Bailz Has a Blog

Tag: mindfulness

  • Real Time results

    Real Time results

    This morning I kept my promise to myself that I would get myself up and moving on the walk pad within 30 minutes of waking. I had only a few minutes to spare before I hit the 30-minute mark, but I did it. After I brushed my teeth, high-fived myself in the mirror, put on my walking shoes, and pulled out the walk pad, I put on another episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast on YouTube and I got to stepping.

    I can’t say that I genuinely wanted to be walking right then, but I was so excited that I was doing it—because I had promised myself that I would. I DID IT! I kept a promise to myself, and not an easy one. I could have come up with a million excuses. I could have told myself I’d fit it in later. I could have done anything else. But I didn’t. I got my ass up and walking with intention, and it felt good.

    I walked my full 45 minutes, I learned about 7 little things I can do to improve my life from Mel, and I worked up a good sweat (gross, but yay!). When I was done, I took a few minutes to drink some water and just enjoy how my body felt. Then I switched from Mel to Yoga with Adriene and did a 20-minute practice targeting a healthy body.

    By the time I was done, I was DONE—at least physically. I felt good but also very tired. My body needed some TLC, so I decided it was time for a shower. I took my time and enjoyed the hot water. While I was amongst the suds and steam, I felt an internal jolt. I was struck with a very strong impulse to share my blog on my personal Instagram and Facebook accounts. I know it’s not polished. I know I need to work on the presentation. I know it’s a little all over the place right now. But I wanted to share it.

    My inner critic still tried her hardest to talk me out of it: “Just wait until you’re really ready! It’s not perfect yet! You still have so much work to do. It doesn’t look professional!” First of all… of course it doesn’t look professional… IT ISN’T. Second of all… the whole point of this is the process. This is part of the process.

    Once I got dressed, I went into the kitchen to get started on sharing and working on my next post. I saw a package addressed to me on the counter. When I looked at who it was from, my heart sank.

    Two weeks ago, our beloved dog, Chelsea, crossed the rainbow bridge after 9 years with us at the age of 15. The grief has been heavy, but this project has been helping me navigate it. The package on the counter was a prescription refill for Chelsea. It was a new prescription, I forgot it was on autoship. I hadn’t read the reminder emails clearly—I just assumed it was time to re-order and chose not to. And now, here it was… an opportunity for me to slip into old habits, showing up in full force.

    Let me tell you how Old Bailz would have reacted:

    • Burst into tears because she was already overwhelmed and this would’ve pushed her over the edge.
    • Beat herself up for not reading the emails carefully and letting this slip through the cracks.
    • Procrastinated doing anything about it and pretended it didn’t happen.
    • Not told her husband out of embarrassment and fear of “getting in trouble” over an expensive medication.

    (FYI: This has nothing to do with how my husband would actually react, and everything to do with my inner critic beating me to shit.)

    But today was different. Because I’ve been doing the work—and because I had already shown up for myself with momentum—I didn’t do any of those things.

    Here’s what I did instead: I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened the package, checked the shipping invoice, logged into the vet pharmacy website, and canceled the autoship. Then I looked into returning the unopened medication. I didn’t stop to overthink—I just kept doing.

    Heath was working from home. When he came into the kitchen for water, I told him immediately what was going on. No hesitation. And he wasn’t upset. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t anything but calm. Old Bailz would have worked herself into a total panic over nothing.

    I reached out to customer service and explained that our sweet girl had passed away. I didn’t even know if they accepted returns for medication, but I tried. I sent the message, and then I realized what had just happened: I was moving through life with more ease. I wasn’t stuck in my head. I was present. I tackled the task instead of avoiding it. That’s growth.

    And then I took that momentum, opened Instagram, and started crafting my announcement post about my blog. Was the inner critic still there? Absolutely. But she was quieter this time. Just a little.

    I followed through anyway. I shared my blog even though it’s a work in progress. Because like I said yesterday—it’s not about what it looks like. It’s about what it means. I promised to be open and vulnerable, so I invited people in before it was perfect. Because it will never be perfect. If not now, when?

    After posting, I felt a huge rush of energy. Old Bailz would’ve mistaken it for anxiety and gone spiraling—checking for likes, refreshing stats, looking for proof she hadn’t made a mistake. But not today. Today I sat with it and realized… this was excitement. Joy. Self-pride.

    I didn’t let fear win. I didn’t procrastinate. I didn’t hide. I moved forward—messy, honest, alive. And that? That’s worth celebrating.

    I don’t know where all of this is leading yet. But I do know this:

    • I’m showing up.
    • I’m keeping promises to myself.
    • I’m moving forward, one aligned choice at a time.

    And right now, in this moment, that is more than enough.

