have to have it all figured out. My only job right now is to keep listening to my intuition, being gentle with myself, and making choices that feel aligned with who I am in this exact moment—not past Bailz, not future Bailz, just right-now Bailz.

    Today, that looks like walking again. Eating a protein-heavy meal. Sitting down to write this even though it scares the absolute shit out of me. Because I know I’d regret staying silent more than I’ll ever regret being honest.

    I’m showing up scared—again—because I know in my gut that it’s the right thing to do.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜

    PS – 🌿 If you’re walking through something similar — learning to set boundaries, navigating family pain, or just figuring out how to take up space again — I hope my story reminds you that you’re not alone. Healing isn’t linear, but it is possible. One honest moment at a time. 💜

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  • 🌀 A Spine-Tingling Update (Literally)

    🌀 A Spine-Tingling Update (Literally)

    Well, I had my follow-up with the chiropractor this afternoon, and MAN is my spine jacked up, y’all! My hips are rotated in ways they should not be, my mid-back is all kinds of tight, and I have some scoliosis in the top part of my spine and neck. Seeing the scans and X-rays definitely got me in my feels.

    I knew it was bad—bad enough to seek help—but I didn’t think it was that bad. Still, after hearing Dr. Lauren explain everything, it all makes sense. A lot of the things I’ve struggled with can be symptoms of a misaligned spine: difficulty sleeping, depression, focus and memory issues, anxiety and stress, allergies and congestion, even ADHD. Crazy, right?

    🌿 The Plan

    We’ve created a 90-day treatment plan, and I’ll be going three days a week for adjustments. Every 30 days, we’ll redo the scans to track progress and fine-tune as needed. I got my first adjustment today—my first in a long time—and oh my goodness, it felt amazing. Especially my neck! It was all kinds of snap, crackle, and pop. She told me to expect some emotional release afterward… and she wasn’t kidding. I cried almost my entire drive home. It felt like a dam finally breaking.

    🧘‍♀️ Movement & Mindfulness

    Before my appointment, I did a short Yoga with Adriene practice to center myself and stretch out. After I got home from my appointment, I hopped on the walk pad—but I changed up my approach. Instead of my usual 45 minutes, I walked for 20 minutes at a slow, steady pace. I wanted to move my body gently today, and that’s exactly what I did.

    Now, as I’m writing this, I’m feeling sore and tired, so the rest of my day is all about gentleness and rest. My plan? Cozy clothes, dogs on the couch, and a good book or two.

    📚 My Healing Companions

    I’m currently reading The Artist’s Way, How to Do the Work, and The Body Keeps the Score—a powerhouse trio for healing the mind, body, and spirit.

    💤 The Ongoing Battle with Sleep

    I’m still really struggling with sleep. Falling asleep feels impossible some nights, and when I finally do, I wake up drenched in sweat—like full wardrobe-change, move-to-another-spot-on-the-bed levels of sweat. It’s exhausting, and I know my lack of rest is affecting everything else. I’m hopeful that with continued chiropractic care and the other work I’m doing, I’ll start seeing some improvement soon.

    💜 The Gentle Reminder

    I’m proud of myself for sticking to my goals—but I’m also proud of myself for listening to my body. Yesterday, I wanted to walk and do yoga, but my body said, “Nope, not today.” So instead, I rested and read, and that was the right call. That’s growth, too.

    I’m not at 100% yet, and that’s okay. I’m still in recovery, and healing takes time. I’m learning that giving myself grace is part of the work. I have a plan, a path, and patience—and that’s enough for today.

    As always, thank you for being here. I am so grateful for you. 💜

    Love always,
    Bailz

    ✨ If you’ve been on your own healing journey too, I’d love for you to come along with me. Subscribe below to get new posts straight to your inbox — no algorithms, just authentic connection. 💜

  • 🌿 How to Do the Work (Literally)

    🌿 How to Do the Work (Literally)

    I started reading How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera, and within the first few pages, I knew — this is exactly what I need right now. I’m only about a third of the way through, but it’s already resonating deeply. 💜

    Dr. LePera opens the book by describing what she calls the “dark night of the soul” — that rock-bottom moment when everything in your life feels misaligned and something inside you quietly says, “this can’t be it.” As I read her words, it was like reading my own story. I could feel myself in her descriptions of burnout, dread, brain fog, and emotional exhaustion. I found myself nodding and whispering, “me too.”