    I’m proud. I’m healing. I’m becoming. And I’m documenting it—messy, raw, beautiful, and true.

    Thank you for being here and witnessing more of this journey. Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz! 💜

  • I Like to Move It, Move It

    I Like to Move It, Move It

    One of the things I am focusing on in my journey right now is intentional movement. I’ve never been someone who worked out consistently—I never really valued what I thought it brought to my life. I didn’t like getting sweaty and I didn’t like feeling weak, and as far as I knew then, that was all that working out was. So… no, thanks.

    What I have now realized is that I was not working out in a way that worked for me. I was doing what everyone else was doing, and it wasn’t ever clicking. Because I am not like everyone else. Never have been, don’t ever want to be. Tried that, didn’t fit.

    Up until a few years ago, I had it in my head that if I was going to be in shape or work out, I needed to be a runner. So every once in a while I would decide I was going to be a runner and I would push myself and hate it and burn out and drop it—until the next time I decided to force it again. We were on a pretty much once-a-year cycle, give or take.

    Now, with my focus on looking inward for answers instead of externally, I’ve found and leaned into walking. We bought a walk pad a while ago, and over the past week I have actually been making a point to use it consistently. My current routine is: I put on New Girl and walk for 45 minutes. I take breaks as needed, and I am as gentle with myself as possible. I know that if I criticize myself, I will end up not walking anymore—and that is not what I want. I want to walk. I want to move my body with intention. So I am. No matter how many times I feel the need to stop for a water break. No matter how tired I might feel. I walk for 45 minutes total each session.

    I’m also doing yoga every day. A few years ago, I discovered Yoga with Adriene on YouTube and she changed the game for me. I sincerely adore her. First of all, she is hilarious and relatable and real. I love that—and I need that. She also has a HUGE catalog of videos and I can find something for any specific need I’m wanting to target. Thirdly, I always genuinely feel better when I get to the end of her practices. I may be tired and sore and looking extra forward to an Epsom salt bath later, but deep down, I feel good. Because I did it for ME.

    Full disclosure: when I first started with her beginner videos, I was TERRIBLE. I had zero balance and I was genuinely struggling to do all the poses and make it to the end. But ultimately, I enjoyed the videos, I enjoyed Adriene, and I enjoyed moving my body without sweating excessively. So I kept coming back—and one day, I noticed a difference in how my body moved and felt. I wasn’t wobbling during poses I had before. And that felt GOOD. I was hooked after that. I wanted to see how not wobbly I could get. I kept up with it for about six months and I could see and feel huge differences in myself. I was truly becoming a yoga girlie. Scratch that—I WAS a yoga girlie. And I felt physically in alignment with myself for the first time in a long time.

    Eventually, life happened. I lost my focus, depression and anxiety crept back into my days, and I stopped doing yoga as much—if at all. I didn’t notice the differences at first, but then I was getting knots and cricks I couldn’t remedy myself. I was needing to go to the chiropractor—and even that wasn’t really doing the trick. If you’ve struggled with anxiety and depression, you know that sometimes the pain just blends in with the rest of the shittiness, and you don’t feel motivated to change it. “Why bother?” becomes a very common refrain. At least for me. And it really sucks.

    When I buckled down and decided to commit to this healing journey, I knew that taking care of my body had to be a big part of it. Every day, whether I feel like it or not, I do a Yoga with Adriene video or my own practice based on what I’ve learned from her. I’m not requiring myself to walk on the walk pad every day, but I am requiring yoga every day. Even if it’s just 10 minutes. Sometimes 5 if I’m really not feeling it—like on Day 1 of my period. You will not catch me doing a full hour practice on Day 1 of my period. It ain’t happening, bro. But I can manage 5–10 minutes of slow, intentional flow.

    I know my body and mind benefit from it. I know it’s contributing to my well-being. And I know if I let myself skip once, it’ll be easier to skip again—and I’m really working on keeping promises to myself. This one especially.

    Through all of my self-reflection recently, I’ve realized that when I worked out before, I was doing it so I could tell people I worked out and hopefully they’d be impressed. It had nothing to do with the benefits to my body or spirit. I only cared about the bragging rights. And thus, it never became a real habit. It was only when I realized that I was worthy of taking care of that it finally stuck. That part might’ve been the hardest.

    I still have to make myself do yoga and walk—but it’s not as hard, and it’s definitely not as forced. I know that as soon as I get started, I’ll be happy I did. The hardest part is always getting started.

    Up until now, I’ve been practicing and walking in the afternoons, but I’d like to move it into my mornings going forward. Starting tomorrow, my goal is to get on the walk pad within 30 minutes of waking, and then do yoga after that. Hopefully the momentum will carry me through the day with a heightened energy level.

    I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes.

    Thank you for being here! Stay tuned for more tales from the life of Bailz.