    🧘‍♀️ Starting with the Body

    When she said the first step in her healing was focusing on her body — movement and nutrition — I decided to follow her lead. And I’ve really been leaning into it.

    To start, I did a 45-minute Deep Stretch Yoga with Adriene session. It’s one I’ve done before, but it had been a while, and I was pleasantly surprised to notice how much progress I’ve made. I held every pose, stretched deeper than I could before, and finished feeling both grounded and proud. ✨

    After yoga, I hopped on the walk pad for another 45 minutes. I usually keep my pace at 3.0, but today I pushed myself a little — up to 3.4 — and wow, I felt it! It was that perfect mix of loving and hating it at the same time. More sweat, yes (ew), but also more endorphins. Totally worth it.

    🌬️ Walking in Silence

    As of yesterday, I have changed up my walking routine. No TV, no music, no podcasts. Just silence. Just me, my breath, and the rhythm of my steps. And, today, when I took away the distractions, my mind got loud. Without a hilarious Jim-and-Dwight prank to fill the space, old feelings started bubbling up. Anger. Frustration. Resentment from years ago.

    My first instinct was to run — to stop walking, grab a snack, turn on the TV, scroll my phone — anything to numb it out. But instead, I kept walking. I let the anger rise. I let myself feel it fully. I reminded myself that anger is a natural response to crossed boundaries. It’s not something to shame or suppress. So I breathed through it, felt it, and then… it passed. As easily as it came up, it dissolved. I honestly can’t even remember what triggered it now. It’s just gone. 🕊️

    🐾 Energy Flows Both Ways

    After my walk, I hydrated, had a protein shake, and took my vitamins. Then I decided to give both dogs a much-needed bath. Neither was thrilled, but they handled it better than usual — especially Winston. Normally, he’s nervous and strong enough to make bath time a full-body workout for me, but today, he was calmer. Maybe the calmest he has ever been for a bath. I can’t help but think he was mirroring my energy. Because I was calmer, he could be too. 🐶

    💫 Exploring Somatic Work

    I’ve been coming across the term somatic therapy a lot lately, so today I looked into it more. I found a short 7-minute beginner somatic routine on YouTube and followed along, then added Day 1 of a 30-day series for overwhelm. After that, I did a Yoga with Adriene session designed to regulate the nervous system. It was the perfect sequence — movement, breath, calm.

    Afterward, I took a hot shower, shaved my legs after a few weeks of neglecting them, and moisturized head-to-toe with my favorite body oil from Salt Soothers in Guthrie. Their products are magic. ✨ Then I put on my coziest oversized T-shirt, thick socks, and sat down to write this post — feeling clean, calm, and present.

    🌸 Real Progress

    I’ve definitely been on the struggle bus lately — and in denial about it — but today felt like a turning point. I’m starting to bring myself back to center. It feels good to nurture my body again, and I can feel my mind and spirit following along.

    I’m still struggling with sleep, and last night was rough, but I have a feeling that the more I reconnect with my body, the more that will start to heal too. I’m learning that progress doesn’t always look like productivity — sometimes, it looks like gentle consistency.

    Thank you for being here. I’m so grateful for your presence on this journey. 💜

    Love always,
    — Bailz

  • ✨ One Month In: Expanding or Distracting?

    Today marks one month since I officially launched this blog. One month of showing up, writing, sharing, and growing — and of learning a lot about myself along the way. 💜

    When I started, my goal was simple: document the journey honestly. Not just the shiny parts, but the messy, uncertain, vulnerable middle too. And that’s what I’ve tried to do.

    🌙 The Drift I Noticed

    Over the past week, I felt myself quietly shifting away from the heart of this project. I was focusing more on talking about the work than doing the work. I caught myself refreshing notifications instead of reflecting, chasing validation instead of connection. 📱

    At the same time, I’d fallen off my movement routine — fewer walks, less yoga — and my clarity went with it. The fog, the fatigue, the self-doubt crept back in. I know that pattern.

    🌿 The Reset

    So I stepped away for a few days. Fewer screens. More breath. More sunlight. More fetch with the dogs. More gentle movement. I let myself recalibrate. And it helped — I feel clearer, lighter, more like myself again. ☀️🐾

    ✨ What One Month Taught Me

    • Self-discovery isn’t only about expanding; sometimes it’s about contracting and coming home to stillness.
    • Healing doesn’t happen on a screen — the screen can be a doorway, but the work is done in my body, breath, choices, and days. 🫁
    • Movement is medicine. When I move, my mind softens and my spirit returns.
    • Rest isn’t quitting; it’s part of the process. 🌙

    💜 Month Two: My Intention

    I’m going to keep showing up — not for algorithms or approval, but for myself. I’ll stay anchored in my why, let rest count as progress, and do the work even when no one sees it.

    Here’s to one month down, and many more months of showing up — imperfectly, intentionally, and with an open heart. Thank you for being here. You matter more than you know. 🌸

    Love always, Bailz 💜

  • ✨ Learning to Take Up Space

    ✨ Learning to Take Up Space

    I feel like I’m still very much struggling with the concept of taking up space. My inner critic keeps piping up from the back —

    “Who do you think you are? Who cares how you’re feeling right now? Who cares what you’re doing right now? How vain of you to think that people would care about anything you do or say!”

    But I’m doing my best to keep pushing through it — to keep showing up, sharing, and putting myself out there anyway. 💜

    🌿 The Reality of Burnout Recovery

    The burnout recovery process, in the day-to-day scheme of things, isn’t fun or exciting. It’s not glamorous, and it doesn’t always make for riveting updates. But to portray it as anything else would be dishonest — and authenticity is what I’m striving for.

    Sometimes my updates will simply be: “I’m tired, so I’m going to rest.” That’s not laziness. That’s the work. Listening to my body and honoring what it needs instead of forcing productivity because of what my brain says I “should” be doing — that is healing.

    💗 Giving Myself Grace

    This last week has been beautiful, but it’s been a lot. I’ve done big, brave things and I’m proud of myself for each one. But I also know that big steps require recovery time — and I’m learning that I can’t keep doing “big things” without recharging in between. Otherwise, I’ll push myself until my battery runs out, and then I’ll crash into burnout again — tired, resentful, and self-critical. I don’t want to live there anymore.

    So I’m practicing gentleness instead. I’m building in space to breathe. To rest. To just be.

    🛋️ Rest as the Work

    I could have forced myself to write yesterday, but instead, I made rest the priority. I spent the afternoon on the couch watching The Office, snuggling with my dogs, snacking, and just straight chilling — no guilt, no pressure. And you know what? It was exactly what I needed. 🐾

    💅 A Little Act of Rebellion

    Today, I still felt tired, but I had enough energy to do something kind for myself. I went to get my nails done and splurged on the fancy pedicure — the one with all the extras — because I’m learning that I’m worth it, especially when it comes to self-care.

    And for the first time in years, I changed up my polish color. I almost always go for black, but today, I felt drawn to something different — a bold, classic cherry red. 🍒

    It’s funny how something as small as nail polish can feel like a declaration. I stood at the color table, quieted my thoughts, and paid attention to how I felt. I was drawn to the reds, so I picked one without overthinking it. At the last second, my anxious brain tried to talk me out of it — “Just get black like always, be safe, stick with the usual.” But I didn’t listen this time. I trusted my gut. And I’m so glad I did.

    🎯 Present, Not Perfect

    I don’t know if cherry red will be my new signature color or if I’ll go back to black next time. But for right now, I love it. It feels authentic to this version of me — and that’s all that matters.

    This was a small but powerful exercise in being intentional and staying present. I’m not worried about what past Bailz would’ve thought or what future Bailz will think. Today, I just wanted to make current Bailz happy — and I nailed it. (Pun absolutely intended.) 💅😉

    Thank you for being here, I’m honored to have you on this adventure with me!

    Love always, Bailz 💜

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  • ✨ Better, Not Perfect ✨

    ✨ Better, Not Perfect ✨

    Today has been one of those days that perfectly captures what this whole journey is about — learning to listen to myself, honor my energy, and follow inspiration when it shows up.

    🌙 Gentle Intentions

    This morning, I woke up feeling heavy — emotionally, mentally, energetically. I had what Brené Brown calls a vulnerability hangover. The last few days have been full of openness, honesty, and sharing my truth in big, public ways. It’s all been good — but it’s also been a lot.

    So I decided to post a TikTok earlier today talking about that. About how tired and tender I felt. About the importance of being gentle with myself when I’m stretched thin from growth. I didn’t script it, I didn’t overthink it — I just spoke honestly from where I was.

    @bailzhasablog

    Day 2 of whatever this is?

    ♬ original sound – bailzhasablog

    After posting, I expected to feel depleted. Instead… I felt lighter. Seen. Proud. Something shifted.

    🔥 Following the Spark

    That tiny act of showing up authentically — even while scared, even while tired — gave me a spark of energy. I didn’t plan to do anything big today. My only goal was to rest and be gentle with myself. But as the day went on, that spark grew.

    Before I knew it, I found myself tidying the house. I didn’t do it because I had to — I did it because I wanted to. Because my space needed love, and so did I. Cleaning didn’t feel like punishment; it felt like self-care.

    And somewhere between doing the dishes and vacuuming, I had an idea for another TikTok. One that felt alive.

    💜 Showing Up Again

    So I set up my phone and recorded it: “Five Things About Me.”

    It wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t fancy, but it was me — raw, real, and a little bit weird. And it felt good. Not in a dopamine-rush, validation-seeking way, but in a soul feels lighter kind of way.

    I didn’t post because I felt obligated or because I was chasing momentum — I posted because I felt inspired. Because I felt better, so I did better.

    @bailzhasablog

    5 things to know about Bailz! Thanks for being here 💜 #recoveringpeoplepleaser #audhd #witchywoman #writer #artist

    ♬ original sound – bailzhasablog

    🌿 The Lesson

    Today reminded me that healing isn’t linear, but it is responsive. When I nurture myself instead of forcing productivity, I actually create energy instead of depleting it.

    That’s what I want more of.
    Not perfect days. Just better ones.
    Days that honor where I’m at while leaving space for what could bloom from there.

    So if you’re reading this and you’ve been hard on yourself lately — please remember: you don’t have to do everything. You just have to do one gentle, honest thing for yourself. The rest will follow. 🌸

    Love always,

    Bailz 💜

    Thank you for being here — truly. If you want to follow along as I keep learning, healing, and showing up (even when it’s scary), you can subscribe below to have each new post sent straight to your inbox.

  • 😳 Showing Up Scared

    😳 Showing Up Scared

    So I did a thing today.

    And it scared the shit out of me… but I did it anyway.

    I posted a video on TikTok. A real one. A talking head vlog. Just me, sitting in my bedroom, introducing myself and this blog and this journey I’m on.

    It was vulnerable. It was awkward. It wasn’t perfect.

    But it was mine. And I am so proud of myself for finally doing it.

    I’ve wanted to share more of myself online for years, but I’ve always talked myself out of it. The fear was louder than the desire. Until today.

    Today, I stopped waiting to feel ready.
    I stopped listening to the voice that says, “No one cares.”
    I stopped hiding.

    And in its place, I just… showed up.

    Even though I was scared.
    Even though my heart was racing.
    Even though I had to start over about ten times before I could get through everything I wanted to say.
    Even though I wanted to take it down immediately after posting it.

    I’m writing this while still feeling a little shaky and overwhelmed. That post-release adrenaline is real. But I’m also writing this while feeling a glimmer of pride and courage — because I did the thing that scared me.

    💜 Growth in Real Time

    That’s what this whole project is about. Not being perfect. Not being polished. Just showing up — scared, messy, human, and real.

    I’m trying new things and letting myself sit in the discomfort instead of avoiding it. It’s scary to put myself out there, and it’s normal and healthy for me to feel scared while doing it. But I’m not going to let that stop me anymore. I’m not going to avoid those harder feelings anymore — at least, that’s the goal.

    Let’s be real, I’m human. I’ll trip up. Last week more than proved that. But now I know the harder feelings aren’t always bad — they’re just different and unfamiliar.

    I’m working on nurturing myself through this growth period. The term “growing pains” exists for a reason (coincidentally, it was also one of my favorite TV shows when I was younger — young Kirk Cameron? Swoon!). It’s not comfortable to expand yourself and push to the edges of safety and vulnerability, but it’s worth it.

    The more I share, the more vulnerable and open I am, the more I see changes in myself — how I talk to myself, how I feel about myself, and how I feel about what I’m doing.

    😬 Feeling the Feelings

    Last night after I published my last post, I was really struggling with the vulnerability. I was so anxious, you guys. I almost immediately wanted to take it down. I worried I came across as whiney, or “woe is me,” or ungrateful. I was scared of what people would think.

    To be honest, I avoided the feelings for a while. I turned on The Office, asked Heath to make me an Old Fashioned (or two), and started drawing on my iPad. I didn’t want to feel those feelings — I wanted to avoid them.

    When I finally looked at the clock and realized it was 2:30 a.m., I realized what I had been doing. My post had made me feel vulnerable, and because I was avoiding that feeling, it wasn’t going away. It was just hanging out under my rib cage — a swirling vortex of nerves.

    So I stopped. I put away the iPad, turned off the TV, laid in bed, and let myself feel my feelings. And a lot came up.

    For a while, I really considered taking down my post. I felt like I was taking up too much space. I worried what people would think about Heath, or my dad, or me. I was scared that my voice and my experiences weren’t valid or worth sharing. I felt like people would think I was trying to be someone I’m not.

    But the truth is, I’m still figuring out who I am — and that’s what all of this has been about.

    🌬️ Breathing Through It

    Instead of giving in to those fears and retreating to safety, I forced myself to breathe through the discomfort. Literally.

    I did some breathing exercises — starting with a 4-4-6 pattern: breathing in for four seconds, holding for four, and breathing out for six. I repeated it a few times, and it’s wild how much it helped. I could actually feel myself come back into my body.

    Once I felt more comfortable, I shifted to a 4-7-8 pattern… and eventually, I fell asleep.

    ☀️ Waking Up Lighter

    I woke up to a beautiful text from one of my absolute favorite humans telling me how proud she was of me for my post. Suddenly, all the things I’d been scared of seemed so small.

    So small, in fact, that I decided to push myself again today — to post a video on TikTok and stretch that comfort zone even further.

    I can see the changes happening in myself. I can see the bravery growing. I never thought I’d be brave enough to start a blog about my life — but I did it anyway, and I’ve kept with it. And it turns out, I really enjoy it.

    I never thought that if I ever did have a blog, I’d share it publicly and actually want people to read it and really see me. But I did it anyway, and the response has been so incredible. I also never thought I’d post a video of myself talking straight to the camera — unscripted, open, raw, unpolished, and real. But I did it anyway.

    It’s scary, and I’m still buzzing, but instead of avoiding the nerves, I’m going to hop into some leggings, pull out my yoga mat, cue up some Yoga With Adriene, and breathe and move through this growing pain.

    💫 Final Thoughts

    If you’re reading this and you’ve been holding back from doing something because you don’t feel ready — I see you. I am you. And I just want to say:

    It’s okay to start scared.
    It’s okay to do the thing while your voice shakes.
    It’s okay to be vulnerable.
    You might be surprised what happens when you do.

    @bailzhasablog

    Doing the thing, even though it’s terrifying. Not striving for perfection, just authenticity. Like and follow for more! 💜 #showingup #tryingnewthings #happinessjourney #creatingthelifeilove

    ♬ original sound – bailzhasablog

    Follow me on TikTok (@bailzhasablog) to see more of this journey. I have no idea what to expect, but I’m nervously excited about it — and I hope you come along for the ride!

    And if you haven’t already, please subscribe here so you never miss a post! You can have it sent right to your inbox as soon as it’s live. 💌

    Thank you for being here and for walking alongside me in this journey. I truly feel like my life is changing — and I’m glad you’re here to witness it.

    Love always,
    Bailz 💜